-

She hadn't called.

No call, no message, no sign, no nothing.

He had left messages. About 20.

So wasted now when he thinks about it.

What was the point? She had made herself clear before he left.

Everything he wants, and it's just out of reach. He has no control over it. And he is left feeling useless.

How frustrated, discouraged, inadequate, hopeless, he doesn't even want to begin to measure.

Its fucked.

-

Seth was downstairs at the kitchen picking aimlessly apart his bagel as Ryan walked in. He walked right to the fridge taking out the juice, shaking it, realising there was only a mouth full left he drank the rest straight from the bottle. He looked over at Seth, seeing him totally in his own world.

"Hey Seth. You gonna get ready for school?"

Seth carried on picking mindlessly at his bagel. "I really don't want to go to school today."

"Mmm." Ryan took a seat next to Seth.

That's all the prodding Seth needed. "Its messed up. The weekend has passed, and nothing."

"Its not all bad."

"Yeah well, it's hard to look at the good, when the bad swarms on everything."

"Yea I get ya."

"Do you reckon that maybe she has had the time, mulled it over, spent some time with her dad, talked about it, explained everything and maybe, just maybe, we can't still have something?" he looked up at Ryan, an earnest expression.

Ryan didn't have the heart to deflate his. He knew that if Summer had any uncertainty, she would have at least called. Her undetermined soon to be maybe ex in Las Vagas for a bachelor party somewhat free to do as he will? That at least warrants a call.

"Who knows buddy? Girls work in mysterious ways." He tried and hope it came out sincerely.

"Amen to that. Especially Summer. She's their poster child."

Ryan laughed. Even though Seth was so hurt and angry, he couldn't even pull off a decent angered scented comment about Summer. She still had that much control over him.

"What's the good though?" Seth asked after a moment.

Ryan looked at him questioningly. "What you talking about?"

"If its not all bad….then what's the good. Cause I am really struggling to see any goodness around."

Ryan nodded glumly. "Yeah I hear ya."

"Lets just get to school, see where we end up at the end of today."

"Deal?"

"Deal"

-

He had survived the first three classes and first break. But they were Summer-less classes. And they surprisingly whistled passed quicker then he realised. It seemed like it was cramming to finally reach the point. The evanescent deadline.

For first break he just disappeared. Blended into the background. Moulded into scenery, unheard, unwatched, unseen. The usual.

But class four. This class wasn't Summer-less. Biology. He loved biology, cherished it actually. His favourite subject. But now he was loathing it.

Both tastes due to her.

He only came to realise lately that a lot of tastes were due to her. Those seemingly minor tastes, the ones that you don't seem to care much about, but in numbers, when reminiscing, actually mean quite a lot.

He waits childishly in a spare room waiting for the halls to empty. He doesn't need – want to deal with this people. As last remnants of students scurried to their classes he journeyed on to his, slowly trudging his way there.

His mantra, "Confidence Cohen, there's still hope." Say and repeat.

Three steps away and Summer appears from behind the class room door.

And it begins…

"Ohh." It escaped from Summer's mouth. She wished it didn't. "Hey." It was hollow.

He heard the tone in Summer's "Ohh." It was surprised and he wasn't sure whether he heard trepidation or imagined it.

"Hey." Was all he replied. He didn't want to start the conversation.

Summer took him all in. It had only been a weekend but his changes were year like. His body language spoke confident but all she read was solemness. She looked up to meet his eyes, giving an empty smile. She tried to give a meaning full smile but hasn't been able to give anything more of late.

She was trying tirelessly of something to think of, but everything just seemed off. Now she understood what Seth meant when he said she does that too him. She sighed at that thought. It still flattered her.

The silent moment was stretching too long. Just roll with something.

"So I hear your Grandfather got into a brawl with Jimmy." She ended up going with the off topic – let's prance around it for a while and see where you're at first approach.

"Yeah." He looked down smiling slightly. He knew what she was doing. "Who knew that things would end up like that? I'm pretty sure that back in the day, grandpa once tried to get Jimmy to marry my mum. Weird huh."

She awkwardly smiled back, relieved that he wasn't going to push it like before he left to Vegas. That was a very unpleasant time.

"I hear Vegas does that to people."

"Mmm." Confidence Cohen, there's still hope.

She let her tongue roll around the back of her front two teeth of her closed mouth. She was starting to burn up. Seth hardly replied. She clenched her jaw tighter for a second. He was looking for closure, one way of the other.

But her mind wasn't concentrating on that at the moment. She was wondering what he got up to in Vegas. She had been for the whole weekend. Her mind was definitely not playing nice. She knew Seth wouldn't do anything, right? I mean they just sort of broke up hours before he went. Seth's not like that. He wouldn't do that to her right?

But he had been angry and hurt, practically fuming when they talked, when he told her he was going to go for the bachelor party. She remembered his reaction when she acted so nonchalant about the whole deal. How he didn't care that a few people where starting to look at them. The ways he still displayed his feelings to her, even though she was being a cold bitch. How his emotions escalated during their talk.

And he clearly indicated that something may just happen while he was up there.

But he's Seth. He's too innocent and sweet to get with a hooker. Or even a stripper. Right? But what about some random hussy who was vacationing too…

She returned her apprehensive gaze up to his eyes. "So how did you like Vegas?" She was dreading his answer real bad.

He kept eye contact before sighing, lowering his gaze. "What do you want to know?" he breathed out.

She sheepishly laughed trying to act naive to what he going on about. "Nothing. Just, you know, how your trip was." She bit lightly on the left side of her tongue as she felt a wave of heat rising through her body. "You get up or down at the tables? Cause I remember you being quite lucky."

He was starting to lose his composure. Confidence Cohen, there's still hope.

"Well, I consider myself to be quite lucky, but I'm not really a gambler." He soo wanted to add, "But I managed to get you, even if it was for a while. And from recent happenings, I think I'm all out of luck." But he restrained.

"We, umm, well we, I guess you can say we walked out of Vegas a little down, but there's no shame."

Summer raised an eyebrow. "Really? Looks like you got some story's." She cringed at her thoughts. She bit her bottom lip as the next sentence crossed her mind, and she just couldn't not. "Care to share?"

She knew she shouldn't have asked. She knew she shouldn't have even thought about asking. But that bratty, wanting, prying child inside just had to know.

She had asked Marissa what she could get out of Ryan, but they had their own shit to worry about.

He looked blankly at her, in an are you serious manner. He blinked a few times before sardonically saying, "I'm sorry, what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas."

His composure was really starting to falter. He couldn't believe her. So what, she was going to act like everything was all good? Like they were gossiping friends.

Confidence Cohen, there's still hope.

She played with her hands. "Okay then…"

And the clichéd awkward silence ensued.

After the few moments, she realised that he wasn't going to say anything. She sucked in her bottom lip, and leaned on her left foot. "Cohen…" she breathed. She didn't know what else to say.

He dropped his head and nodded in resignation. He did one of those false smiles before dejectedly whispering, "You're breaking up with me."

Summer felt the pang of guilt and culpability swarm through her. Her heart ached for him. She wished that she didn't have to hurt him so much. That was the last thing in the world she wanted. He was so sweet and funny, they had so much fun together. He really didn't deserve this – to be hurt so badly by someone he cares so deeply for. God she really didn't want to go through with it.

She could feel the gnawing at the back of her heart and mind, as they contested for dominance.

She knew which one would come out victorious.

"Cohen..." She waited for him to look up.

As soon as he did look up, she regretted it. He looked so sad. She felt the heat circle her eyes as the feeling of tears she was all too familiar from the weekend with switched on.

She willed herself to continue. He at least deserved an explanation. "I'm sorry – but – he is my dad – and he means a lot – and me and you – its…" she broke off at the end when he sighed and scratched his head in a non to pleased fashion.

"Summer, you don't have to do everything your dad tells you to. I mean, you have your own mind. Your independent. You do things you want to do. Its one of my favourite things about you."

It was now Summer's time to sigh. "Seth, he's my dad." As if it would explain everything to him.

"Yea, I know." He brought his right hand to his mouth, rubbing his thumb over his lips, his eyes still so solemn. He looked so childish from his actions. "I just – why are you giving up so easily?" he said it so sincerely, like he absolutely couldn't understand why she was doing this.

She could see he was starting to unbuckle. And the last thing she wanted was for her to bring him down where he would later think back in disgust in how he acted, his reaction and how he played it.

How low he stooped degrading himself.

"Seth it's not like that. You don't understand. You can't. Your family is different." She could see the slightest origins of minute wetness appearing in his eyes.

Fuck confidence, there's still hope.

He looked intently at her eyes. He started to raise his hand to her chin, but hesitated half way bringing it back down. "Summer don't do this to me."

She tucked some hair behind her ear. Her heart was yearning. She writhed her fingers together, as the wetness glazed her eyes. "Cohen…please."

His eyes steadied. "Why Summer. I don't want to break up with you. I want you. Things were going so well. Being your boyfriend really is a dream come true. It's even better then a dream. You don't know how you –"

She didn't know how much she could take. He was still being so incredibly sweet and was hitting all her heart strings. She had to cut him off.

"Cohen yes, we worked well together. We had fun and all - "

This time he cut her off. "Please don't try to tone down what we have. Had." He added had cause he realised that she had been talking about them in the past tense.

She slightly breathed out looking up at him through pained eyes. "Cohen I'm not. Its just…we've had a fun ride, and…"

He kept eye contact. "And what? Its time to move on?"

She didn't answer back.

There's still hope.

He looked down playing with the hem of his shirt. "Summer…I don't want to do this…I don't want to move on."

Summer sniffed slightly. Her mind was reeling. "Cohen…we can still be friends. And hang out." She knew she was being selfish by saying the friends thing. She really doubted that he would want to hang out with her. She was probably the last person on Earth he would want to hang out with now. But she couldn't stand the possibility of losing Seth altogether. It would be losing a best friend too. Cause that would devastate her.

Fuck hope.

He dug his finger nails into the palm of his hand, hoping to would relinquish some of the pain that was tearing him apart on the inside.

They were over.

He looked up to face her, but kept his eyes low. In a broken low husky voice he answered. "Yeah, Friends. We can still be friends."

He didn't want to lose her altogether either. He knew how special she was, and still very much wanted to be part of her life.

Summer felt like crap. She could feel the niggling of self loathing that was going to burst out later. She was already starting to hate herself for hurting him so much. Just one glance at his eyes and it was all their. A looking glass to pain, anger, hurt, and a whole congregate of others.

Seth raised his hand, this time going through with cupping her chin. His gazed fixed on her as if savouring this. Wrapping it up to keep for the lonely times too come.

"So I'll see you around, I guess." He whispered solemnly. Be brought his hand up to cup her cheek, caressing it with his thumb lovingly.

Summer, her eyes still locked on his nodded. She took his hand and cupped it in both of her's, holding it tightly, relishing his touch. To savour it.

Seth started to back away, taking step by step, his hand slowly being released from her clutches.

"So, seeya." He did a tentative little wave, before turning around.

Summer let her hands fall to her side, watching him make his way down the hallway.

She thought for a sec before biting her lip asking. "Aren't you going to come to class?"

Seth turned back to face her. "Umm… nahh – I've uhh – got some stuff to do – so umm yeah, ill see you later."

He turned around walking to the end of the hallway, disappearing behind the corner. Summer covered her eyes with a hand taking a deep breath.

-

Seth drove home.

He walked straight from the conversation with Summer down the hallway, out through the Kerr wing exit, straight into the parking lot. He got in the car, didn't hesitate to tell Ryan or even think about what classes he was going to miss. He just drove all the way home.

And it wasn't even midday yet.

When he got home he went straight to the fridge, pulled out a drink closing the fridge. He opened the bottle flicking the bottle top on to the kitchen counter taking a large swig of the Mountain Dew. He took another swig leaving the bottle half empty next to the bottle top.

He trudged up the stairs to his room throwing his bag callously on the floor. He fell unceremoniously on the bed, and just lay there. He was there for a moment and his mind sifted through what just happened.

His eyes filled.

He clenched his jaw.

He was not going to cry.

Not one tear.

Nope not even one.

He took a few deep breaths. His tongue running over his back molars.

He already missed her. Fuck, how was he going to deal with this? He was going to see her everyday. Every fucking day. On weekends there will be some stupid party he will have to attend. And he was going to have to act like friends with her. That is going to be an effort. How do you be friends with a girl your crazy about. That's a good question. Time will tell.

He pulled out his phone. Clicking the buttons, he didn't even have to look anymore. A picture emerged. It was the one of Summer, the one he programmed to come up when she called. It was his favourite photo of her. She was unaware, totally focused on a movie when to took the photo.

She looked so cute. So adorable. He wanted to go up and give her a big hug every time he saw it.

He pressed a few buttons and watched the screen. Image deleted.

He closed his eyes. And sighed again. Pressing a few buttons, he waited and watched the screen. Contact deleted.

What was the point in have them anymore. They were just painful reminders of what he wasn't good enough to have.

-

So she won't be calling.

He won't be getting any calls, any messages, any signs, any anything.

He won't have to worry now. It's a done deal.

Won't have to waste time worrying.

There is no point. Was there ever?

He can't have what he wants. He realises he never had any control over it. And he has resigned to feeling useless. Why fight it?

He is frustrated, discouraged, inadequate, hopeless, but there's more now. Throw in sadness, misery, gloom, self worthlessness into the mixture. He doesn't even want to begin to measure.

So yeah, it's fucked..

-