A/N: Done for the Fringe is a Love Story contest. Italics are the thoughts going through Olivia's mind right now. The others are Flashbacks.
Disclaimer: Not mine. Characters belong to the creators and actors, I'm just borrowing.
A Better Olivia
I stare at the door for several minutes. Disbelief, confusion. It's all there. I can remember him telling me of their Friday plans very clearly. As clearly as I can remember the plans themselves. I walk away from the door and the temptation to open it and run after him. I change into my robe.
I'm sitting in a field of flowers.
I'm walking through the halls of a hospital.
I'm staring at my mother's headstone.
I'm watching my classmates walk across the podium.
I'm reading the newspaper.
I'm drinking a cup of coffee with my new partner.
I'm laying next to a man I'm falling in love with.
I'm waiting for the doctors to tell me everything will be fine.
Minutes. These flashbacks come in the minutes between turning on the shower and stepping out of the tub. I feel the fear, the loss, the wonder and the joy within those seconds and it's overwhelming and powerful. I open the closet...
There is a crowd surrounding me, suffocating me, pushing me.
The smooth bark of the park seat against my back a sharp contrast to the rough hand holding mine.
Cool rain falling around me masks the tears slowly dripping from my chin.
I shake my head at the near constant deluge. They're coming so fast. I can hear the thoughts going through her mind... my mind? The constant need for balance. So determined, so steadfast and unshakable when faced with the loss of John.
The loud crack makes my ears ring as watch my step-father fall.
My mother's voice is soft, faraway, as she holds me.
His arms around me are comforting and I feel like I've come home.
The dark, fast fear takes me as I watch him step into the machine.
Rachel is gripping my hand so tightly but I don't feel it. All I'm aware of is the effort she puts forth and the pain she is in. The cry takes me by surprise because I'm so focused on my baby sister that the reason we are here has temporarily been shoved aside.
Ella, beautiful Ella. She's laying next to me as I read, so alive, so warm.
My breath shudders in the air as I sit on the edge of the bed. Oh Ella, sweet baby girl. My memories are shifting, changing. What was is different now. The old memories are sliding backwards like dreams.
I care about you. Does that bother you? It's good to see you again Olivia Dunham. You look lovely Agent Dunham. You can't forget where you came from. I hope he's worth it. What you need is a little jazz. Don't be.
His voice, his face, the love, the patience. I can feel it all and it's so much more than anything I've ever experienced before. I can see him lying on the ground, shaking. My hands finding a needle, filling it and sticking him with it. I hear the voice in my head saying, 'Don't die, don't die. Please. Stay with me.'
When I sleep I dream. Yet the dreams are real. Memories slipping into my unconsciousness so when I wake I feel reborn. Aware of things I've never known, places I've never been, people I have never met. A little boy who can read my mind and help find a killer. A betrayal that cut so deep I was lost and afraid I would never be whole or good enough again. The relief of discovering that I can forgive and if not forget, then make peace with the past.
I feel whole. There was a piece missing and now that's it been found I realize just how much of an impact Peter's absence has made in my life ...and I don't want to lose it. I don't want to lose him.
