A/N: Throwing them out. Just another random one shot for y'all.

Prayers go out to Brussels/Belgium. Another tragic event that has occurred because of selfish acts. Stay Safe wherever you are in the world. Don't let these people dictate our lives.


"Alex."

"In here."

I follow the sound of her voice. Knowing exactly where I will find her, the same place she has been hanging out for a while now. In her office, and if it isn't the laptop that requires her full attention her head is buried in her phone. So much so that her time for me has become reduced. It feels like it is becoming as little as she can make it. As I much as I keep trying I don't want to pressure her into something she doesn't want to do.

Shock. There she is again. Sitting in front of her open laptop. I laugh as I enter the room. Why did I think I would see something different? Like she might actually turn around and give me some actual attention? Don't be so stupid Piper. Of course, she didn't move in the slightest. Apart from her fingers contacting the keys, her eyes remaining fixated on the screen. I edge in slightly further; I remember those times I would be able to stand behind her. Wrap my arms around her frame, those times the attention would be reciprocated. The times she would pull me on to her lap and spin me in her chair. Now. It's a different story. It feels like I am the furthest from her attention.

The last of her thoughts.

I look to the screen to look at what she is doing. That isn't something that I would usually do but the curiosity is building within me, why is she pushing me out so much? I watch an open tab disappear from her screen, and it's like she has finally noticed me in the reflection of the laptop as she beats me to speaking. "What do you want?"

Could she be any sweeter?

Blunt and straight to the point. Say what you are thinking Al.

I can't hide it much longer and a sarcastic 'Ha' leaves my mouth. Taking a seat on the couch that she has on the opposite room. The distance between us now is a portrayal on how I feel. As big as the real thing. I take my time to speak, knowing that she really isn't interested and her attention is not on me. She probably wouldn't hear any the words I say, I could ask for anything and her answer would be yes.

Are you cheating on me Al? Well wouldn't that be humorous. I can't lie and say that thought hasn't been something that has crossed my mind. I feel guilty for not trusting Alex, but in all of the time that we have been together I have never experienced this.

We all know Alex, and her sex drive. The one that now seems non-existence and well… if she has any hope of something happening she needs to step up her game. I will make her work for this. For me.

I'm not going to be used again. Am I stupid for thinking Alex was different?

Making a fool of myself? Demanding?

"What do you want Piper?"

I look up breaking my thoughts. Finally, the little people inside of my head are doing dances. Why am I feeling so pleased to see that she finally turns to me? But the scowl on her face quickly changes my mood as she looks to me. Her facial expression etched with frustration. She is growing inpatient with me.

Is it too much to just want to talk with my girlfriend? Is that not something people do in relationships now?

"I…" I stumble with my words. Taken back by the way she is looking at me with disappointment. Like she is bored of me and waiting for me to leave the room. "I… hm… " I just wanted to talk to you. "Did you make the reservations for tonight?"

Something we had agreed to make just a short while ago. Alex was determined that she should be the one that made the reservations. She would choose the place. What was it that she said to me? 'You can trust me Pipes'. I never had doubt that I couldn't. Until now… Alex always did what she said. Never letting me down. Each time she demanded that she did something for me it gave me butterflies every time. Flutters and I always found it so sweet. To this very day, every time that Alex came home from work, or when I walked in to find her, I got excited. She was, she is the person that is always on mind. I never get bored. Being with Alex excites me… so why does it have to be this way?

Why does she have to ignore me?

I watch the expression change on her face. Her eyes divert from me. Something that is becoming frequent between us now, unable to hold her gaze as she looks everywhere but at me. Her eyebrows furrow, her hand comes to run through her hair as she pushes the glasses to sit atop of her head. Her hand reaches to close the lid of the laptop, rising from her seat.

Her eyes catch with my own again. Briefly. As she stands, shifting on the spot between the door and I as it looks as if she is contemplating what choice she is to make. Her hand brushes across her face, stopping at her chin as she holds onto her mouth. Then she opens it, looking at me. I watch patiently, waiting for her to speak. The time that she needs. But she diverts, shifting her body back to look at the door. "Fuck."

She isn't looking at me now. But at the door, and she speaks. "Look Piper…" "I…" There it is again. Her hands running through her hair again as she lifts the glasses from her head.

"I have other plans for tonight." The words come out as fast as she can speak, turning her back to me as she walks out of the door. It takes time for the words to register in my head, before I realise it, she is out of the door and walking away from me. I hear her footsteps fade, the sound of the door to apartment opening…

Fuck.

"Alex!"


She didn't come back. Unfortunately, I didn't make it to the door quick enough as I heard it slam behind her. When I stepped outside she was gone, I was faced with the decision. Give her space and let her go?

I could have chased her there and then, but she wouldn't have left if she had of wanted me to. She would have made those reservations if something wasn't wrong. So I decided against it, deciding not to call Alex. To give her space. She would come back. I don't know that. This is just hope that I have.

For the time that she has been gone and what I have spent sitting around the apartment, alone, I have not been able to leave my phone alone. Fidgeting nervously as I wander around, looking for things to do, to keep my mind occupied. Constantly turning to my phone. Looking for notifications that I know are not going to come, because she never contacts me like before. Only if she really needs to. I miss those times she would send me random messages, calls that were unexpected. The kind that always made me smile, to know that Alex was thinking of me and then suddenly… it came to an abrupt hold.

A stop.

Like she doesn't need me anymore.

How do I go on knowing, feeling… that is what it has become?

I miss Alex. Why doesn't she miss me too?


It had been 59 minutes when I had last looked at my phone. Precise I know. But I had nothing to do with my time other than to count the passing minutes. I know it's never a good thing to keep track of time it makes it harder. To except that she is gone. But I waited for her. I keep waiting now. I had managed to use my time to take a soak in the bath, to relax. Well tried. But as expected, what crossed my mind? Alex. It wasn't like she ever left, there was a part of me that hoped this would heal the gaping hole within me. Growing as the time passed.

Just over two hours now and nothing new on my phone, apart from the changing of the time and knowing what I should be doing at this precise moment. But then… she never made the reservations. So again, I find myself sitting back in the couch with a blanket draped over my feet. Flicking through the TV, but nothing that jumps out at me.

This is going to be a long weekend.

Having my phone so near, I can not resist the urge to keep checking. Hoping. So I do what I think will help, what is best. Turn off my phone and place it out of view so that I don't go back. So I don't make a mistake and text Alex. I don't want to infuriate her anymore than she already is. But I am thinking of her. I hope she knows it.

But of course, that doesn't work either. Within five short minutes I am picking back up the phone and hoping for messages. I give it time to load, placing it on the arm of the couch beside me, tapping my fingers patiently against the surface as I try to act as if I'm not overly bothered about it. What a joke that is. Who am I trying to kid?

I fight the impulse that draws me to the phone, so I leave it. Heading for the kitchen to grab some water to try and erase this sickening feeling. Anxiety building within me. The vibrating that sounds like it is coming from the living room pulls me from my thoughts, making me jump as the apartment is suddenly broken from its silence and filled with sound.

A ringing tone.

Alex.


I rush straight to my phone. Picking it up without looking at the picture on my phone or the caller ID. I don't have time to consider that, I need to speak to Alex.

It has to be.

So rushed that I almost drop my phone, but luckily today my quick reaction was point as I manage to catch the phone and place it against my ear before she can end it. I can hear music in the background as I raise it to my ear.

"Alex."

"Babe."

"Where are you?"

I'm speaking to much already, not listening to the frantic voice on the other end of the phone. But I have missed her, my Alex. Her presence, her voice. Knowing that she has taken her time to call provides me with hope. Excitement. She misses me too. I slow down my own desperate voice, pausing as I take in the sound of the other person's voice. Registering the words that I hear.

Like a thump to the chest, I fall back into the seat. Keeping my phone pressed against my ear. My voice lost. I am barely listening to the constant repeat of my name on the phone. Overwhelmed, no. Dejected. Alex hadn't thought of me.

"Polly."

I'm barely able to find my voice through the pain that I feel. The disappointment that Alex had not come for me. Just when I had got my hopes up they had been let back down again. How can I go on like this? Will she ever want me?

How long do I wait before I give in?

I sit on the edge of the couch, with my head in my hand as Polly's voice becomes concerned, her tone much quieter and gentle. "Piper. What's wrong?" Right at that moment, I want to let it all out. To let go of all the emotion that I am feeling, the hurt, the disappoint. But I don't want to transfer my sorrow onto my best friend, and I know she would be there for me. But I need normality, a conversation that can pull me from these thoughts. From Alex. Here I am thinking of her, whilst she is somewhere unbeknown to me. Probably getting drunk with friends. Like she cares.

"Piper are you there?"

I nod my head, like she can see me. Struggling to find a way of keeping this conversation going, without revealing all to Polly. That Alex walked out on me. "I'm just…" I pause. Thinking of what to say that would sound genuine. Do I really want Polly to go on to me about Alex? Trying to reassure when my mind is already filled with doubt. No one knows Alex better than I and I know that she isn't in a rush to come back. Not after the way she walked out. Still with no messages or calls… I clear my throat, making up for the pause so she doesn't question it, "Just tired. It's been a long day." I am not lying about that. Work was tough.

"What did he do this time?" It can only be one of two things, Pete or gossip. It never takes long to figure out why Polly calls. This girl loves to bitch. Usually, Alex would be here to distract me, making me cut the phone call with Polly short, or just leaving her speaking to nobody.

Today… it isn't one of those days.

"I just called to see how long you would be." How long I will be? I have no time to question that, as she quickly stops herself, this time her voice louder down the phone. "Piper, why aren't you with Alex?"

With Alex? I scrunch my face in utter confusion. What does she mean? Has news got out already that Alex walked out on me?

"Polly."

"Piper. Why is Alex drinking with another girl and.…"

Drinking with another girl? "Another girl!" Are you kidding me? Now I feel anger. She betrayed me. I'm not feeling guilt for cutting Polly short, but I need answers and I need them now. I am demanding. It's not hurt that I feel now, but betrayed. She betrayed me. How dare she. I need to do something with myself, to subside this rage within me. I stand to my feet, pacing the living room… "Polly you better start talking!"


I'm torn between anger and hurt. No. Fuck. I'm exasperated. How dare she have the audacity to do this to me. To go out and meet another girl, just hours after she left me without any answers. There is only one solution to this. My suspicion is right. Alex is cheating on me. She was never good at the whole relationship thing. Never could stick to one girl. Ha. What was I thinking from the beginning when it was a toss up between Sylvie and I?

I was a fool. That is exactly what I was.

Fool me once. But you can't fool me twice.

Why did I believe that Alex Vause could change? The girl who doesn't do relationships. She is new to whole thing. Ha. Of course she is. That or she doesn't know how the whole commitment thing works.

How did I fall for this?

Fool.

Fuck you Alex.


I place my phone across from me. I don't mean it when I say fuck you Alex because I care to much about this situation. Knowing how Alex has been able to do this to me so easily. But isn't she the fool now? Being caught our by my best friend. Did she really think she could do this in public? In a place that we would usually go together? I should have known, I should have realised that I could never trust Alex, but I could. Because Alex has only ever been good to me, until now. I had doubt, but I didn't believe it. I thought of it as my own paranoia. My insecurities. I never accepted it as the truth, or do I want to accept it now. Alex and another woman? Just hours after she walked out on me?

I laugh at how stupid I have been. But it isn't a situation to joke about, because I'm hurt. Trying to hide through the anger that I feel, but its not working. Infuriated? Yes. But because of selfish I am being and how she has played with my heart and my feelings. How did I not see this? I did… but this. It isn't sinking in. Because I don't want to believe it? Maybe so.

I pace back and forth between the coffee table and the chair, trying to understand the situation. What other things it could be. She wouldn't really do this to me would she? But the more that I think about it, it is becoming that she would. She has. She is. Out there with another girl.

I loved this girl.

I love this girl.

Accepting the truth is breaking me, I need to do something that will take my mind from it. As far away from Alex. She isn't thinking about me so why am I allowing to occupy my mind? That's right, because she is my fucking girlfriend and as far as she is aware, she has no idea that I know about this secretive life of hers. Couldn't I put out? What? No. Why am I thinking about that? Alex has made a mess of this and now she has to resolve it, but if she thinks she can win be back... that is far from how it is going to be. I don't fall twice.

The vibrating tone from my phone distracts those thoughts. I don't need to question who that is, this time I know. Polly. I made the mistake of telling her everything. She wouldn't have let it go and as a best friend she knows me so well. I couldn't hide the truth from her, I mean… what other reason would Alex be drinking with another girl without me? We all know that Polly loves gossip, and how she didn't approve of Alex from the beginning. She doubted our relationship from the very moment I told her my interest in girls and how Alex had wooed me over. I remember that moment very well. I smile faintly thinking about it. The feeling, the excitement. Polly have never been to keen on Alex, but she accepted our relationship eventually, going as far as building a friendship with Alex. For me.

So why did Polly not take advantage of this, to bitch about Alex?

That was the opposite of what she said. Reassuring me, telling me that everything would be okay. I just don't understand how Polly was so sure of this, was she doing it for me? To give me hope that I know I definitely needed. But it is clear what this situation is….

She gets bored easily.

The charming Alex Vause has to build her numbers.

I wonder how different this one is to me?

The phone. I am suddenly regretting my demand to know more. Why did I ask Polly to do this? To send me an image of Alex and this girl. Is it really something that I want to see? Why am I doing this knowing the effect it will have on me. How it will make me feel. I feel anger, but I feel hurt and I can't deny it. That seeing Alex and her current interest, enjoying another person's company. When I thought of Alex going out for a drink, I didn't think this. I thought of Alex and Nicky, well that goes without saying. Did Nicky put her up to this?

Why am I questioning that? Nicky has always been good to me. In favour of Alex and I's relationship. I know Nicky and I know that she wouldn't do that to us, to me. Plus, its not like she is into the game anymore, she has Lorna.

The phone is reaching out to me, but a part of me is telling me no, the other is screaming yes. Do it. But can I bring myself to see it? Just thinking of brings a lump to my throat, tears to my eyes and a pain in my chest. I am not prepared for this. But I can take back my request, so now I need to deal with it. To view the image….

But I can't.

I can't do it. Not now. Not ever. I don't want to believe it. The image will be a final closure on us. Alex and I, do I want that? Who would I be kidding to say I do. I don't want to be considering that. But unfortunately this is what we have come to.

It's time to go our separate ways.

So I place my phone on the table, erasing the thought from my mind as I walk towards the bedroom. Well only as far as the back of the couch, the curiosity is getting the better of me. I want to see this so bad. So I stop. Observe the phone from a distance. It's looking at me. Come and get me Piper. Tempting. Teasing. So I gave. I give in. Before I know it, I am the one that is now sitting on the coffee table to steady myself as I prepare for what I am about to see.

Clutching my phone in my hand as my thumb hover's over the screen. You can do this Piper. Don't do it Piper. My thoughts are battling each other.

I'm struggling for breath over my anxiety as the panic kicks in. Why am I doing this? I run my finger across the screen as it becomes unlocked, the message from Polly instantly loading. I see it, the received image. One that I am hesitant to click on. Afraid of what I will see. I have doubt about my next move, but my fingers answer for me. I slowly look down to my screen and there I see it.

Alex and another girl.


Finally, what I see is something to laugh at. Alex is seated in a booth with a girl, very similar to me. I find humour in the situation that Alex has chosen a replica of me. She really did up her game. Maybe it's the effect that I have on her? She needs something, someone that reminds her of me. Who is the fool now? Alex.

It's not hurt, but anger. I have gone from caring to wanting to be done with her. To show Alex that she can not win in this situation and I will be the on who has the last laugh. But I can't glance away from the picture. Doing what affects me more, looking at the finer detail of the two together.

Blonde hair that falls to her lower back, her hand stretched across the table a small distance apart from Alex's nearing hand. I follow the movement, looking up to Alex's face. The wide smile that adorns her face, the opposite of the gaping hole that I feel in my chest. My emotions fall back to hurt. Jealousy. How does she look so happy so soon?

How long has this been ongoing? I gulp at that thought. Tears well in my eyes, and a stabbing pain in my chest. How is it acceptable to treat me this way? I have only ever been good to Alex.

I throw my phone across the room. Free of Alex and free of this.


There is urgency within me as I scurry through the draws, trying to find some clothing, just anything suitable to throw on. I need to get to that bar. To see Alex and this woman for myself. To give her a piece of mind. Answers to what this is all about. How she has the audacity to do this to me. To humiliate me. I thought she was better than that.

I can't. I won't. Alex isn't going to beat me here. So why am I in such a rush to confront her?

Because I want Alex to see me, to feel the pain that I feel. I want to see the guilt on her face. Her happiness turns to sorrow. I want Alex to plead for me. To hear the stupid lies that I know she will come up with. I can't commit. Ha. Don't I know it. Something I wished I had learned sooner because now here I am, suffering. Paying the consequences for a fucked up relationship with Alex.

After two years of us being together you would have thought she would have grown out of these ways. Hooking up with random girls at bars. Settling down. I know the true Alex and I know she isn't bad. I know that she cares, I know that she loves me. Or at least I thought she did. My insecurities kick in as I begin to question what it is that I did wrong. How did I push Alex into this? So far away. Yet she still feels close.

Fuck.

Everything in this god damn place reminds me of her. All I can find is Alex's clothes, her shirts that I would once wear. But now… no more. I start throwing across the room as I urgently try to find something that belongs to me, its not like she needs this space now. I can pack her clothes and take them to Nicky. Or I could go one better, take to the bar and embarrass Alex in front of her lady friend. I bet she wouldn't be a fan of that, maybe then she would regret the decisions she makes, starting with walking out on me… without answers. Something that she knows I hate.

I land upon my favourite shirt of Alex's, pulling it to my nose as I catch the smell. It smells just like her. Like home. I scrunch it in my hands, as I continue to hold it closely to my nose, moving it down to hold against my chest. The familiar scent of my Alex.

I forget myself for a moment as I embrace the smell, pulling the shirt over my head as I search for some jeans to put on. The last thing on my mind is my pride, I don't know how much time I have, knowing Alex she has probably already made it home with this girl. Somehow, I think I should attempt to make an effort, to look good so I can make Alex reconsider what she is missing. But then Alex loves my natural beauty as she often puts it. So there you have it. Alex's shirt, black jeans and a leather jacket. A look that reminds me of Alex. My hair is thrown into a bun onto of my head, then I think of the blonde girl. Her perfect locks, I unclip the lock and allow my blonde curls to fall freely. Running my hand through my hair as I pull on my shoes and search for my car keys.

One destination in mind.

Alex.


I call Polly on the way, to let her know that I will be there shortly. She doesn't sound so sure that this is a good idea. Trying to convince me to change my mind and turn back. This is unlike Polly. Its not something she would usually do. Especially if she thinks Alex is cheating on me.

Maybe there is something that she thinks I wouldn't like to see.

Not that I haven't thought about it. The possibilities.

Alex all over that girl.


I stand in front of the doors, trying to steady my breath as I take long deep breaths. I have a sickening feeling in my stomach as my anxiety impulses. My stomach is grumbling, I feel nauseated. I need to take a seat; my body feels weak. My legs I shaky. I feel dizzy.

I look back to my car in the parking lot, then back to the door. I use my hand to steady myself against the brick wall. Peering through the window. There I see it. Alex. It appears her blonde friend as left her seat. Now I feel encouraged to go in and talk to her. To sit opposite her in the once blondes seat. Wouldn't that be funny. Oh Hi Babe. You made those reservations after all then? I will take a margarita please.

I force myself through the doors, making quite an entrance as I stop on the other side. I feel all eyes on me, as I glance around. I have already pointed out Alex, but my eyes are searching for the blonde. Maybe she went to restroom, I can't seem to find her. I lock eyes with Polly who is walking over to me. I shake my head, knowing that look and what she has come to do. To talk me out of it. No thank you.

"Piper." She puts her hands of my arm as she tries to guide me out, but I refuse. Applying all strength to my feet as I stay fixed to the spot. "Come on Piper. Don't make a scene. It's not worth it." I laugh, why is she suddenly sticking up for Alex? She tries to take me out again, but I shake of her hand as I look back to Alex's table. She sits alone, looking nervous. Taking a sip from drink. Still no sign of the blonde.

I look around the tables nearby, who do I see? Nicky. What is she doing here? Why didn't she tell me? I thought we were friends. Now I'm really angry. Everyone knows about this but me? Just shows that I really didn't have friends. My best friend is also trying to convince me otherwise.

How encouraging is that?

Is there no one that is on my side? Did they forget that I am not the one meeting up secretly with women, that's my girlfriend Alex. Sitting in a booth waiting on the return of her date… but now I am about to make an entrance. I'm sure she will be thrilled to see me.

My feet are moving for me, taking me directly to Alex's table. As I near, she looks up to see the commotion as Polly calls my name and tries to pull me back. Our eyes lock, as she looks to me in shock. She stands from her seat. Her eyes looking around and then back to me. Stumbling with her voice. "P-Piper." Her eyes move to look behind me, her hand once again goes to her hair just like she did before she walked out on me. "W-what are you doing here?"

"I think you have some explaining to do. Don't you AL?"

"Polly?" Did she really just ignore me and speak to my best friend? What is happening here? Why are they suddenly acting like best friends when I am standing in front of her. Depending an explanation on what exactly is happening in this situation.

I look back to my friend who just gives her an apologetic look, shrugging her shoulders. I hear Alex mumble a fuck under her breath and my eyes flick back to her. "Yes Alex. FUCK! You want to introduce me to your date?"

"What the fuck Piper?!"

She is raising her voice now. I can only think that is because she is feeling guilty and embarrassed that she has been caught out. Oops. My bad. Why didn't I think about Alex's pride before I decided to do this?

"Piper. Come on." Polly's hand is pulling my shoulder. "No Polly. I'm not done here. Alex has some explaining to do." I look Alex directly in the eye, "Don't you Al." I purposely put an arrogant smile on the end of my sentence. Holding my eye contact with Alex. She turns from me. Downing her drink as she slams her glass onto the table.

Her hand runs back through her hair in frustration. Maybe she should have considered this sooner. That she has a girlfriend back at home. She bites her lip nervously, shaking her head as she turns back to me. Reaching for my hand like its an acceptable thing to do. I pull back. A sarcastic laugh. I'm not that stupid.

"Where is she?!"

"What are you talking about Piper?"

"Don't lie to me Alex. You know exactly what I mean. The girl that you have are meeting behind my back!"

She throws her head back, running her hands over her face as she lowers her head to look back to me and shakes her head. "Piper listen to me." "Please."

There is something in the sound of her voice that makes me think she is genuine, upset about this to. But Alex is good at lying, good at manipulating. I'm not falling for this. I step away from her as she steps towards me, looking to the floor as I shake my head. Looking back at her.

"I thought I could trust you Alex."

"What does she have that I don't?"

"Pipes."

"No Alex. You lost all rights to call me that when you decided it was okay to cheat on me."

She raises her eyebrows, her hands nervously reaching into her pockets. I don't like that she isn't answering, but just ignoring me. It's bothering me, I feel riled. It's portrayed in my voice as my tone raises and I know I am making quiet a scene as I look to see people looking at me. At us. "Fucking tell me Alex." Being as dramatic as I am, I motion my hand to point to all the people in the room, "Why don't you tell us all your dirty little secrets?"

She looks around at the people then back to me. "Please Piper. Not here."

"Yes Alex. Here. We are waiting."

"I didn't plan for it to be like this Piper."

"It just happened did it Alex? You couldn't stop yourself? Ah diddums."

"You asked for this Piper…".

She got down on one knee.


;)