Jack slipped out of bed and shrugged on his favorite sweatshirt. The weather had turned, and the snow was on its way. Thanksgiving had been annoyingly warm, souring the whole holiday. Well, that was what he blamed it on. In reality, it was his first holiday without Sarah or Charlie and that had made the festive atmosphere around town hard to handle. His new family, SG-1 all seemed to be the anti-holiday types, but not enough so to be good commiseration partners. They just barely seemed to notice what was going on around them- especially Jack. They had their own ideas for how to spend their leave and none of them seemed to think about each other. Everyone just went their own way.
Carter had coyly disappeared for the long weekend claiming to visit her brother and his family, Jackson had shrugged the entire premise of the holiday off sighting the historical fallacy of the celebration and plus he'd never been a big fan of turkey anyway (Jack knew the kid well enough not to even try to use football to get him to participate), and Teal'c had no idea what the holiday was, to begin with. The jaffa had, at least, been game for attending the base Thanksgiving dinner with Jack. There was nothing more pathetic than an officer without a dinner date.
But Christmas.
Christmas was going to be a different story. Jack was determined to make the holiday happen. A proper Christmas. There would be a tree, and presents, and eggnog, and stockings, and cookies, and a fire in the fire place, and dammit a family would be there if he had to drag each and every one of them kicking and screaming to his house. And he wasn't above a little manipulation to make it happen.
He wasn't worried about it happening the exact day of, so if Carter wanted family time they'd schedule around her. Once the convenient excuses were out of the way, it would be easy to wear them down.
He had started working on Teal'c at Thanksgiving and had gotten his interest piqued.
And he could always just tell Daniel to shut up if he started in on fallacies and historical inaccuracies.
As Jack made his way into the kitchen he started breakfast on auto pilot and began planning the logistics of the holiday. He could probably talk Teal'c into the more mundane aspects: tree schlepping, getting boxes out of storage…. Or maybe he'd get new decorations this year. Make a fresh start. Besides, Sarah may have taken most of it anyway.
Coffee made, he sat down to a bowl of Lucky Charms and found some scratch paper and a pen to make his list. By the time he finished eating he was more excited than he expected to be about the coming month. Channeling his inner nerd, he mentally divided his list into sub-sections: what he could do now by himself, what he'd need Teal'c to help with, and what he'd leave for the end when he'd gotten everyone to agree to what he had decided would be a new team tradition.
He didn't quite remember his drive in, but he somehow drove through town and to the mountain without really knowing how he did it. He hadn't even turned on the radio, he realized when he pushed the button to turn it off- but turned it on instead. Once he made it down into the SGC- past NORAD, and into the top-secret base… also without really knowing what he was doing, he was ready to report a detailed schedule and time frame for the entire thing. It was time to put his plan into action.
If we wanted to start this new tradition, he needed to start by pinning down a date everyone could get together. Carter was the only one who seemed to have any sort of personal life, so he started with her. As easily predicted she was in her lab poking at some new alien device trying to get it to do something. He wasn't sure what the oblong do-hickey was supposed to do, but by the look on Carter's face, it wasn't doing it.
"Magic not working?" he asked, announcing his presence.
"Something's not working," she said not looking up. "Uh, sir," she added sparing him a glance.
It was a good thing Jack was a laid back non-uppity CO or else Carter would get in major trouble for ignoring him. Or, maybe she felt comfortable ignoring him because he was so laid back. He was the cool CO on the base. The dad that let the kids eat cake and ice cream for dinner and stay up late playing video games. It always gave him a bit of a chuckle when one of his subordinates snarked at him or sarcastically zinged him in front of other teams, the look of momentary terror on people's faces when they were sure they were about to witness someone get court marshalled was hilarious. The follow-up looks, relief and envy, were fun, too. He liked running a relaxed team. And, most importantly, SG-1 got the job done. They were the best of the best. They worked hard. And this year they would Christmas hard. He just needed to get them all on board.
"I would like to plan a team night," Jack started, beginning the process of competing for Carter's attention. "Teal'c enjoyed Thanksgiving, but I think to give him a real Tau'ri Christmas we need to get him off base. So, I volunteer my place."
"That sounds good, sir." Carter still didn't look up.
"I'd like you to be there. Nothing formal or fancy, just the normal team dinner with a Christmas tree, a gift exchange, maybe."
"Sure, I'll bring the eggnog." She turned to her computer and typed away, frowning.
"Got a date in mind?" he asked.
"A date?" she stopped what she was doing and looked at him, surprised. "I thought this was an SG-1 only thing."
"Not a date, Carter," Jack rolled his eyes. "A date. A day of the year on which to attend the event in questions. I am seeking your input as to when to host the shindig."
"Oh," she blushed a little and busied herself with a stack of already neatly piled loose papers. "I'm flexible. I don't have any plans, really."
"No dinner with your brother and his family?"
"They're going to his wife's family's place in Iowa."
"And not even a pity invite for Auntie Sam?"
"I got the invite, but Iowa is a bit far. And Daniel and I were talking…." She trailed off.
"You and Daniel?" Jack asked, surprised. He'd heard the rumors around the base but didn't see it. Sure, sometimes they were attached at the hip, but it was more a familial relationship. They were the two smartest people on base, the only ones capable of keeping up with each other. It was no wonder they sought each other out when they got tired of trying to bridge the intellectual chasm between them and the rest of the base.
"No, not… we weren't planning anything private," Carter assured him, rushing defending her platonic friendship. "We were just thinking of getting together to mark the day. Really, we were thinking of proposing exactly what you are, sir. We just hadn't gotten around to telling anyone."
"Ah," Jack nodded. That made sense. "Well, don't let me steal your thunder."
"You've gotten much further in planning that we have," Carter insisted. "We just came up with the idea last night."
"Last night?"
"We ran into each other in the mess," she hurried to explain. It was mean, but Jack was having fun watching her squirm at the implications. "I didn't know he was still here until I saw him. We felt bad about bailing on your Thanksgiving idea and…"
Jack put up a hand to stop her torture. He may have been a bit mopier than he intended when he got the news they weren't interested in turkey and dressing. "I'm just giving you a hard time, Carter. What you and Dannyboy do off the clock is none of my business. But I do recommend that you maybe get off base when you're off the clock. All work and all that."
"Yessir," Carter nodded.
"As a matter of fact. I insist that tonight you leave on time and go home and do whatever it is you science-y types do to relax. Go out with the girls. Read a book. Watch a movie with subtitles. Just don't let me find out you crashed here, got it?"
"Yessir."
"Good. Now I'm going to leave you to your thing-a-ma-jig so you can get all the work out of your system."
He nodded curtly, turned on his heel and left her in peace. Jack wasn't sure what it was about Carter, but sometimes, in the right light, she made him feel like a kid again. He wanted to get her to laugh, or blush, or do that thing where she grinned, bit her lip and tucked her hair behind her ear. That was the best look. He'd always been one to appreciate an attractive woman, not that the appreciation ever urged him to be unfaithful to Sarah, but now that he had the opening he wasn't sure what to do with it. It was like when he was a teenager. He knew he liked girls. He could tell when they were pretty. He could even usually tell with a good bit of accuracy when they liked him back. But he never knew what to do after that. Sarah made the first move back in his college days. He'd always liked that about her, her forwardness. Her blunt nature. He hadn't realized how rare that was until he found himself looking for it again. Jack had no idea what he would do if he ever found another woman like Sarah, he didn't want to admit it to himself, but he'd probably just tease her like a little boy with a crush. That next step was a big one. Plus, he was way too old to go down that path again.
He was still reminiscing about Sarah and trying to push Carter out of his mind- she kept popping up uninvited- when he exited the elevator. He rounded the corner and found Teal'c had beaten him to Daniel's office. Daniel was hunched over a chunk of stone on his table squinting through a magnifying glass at it while Teal'c sat calmly at the desk pen poised over a piece of paper.
"He'tak…me…shi'in," Daniel said and Teal'c wrote. "He'tak...me…kol, maybe? Rin?"
"Does it not say He'tak me shi'in. He'tak me va'li, Daniel Jackson?" Teal'c asked in the most calmly condescending tone Jack had ever heard in his life. And if anyone deserved to be condescended to it was Jackson.
"Does it?" Daniel asked leaning in closer. "How do you know?"
"It is a well-known declaration of Apophis, an oath of power that he declared many times to his jaffa before sending them to battle."
Daniel's shoulders slumped as he straightened. "How long ago did you realize that's what this was?" he asked.
"I, in fact, recognized the speech as we began. I heard it many times as his First Prime. I once even gave the speech in his stead."
"That was hours ago, Teal'c."
"Many hours indeed."
"Why didn't you just tell me you knew it?"
"I think I can answer that one," Jack broke into the conversation. "I am pretty sure you just got pranked jaffa style. Good one, Teal'c."
Teal'c bowed his head in recognition of Jack's compliment. Daniel took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes, defeated.
"Is it lunch time already, Jack?" Daniel asked, putting his glasses back on and looking at the clock.
"No, just came to see what you were up to."
"Wasting time, apparently," he grumbled.
"Be a good sport," Jack scolded him. "Other cultures have different sensibilities when it comes to humor. What's funny to us isn't necessarily funny to them. The concept of humor is universal, but the jokes are not."
Daniel blinked a few times, taken off guard. Jack shrugged his shoulders innocently. It always seemed to surprise Daniel when Jack said something that proved that he did, indeed, listen to him. Just because he wasn't interested in what the kid had to say didn't mean he didn't listen to him. All that jabbering filed itself away in the darkest, nerdiest corner of Jack's mind so he could use it against the man that jabbered it at him in the first place.
"It's only polite to accept the joke in good humor," Jack added sagely, just for good measure.
Shaking it off, Daniel put down the magnifying glass and turned off the bright desk lamp.
"Anyway," Jack continued. "I have come by to let you know that while I let you duck out on the great American tradition of Thanksgiving-"
"They have Thanksgiving in Canada, too," Daniel cut in.
"Ahem, as I was saying," he shot him a look. "I am not going to let you duck out on Christmas. And before you try to babble your way out of it, I have already spoken with Carter and know that you two had something up your sleeve that I'm not entirely sure you were planning on sharing with the class. Nevertheless, it's a done deal we are doing Christmas as a team, at my place, day of. So, don't make any plans."
"I am quite curious about the traditions of this holiday," Teal'c said. "I have seen many programs about this day on television and they are quire contradictory as to the origin and meaning of the celebrations."
"Don't!" Jack cut Daniel off before he could say anything. "It's about food and presents and eggnog. Other than that, I'm sure Dr. Jackson will be happy to talk your ear off about it."
. . . . . . . . . . . .
All day, as he breezed through his paperwork and finalized a few reports, Jack couldn't keep Christmas off his mind. He was getting excited about it. The last two years had been hard, terrible even, making him want to hide at home, in his den with a bottle of whiskey and his memories. This year, he was determined to make new and happy memories. He was so fixated on new ideas and a list of things to make sure he still had (or if he'd left them at the house with Sarah) he had to read Carter's mission report three times before he finally felt like he could approve it in good conscience. It usually took him two reads to make sure he fully understood what science had happened on the mission. She rarely got bogged down in the details, but she always included every scrap of relevant information. Jack preferred Teal'c's reports. They were always short, concise, to the point and easy to sign off on. If he was being honest he only ever really skimmed Daniel's long winded academic paper style reports. The kid added footnotes and citations of previous reports of his own and even other teams.
Outwardly, he teased Daniel, ordering him to get a life and dragging him out to the bar a couple times a week to get him out off base and out of his apartment. Inwardly, he knew exactly what Daniel was doing; he was using work as a distraction from the pain and loneliness. If he worked himself to exhaustion the dreams were less vivid, the pain less omnipresent, and he may even manage to forget for a few brief moments and let himself be happy. Jack knew what it was like to abruptly find himself alone after putting all his energy into building a family. He knew what the ache and emptiness did to you when you were alone with your thoughts.
Maybe that was why he was so loyal and protective of his pet geek- Daniel and supported Jack by happenstance, gave him the cool, detached understanding he'd needed at the time. He was the first person to tell Jack that he was allowed his feelings and however it wanted to handle it himself was fine, but under no circumstances was he allowed to take others down with him. Jack didn't remember exactly what it was Daniel had said to him that day on Abydos, but he remembered the feeling it gave him. He was forgiven his grief but held accountable for his actions. For what he had done to Sarah. He had come home from what had been a suicide mission determined to make up for what he'd done to her. To make up for shutting her out and emotionally abandoning her. But it was too late. The damage was beyond repair and the only thing he had been able to do was give her what she needed. Her space. Her life. Her happiness.
Now it was his turn to give Daniel what he needed: a friend and a little bit of family. Anything he needed to keep the kid from following him down the path of self-destruction and the darkness. He wasn't as good at words and feelings as Daniel was, after all the kid was a trained wordsmith and empathizer- he'd been studying words and their meanings for as long as Jack had been in the Air Force, but he knew the right buttons to push to get him out of his own head and make him laugh. And, contrary to popular rumor, he was capable of being quiet and listening when the situation called for it.
Jack just wished he had learned how to do that when it really counted. For Sarah. If he had learned how to listen to Charlie and communication better with him instead of losing his temper…
Jack shook his head and closed the file in front of him. He checked his watch, he'd been doing paperwork in the mess for three and a half hours. His coffee was cold, his cereal was hot, and it was basically time for lunch. He stood up, tossed his tray and took his files. SG-1 would probably start wandering in and he wasn't in the mood to pretend to be excited and happy.
With no missions scheduled for the week and no artifacts to poke and prod Jack was a bit at loose ends. He had work to do, sure, but personnel reviews and triplicate forms didn't seem like a good use of his time. He headed to the gym to take a few swings at the old sandbag and see where that got him. Clear his head a little. And if that didn't work, he'd make himself scarce and hide out in the officer's club. He wasn't actively shirking his duty- he was just taking an interpersonal day. Putting in some facetime. Pretending to care what the other SG teams were up to. And probably fending off offers for trades for Carter and Jackson. Everyone had thought he was crazy at first. Hammond let him have the pick of the litter for his team and he had insisted on a pilot/scientist, a civilian, and an alien. Now the other team leaders kept trying to copy his winning formula drafting geologists and engineers to round out their numbers, but no one could quite do it. Bottled beer was good and did the trick, but you'd never find one that tasted like the real deal straight from the tap in a chilled glass. Give him three identical beers in identical glasses and he could tell you which came from a bottle, which came from a can, and which was on tap. SG-1 was the perfect pull from a tap and everything else was a perfectly good but not quite the same substitution.
. . . . . . . . . . . . .
After a long day of seeing and being seen and even a few hours of actual work, Jack made it home with the spring back in his step. He had refined his list over the course of the day and was ready to really get rolling on this thing. He gobbled down some cold Chinese takeout leftovers for dinner and went down into the basement to take inventory of what he had. He was pretty sure he hadn't bought any decorations since moving out of the house, but he couldn't properly remember if he'd brought any with him. Moving out of the house had happened so quickly and suddenly that what he did and didn't pack up wasn't very concrete in his memory.
Jack had no intention of digging through every box in the basement, but he wanted to at least be able to say he looked before he went on a shopping spree. The first few boxes were basically junk he wasn't sure why he had kept, but at the same time, he wasn't really interested in getting rid of it now, either. But in the fifth box, right on top was something he didn't remember taking at all. Something that hit him in the gut with a force much stronger than anything he'd been hit with in years.
Holding it gently in his hands, he sat down on the floor and cried.
