"Goodbye Guinevere," Arthur whispered in my ear, as he pulled me into a tight embrace. I didn't ever want to let go of him. I didn't want him to go. I wanted him to stay here with me. I had tried to memorize his face these past few weeks. Trying to cling onto anything that I could hang onto in these next few months. The courtyard was cold, the winter winds swirling around us, blowing the red cloaks that hung off of our shoulders around each other, not allowing anybody else to penetrate out goodbye.
"Goodbye Arthur," I managed to whisper, holding back the tears that were so insistent on escaping. His blonde hair was ruffling slightly in the breeze and mine was twirling in patterns around us. He looked me in the eyes, cupping my face in his hands.
"Remember to go to see Gaius, find out why you have been feeling dizzy and such." He said sternly. I nodded, I had been feeling tired lately, along with nauseous and dizzy. It had scared him, Arthur was worried about me and it was unusual because it was usually the other way around.
"Today, I promise," he smiled, though all I wanted to do was cry. He put his forehead against mine, trying to stay close to me, I suppose.
"I love you." He breathed.
"I love you too," I leant up and kissed him gently on the lips. We had already said goodbye officially last night, but I still needed him. "Just come back to me, to us," I urged, I needed him and Camelot needed its King.
"Will you still be here? How do I know that you are not going to run off with Sir Gawain into the sunset?" he joked.
"Because then I wouldn't be Queen anymore, and I have become accustomed to the lifestyle," I teased. He laughed, warming my arms with his hands.
"Sire?" One of the knights said, bringing us back to reality. There was a war and they needed men to fight in it.
"Yes, one minute," he growled. Not turning away from me. I stroked a stray wisp of hair away from his face.
"Go, we're going to be fine. Gawain, Owain, Leon, Gaius and I have everything under control. Now go!" I ordered. Looking away from his eyes. It was the first time that we had been apart for an indefinite period of time since our marriage, two years ago. It was hard for me and for him. But I was going to get through this.
"My Lady," he whispered.
Arthur kissed my hand and suddenly I was seeing him mount a horse, Merlin at his side, waving to me sadly, like he knew what was to come. He had his magic to protect Arthur and himself but what was going to happen to those left behind? I waved back half heartily, Arthur turned around, Merlin followed, and they were both surrounded by a 20 manned guard. Protecting them from attack, each wearing a red cloak emblazoned with the striking golden dragon on it.
I watched as they filed underneath the portcullis and away from Camelot. I sighed, turning to my personal guard, which Arthur had left to make sure nothing happened to his Queen, and smiled before turning to Leah, my handmaiden. She smiled at me, I nodded. Taking her hand as she led me up the stairs to the castle. She was more like my friend, than my servant. Much like I was friends with Morgana, before she left.
I often returned to her chambers when I was alone. Nobody occupied them these days. They had been barely touched since her departure 5 years ago. Uther had forbidden anybody to enter them, for fear of corruption. Although this ban had been lifted when Arthur became King. I remember seeing Uther; return from her chambers, eyes puffy and red. He missed her also, she was like the daughter that he had never had. He treated her like his own, and he saw her gift that she had been struggling with for so long, as the ultimate act of betrayal. Sentencing her to burn, but conveniently the guards outside the cell had been drugged on the eve of her execution, and she had escaped. Coming to say her goodbyes to me quickly before she left.
That was the last I had ever seen her. I felt sometimes she was near, on my wedding day, I thought I saw a green hooded figure lurking in the back of the chapel. I had never mentioned this to Arthur, for fear of going mad. I missed her terribly and when I went to visit her old bedroom, it made me think of a simpler time, when we were friends; there were no bad dreams and no men trouble. I was her maid and she was my mistress; I would give anything to be able to see her again. Especially now, seen as Arthur was gone and I was alone. But that could not happen; I didn't even know where she was.
"My Lady, are you well?" Leah asked, noticing my sudden silence.
"Yes, I just feel a little light headed," I explained, passing the room that we gathered court if there was a pressing issue that needed to be discussed. Everything seemed to remind me of Arthur. Where we had kissed, where we had to hide in the days of our courtship.
"My Lady?" I felt the steadiness of my balance leave me. The hall was spinning and I clutched onto Leah's arm. Everything was leaving me. I knew what was happening and I couldn't stop it.
OOOOOOOOOO
I came around in Gawain's arms. He was walking briskly through the courtyard and I could tell; towards Gaius quarters. I sighed. I had fainted, in the middle of the castle. This would start off rumours that I was weak from my separation from my Husband. I would not let those rumours come to pass.
"My Lady are you alright?" Gawain asked, smiling slightly as we entered the castle once more.
"I am fine Gawain. Honestly, but I did promise to see Gaius so I suppose you may continue in that direction." I leant in onto his chest.
"That and I was ordered by the King to make sure you went to see him, even if I had to drag you there myself," he muttered.
"What a fool that man is," I smiled, looking down at my left hand, where Igraine de bois' ring sat on my finger. Uther had given it to him when he had become crown prince of Camelot, so that he could propose to any noblewoman that he saw fit.
"I think he cares, that's all," he sniggered. He pushed open the door to Gaius' quarters. He was sitting by the window, looking in the distance. I suppose he could see the procession of soldiers heading towards the battlefield.
"Gwen? What happed?" he said snapping out of his revere.
"She fainted Gaius. Where do you want her?"
"Set her on the bed," Gawain put me on Gaius bed. I nodded at Gawain to leave us. He smiled then bowed. When we were alone Gaius sat on the edge of the bed.
"Hello Gaius, how are you coping?" I asked, taking his hand in mine.
"I am more worried about you. I hear you have been feeling dizzy a lot lately, as well as feeling nauseous and quite tired also. As that correct?" he smiled.
"Yes," I said slowly. "Did Arthur tell you?"
"Indeed," he looked at my face. "My lady, may I ask, if it is not too personal,"
"Of course, we have known each other for many years," he took a deep breath.
"When was the last time you bled?" he asked. I had to think about that. I had not gotten my period for a few weeks. It was late.
"I do not remember. Um...September I think. Why?" I asked, he nodded his head.
"Can you lift up your top so I can see your stomach please," he sighed. I did so warily. I knew that my dresses were getting a bit tight, but I was on a diet. Gaius nodded his head.
"You make put it back now my lady," I placed the silk fabric back onto my exposed stomach. "Also, have your breasts been tender lately?"
"Yes, yes they have. What is wrong with me Gaius?" I asked, trying to put together these things.
"My Lady, I feel I must tell you that," he smiled "I think you are with child," I gasped.
"With child? I am with child?" I smiled in spite of myself.
"Not with any child. You are with child, that will be the heir of Camelot," he laughed.
"I am going to be a mother?" I asked. Sitting up, Gaius nodded. "Arthur's going to be..." I paused. Arthur did not know that I was with child. He did not know he may be a father. "Arthur cannot know," I nodded my head.
"My Lady, you do not plan on telling the King that you have produced an heir?" he sounded incredulous.
"I do not want him to be worrying about me. Neither of us knows when they are going to be back home. And neither of us has had the best experience with child birth. Tell me Gaius, if I told him I was pregnant then what do you think that he would do?" I raised an eyebrow.
"He would come back home." He whispered.
"Exactly. He wouldn't let e do anything. Adding to the fact that his mother died in child birth, he is going to get a bit jumpy anyway. No, I have decided, he shall not find out until he returns, that way he cannot be distracted, thinking about me, nearly dying carrying his child." I said mainly to myself, I looked at Gaius, who looked a little bewildered. "I shall make everybody swear to keeping it a secret, including you Gaius. Is that understood?" I said, the Queen coming out in me.
"Yes My Lady." He nodded. I smiled. I was pregnant, with Arthur Pendragon's child, and he might never know, if he didn't come home.
