Author's Note: First of all, I'd like to say that this is a sequel to Falling Slowly and Eyes as Old as Time and might not make a lot of sense if you haven't read them. Second, this is for all of you who wanted sequels to both stories and I'd like to thank you for all the reviews and the support I got while writing them.
That being said, the song used in the beginning is Dreaming Wide Awake by Poets of the Fall. Just like usual, reviews are highly appreciated, because I'd really like to hear your opinion on this one; I'm rather nervous about it. :)
Another place and time, without a great divide
And we could be flying deadly high
I'll sell my soul to dream you wide awake
"Ianto, are you sure –"
"'Course I am." Ianto didn't even take his eyes off the things he saw through the windscreen as his nimble fingers flew across the control panel, but his lips curled into a small, pleased smile. "I've read the manual."
"Of course you have," Jack said fondly and felt a wave of warmth washing over him at that little detail he got to witness once again. It was borderline ridiculous, to pay attention to things like that, but he could easily get used to it.
Ianto had been here for a month already and he was doing great. Teaching him to pilot Starship UK was currently a top priority, and he was doing his best – apparently. Jack's training had taken more time. Ianto seemed to be a natural.
"I've been really busy these days," the man said, as if reading Jack's thoughts. "But I've got to– there are things I need to know."
Jack nodded expectantly as Ianto – with just a few expert movements – turned the auto-pilot on and turned around along with his chair.
"I'd like you to fill me in. Not on the ship," he added quickly when Jack opened his mouth. "I watched the film about its history and found all the books. What happened to Gwen? What happened to my–" Suddenly he stopped, unbearable sadness seeping through his usually unbreakable mask. "What happened to Rhiannon?"
"She was all right," Jack assured him. "Had another son and named him after you. When I met her once, she told me you were the best man she'd ever known. She never stopped missing you." Ianto gave a short, bitter laugh at that and Jack, who failed to understand, just kept going. "She lived to nearly one hundred. Johny died half a year after her.
"Gwen– she had a daughter, Anwen, but you probably know about that – you were there when she got pregnant. I visited her but, as the years passed, she stopped liking to see me every so often. Didn't want me to see her grow older. They never do." You didn't too, he added mentally.
"Yes, about that, actually." Jack stared at him incredulously. Had he ended up with some telepathic abilities on that planet he'd been on? "There's something I need to tell you."
When Ianto started a conversation with 'there's something I need to tell you' or 'I think we've got a little problem', things tended to end badly. 'An alien invasion' level of 'badly', too, so Jack thought he had the right to feel a little wary.
"It happened almost a year before the 456," he begun. "Remember the Perfection? Christine's body?" Jack nodded, now even more lost as to where this was going. "You gave me that pill. It was supposed to bring back my memories. And it–" For a moment, Ianto looked as if he'd choke on his breath. "It did."
"Yes?" Jack prompted gently after a few moments of silence. "What did you remember?"
A small, nervous laugh was his only response. "It's easier to show you than tell you, really, but I don't know if it'll allow me to." He was calm and collected, just like usual, but his bright blue eyes resembled those of a trapped wild animal.
It wasn't happening for the first time since he was on board. He had spent most of his time until now learning to pilot the ship, but in his free time, he was always anxious and tense around Jack. Sometimes, while someone was speaking to him, the Captain could see that Ianto's mind wasn't even there at all.
"If what will allow you, Ianto?" Jack didn't want to push it, but it was always easier to talk if at least half of the truth was already out.
"The perception filter." Another shaky smile. "But I reckon it'll be easier if you know you should be looking for something." With that, he quickly started unbuttoning the jacket of his uniform; it was identical with the ones they used for the army – black, from the same recycled material everything was made of here, and consisting of trousers, usually tucked into the heavy military boots, a jacket and a t-shirt. Ianto had charmed a suit out of their sector's tailor, and despite her protests that nobody wore suits these days, he could wear it in the rare occasions he was allowed civil clothes (which didn't include holidays – the uniform and even the red cap coming with it were required then, much to Jack's delight).
Once he was only in his t-shirt, Ianto hesitantly took Jack's hand in his and pressed it against his chest.
Jack could feel Ianto's shallow, rapid breathing, but nothing else. At first. And then, just as he made to look up and ask his lover what he was meant to notice, he felt it.
Ianto's heart was beating almost impossibly fast, as if it would burst from his chest any minute. "What's happened to you?" He murmured. There was something weird about it. It didn't quite feel like a single heart beating too fast; there was sync lacking for that. It was more like– "Oh my God."
"There was a war really, really long ago," Ianto started speaking quickly, as if he was afraid that he'd chase Jack away. "You know about it, I s'ppose, the Doctor must have told you. I participated in it, and there were people who thought that– that I'd be better off away from it. So they – my parents – sent me here. Well, not here – they sent me to Earth. With false memories and a perception filter so strong that even I wouldn't suspect a thing." His heart – hearts – under Jack's fingers increased their speed even more as Ianto barely stopped to take a breath. "I recently figured out that I've been about twenty when they did it, and we age really slowly, but we needed soldiers and couldn't wait. I've spent five years on Earth and so I've matured a bit." There it was again, Ianto's constant desire for people to see him as a grown-up, despite his young age, Jack noted vaguely. "I suppose I could be considered a teenager. I still – I still can't remember my name."
The amount of talking he'd just done could tell Jack one thing and one thing only – Ianto was quietly freaking out.
If the Captain had to be honest with himself, he was feeling the same way.
"You age slowly." He tried to sound calm and relaxed. He had to put Ianto at ease before the man got the wrong idea (the wrong idea being the one that was probably going through his mind right now and that included Jack being scared of or angry at him). But he needed – desperately – to hear a name.
"Time Lords." Ianto closed his eyes, as if resigning to his fate. "Time Lords age really slowly."
A Time Lord. A Time Lord. Jack was starting to wonder when exactly did the control of his life get hijacked away from him.
"Aren't you full of surprises." It wasn't a question and Ianto remained silent. "I've always known, you know," he managed at last. "That there was something... off about you. Something never seemed completely ordinary." He chuckled exasperatedly. "But I'd never have thought it would be this." Ianto tried to speak, but Jack cut him off. "Which regeneration are you at?"
Ianto seemed surprised. "I've never regenerated. This is my first body."
Jack let out the air he hadn't realised he'd been holding. "Thanks God."
"Jack – Is this... okay?" When he looked up, Jack saw that Ianto's eyes were wide and the look in them tentative. "I know that it's coming out of nowhere and–"
"Ianto." Jack tried to remind himself that Ianto was very young and very human – well, okay, very young – and that he needed reassurance. He needed to understand that species didn't matter as long as he was here. "I think I made it clear a long time ago how I feel about you. Of course it's okay."
"That's the point," Ianto said, that small, bitter smile that always sent shivers down Jack's spine back on his face. "In the House of the Dead, you said, "Ianto Jones, I love you', and that's exactly the point. Ianto Jones doesn't even exist. He's a cover story, nothing more. A bit clumsily done, yeah, but a cover story nonetheless. A regular kid, good grades, but nothing too outstanding. The shop lifting thing was made up because then, I wouldn't like to mess about with the police – the only people who could sense that something's wrong. They dumped me into a normal family and the only people who were alive by then were Rhiannon and my mother. No wonder she never recognised me."
"What do you mean?" Jack asked quietly. This was still very much the man he knew, but there was something new, something unfamiliar that was equal parts terrifying and captivating.
"When I went to visit her, she always said that she didn't have a son and the doctors said that on some of her better days, she'd recognise my sister. But they were wrong. She always recognised Rhiannon and never me, because she was the glitch in the system. She was the only one who realised that Ianto Jones is a stranger; practically nothing. Ianto Jones doesn't exist," he repeated quietly, as if he was still trying to get used to the thought.
"Yes, he does," Jack said gently, "If you look for 'Ianto Jones' on the ship's database – it has information on every human, no matter born on the ship or on Earth – you'll find that he was a young man who died two thousand four hundred and eighty-five years ago; died protecting a planet that no one here has ever seen, save for photos. He was a real hero, they say, and braver than most, because he'd dedicated his whole adult life looking after humanity and risking his life for it every day." Ianto tried to say something, but Jack kept going, because damn him if Ianto decided that he could underestimate himself again. "When people started making alien contact more and more often, he became a role model for many of them. If you look for evidence, there was a comic with your name on it. Yeah, you heard that right," Jack added at Ianto's disbelieving snort. "I'm pretty sure you can find it in the library in Sector Nine. He bravely faced all kinds of hostile alien and anyone who wanted to go fight said aliens looked up to him. And that, Ianto Jones, started five hundred years after your death."
Ianto gulped nervously at the sight of Jack's gleaming eyes. "Your point being?"
"My point being, don't you dare tell me that Ianto Jones didn't exist. Don't you dare tell me that he's no one when he saved so many lives, including mine, because he's pulled me off the edge so many times. You might be a Time Lord that had the misfortune to end up on some backward planet on the other end of the Universe, but Ianto Jones took your place for five years, so want it or not, he's a part of you now. No one changed you as a person, did they? Only your memories were taken away?" He asked. Ianto gave a brisk nod. "There you go, then."
Deafening, ringing silence fell over them and neither seemed inclined to break it.
"You're right." Ianto's voice was strangely hoarse. "I'm sorry. You're right."
"I don't care whether I know your name or not," Jack murmured, burying his head in Ianto's shoulder. "I stand by what I said. This just means I won't have to lose you."
"It also means I can change my appearance, though," Ianto pointed out from above him.
"Don't," Jack instructed, his arms tightening around his lover; a subconscious reaction to the long-since-passed feeling of trying to hold on to the memory of his Ianto while his partner was trapped in the body of a woman that, by his own words, hated him.
"Wasn't even thinking of it," Ianto replied as he awkwardly patted Ianto on the back to get him to move. "I've got to get back to work, Jack," he added when the Captain didn't take the hint.
"I was actually thinking we could go out," the man tried hesitantly.
"I know I said I couldn't die, but I don't feel like testing it tonight. I have a feeling that what's considered 'out' of this ship would be a less than pleasant experience. You've jump started me enough times as it is."
Jack finally raised his head. "Did you just use 'jump start' to describe the kiss of life?" Ianto smiled softly, but he continued. "Wait a minute. That time, with Lisa..." he felt Ianto tense against him and reminded himself that the memory was still somewhat raw to the man. "Perception filter or not, you'd have regenerated, right?"
"I suppose. It might've even been starting, and if it had been someone else, it would have happened anyway, but you've probably blocked it."
Jack was suddenly on alert. "What do you mean, blocked?"
"You know," Ianto said helplessly, trying to find words for the feeling. "You usually do that– thing. There's so much noise in my head and, when I touch you, it just– stops. You kissed me and I finally found peace. I had to repress it then, Jack," he said when the man tried to ask the most obvious question. "It had to happen. I had to die there in order to meet you here. It was a fixed point, I couldn't do anything."
"Oh, don't you start," Jack interrupted at the first mention of fixed points, but then stared at Ianto again, silently asking for more details.
"I can show you," Ianto said, unsure. "You know. I've always been a bit emphatic and you've had some training of your own..."
Jack just nodded and seated himself even closer to Ianto without actually touching him yet, so he'd be able to see the difference.
The Captain focused and probed gently into Ianto's mind, feeling the psychic shields slide down tentatively. Jack tried to go a little further and–
It felt like dipping your finger into a lake just to be pushed into the ice cold water. Ianto's mind wasn't like any other he'd ever connected to and while each mind had its layers, Ianto's was just so endless. There were so many possibilities and planets and memories and time that it was hard to believe that all of that had been gather in twenty-something years. Jack could feel the Universe spinning around him and he felt trapped, trapped in this nightmarish ride as he wondered how anyone could stay sane and interact normally with other people while experiencing all of that at the same time.
"Ianto–" He managed to get out at last and there was a please in there. Please help me. Please get me out of this.
Ianto instantly reached for his hand and, the moment skin touched skin, it all suddenly stopped. Jack could feel only Ianto's thoughts floating on the surface, gentle like a caress as the other man tried to calm him down. Then, just as Jack made to retreat, his mental shield slipped back into place and it was all over.
"This is how it is," Ianto said quietly. "Every waking moment, every single second, unless..." with a small smile, he touched Jack's hand and intertwined their fingers. "...I touch you. I don't know how or why, but it always works."
Jack took in a shaky breath. "And you don't think it's... wrong? Unnatural?"
Ianto gave him a slightly bewildered look. "No. Of course not. It's amazing. Why would I think it's wrong?"
"The Doctor told me, long ago, that I'm a fact, a fixed point. He couldn't even get close to me. It wasn't his fault, he couldn't help it." Jack was trying really hard not to let the hurt show, but then again, perhaps the fact that he still remembered it after so many years spoke for itself.
"Jack–" Ianto seemed to be at loss of words, then just shook his head. "How many times do I have to tell you? There's nothing wrong with you. I just–" And with that, he turned around to shut the auto-pilot down and get back to work.
The Captain knew that Ianto wasn't angry at him; it was probably the too many questions making him nervous and uncomfortable – again – but it wasn't just his newly discovered species that was bothering him, either. Things were just piling on.
The main problem was the people on the ship and that was probably what had made Ianto withdraw so quickly when Jack had mentioned going out. They could never understand the way the way Ianto spoke or acted with nearly thirty centuries – and, as it turned out, a few galaxies – of culture differences. It was also the fact that everyone still called him Gideon, then blushed and mumbled their apologies while giving both him and Jack a look that clearly stated that they didn't approve of this whole thing at all, because they saw it as inappropriate, considering Gideon and Ianto's resemblance and the short month that separated them from the former's death.
All in all, humans were humans and what they did was judge everyone without knowing even half of the story, and Jack supposed that he would have tolerated it if it'd been about someone else, but now he was pretty much done with it all. He had had enough of Ianto closing himself to everyone and everything – including Jack himself – and he had definitely seen it before.
It was Friday night so naturally, the place was crowded, but Jack was pleased with the way things had turned out. At least his date didn't look like he might fall asleep while nudging his food with his fork.
The Last few days had been busy enough that they could get about two hours of sleep a day, but tonight Ianto was buzzing with energy, his eyes sparkling as he talked about some alien artefact he'd found near the restaurant they were currently dining in.
Jack was in awe. He'd never seen Ianto as enthusiastic about anything as he was while explaining about his device, his whole face lighting up with delight, and he couldn't help but stay silent as his partner talked.
Suddenly, Ianto's voice died and his whole body tensed like an animal that had sensed a trap.
"What is it?"Jack asked softly, immediately picking up the change in the mood. Ianto leaned in conspiratorially closer to Jack over the table. "I think we should be more careful." His partner, on alert as usual, scanned the room. "The waitress is a little too invested in our table and she'd been giving me very weird looks."
It was true that said waitress seemed to gravitate mainly around their table and Jack found her quickly; about ten feet away from them. He looked at her, then back at Ianto, and wondered how anyone could be so oblivious.
"I don't think it's Torchwood she's after, Ianto," he said as delicately as possible and watched confusion pass over his lover's face, quickly replaced by a sceptic expression, accompanied by a snort. "Not everyone thinks the way you do, Jack."
"Maybe not, but she does." The Captain leaned even closer to Ianto. "Wanna let her know you're taken?"
The moment the words left his lips, Jack regretted them. Did Ianto even consider himself taken? Did he want to be? Mind you, maybe he was interested in the girl, but if it was so, then why did he seem so uncomfortable under the attention he was given?
Jack sighed. This wasn't supposed to be all that hard. What did someone in their early twenties even want from a date? The last time Jack had tried to properly court someone, Ianto hadn't even been born. This was meant to be good, right? Live music, fancy restaurants and caviar and stuff? Ianto was supposed to be enjoying it, not looking like he'd jump out of his skin any minute now.
"You're thinking too much," Ianto said distractedly, and then seemed to register jack's question. "No! No, there really won't be any need."
Jack knew that Ianto was lightly empathic and that made statements like 'you're thinking too much' a not so rare thing. The only time he'd tried to connect with him on a mental level, the Captain had encountered the strongest mind block he'd ever seen, so since then, it'd always been a one-way street, with Ianto sometimes picking up random traces of Jack's thoughts and emotions.
Jack sighed softly. Ianto wasn't in familiar environment here, that much was obvious. He was, however, the most adventure-obsessed person he knew, so he decided to play his next card.
"You ready to head to the cinema?" Jack asked and Ianto's eyes lit up again.
"What d'you have in mind?"
"The new Indiana Jones came out last week?"
Ianto was already buttoning his jacket.
o.O.o
Jack should have guessed that Ianto would have a soft spot for Indiana Jones as well, considering his affection for James Bond. As the lights went off, the younger man whispered, "I remember going to the premiere of the first one – Raiders of the Lost Ark. The book was better, though."
"There's a book?"Jack was vaguely intrigued by the fact itself and remarkably more so in Ianto's point of view. He rarely shared anything about his interests with him.
"Yes," he nodded. "It came out two months before the movie. It's still somewhere around at home."
Jack threw an arm over Ianto's shoulder and brought him closer, his hand sneaking into his partner's hair. The Captain froze when it felt stiff under his fingers.
"Do you need to do that all the time?" Jack asked as he felt the gel with his fingers and remembered how it had felt sometimes in the morning, soft like silk under his hands.
Ianto nodded seriously."It'd be messy and sticking otherwise."
"I like it when it's messy."
"I don't."
"You don't have to control everything about yourself, Ianto."
"Maybe not, but I want to."
Jack could sense the meaning of the dialogue, just beyond the surface, and it had nothing to do with hair gel.
"Not now, though, right?" Ianto gave him a curious look at that. "Let it go, okay? Just for tonight?"
Ianto's gaze softened and he nodded, returning his attention back to the movie. "Just for tonight."
"You just wait." Jack wrapped his arms around Ianto's neck loosely. "No one else knows that, and we'll break a lot of time/space rules if we tell them, but this ship is going to land in a year. We'll find a planet for all these people to live, then I'm going to find a way to fix this thing–" at that, he glanced at his wrist strap. "– and I'm going to show you everything. Or, as it turns out, you'll show me."
Ianto's face brightened again, just like that evening centuries ago, all discomfort replaced by the kind of excitement that was always contagious.
"There's so much I remember," he said, eyes flickering to all the stars he could see through the windscreen. "And so much I haven't seen yet."
"You will," Jack assured him as he felt the steady beating of Ianto's hearts under his touch and let himself be happy – truly, fully happy – for the first time in years. "You will."
