Oh hello loves!
If you're just joining us here in the Love Letters series, check out my profile for Love Letters To My Unborn Child, the first part. Or I guess you could just keep reading and be reallllyyy confused *shrug* maybe you want to.
To everyone else.
I'm so sorry that this is AN ENTIRE 24 HOURS LATE! Their was a huge storm in my town and, living in a very wooded area, the tress surrounding my neighborhood decided to very kindly fall…on our power and cable lines. So….now I'm at my moms house where the trees were a lot nicer! So that's my excuse…
Still shouting out to the lovers of Name! ImmortalDarkPassion and Junior Pirate!
Now thanks for Love Letters!
Black Diamond07- "Great angst!" I love it! People should use that word more often…Thanks!
Sheila Chiaroscura- Wowy thanks! That first quote you liked was actually what my friend contributed without knowing. She'll be happy to know you liked it XD
xX-LadypersoN-Xx - …Hope you like the cookies!
Samantha Eleanor Lestrange - Why thank you love. Hope you think the next parts are as awesome as this one!
Lovely - Awwww. You made me cry too =) I'm so glad you liked the story so much!
Sweenylovett101- Thanks for the 10 love! Sorry you almost died! Don't forget to e-mail meeeeee!
Burma- Well thanks new reader! I always love to see the people who read all of the story in one sitting! XD
Enjoy the beginning of part two!
August 19th
Not writing anything was killing me.
I know it sounds odd and foolish, but it's true.
I've gotten over the worst of it, I suppose. The worst of the depression. The worst of the tears. The worst of that awful feeling in the pit of my stomach that I can't do anything to fix the situation I somehow find myself in. The worst of the sitting in the parlor and staring at the wall for hours and hours on end. It's all I was doing before I picked up this old notebook.
It's empty, as in, not the same notebook I was using.
I know I'd said I would burn it. But clutching it over the fire, the flames almost licking my skin, I couldn't simply let the only bit I ever had of my daughter turn to embers like I didn't care at all? I don't want to forget about you…just forget about what happened to you.
Is that too much to ask?
Anyway, I can't very well call these love letters to my unborn child anymore …can I?
Hm…
Then…love letters to my departed daughter…as much as it hurts to write to you and know you'll never see it, it hurts more to think that you simply wouldn't of cared how I feel.
So much has happened and I wish you were just here to help me through it!
So, what drags me to this notebook?
I'm not positive…except for someone to talk to…cause the days are longer and darker and lonelier without the sound of footsteps up above my head…
So I'll write these letters, still, to you, cause sometimes I can still hear you.
Every time I hear a child cry, every time I hear an innocent laugh.
And sometimes I can still feel you.
Every time the wind tickles my hair against my face, like it's your tiny fingers. And every tear that falls might just be you…crying for your mum.
Instead of your mum crying for you.
Love letters to my departed daughter.
Departed, but still here somehow…
My heart can't simply just let you go, now can it?
No matter how much I miss you…and how often I cry over your grave that doesn't exist…like you never even existed…
Ugh!
I hate sitting here and just writing about how horrible life is - just wallowing in utter pity.
It's been three months and eight days now since I lost you.
And it's been ten days now since Mr. Barker walked out of my life.
Well…not walked out…more like was forcefully driven out…and then Lucy…and Johanna now with that horrible man. I want to take back every horrible thing that I've ever wished upon that woman…it seemed to have all been misdirected to the man I love…I don't really want to think about it all, truthfully.
Oh, goodness…I gotta get out of this hell hole…
I'm sick of waking up every morning to this empty room and this hollow shop and the haunting stairs up to where the Barker's used to reside.
I'm tiered of walking around the shop every morning to see yet another rainy sky and yet another customerless day.
The emptiness inside me burns through all of me, consuming all of me. I feel it like a fire in my heart.
I had so much love to give…
It's that hollow hole that you left when you never came back in that midwife's arms. It's dug deeper and deeper every time I go to sleep and I see that in my dreams - it plays over and over again, as if it's you, wanting me to remember you forever.
The scars are fresh and ruby covered! Deep, and…
…all in my head…
And the only reason they're even still here is because day in and day out this bloody place brings thoughts of you back and jabs into the wounds deeper.
Goodness, I've got to get out of here!
I'm so sick and tiered of all of this!
I can't bloody stand it!
Seeing your tiny body in every shadow or bundle of sheets on my bed.
Hearing you cry, always in the next room over - always just out of reach.
Desiring you to be in that empty cradle every morning when I wake up. And for that one swift moment before I open my eyes, when I think you could actually be there, before reality catches up harshly and fast, .
Wanting you here.
Needing you here.
I can't bloody stand it!
So that's it then!
That's the final straw.
Goodbye Fleet Street!
Goodbye London!
Goodbye the shadows and crying and empty cradle, I leave you all behind!
I pack tonight, I leave tonight, that's it!
Finally, the light at the end of the tunnel.
Nothing has a hold on me here anymore, nothing is tied to my bloody ankles keeping me down…I don't care where I end up, I just want out.
Goodbye and good riddance!
Well look at it this way! Since I updated late, you only have to wait six days for the next chapter!
And there's actually only two chapters to this part! So the next part will be the last!
I so very much love your reviews!
