A/N: I have reposted Chapters 1 and 2, merging into this this new edit, cutting down the long dark original scene that did not move the real story forward.

Intimacy


Nobody could have predicted that the killer that they'd been after for months would yell "I know I'll die tonight, but not before I do what I like best".

Nobody could have predicted that he'd kill little Vania right in front of a helpless Jane, seconds before Korsak's bullets found the exact target.

Jane had screamed Vania's name and that was the last time she spoke for almost a whole day.

As the light of the day began to hint itself through Maura's bedroom window, Jane began to stir. Her brow was tense, her lips pulled tight into a grimace. Maura ran her fingers gently over Jane's face, trying to erase the pain that was obviously winning the slumber battle.

When Jane finally awoke, she focused on her surroundings. She sat up on the bed frantically screaming the girl's name. Her voice was just a broken whisper riding on a wave of agony.

Maura tenderly surrounded Jane's shoulders with her arm, holding her forearm with her free hand.

"Let me go, Maura."

"You need to rest, Jane."

"No. I need to..."

The words died on her lips as Jane realized that there was no killer to be caught, as he was already dead. Jane sat back on her bed, eyes covered by her forearm, trying to shut out the horror of it all.

Maura's heart shrank. She could not bear to see Jane like this and feel absolutely powerless to make her feel better.

She mentally rehearsed what to say but was confronted with a string of useless commonplace phrases. So, instead of speaking, she sat back and gingerly cuddled Jane.

Jane resisted at first but Maura knew that behind the "leave me alone" facade she needed to be contained, so she persisted until Jane's head was resting on her shoulder, cradled in her arms. Jane began to relax, allowing an arm to embrace Maura -lax at first, putting pressure eventually as the anger began to emerge.

Maura caressed her back in large soothing circles until, suddenly, Jane started crying. Maura knew quite well that tears and Jane didn't mix freely or often. She felt the effort Jane was doing to fight it.

Maura cocooned Jane with her body, absorbing with all her being every shake, every sob, until the tears dried and Jane fell asleep again in her arms.

She stayed holding her, ignoring the tiredness, the hunger, the cramped arms, until Jane opened her eyes two hours later.

The profound tenderness in Maura's eye was the first thing Jane saw when she opened her eyes.

"You need to eat something." Maura whispered softly.

Jane forced a smile. "Not hungry. And I have enough with one Ma."

Maura ignored the quip. "Loss of appetite is quite closely connected to stressful situations. However, a lower food intake leads to a decrease in energy, which debilitates the body and renders it unable to fight the stress."

Jane left the warmth of her friend, sat up and rubbed her face with both her hands.

"Really, Maura… Even I know that…"

"Agreed then. You will now take a long shower while I make something to eat."

Jane startled at the stern tone of Maura's voice, and did as she was told.

.


When Maura woke up the following morning from the soft noises in her room. Jane was already dressed for work and heading out of the bedroom.

Maura got out of bed and followed her downstairs. She tried to talk her out of it, but Jane wouldn't listen; she wouldn't even talk.

She finished half her coffee in a few gulps and left the mug on the counter. Then she got her gun out of the drawer; the same gun that she had been unable to use to stop the killer without risking killing the little girl too.

Maura saw Jane's hands shaking, the depressor angularis oris and masseter muscles drawing a heart-breaking grimace on her face. She ran to her, enveloped her with her arms and rocked her gently until Jane began to relax.

At that precise moment Maura swore to herself that she would not repeat the mistake she made years ago, when she had allowed Jane stay alone at her condo after the self-shooting incident. Jane did not fight it, which troubled Maura, but also confirmed that she had made the right decision.

Maura also knew that the typical reaction to shock, according to the Kübler-Rose model, was to move through five phases. Jane seemed to have jumped denial and anger. Bargaining and depression were next. She needed to help her reach the acceptance phase as fast as she could.

Remembering the Baxter Jennings study, she decided to create the most pleasant environment she possibly could. She started with comfort food: hamburgers with double pickle rations, pizza -all with selected meats and other organic ingredients, but hamburgers and pizza nonetheless- and a long list of other items that Maura did not consider to be food at all, but would do the job. The first two days Jane barely touched her food, but then she started with a fry, a bite of a pizza slice, until she managed to get through an entire burger.

She couldn't convince Jane to go for a run, but she did manage to get her friend to do some yoga. In one of those rare occasions when Jane had her guard completely down, Maura managed to give Jane a long massage session with aromatherapy oils, having also the chance to use her knowledge of Reiki.

After a couple of days Jane had also started to sleep without need of pills. She hadn't cried again, although Maura saw her eyes moist on quite a few occasions.

It tortured Maura to see her usually quirky and lively friend sitting listless, starting into space for long stretches of time when they were not watching tv or a movie. So she had started doing something she thought she couldn't do. She tried, at least, to make jokes and be funny. Her botched attempts did the trick, drawing genuine smiles out of Jane.

Six days went by in that cosy, intimate bubble that had them even sharing Maura's bed – never touching, but comforted with the presence next to them.

The bubble was broken only by Angela's visits during the first days, but she had stopped after Jane accused her of stifling her.

On Friday night, when they settled at the couch after a lovely dinner, Jane started to talk about really needing to get back on the horse. Maura sensed something important coming up when Jane began to nervously toy with her beer. She left her glass on the table and settled back on the couch, elbow on the backrest and head on her palm, looking at Jane, waiting.

"What? You are staring. You're making me nervous." Jane took a swig and left the bottle on the table.

"I'm sorry, it was not my intention. I was simply waiting for you to say what you are about to say." Maura soft smile exuded peace.

Jane sighed. "I am…" Her gaze turned back to bottle in her hands.

"I mean... thanks, Maur."

Maura smiled, tenderly and proud.

"Don't mention it."

"I won't. If I did, you'd end up with a house full of broken detectives."

Maura's soft laughter warmed up Jane's soul. She nudged herself closer to Maura, resting her head on the doctor's shoulder.

Maura stretched her arm around Jane and she felt Jane's arm draping over her waist, and a hand snuggly pressed against her side.

This was not the first time they shared a quiet, intimate moment but, somehow, they were now closer than they'd never been, basking in an overwhelming feeling of security, protection, and closeness. They sat silently, Maura's fingers idly playing with Jane's hair, and Jane's fingers doing the same with Maura's back.

"Maura?"

"Hm?" Maura's eyes were closed. Her contented smile made her almost glow.

"Please don't tell anyone."

"Don't tell what?" Maura turned her face towards Jane, amused.

"Me breaking down like a rag doll."

"Well, technically, rag dolls do not break down. Cars do. Rag dolls-" Maura stopped when she saw the exasperated look on Jane's face and smiled apologetically. Placing a finger under her friends chin, she brought Jane's face towards her, so she can meet her eyes.

"Do you seriously think I would talk about you with others?" Her brow was slightly furrowed, eyes tender.

"If they asked you a direct question, you wouldn't lie."

"I don't have to lie if I say you took a few well deserved days off, which is true."

Jane stared into those hazel eyes that were smiling at her filled with warmth, peace, and happiness. Her own eyes smiled back, and then her whole face followed. They gazed into each other's eyes for a long while and then, suddenly, Maura dropped her head and touched Jane's lips with her own.

Jane froze, but then her lips gently pushed back against Maura out of their own accord. It wasn't a heated, passionate kiss. It was, simply, a soft, tender contact of flesh.

Maura's clinical mind instantly recognized the physical telltale signs of arousal: palpitations, shallow breathing, contraction of the bulbospongiosus muscles, but the processing was rapidly left in the background. Beyond the mere physical aspects, she was mesmerized by this new form of expression of the care, respect, admiration, and closeness she felt for Jane.

Sensing no resistance, Maura's lips took a life of their own.

Jane, on the other hand, felt the initial surprise replaced by an onslaught of feelings rendering her helpless to fight. She couldn't ignore the fact that it was Maura who was kissing her; her friends' perfume and softness made sure of that. She couldn't ignore either the fact that she was being kissed by a woman -kissing a woman! - for the first time in her life.

And yet, she had never, ever experienced a kiss quite like this one.

It wasn't just the softness. It tasted and felt so fundamentally different from any kiss she'd experienced before. Those lips imprinted on her a feeling of something deep, something that felt so much like love. They were loving her with a profound tenderness; the caring feeling in that touch was completely unknown to her.

She stopped thinking completely when her body took over, demanding more.

The feelings in both of them escalated until they couldn't breathe anymore. The kiss ended as suddenly as it had started. Their faces remained close, but far enough for Jane to see Maura's face distorted with a look of horror.

"Oh God, what have I done? I'm so sorry Jane, I … just don't know what came over me. I'm so sorry…"

Jane's confusion was instantly replaced by worry.

"Shh, Maura, don't… It's okay... in a weird kind of okay, but it's not like you hit me or something." Maura cast her eyes down and realized that Jane had not broken the embrace, although Jane's posture was way more rigid than before.

"You are," Maura frowned. "How do say it... freaking up, aren't you?" probed Maura.

Jane rolled her eyes. "You're supposed to say 'freaking out', Maura." Jane looked at her arm still laying over her friend, thinking she should remove it. "And I don't know how I am."

Maura nodded. "Me neither. This is just so… unexpected."

"No kidding." Jane questioned Maura with her eyes, the detective in her waking up. "So... Is it really unexpected? I mean you didn't, you know... before now?"

"Oh, god no! Clearly not! I would have told you."

She frowned, surprised at Jane's suspicion of a lie, and her eyes lost focus.

"I am as surprised as you but," She shrugged. "Given the level of intimacy we've shared over the past few days, and our close friendship, maybe it shouldn't be surprising to express the closeness in various manners. Nothing more. It is not uncommon-" Maura shifted in her seat, trying to regain her usual controlled posture.

"Hmm ... Not uncommon to kiss your best friend like that." repeated Jane, bewildered.

Maura ventured to steal a glance at Jane and saw in her eyes a mixture of confusion, amusement, and surprise. But behind it all, it was clear that Jane had began to retreat. She felt despondent.

Given that this was her first real friend, her only female friend, she was not aware of the social etiquette in this situation. Kissing your female best friend like that maybe was actually not as common as her rational mind would have her believe, she reflected.

Jane pulled her arm away from Maura and sat back on the couch, her hand over her eyes. After a few moments of silence, she spoke softly.

"Maura?"

"Yes?" Maura braced herself for the expected rejection.

"I really don't want you to feel bad. It takes two, you know …"

"As in 'it takes to two tango', you mean"

Jane snorted, shaking her head. "Yes, well done. And to...well... To do what we did."

"You mean kiss, right?"

Jane winced. "That, yeah..."

Maura was perplexed. The conversation was not developing how she had estimated it would.

"What are you trying to say, Jane?"

"Well, I did not push you away." Jane looked down and took a sip of her beer, as if trying to hide her face behind the brown glass.

"No, you didn't. That's true." Maura raised an eyebrow, reflecting on this new point of view.

"I kinda… hm… reacted to it. Big time." The words chased each other, as if trying to hide between themselves.

"Reacted big time?"

"God, Maura, why do you always need to be so explicit?"

Maura's eyes reflected understanding. Her lips mouthed a silent 'Oh'.

Jane ran a hand through her hair. "At least I'm glad Ma didn't barge in. Just imagine..."

"That would have been rather awkward." Maura laughed, releasing part of the tension.

"Who knows..." Jane shook her head, narrowed eyes lost in space. "You know, sometimes I swear I think she thinks that you and I…"

"As does half the precinct?" Maura added.

A sneer took over Jane's face. "Jane the butch. Jane the tomboy. Maura the femme. Right." She waved her hands. "But I like men. I do not date women. And I am not butch."

"You are not butch. Tomboy would be technically a more appropriate label, if you must claim one. But it does not matter, not really. And I also like men, Jane."

Jane ignored Maura's rambling, carrying on as if she had never stopped. "And you are my best friend. My family. Maura, this is really weird."

Maura looked away, agreeing in silence. The space between them had grown larger than the actual distance between their bodies, making her shiver.

"Your beer is empty. Let me get another one." She went to the kitchen and got two beers. After settling back down on the couch, at a reasonably safe distance from Jane, Maura apologized again.

"I'm really sorry, Jane. Not only is this alone is enough to confuse things, I had to do it when you-"

"When I'm what?" Jane looked up, her eyes fierce. "When I'm incredibly sad, impotent beyond words, frustrated, but also feeling cared for as I've never been in my life?"

Maura was stunned. The words had come out in a storm, chasing each other making explicit all the unsaid feelings that had been bubbling for over a week.

Jane was not done blurting out, although her voice came out softer. "Maura, I have no idea what just happened. I can't figure it out, but there is little I can figure out these days."

"So can we forget about it?" begged Maura.

Jane looked at the untouched beer in her hands. "Not sure I can..."

Maura looked down, biting her lower lip.

"Maur, I'm not saying it in a bad way. I- I just don't know, okay?"

Jane reached out to Maura's hand.

"Maur, look at me". Maura obliged.

"I love you, Maur. You are my best friend ever. I'm not into women but I …" Jane took a deep breath. "I… oh shit, this is so weird. I told you. I-I liked it. A lot. Ok?"

"You did?" Maura snapped out of her remorseful state.

Jane nodded tiredly.

"So it is okay for me to say that I did too?"

"It's still weird, Maura."

"Indeed. I have to say that, despite the consensus that sexuality is a wide spectrum, it seems easier said than done. At least in this case."

Jane smiled, almost amused, shaking her head. "Well, at least you got my head out of... you know..."

Maura stretched her lips but didn't smile.

They remained in silence, not touching, not looking, for a long time.

It was Jane who broke the silence. "Maura, I am going back to work. Tomorrow."

"Are you sure? Is it because…", she drew with her index finger a circle in the space between them.

Jane smiled. "No, I said I'm going back to work. Didn't say I'm running away."

"Oh, right, of course." Maura's back straightened up. "Well, if that's what you need, I think it's going to be good for you. I'll be here. There, I mean…" Looking at Jane, Maura realized she did not have to over explain herself.

"I know..." Jane extended her arm and took Maura's hand in hers. Then reached over and placed a quick, tender kiss on Maura's cheek.

"I think we better go to sleep now. We'll have time to deal with this tomorrow."