So I'm back! Reviews have mentioned how my story should be longer, or things that don't make sense. I've decided to rewrite "A Need to be Thinner." I plan on the rewrite having over 15 chapters. I actually like the rewrite a lot better than the original so far! Please read and review and I'll try my best to update soon!

-Rin POV-

Rain sped down my window, like every droplet racing to the bottom. They jump off the windowsill, making that one jump to change life. I'd tell them to stop, but that would be hypocritical. One day I would like to do the same. More water drops would jump from the clouds, thinking life's better down here. It's not. These poor clouds would cry their eyes out, and I let tears emerge with them. Almost everyday there was some sort of rain, almost everyday I cried some sort of cry. I watched every little tear drop reach the mud, and my tears drop to my wooden desk. A nock on my door snaps me out of my observing mode. "Hey Rin! Dinner is ready!" It was my sister, Gumi passing by. I rubbed my hand against the rough texture of my desk, and wobbled out of my chair. I stared at my fat stomach, and swallow even the slightest of a positive comment. No food. I didn't need food. I never ate. But I always went to the dining room anyways.

Everyday it got harder to go down the stairs. I'd struggle to reach the bottom, just to see a table full of reasons to be guilty. I slip into the chair in the corner of the table. The one little spot that doesn't get the light from the dangling chandelier. Gumi would sit on the left side, and Kaito right beside her. My mom would sit at the head of the table, and the spot closest to me was always empty. My father, Rinto (who I was named after), used to sit there. But one day, he walked out the door, and never came back. I did follow after him, for someday I wished to walk off a cliff and never come back. Kaito and Gumi giggled, making stupid jokes like they always did. My mom would chime in every now and then to burst into laughter as well. Gumi and Kaito were always so close, they were only a year apart. I, on the other hand, was 14, four years younger than Gumi and five than Kaito. My mom paid attention to her favorite children, and I was actually sort of glad. I didn't want her to see her pathetic daughter starve herself and slowly fall apart. They laughed with joy that I could not reach, as I stared out into the grey skies. The crying clouds, screaming thunder, and furious lightning, no one ever thought much of them. They were practically just shrugged of like grass in our everyday life. No matter how hard the try, no one will answer their desperate calls for help. I'd try, but I was merely just a speck of unimportance in a galaxy of beautiful others. "So do you like it?" Kaito called out to me, snapping me out of my delusional thoughts. I raised my eyebrow, I wasn't listening. "The meatloaf!" My mother finished. "Oh, uh... Yeah!" I said, letting off a fake smile. "Oh Rinny! Haha! You're adorable!" Kaito squealed, rocking in his seat. I moved the meat around with my fork. The smell mocked me. I could only imagine how great it must've tasted. I could've seen for myself, but I was to busy letting my stomach throw a fit. They all continue to laugh and I force a shameful little 'heehee' between my teeth. I stared back out the window, how could they have ever laughed at a world so cruel? Gumi flicked a pea at me, which hit me in the shoulder, "Hey! Do you want to come to the mall with Kaito and I?" I shrugged, "I guess." She lets out an excited squeak. "Hey! You can bring Len with us!" Kaito grins, showing off his pearly white teeth. My heart starts beating just a bit faster with the thought of Len. He was my best friend since 3rd grade, and still was. I nod and stare at the ground trying to hide the little flush of red that arouse in my cheeks. He never judged me. He knew when to stop teasing, when enough was enough. I pushed out my chair and silently said, "I'll ask." Gumi and Kaito grinned as I slowly limped upstairs. As I got closer to the top, I heard my family below start talking about me, but I was to sore to walk back down there.

Once in my room, I picked up my white iPhone. I scrolled down my list of five contacts:

Gumi

Kaito

Mom

Police

Lenie

I clicked on Lens number and anxiously waited as it rang. Finally, after three long buzzing moments, he picked up the phone. "Hey there Rin!" he answered with his bubbly voice. "Hi," I replied quietly, "D-do you want to go to the mall with Gumi, Kaito, and me?" The line was a bit silent as he probably asks his mom, then he chirped, "Yeah! What time?" I bit the inside of my lip, "I don't know... Just text Gumi later or something." "Okay!" He giggled and hung up. Those 5 seconds on the phone with Len were the highlight of my week. I plopped down on my bed and stared up at the ceiling. Why couldn't I be his, and only his? I sighed and walked over to the scale in the corner of my room. 71.4 pounds, that was so fat for a 14 year old. I ran out into the hall and nocked on my moms door. "Mom, I'll be in the shower!" I fake smiled and giggled with the best bubbly voice I could do. She replied, "Okay!" I stuck my hands in the pockets of my sweatpants and caressed my finger around the razor and locked myself into the bathroom.

You never know what true horror is till your staring at the image reflecting back at you in the mirror. I took out my blade and kissed it in the mirror image. At first, I would fear pieces of metal that sharp, but now they were my closest friend. It started with just a simple scratch across my wrist, but advanced going onto deep cuts, perfectly capable of leaving scars. Sometimes the artist in me would come out, and I would paint with the red fluid of my veins or cut a picture into my legs. I liked showing people my watercolor paintings, but I would never show them the blood painted on my body. I sat it the bathtub and let the water turn blood red. The figure of my legs was surrounded by red like the sun is surrounded by solar flares. I sunk my hand into the water and lifted it like I was sifting for gold. Instead of sand or muck covered in bits of tiny gold, my hand brought up water mixed with blood. It scared me of what I could do to myself. I would be afraid that I would do it to someone else. But to be honest, I could never hurt someone like this. Even if it was for the better. When I thought my cuts had stopped bleeding enough, I drained the stained water from the tub. I wrapped the towel around me and shoved my weapon into my dirty clothes, taking them along with me. I slammed my bedroom door behind me and face planted into the bed. My breaths went at a steady, slow rate, mixing with the dust in my bedspread. My body was sore all the way out. I never expected my self harm to get that far. I guess I deserved it though. My very existence was such a burden or monster to people.

I know monsters are things only children believed in, but I came to accept that they are real. They weren't always visible monsters such as Bigfoot. No. They were inside us. They tore us apart from the inside, eating at every hope or dream. Some people could tame their monster, only a few were left with it. I wasn't strong enough to even slightly harm it. I was slowly being torn apart and nobody knew. But if someone did know, they probably wouldn't care.