Author's Note: I created this story for fun and have a different take on Harry Potter. So if you don't like AU's, then you probably should skip this story.
Of course, he had gotten pictures, he had even visited a few times when Harry was still young, but mostly Remus had avoided going back to see the boy since that fateful Halloween night. However, the comparison was undeniably when he had seen the boy on the train. Now, as he made his way up to the grounds of Hogwarts, heading for the Great hall that he had known and loved for so long, he couldn't help but think back to Harry's face. He was so much, so very much like his father. The looks were eerily similar, as if Prongs had suddenly sprung back to life before his very eyes. Only there was one difference, two if he hadn't been mistaken. First and most obvious was the fact that Harry had Lily's eyes. Those green emerald eyes that could probably set you on fire where you stood if you had done something to cross them. If it hadn't been for James' messy hair, glasses, nose, lips, body, it could have been Lily standing there. That was also where they seemed similar, though from their brief encounter, Remus couldn't be quite sure. Harry had Lily's spirit, her personality, her very fire. It was amazing to see, as if his two old friends hadn't really died, that they had just shifted to become Harry. It was shocking.
So, now, as he hurried up the steps and through the halls, he was bound and determined to talk to the one person who could confirm everything he was thinking about Harry; Miranda Black. He almost expected to be faced with some sort of anger. After all, over the years, he had made it a point of avoiding seeing Harry from guilt of not doing anything for James and Lily. But also because of Sirius. Questions rang in the back of his head, but he still, to the very day, could not face them. The betrayal was almost too deep to face, the pain too fresh, especially with Harry wearing the face and eyes of the ghosts of his parents. No, he was certain he was going to get yelled at by her, but stepping into the Great Hall, he couldn't spot her yet. Just Severus Snape. Letting out a small sigh of disappointment at not finding the last remaining Black, Lupin walked forward up to the staff table and took his spot at the Defense Against the Dark Art's spot. Really, he owed such a great debt to Dumbledore, because not even four months ago would he have believed that he would be sitting in this very seat, returning back to Hogwarts for another year. However, as he sat, he could feel Severus' eyes burning holes into the side of his face. Finally, unable to stand it or deny it much longer, Remus glanced over at Snape and offered up a small smile, a sign of peace between them.
"Hello Severus. It's good to see you again," he said, trying to be cordial and courteous.
"Funny. I would say it was just the opposite," Severus sneered back, turning his gaze away from Lupin and looking back forward. "Still having problems around this time of the month?"
Remus let out a breath and looked back down. Of course, nothing would change. He really hadn't expected it to, but at least they could act professional towards each other.
"As a matter of fact, yes. I would have been here sooner if it hadn't been for the...'problem.' Though, I am quite excited for the deal that Dumbledore has worked out. After all, you always were the best with potions in our class," Lupin offered, even going out of his way to compliment Severus. However, it had left no dent in Severus' cold attitude.
"You may be excited, but all I see it as is more work. Work for something that I should not have to concern myself with," Severus hissed back. Shaking his head, Remus just looked back down at the golden plate that lay before him and decided it was best to ignore the snide comments. After all, the werewolf had dealt with them all his life. It was only to be expected. However, the next venom-filled comment wasn't directed at Lupin's condition. Rather, it was focused on a different raw nerve.
"I assume you've seen the dementors. I heard from Dumbledore himself that they are all itching to get their hands on Black. You wouldn't happen to know where he is, would you?" Severus asked. Remus glanced back over at his old classmate, and straightened up.
"No. I have no idea honestly. I only hope that...that he is caught. And soon," Remus said stiffly. He paused for a moment, before speaking up again. "Either way, you might want to avoid the topic of Sirius' escape, especially when Miranda is around." Severus straightened immediately, as if someone had just shocked him.
"Miranda? You mean his sister is going to be here as well? Why don't you just hand him the keys to getting in to Hogwarts? This is ridiculous." Remus could feel a rant starting up with Severus, one that he had probably been suppressing since their school days, but as he looked up and noticed Miranda walking into the Great Hall, he quickly tried to step in and silence the Slytherin before his tongue got away with him.
"Um, Professor?"
"And another thing! That dirty murderer already slipped past the Dementors. He'll probably do it again. Lord knows how he's going to get in."
"Er, Severus? Really."
"He is a dirty, rotten murderer, not to mention a betrayer and backstabber. Nearly tries to kill me, then kills his friends? I cannot wait for the day he is back in Azkaban."
"Snape! Enough!" Remus hissed, shutting Severus up. But it had been too late. Damage had been done. Lupin shifted his eyes over to Miranda and gave her a small smile.
"Hello again, Miranda."
Earlier...
Miranda and Harry stood on the platform nine and three quarters. The Wesley's were all ready standing there, waiting for the kids to load. It had been a rough thirteen years raising Harry, and struggling making ends meet. She was just lucky that Harry was such an understanding kid. He always tried to help her now, with the money his parents left him, but she always refused. It was his money, not her own. If she had not had Molly giving her motherly advice, and willing to watch harry when she was working, she would never had been able to make it. Somehow, she always thought that Lily would have made a better mother then she was. She was always unsure about every step, she took with Harry. At least with the new job at Hogwarts, she would be able to help Harry, and possibly...she stopped her train of thought. She just couldn't go there.
"Miranda!" She heard Molly called. She waved at her, smiling. She walked behind harry as he rushed forward, pushing his trunk and Hedwig, the bird protesting at the speed.
"Harry! Slow Down!" Miranda called after him. "You'll run someone over with that cart!" She sighed getting out her wand, casting a spell on the cart so it suddenly stopped and didn't move. She put the wand back into her pocket, walking up. She kissed his head. "So glad, you listened, Harry," She said sweetly. "You are such a good boy." She saw the usual glare, which caused her to laugh. She hugged his side, but knew he was going through that teenage boy, 'can't be seen being hugged by my mother' phase. She helped him get his stuff on the train, and him on the train as well. She stood with Molly, waving good bye to the children.
"Does he know you got a job over at Hogwarts?" Molly asked as they waved, smiling. Her smile got wider as she continued to wave. "Not a clue," Miranda answered. She heard Molly laugh, shaking her head. She let her arm fall. "Well I better get going. I am going to use floo powder to get there." Giving a nod, she said a quick goodbye, then rushed off back to her quiet home in the country, and got her things together. When she got to Hogwarts, she immediately heard about the incidence on the train with dementors and worry immediately filled her. She dropped her stuff at her office, then rushed to the great hall to check on Harry. She walked down the line quickly, finding him quickly. She eyed him, and relaxed a little. She would never forgive herself if something happened to Harry. She tried to walk by, but it seems his friends saw her and caught his attention. She walked over, pausing at him.
"What are you doing here?" Harry asked, confused. She lightly pushed on his head.
"Is that anyway to greet your guardian?" She asked, crossing her arms. She would never make him call her mom or anything of the sort. It wasn't fair to Lily and it was unrealistic. She was not his mother, but she did think of Harry as her own son.
"Please tell me you didn't rush here about the dementors," Harry whined. She paused thinking about it, and then got very serious.
"Yes, I am," She answered. "I was very concerned. We may not be blood, but I still worry about you." Harry groaned, glaring at Ron as he snickered. Miranda took this moment to head towards the table in the front. She saw Remus, and immediately, her face lit up. His face on the other hand looked awfully distraught. She was surprised to see him talking to Snape. She walked up, and realized why.
"He is a dirty, rotten murderer, not to mention a betrayer and backstabber. Nearly tries to kill me, and then kills his friends? I cannot wait for the day he is back in Azkaban," She heard Snape curse on. The light faded from her face, as anger started to boil over. She saw Snape look up at her then away as Remus tried to smile.
"Hello again, Miranda," Remus said. She looked at him, and sighed.
"Hello, Remus," She replied shortly. "Good to see you two bonding over the hatred of my brother," She hissed. Her eyes staring daggers at Snape. "Really, Severus, isn't it calling the kettle black?" She asked coldly.
She left it as is as she took the seat on the other side of Remus. She looked out at the dinner, many of the kids, staring curiously at them. She had to keep her composer. She needed to keep her composer. She was the new history teacher, and she had set an example for the kids. She looked over at Remus, looking far more narrowed.
"Why the hell haven't you been around for Christmas?" She demanded. "I would think you would want to be around your best friend's son. I mean, wasn't it you who promised to help with Harry? It was the only way I would take him." She sighed, shaking her head. "Never mind. I know why." She looked forward, quieting down, when Dumbledore stood up in front to start the introductions. It was going to be a long year.
It definitely was nice to see Miranda again. If Remus had missed one person the most, it was Miranda. However, meeting back up with her again, it went not quite like how he had imagined. His smile quickly diminished as she hissed at him about hating her brother. He sighed and looked down at his plate again with a bit of a shame. It only got worse when he was accused of avoiding Harry. The truth was, he couldn't bare to see that face of his. Not to mention, his condition always seemed to get in the way. The last thing he wanted was to put Harry or Miranda in danger.
Severus however had a little less sympathies. "I'm sure I don't know what you mean, Miranda. I, unlike your brother, have never falsely lead someone into a deserted house where a raging werewolf had just transformed. Or perhaps you would like to explain that it was just a joke that went horribly wrong," he snapped back at her, before looking forward with an ice cold glare. Dumbledore started up on his speech and everyone fell quiet as he explained the dementors' presence on the grounds and why they would remain. There was a definite note of displeasure in Dumbledore's voice as he spoke about it.
Finally though, he set them free to enjoy their meals, the food appearing magically in front of them as always, and a small bit of happiness appeared back to Remus' face. He waited a few moments, before he finally got the courage up to speak to Miranda again. "You know, I was there on the train when the dementors came on board," Lupin said to her under his breath to her. "In fact, I was in the same car as Harry. I still can't believe how much he looks like James. It's almost like looking at his ghost. But he acts so much like Lily, even has her eyes." He paused for a moment, looking down in sorrow as he pushed a bit of mashed potatoes around on his plate. "Anyway, you might want to watch him carefully. The dementors...well, they have an interesting effect on him. He ended up passing out, and then when he woke up, he said that he heard screaming. I gave him some chocolate though, so he should be fine now."
Lupin paused, before glancing up again, his eyes finding the son of his two friends. He let out a sad sigh, before eating a bit. He had missed so much. He couldn't help but feel a twinge of self-hatred sparking up again. As if he didn't already have enough to hate himself for, especially now that he was being reminded by Severus of the incident where he almost killed the potion master, but now, missing out on Harry's life.
"And...I'm sorry I wasn't there. Honestly, Miranda, I thought I could do it, just ignore my condition and being there, but...I couldn't. I really am sorry. I hope that...well, perhaps I could make it up now that we're here and that I have a stable supply of the potion. Please...accept my apology?" Remus turned his tired, grey eyes towards Miranda, his old schoolmate, and hoped that perhaps he could somehow manage to work his way back into her good graces. Somehow.
12 years earlier,
Miranda sat across the table, a lawyer sitting in front of them, the will of James and Lily in her hand. The day had been horrible. They just had to bury both of her best friends, their son in her arms. She swallowed, looking at the one year old, bouncing his hands on the table, wanting to know what is going on. Her heart ached horribly for the boy who would never know the treasure that were his parents. She kissed his head, as she bounced her leg trying to continue to keep the child happy.
"All right, I would like to read the last will and testament of James and Lily Potter," The lawyer announced, getting formal. She felt a hand on her right knee, glancing down at the hand. She looked up, seeing Remus glance at her with a confronting glance. She had lost so much all ready. Her brother was in Azkaban for the so called murder of Lily and James. She was alone now. The rest of the Blacks had disowned her, or she wanted nothing to do with them. It had been the first time in months since she saw Remus, and she was so confused.
"To our trusted friends, Miranda and Sirius Black, we give her our greatest gift, Harry. Watch over him, and protect him as you would if he was your own son. Everything that we own will be left to our friends, and what is left to be liquidated and put into an account in our son, Harry's, name," Lawyer announced.
Miranda sat there, looking at the child, shaking her head. They had left her Harry. They blindly trusted her. She shook her head, getting up. "I can't take care of him!" Miranda cried. She held onto the boy, staring at him in horror. Remus stood up immediately next to her and touched her arm soothingly. "It's going to be okay, Miranda. I promise. It'll be okay. Everything is going to be okay," he said to her. He touched his hand to the small boy's back, rubbing it slightly. He was still so young, so small, and the lightning bolt on his forehead was just starting to heal up properly. Letting out a sigh, Remus looked back to Miranda. "Trust me; you won't have to go through this alone. Okay? I...I'll be there for you, whenever you need me. You won't have to raise Harry alone, okay?"
As Miranda look back on it, it seemed like a foolish dream or idea. Remus had his condition, and he would never be able to be fully there. She had known why he had disappeared after a few months, and why he stopped coming by for Christmas. She licked her lips and looked over at Remus.
"It's all right now," She muttered. "I have most of it under control. There will be times when it comes to male things I may not understand, but I know I can do it. He depends on me just as much as I depend on him. We are the only family we have any more in the world." She watched as Harry talked excitedly with his friends at dinner, and knew, when he turned eighteen, she would be alone. She felt that familiar pang when she lost everyone she cared about. She looked over at him, the one person she cared about most. She had always been there for everything, even when he first turned, but he still had cut her out of his life.
"You know as well as I that no potion will ever work on it, Remus. I just want you to know that I never have been scared of you. I just wish you didn't punish Harry for whatever it is you are running from." She stood from her seat at the table, deciding it was a good time to unpack her things and get away from the judgments, and the familiar pain of losing that foolish dream, she had held onto.
Before Remus could say a word, Miranda was up and walking away from the table. He looked over at her, wishing that she wouldn't have walked away. After all, it was the first time he had seen her in months, years now that he thought about it. He watched as she walked away, before he pressed his lips together and focused on his dinner. Most of the dinner, he just pushed his food around on his plate, even though Professor Sprout encouraged him to eat and that he looked like he needed a good meal in him. However, the thought of Miranda hating him, all that he had done wrong over the years, and all that he had wanted to do, but avoided because of his condition, it was making him physically sick to his stomach. Not to mention, the snide glares that Severus started shooting him didn't help in the slightest.
Quickly, he started to rethink the whole thing. Perhaps becoming a teacher and taking Dumbledore's offer had been a bad idea. What if something went wrong and he accidentally attacked a student or another professor? He would never be able to live with himself from that point onward. Worse, if he somehow passed on the disease, he would probably never forgive himself. He would almost rather die or be killed than to make some fatal mistake and wake up with someone's blood on his hands. True, he now had Severus and the Wolfsbane potion that would at least let him keep his mind when he transformed, but if he missed it just once, just a single time, the consequences could be disastrous, especially within the castle, so full of innocent students that could be caught at the wrong place at the wrong time.
In front of him, his dinner disappeared, leaving his plate completely clear and spotless, as all the food was replaced by dessert of all kinds. Remus paused before reaching into his pocket to pull out the chocolate bar he had broken up for Harry and his friends back on the train. There was only two squares left for him, but he still broke them apart and popped one into his mouth. He needed the little bit of chocolate to help him feel better. Sure, he had had some on the train after the dementors to bring back some warmth to his bones, but it felt like now he had some invisible dementor floating behind him and even the chocolate that was melting in his mouth wasn't helping.
"Still with the chocolate, I see," McGonagall said beside him, as she properly took a drink from her goblet.
Remus smiled slightly at his old Head of House. He had always reported to her after his prefect patrols, and with her being on of the few that knew his condition back when he was a student, he had always felt quite close to his professor. "Of course. But I have a feeling we're going to need it more than usual this year. After all, our 'guard' is not always the most trustworthy and reliable. I do not doubt that we will have a few students in the Hospital Wing, thanks to them," he answered back.
McGonagall sighed and nodded her head. "Unfortunately, I believe you are right, Remus." She paused, before speaking up again. "By the way, may I ask just what exactly happened between you and Ms. Black a few moments ago?" she questioned.
It felt almost as if Remus had been put back to his fifth, fourth, even second year of school at Hogwarts, just a small child back in trouble for what he had done. McGonagall just had that power over people. "I'm not exactly sure," he lied, rather shameful that he was still resorting to that. However, McGonagall was at least merciful and did not press the subject any further. However, that did not make Remus feel much better. The dessert pressed on for a while, each student getting their fill, until the plates were cleared again. A few more announcements were made, introducing the new professors (Remus simply stood up and bowed, and Dumbledore made a sly, secretive comment about seeing Professor Black in her new classroom), before all the students were released to go up to their dormitories. There was the usual chatter and noise as all the students stood to leave. Remus himself stood from his seat, and as he did, he managed to catch one last glimpse of Harry with his friends, before they left the room.
However, Remus didn't have time to brood about the past or linger on the boy. He was bound and determined to speak with Miranda again. He even successfully dodged Severus, just to get up to the History of Magic classroom in a hurry. He hurried, taking a few back passage ways he had learned with the Marauders, and managed to make it up to her room before a tidal wave of Ravenclaw students could overtake him.
Silently, he slipped inside and over to the door. His courage and determination had carried him this far, but now that he was at the door, he faltered again. The door was open only a small crack, just enough for him to peek in a bit, and he could see Miranda, inside, putting away her things here and there, even setting a small photo frame of Harry and herself at some birthday of Harry's and beside it, an older photo of herself and Sirius. He stood there a moment, transfixed by the photo. The twins had looked nothing alike. In fact, they were practically polar opposites, Sirius with his wild looking eyes, and thick black hair and Miranda, her calm, mature face and wavy blond length of hair. It was hard to believe that they had all come to this point. Remus had only looked in the Daily Prophet once, and ended up cancelling it after he found out that Sirius had escaped, and the man on that last newspaper looked absolutely nothing like the laughing, smiling boy in the picture.
For a long moment, Remus just stood there, studying the picture, before he finally found either the strength or will to knock on the door frame and push the door open. "Hey. You missed the rest of dinner," he said to her, awkwardly.
In all his years, he would have thought the one thing he could break was his bashfulness. He wasn't that little eleven-year-old boy anymore, sitting by himself in the library because he was too frightened to talk to the other students. He was a grown adult. He should be able to conduct himself properly. But somehow, it still managed to sneak back up on him every now and then and rob him of all his words and conviction. He shifted slightly, his scarred face twisting up slightly, as he glanced down at his feet. "Perhaps...perhaps we could go to the kitchens, and you can eat? We could...catch up or just talk. I feel like...like I haven't properly apologized yet, and I thought perhaps this was how I could start."
He glanced back up at her, hoping that his words would break a little bit through her hard exterior. Every single bit of him knew, he didn't deserve it. What kindness he had gotten in life, he didn't deserve. So, expecting more was just being foolish. But at least he could be a fool for a little while longer and hope for a better outcome.
