Disclaimer: I do not own D.Gray-Man or any of its characters.

Winter-chan's second story on D.Gray-Man.

Warning: Kanda's a girl here. Gender switch. Still not sure if there is Yaoi. Don't like; don't read.

Winter-chan thank AWe-chan for giving her the title name. D

Kanda Yuu was alone in her cold and dark room again. She stared out of the closed window with hollow, lifeless eyes. It was once again raining heavily. The sky was a dark black colour and the clouds were a lighter shade of black, grey perhaps. The leaves on the trees were swaying wildly with the strong wind. It was a sign that a storm was brewing. Kanda smiled bitterly. The weather matched her mood perfectly, as it usually did when it was raining.

She used to hate the rain, but that was before everything changed. Now, she despised the bright sun and the warmth it radiated. It all seems to be an illusion. The light could never shine over the darkness in her heart and the warmth could never make the cold emptiness go away. The rain was good. The darkness and coldness it brought reminded her of the way she was with other people.

She closed her eyes and was immediately interrupted by the sound of cheers. She groaned and put her head under the pillow to block out the sound, but it was futile. They were just too loud.

'So the party has started huh…' Kanda thought, sighing deeply. Lavi had decided to throw a party that day the previous night. He thought it would cheer everyone up in this rainy weather they've been having for the past one week. Indeed, it would but Kanda did not care, as usual.

Lavi had invited her to come along, of course. However, she had rejected him as she did to all other invitations to parties. She hated parties as well. There were too many people and she detested crowded places. She had rather be alone. That was how it was supposed to be anyway… alone…

She cringed slightly as she recalled the expression on Lavi's face. It was one of sadness, an emotion which was rarely seen on the Bookman 

Junior's face. The words his had said the previous day rang loudly in her mind and she tried to push it away but it kept coming back. She leant against the wall beside her bed and hugged her pillow close to her chest.

Flashback

"Yuu-chan! Want to go to a party I'm throwing tomorrow?" Lavi called out cheerfully, trotting over to Kanda.

"I'm not interested. Go bother someone else, Usagi," Kanda replied, walking away from Lavi. Lavi frowned and ran to catch up with the blue headed exorcist, who he believed to be a boy, as did everyone else at the Black Order, with the exception of General Tiedoll, Noise Marie and Daisya Barry.

"Oh come on, Yuu-chan! It'll be loads of fun!" Lavi tried again, smiling widely.

"Don't call me that! And I'm not going to waste my time going to a stupid party!" Kanda snapped, her patience finally gone.

Lavi stopped in his tracks but Kanda continued walking, thinking that Lavi had finally given up. She did not understand why the Bookman Junior was so persistent to invite her to every party there was in the order. She rejected every time but that had never stopped him before and he just kept inviting her even though she was sure that he knew it was futile. It was just another thing she did not understand about him.

"You don't have to be like this, Yuu," Lavi said softly, letting the air carry his voice. Kanda's steps became slower and she came to a halt.

"Why are you so fond of solitude? Why won't you break that ice berg around you and let someone in? You're not alone! You have us!" Lavi said, shouting the last part. It resounded loudly in the empty corridor. He clenched his fists at his side. "Why?"

"Why? Because there's no such thing as friends," Kanda whispered quietly, knowing that Lavi could not hear her and she walked away, leaving the red headed teenager behind.

End Flashback

"It's true anyway..." Kanda thought.

"Friends do not exist," she whispered, not aware that she had actually said it out. Her eyes peered slightly over her pillow and she stared at the empty space before her.



Kanda took in a deep breath. She did not care about anybody. They were acquaintance, nothing more. Friends were not needed. They would only drag you down or worse, betray you. They will say one thing and do another. Everything was a lie.

But if so, why was she feeling this constricted pain in her heart? Shaking her head, she pushed the feeling away, as she did so many times. Only this time, the pain was greater though she did not know nor understand why.

Kanda closed his eyes and laid her head on her pillow, preparing to sleep, so that she can stop thinking about this. It hurts and she did not like it one bit. However, she was interrupted again. This time, it was by a knock on the door.

Grumbling under her breath in irritation, she got off her bed and went over to the coat hanger. She threw her coat over her shoulders and buttoning it to cover the long baggy shirt she was wearing with short pants. She then opened the door to reveal a nervous looking Lavi and an equally nervous looking Allen behind him.

Kanda looked at them and raised an eyebrow. "What is it, Usagi, Moyashi?"

"Err... well... you see... I... we... he... thought... err... well... ya..." Lavi mumbled, stumbling over his choice of words. Allen slapped his head beside Lavi.

"Well, Kanda, what Lavi here is trying to say is that he is sorry for saying those mean things yesterday and that he really hopes that you will forgive him," Allen explained nervously but managed not to stutter like Lavi did.

'This is ridiculous! I did not do anything wrong and I'm feeling nervous!' Allen thought in annoyance as he waited patiently and nervously for Kanda's reply.

"Che, baka Usagi..." Kanda said and closed the door behind her. She leant against the back of her closed door and closed her eyes, letting herself sort out her emotions. She was sure she felt happy just now at seeing Moyashi. It's been such a long time since she felt something even relatively close to that...



On the other side of the door, Lavi let out a sigh of relief and began walking away; his happiness was back once again. Allen's eyes widened and he hurriedly ran to catch up with Lavi who had left him behind. He for one was still feeling nervous.

"Why are you going?! He hasn't forgive you yet!" Allen exclaimed, shocked at Lavi's reaction.

Lavi raised a questioning eyebrow at him. "Whadya mean? That's Yuu's way of saying 'I forgive you'."

"Oh really?" Allen muttered. "That's weird..."

"Actually, that's just the way Yuu-chan is. Yes, I know it's weird but aren't we all weird in our own little way one way or another?" Lavi explained to the younger exorcist, smiling kindly and Allen smiled back at him.

"Yea, I get it," he replied as they made their way to the cafeteria to continue the party.

TBC

Please review!