There was a secret that was just between the two of them. They had only been able to accomplish it once before...

After that, well, it was no longer possible.

None the less, every year since, he had returned with a gift, just so that her memory would never be forgotten. And the gifts remained in the same place year-round, never opened- under a tree that he never took down.

That first year without her had been horrible. They had boxed the tree and decorations up after that first year. It took them as long to tear it down as it did to put it up. They continued to stop due to...ahem, distractions...due to desires. That had been the best week he could remember having...ever. But, without her, it took even longer to put everything up. He kept having to stop- his heart hurt to know that he was there, decorating their tree without her.

That was when he began to truly umderstand how widows felt (putting aside the fact that he and Bri had never been married).

He wondered if she even remembered it- or if she even knew (on the chance that she really was a Cerberus clone and not the real one).

It didn't really matter.

It was a memory he would always treasure.

He always arrived on the twenty-second of December (in the evening), just as they had done that first year. That first night, he would do nothing more than drink beer and change the holo-windows to snow (the sandy planet didn't really lend itself to a holiday feeling). He remained depressed the entire visit, but that first day was the worse.

They had arrived a little late in the day, but they had every intention of putting up the tree- their tree (they had stopped and bought one on their way to Intai'sei). Of course, that idea hadn't lasted long.

Kaidan walked over to the terminal next to the windows after he sat down the boxes and programed the windows to show snow. Shepard had walked over to him and took his hand as she watched the snow.

"Now all we need is some wine, a fire, and chocolate."

"What are you talking about Brianna?" he laughed, letting her hand go so he could pull her into his arms.

She leaned her head back so she could look at him. "You know, from the old vids. There'd be snow and the couple would snuggle up in front of a fire with glasses of red wine- the chocolate is optional. With the chocolate, they would feed each other chocolates while they shared sweet nothings or talked about small, trivial things...couple things."

He smiled and kissed her forehead. It was still great to hear her call them a couple. Eventually, he'd work up the nerve to tell her that he loved her. "We could do that," he murmured.

She turned around in his arms and wrapped her arms around his neck and brought his head down so she could whisper in his ear, "Or we could skip the fire and chocolate and go straight to the wine and sex." Her voice purred seductively in his ear.

He pulled back enough to kiss her. "Sex tonight," he murmured against her lips, "Tree tomorrow."

The first night was always hard, but it didn't get any easier. So, he stopped for a few boxes of beer (it was always a rough week) and a box of the red wine that she liked.

There was two other untouched boxes of the wine at the house. It was a tradition after all.

Christmas had been their first real shore leave together- they had made promises of mofre (and not just Christmas), but they only managed the one.

And, for that reason, he had Christmas forever off, just so he could go home and be alone with her memory.

They had promised, after all.

He, at least, would be home for Christmas.