Zoey's POV
"Stark, what if I can't pull myself back together? What if I'm stuck like this forever?" I said, pacing across the forest floor.
"C'mere Z," he said and pulled me into his arms. I rested my head on his chest, but only for a moment; I couldn't bear to stand still, and resumed my pacing. "I will never let that happen. I'd die first, okay?"
"Don't say that!" I begged, panic stricken. If Stark died there would be nothing left for me. I wouldn't be able to stand myself. "You need to go back. It's dangerous here, you don't belong here…"
"Z, I belong anywhere you are. Where you go, I go, my queen." The look in his eyes told me he wasn't kidding; he really did think I was a queen.
"I'm no queen, I'm a failure…" I mumbled.
"No you're no—"
"Yes I am!" I snapped, and then anxiety took over. "I mean, I just…I didn't keep Heath alive, and now you're here, and everything's just not working and…."
"Zoey Redbird, none of that is your fault. Heath knew what he was getting into, and you continuously tried to stop him, but he didn't listen. You can't expect to win every battle you're in, and you can't expect yourself to save the world over night. Yes, Neferet is winning right now, but that's only because you're here and not where you belong. As soon as you get yourself back together you'll be back up there kicking ass and being awesome."
I felt angry for a moment, but depression won me over once more. "Everyone else expects that of me. Even Nyx does. And I failed her."
The air around us got warm and shimmery before a familiar face appeared before us. Nyx stood in front of me with her hands on her hips, looking sternly at me. The air around her glowed with silver light. I'm sure it was pretty, but I just couldn't see beauty anymore.
"Zoeybird, you cannot possibly believe what you just said to be true." she said. Though her eyes were stern her voice was warm, and caring, and everything I was missing. "The only way you will fail me is by failing yourself."
"But I've already done that!" I sobbed, "I let Heath die!"
"Heath died at Kalona's hand, not yours. You have to accept that to be whole again."
"I don't know if I want to be whole again. It hurts too much."
"No Zoey, you feel pain here, in the Otherworld, because you are incomplete. You lack all that makes you unique. Right now you are just the building blocks of a human, and that is pain and grief and all the negative feelings that accompany them."
"You're like Pandora's box right now Z, just inside out. You keep all of the bad locked up inside, and all of the good is out here." Stark said, waving his arms in the air.
"That's exactly right," Nyx said kindly, smiling at Stark.
"Well I can't find the good. I've tried!" I wailed, growing more and more upset.
"Have you asked?" Nyx said gently. "They'd gladly come back if you asked, if they knew you wanted them."
"Who is 'they'?! I don't know who 'they" are!"
"Just ask for your soul back, for your right to live."
I looked at Nyx for a moment, not knowing if she was telling the truth or not. I tried to remember what I felt for her before, but everything was a giant blur. Uncertainty cast a gloomy shadow over my mind, and I didn't know what to do.
"Zoey, do you want to go back with me?" Stark asked me. I could hear his heart breaking in his voice, and something broke through me. I knew Stark, and I knew Nyx. They both wanted the best for me, and they were trying to lead me down the right path.
"I want my soul back," I said, though it came out as barely a whisper. A single tear slid down my cheek as many versions of me sped into the clearing. They didn't hesitate before they collided with me, sliding into my body and staying. I felt happier and stronger than I had in a long time, and collapsed to my knees, the forest floor damp underneath me.
"Welcome back Zoeybird, take your Warrior home," Nyx said, smiling at me.
"NOOOOOO!" A familiar voice bellowed. Kalona flashed into view at the edge of the grove, a massive black spear in hand. He hurled it through the air, and I felt it impact near my collar bone. I felt sick as I looked down and saw the shaft of the spear sticking out of my chest, right above my heart. A giant crimson stain was blossoming across my shirt. I fell backwards, but Stark caught me, keeping the head of the spear from going back through my body. It must have gone pretty far through me, as Stark held me a foot off the ground. A tear fell from his lashes and onto my face just as the world turned black.
