Love and Hotdogs

This is a parody of all those stupid fics where Harry and Hermione see each other after x-number of years, suddenly fall in love/confess their love, and live happily ever after. If those fics fill you with a warm, happy feeling, then leave. Now. Or, better yet, start your flamethrower. You'll probably have cause to use it.

Disclaimer: If I owned Harry Potter, everyone would be running around in sombreros. Be glad I don't.

And remember, if I sound like I'm making fun of you specifically, well, that says more about you than it does about me.


"Harry!"

Hermione pushed through the crowded train station to the bench where her friend was sitting. He turned at the sound of her voice, his jade-green eyes lighting up as he saw her.

"Hermione!" Harry stood up and embraced her in a way that was a little more than friendly. "Oh, man, I haven't seen you in what? Ten years?"

"7.125 years," Hermione corrected, suddenly businesslike. Then she grinned. "I've missed you, Harry."

"I've missed you too. How've you been?"

"Oh, fine. I have a very successful job that will have no bearing on the plot of this story, so the authoress didn't have to make it specific."

Harry blinked confusedly. "What?" Hermione shrugged.

"Never mind. Like I said, it won't affect anything. What's been going on with you?" Harry looked even more confused than he had before.

"Actually, I don't know. No one even bothered to give me a past. As far as I can tell, I've been sitting in limbo for the past 7.125 years, only to be incarnated on this (slightly uncomfortable) bench and fall in love with you."

"WHAT??" Hermione blushed a furious red.

"It's true. I've tried to forget you for all these years, but I just can't! Oh, Hermione! I love you so! Run away into the sunset with me, so the authoress doesn't have to write a wedding scene!" Harry stood on his bench as he proclaimed this at the top of his lungs, although his eyes told a different story. They held a fear that only comes with losing control of your body.

Hermione, who truly wanted to be happy that he felt as she did, instead began to cry.

"Hermione! What's wrong?" Harry sounded genuinely concerned for her.

"Oh, Harry, I love you too, although I never realized it until just now!"

"Then why the tears?"

"I- oh, Harry-I'm.I'm married."

"MARRIED?? To who?" Just then, Ron Weasley appeared out of nowhere, clutching a chili-cheese hotdog.

"Oh, Hermione, there you are. I've been looking all over for you," Ron panted.

"Ron? You married RON? Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't think it was important. It's not, really, as far as this story is concerned. Besides, I thought that he'd catch up with me right away, and then we'd have told you together."

Ron snorted. "Did you SEE the line at the hotdog stand? I was lucky to get my hotdog before it fossilized." He proceeded to snarf the aforementioned 'dog.

"Harry, I'm so sorry!"

"Why? If we just ignore him, he'll disappear. Then we can be together, my love."

And, indeed, Ron seemed to be a . His hotdog, however,was still very solid.

As the authoress decided to end the story, Harry was seized by a fit of passion. He kissed Hermione full on the lips. She kissed him back, suddenly as passionate as he.

They locked lips for a long time, and when they were finished, they walked hand-in-hand into the sunset, which had somehow materialized in the train station.

One Ronald Weasley faded completely out of sight. After all, he was no longer a part of the story. His half-eaten chili-cheese 'dog fell to the floor with a splat.


Review! Flames are welcome, and will be used to light the fuses of bombs which have mysteriously replaced various quidditch balls.