Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (wish I did), but anyway, don't own her or the rest of them, which includes Xander.

Season 4 Episode 4 Fear Itself-

Xander walkes up behind Buffy, noticing that she is dressed as Little Red Riding Hood, speaks in her ear.

"Hey Red, What you got in the basket, little girl?"

"Weapons."

"Oh," he replies, feeling foolish.

"Just in case."

. . .

As Buffy finishes putting a raw and sickening twist on pumpkin carving, Xander decides to announce . . .

"Okay, and on that happy note, I've got a treat for tomorrow night's second annual Halloween screening. People - prepare to have your spines tingled, your gooses bumped by the terrifying . . . Fantasia." He looks at the case. Okay I'm seeing things. "Fantasia?"

Oz speaks in his usual tone, "Maybe it's 'cause of all the horrific things we've seen, but, hippos wearing tutus just don't unnerve me the way they used to."

Xander crouches down next to Willow. "Phantasm. It was supposed to be Phantasm. Stupid video store." Stupid me, can't do anything right.

. . .

Oz listens to some horror sounds on a speaker. Noticing the sounds off a bit, with Xander looking at him,

"Sensing a disturbance in the force, Master?"

Oz responds, "Ah, left speaker's crackin' a little bit." He pulls out a knife. Xander making a joke, or at least trying too

"And you feel stabbing it's the proper solution?"

Season 6 Episode 7 Once More with Feeling-

Buffy enters the Magic Shop and Giles greets her. Willow questions Buffy about Dawn.

"Respect the cruller, and tame the doughnut!"

. . .

Buffy asks everyone, with hesitation in her voice, "Did anyone . . . last night did anyone . . . burst into song?"

The Scooby gang suddenly starts to have strange looks on their faces. Thank God, it wasn't just me.

"Merciful Zeus!"

. . .

'There's nothing we can't face . . . Except for bunnies'

Anya finishes singing. Xander sits down, a little shaky.

"Okay now that was disturbing."

Season 1 Episode 12 Prophecy Girl-

Xander and Angel were in the sewers trying to figure out which way Buffy went.

Angel started to head in one direction. Xander stares at Angel

"You were looking at my neck."

"What?"

"You were checking out my neck. I saw that."

Angel looks at him, trying to stop Xander's paranoia "No, I wasn't".

"Just keep your distance, pal."

"I wasn't looking at your neck." Angel walks away

Xander storms off after him "I told you to eat before we left."

Season 4 Episode 5 Beer Bad-

Xander had just found out that the beer he served Buffy was . . . how does he put this . . . enchanted? So now himself and Giles were walking down the hallway, headed to Buffy's room. With Giles lecturing him.

"I can't believe you served Buffy that beer.

"I didn't know it was evil." Why should I defend myself? I was just doing my job.

"You knew it was beer."

Like you never did worse. "Well, excuse me, Mister "I Spent the Sixties in an Electric Kool-Aid Funky Satan Groove."

"It was the early seventies and you should know better."

Season 2 Episode 13 Surprise-

Buffy had just left the library and Willow was talking about letting Cordelia know that Buffy's surprise party was cancelled. Just as they were passing Giles's office, he came out and said that they were still going to throw a party.

Xander and Willow turn around while Xander looks at him with a look of shock

"Looks like Mr. Caution Man, but the sound he makes is funny."