Happy New Year readers!
Thank you for all the lovely reviews to my last story...sorry I haven't got back to you yet, January is always a weird month! But please know how much I appreciate the feedback – it's why I bother posting at all.
Anyway, I am back with my last little fic from this sort of one off series. It might be a bit weird, I'm honestly not sure about it myself. It was half written and abandoned for ages, then I finished it and it was a few more months before I went back to edit properly. This one is told through the eyes of Rose, at about four years old...during the time her daddy was missing (presumed dead) in my Missing Pieces fic. I hope you like it anyway.
I was still rubbing my eyes as I stumbled into my baby brothers bedroom. He'd woken me up – again! But, I couldn't get cross with him because I had promised to be a good girl. He stopped crying when I poked my hand through the bars on his cot and took his hand. He smiled at me and wrapped his chubby little hand around my fingers.
"It's okay Hugo," I whispered, stroking his head the way I had seen the grown ups do. "Ssh, don't cry," I added and looked around for his little purple dragon – it was his favourite toy.
I found it on the floor – he must have poked it through the bars again. Hugo thought that was a great game! I didn't!
"Here you go," I smiled. He giggled and picked it up, shoving the poor things tail in his mouth, making it all soggy. Eurgh!
"Dada?" Hugo asked me. He did this every morning, always asking for the same thing.
I shook my head sadly. "No Dada Hugo," I sighed and tried to be brave, tried not to cry. Because I had to be a good girl. I had to be strong and brave and look after my little brother.
"There you are sweetheart, I thought I heard Hugo awake." My Nana Granger crept into the room, giving us both big smiles before opening Hugo's curtains.
"He was crying," I told her. "I came to see him."
"You're a good big sister." She patted my head and then lifted my brother from his cot. "Why don't we go downstairs and make a start on breakfast?" she suggested as she changed Hugo.
I wrinkled my nose and backed away – that was one thing I wasn't helping out with. Because, Hugo was sometimes very stinky! Sometimes I wondered if that might mean I wasn't a good enough sister though.
"Can we have eggs?" I asked, releasing my nose once she'd done and scooped up my now clean and nicer smelling baby brother.
"If that's what you want sweetheart," Nana replied.
"Dippy eggs!" I decided, taking her hand as we left Hugo's room.
"Of course," she smiled. "With toasty soldiers?"
I nodded and grinned up at my Nana – she knew the way I liked things. We walked past Mummy's bedroom before we got to the top of the stairs and I was always careful to be quiet, I didn't want to disturb Mummy. Nana told me that Mummy was very sad and she needed to rest. I didn't really understand that, because I got sad too, especially when I thought about him, but I didn't know why resting would make it better.
And, I don't think Mummy was resting all the time, because sometimes I would hear her crying in her bedroom – a lot. And sometimes she would also shout out his name and then I'd hear Nana talking softly to her.
Downstairs, Nana Granger got us sat at the table and prepared to start breakfast. It wasn't easy for her, because all our things were Magic and she didn't know Magic. Mummy had said that was because she wasn't born the way we were.
"When Father Christmas coming?" I asked as she filled a pan with water.
"Erm...not for a few weeks yet sweetheart." She gave me that smile – the one that didn't quite meet her eyes. I knew that meant she was sad too. I didn't know how anyone could be sad thinking about Father Christmas, not when he was going to make everything better.
See, I had a plan. It was a good plan I think. I had overheard my big cousin, Vicky, talking to some of my other cousins about this man named Father Christmas who would bring you whatever you wanted for Christmas. All you had to do was wish very hard and be very, very good. Oh, and write some letters. I wasn't very good at writing my letters yet, so I had decided to wish extra hard and be extra good so that Father Christmas would bring me the only thing I really wanted this year.
I wished on every star I saw and threw coins in every wishing well we came across. I made a wish every time someone sneezed and wished especially hard on my birthday candles (and other peoples if they took too long to blow them out themselves!) Because I needed my wish to come true. Then everything would be good again and Mummy wouldn't hide in her bedroom being sad and crying. And then she could be the one to make me dippy eggs for breakfast.
Last Christmas, Father Christmas had brought me my baby brother. So, this year, I was going to be the goodest girl I could be and I was going to wish him to bring my daddy home. Then we could all be happy again.
See, my daddy has been gone for a long time. Too long - like forever long! He already missed mummy's birthday and my birthday! But, I knew he would come home for Christmas if I asked Father Christmas. Victoire said he brings you what you want the most. Though, I'm not sure why he brought me Hugo last year, because I didn't really want him the most. Though, I suppose he was okay, when he smelt okay or he wasn't banging his spoon on the table!
"Hugo!" I snapped at him and pulled the spoon from his hands. He started crying.
"What's wrong?" Nana turned from the cooker. "Rosie? What's wrong with Hugo?"
"He was banging," I told her, opening my hand and showing her the spoon I'd taken off him. "I didn't mean to make him cry."
"I know you didn't sweetheart, but you shouldn't snatch things off him. I know it's a bit annoying, but Hugo likes to bang, it makes him happy. So, give him the spoon back, okay?"
I sighed and gave it back to him, telling him I was sorry. Because I didn't want Father Christmas to think I was a bad girl. If I was bad, he might not bring my daddy back and we needed him so much! That was why mummy was so sad – Nana said she just missed him so much. It was the reason Nana was living here and mummy stayed in bed most of the time now. And because daddy wasn't here, Uncle Harry didn't smile so much anymore and Grandma Weasley cried when she hugged us.
I just wanted him to come home now, to be our daddy again and stop hiding! Mummy had tried telling me that daddy wasn't ever able to come home now, that he had gone to heaven, but we'd keep him in our hearts for always. I didn't know where heaven was, but I'm sure Father Christmas could find it and bring him home!
I missed him. I missed the way things used to be. When daddy would play with us and mummy would laugh at him. When they would kiss each other – lots – and make me giggle! And he'd make silly voices from the books. He was a good daddy and I needed him home. I sniffed then and wiped my eyes.
"Oh Rosie, it's okay," Nana Granger gave me a little hug. "I'm not cross with you for taking the spoon off him. I know he's very loud with it." She kissed the top of my head and went to look at the eggs and cut the toast into soldiers.
"I miss daddy!" I suddenly blurted out and sniffed again, my lower lip sticking out.
"Oh Rosie, sweetheart." Nana left what she was doing and lifted me up, sitting in my chair as she sat me in her lap. "I know you do, my darling, we all miss him."
"Mummy does cry lots," I sobbed.
"Yes," she answered and I thought she was sniffing too. "Your mummy is very sad without your daddy. And I know how much you must miss him and that this all must be very confusing for you. I'm so sorry this had to happen." She cuddled me close and Hugo stopped banging to look at us curiously.
"Mummy be happy when Father Christmas comes," I mumbled and wiped my eyes.
"I don't think Father Christmas can bring her what she really needs, darling."
I gave Hugo a little, secret smile, because I knew he could. I was going to wish for it and if you wished for it, he had to bring you what youreally wanted. So long as you were very good of course. And I was going to be the bestest, goodest little girl you ever did see! Then I could make mummy happy again and we could laugh and listen to daddy's funny stories and Nana could go home to Pappy Granger.
Father Christmas was a stupid man and I hated him!
I couldn't sleep the night before Christmas day – I was just too excited! I imagined the looks on everyone's face when we went downstairs to find daddy sat waiting for us by the tree. They were all going to be SO surprised! Mummy was going to be so happy and everything would be okay again. I couldn't wait!
That morning I raced downstairs, even though it was still a bit dark, and ran into the room where our Christmas tree was. I was going to jump on daddy and give him the biggest hug and make him promise to never, ever, ever leave us again! But, he wasn't there – nobody was in the room. I looked everywhere in the room, under the tree and behind the sofa, before I wondered if he had got hungry waiting for us and was in the kitchen. Mummy often used to say that daddy was always hungry!
He wasn't in the kitchen and I couldn't find him anywhere. Maybe...maybe Father Christmas had to wait until everyone was awake to bring him? I nodded at that idea and sat on the sofa to wait for everyone, knowing that soon we would all be together again. By the time I heard Hugo crying and Mummy getting up to him, I was getting excited again – daddy would be here very soon!
"Rose? Where are you?" Mummy called to me.
"Waiting!" I called back.
She came downstairs a few minutes later and set Hugo on his feet – he wobbled over to the tree and tried to pull the decorations off again – Mummy had had to put a spell on the Christmas tree so he couldn't break it or pull it over!
"Couldn't you wait for your presents sweetheart?" Mum kissed me and gave me a big hug as she snuggled in beside me on the couch.
"No," I shook my head and beamed up at her, knowing it was about to happen – daddy would be here any minute!
"Let me go get some coffee and then you can open them before Nana comes to pick us up." Mum kissed the top of my head as she stood, warned Hugo to leave the tree alone again and went to get her coffee.
I had already opened most of my presents, Hugo was sat on the floor, throwing wrapping paper into the air and giggling like mad. Mum was giving him one of her smiles that didn't really look happy...her eyes were too sad and I think I saw her wipe some tears off her face too. She'd be happy soon, I knew it. Any minute now...
Every present had been unwrapped, mummy had cleared all the torn paper away and she was saying we should get dressed ready to go to Nana and Pappy's for dinner. And, daddy wasn't coming, was he? Father Christmas wasn't going to give me my wish. Had I not been good enough? He'd bought me some lovely new toys and clothes and books, but...I didn't care about them. I just wanted daddy. I couldn't help it, I felt so let down and upset with Father Christmas that I started crying, throwing my new fairy doll across the room.
"Rose!" Mum shouted at me. Mum shouted much more easily since daddy had been gone, but then she'd cry and tell us she was sorry. "Whatever is the matter?" She got down on her knees in front of me as Hugo was happily clomping his new toy dragon across the carpet.
I just looked up at her, my bottom lip wobbling, with tears pouring down my face and threw myself into her arms. "I want daddy!" I sobbed.
"Oh sweetheart, oh Rosie my darling." Mummy cried too and stroked my hair as she held me tight. "I want him too baby. I know, it's so hard," she whispered and cuddled me tight as we cried together and Hugo tried to crawl between us.
"He was s'posed to be here. Father Christmas was s'posed to bring him back," I hiccuped in between my sobs. "And he didn't! He's just a stupid man and Christmas is stupid!" I shouted.
"Rose, darling," Mum climbed up onto the couch and settled me onto her lap. "Father Christmas can't bring daddy back," she shook her head sadly. "I wish he could, I really do. But, daddy is gone my baby and...I know it's hard, but we have to go on without him now and make him proud." She tried to smile, but she had too many tears on her face to look happy.
"I want daddy," I whispered in another sob as I buried my face in her neck. She didn't understand. This was supposed to work. I had been counting on this working because I didn't like us being like this at all – we felt broken and I didn't like mummy crying and being so sad all the time. Daddy had to come home to fix everything!
We sat and cuddled for awhile, the three of us together on the couch and I think I fell asleep again. Because when I woke up, we were already in Nana's car. I'd heard Mummy say we were spending Christmas day with them this year, because going to the Burrow would just be too hard. I loved seeing my Nana and Pappy Granger, but I was going to miss not seeing my cousins to play with.
After Christmas day, Nana decided we should all stay at their house for a few days with her and Pappy. She told Mummy that we needed a change and a break. I didn't care where we were, because it wasn't like daddy was at our house anyway!
Everything is going wrong! Everything is horrible! Daddy is never, ever coming home again. And now mummy has gone back to work. I hate her leaving us because I get scared and think she won't come home too. Daddy had gone working and then he never came home. I didn't want to be without mummy too.
Some days when mummy left to go to work, I went to Aunty Ginny and Uncle Harry's house, which I suppose was quite fun because I could play with Lily and James and Albus. Lily was the best to play with though – James and Al liked silly boy stuff! And, some days I went to see Grandma Weasley and we did lots of fun things at her house – she let us make cakes and stuff, and make a mess that mummy didn't like at home. And another day Nana Granger came to stay with us at our house whilst mummy was gone. That was okay.
But, I cried whenever mummy left, so scared I'd never see her again. I think mummy got a bit fed up with me when I wouldn't let go of her robes...but I couldn't lose her too. Hugo and I needed someone, didn't we? What if we had no mummy or daddy and we had to live in this house all alone? I didn't know how to cook dinners or make Hugo's bottle or eurgh, change his nappy! I'm just too little!
And I'd be much too sad without mummy. I loved her lots and we needed each other. Every day she promised me she'd be home soon. But I hated it and was so excited when she came back.
I think mummy goes to work now because Hugo is so naughty. He's walking everywhere and he does bad things. He hides from mummy and nana and thinks it's funny! He takes his nappy off sometimes and makes a mess – he's disgusting! Mummy had to put a magical gate on the stairs because Hugo tried to run up them and nearly fell down! She managed to save him with a funny floating spell – but my dumb brother just thought it was brilliant! And he keeps breaking things that are not his – mummy cried when he broke a picture that had daddy in it and she got very cross with him. Hugo cried too, then I joined in! I think our family is still broken.
I think Hugo is naughty because he's cross that daddy isn't here and he doesn't remember him. So sometimes, I try to help.
"Look, Hugo," I sat next to him on the floor, opening the photo album. "That's daddy!" I pointed to a picture where he was holding me when I was a baby.
"Hugo!" he shouted, smacking the page.
"No, it's me with daddy!"
"Daddy?" he screwed his nose up and shook his head. Hugo doesn't ask for Dada any more. I never really hear him say that word any more at all.
"That is our daddy," I tell him. "And he was bwave and he loved us very much." I told him the same things mummy and Grandma and everyone kept telling me when they talked about him. "But, he's not here anymore, so you have to be good for mummy, else you'll make her sad."
"Mummy!" Hugo laughed and clapped his hands. "I find!" he told me, going to run off in search of her.
"No! Sit still! Look at more daddy photos!" I ordered him, pulling him back onto the floor. I liked to look at daddy pictures, because...some times I think I was starting to forget what he looked like and that made me sad.
"No Wosie! Mummy!" He smacked me in the face and shoved the book off my lap.
"Hugo! That's very naughty!" I told him, getting cross. "You don't love daddy and you make mummy cross so she leaves us to work and it's all your fault!" I stood up and stamped my foot, getting mad with him.
"What ever is going on in here?" Mummy came back into the room. She had been in the kitchen, making dinner.
"Hugo is being naughty!" I told her,
"What did he do now?" she sighed and glanced at the little boy who was trying to climb up onto his toy box to look out the window.
"I was looking at daddy," I pointed to the photo book on the floor. "Hugo didn't want to." I shook my head, hating that I felt tears coming again.
Mummy sighed and rubbed her face. "He's only young Rose, he doesn't really understand," she told me, in her voice when I knew she was trying not to get cross or sad "Here, you sit and look at them yourself. Hugo will want to see them one day." She picked up the book and got me settled onto the couch with it.
"Now, can I trust you two to behave whilst I finish dinner?" she asked.
"Yes mummy," I nodded sadly. Why didn't she understand? I had to make Hugo see the pictures and remember our daddy, so that he would be good and then mummy wouldn't leave us to go to her work. No one ever understood me.
"Rose!" I heard Mummy's voice calling me.
"Ssh Hugo! Mummy's coming!" I whispered to the wiggly little boy. "And hold still. Just a bit more..."
"Rosie? Where are you?" Mummy shouted again and I heard her coming upstairs. Oh, why hadn't she stayed in the kitchen drinking tea with Uncle Harry? "Rosie?" came her voice again.
"Hugo, sit still." I told my dumb brother again, grabbing his shoulder and making him turn his head.
"Ow Wosie!" he whined. "I not want to." He tried to stand again.
"We have to. Before Mummy comes in. Now, just a little bit more." I tipped the bottle up and more of the stuff poured out, onto his head. I set it down beside the sink, where it fell over and dripped loads of the gloop out onto the floor. Oh well, at least I had enough on his head now. "Right, there we go. I think it looks good." I told him, rubbing it into his hair.
"It's icky!" Hugo grumbled and struggled to get away.
Boys were such cry babies! I sighed. "Just sit still for a moment…
"Rose?" The bathroom door opened and there was Mummy. "What have you been….oh Merlin!" she gasped. "What's happened?" she looked from me, to my brother and to the mess I had only just noticed all over the floor. "Rosie?" she almost screamed my name. "What in Merlin's name have you done to your brother?"
"Mummy!" Hugo began to cry and ran towards her, slipping and sliding in the mess on the floor.
"Hold on Hugo, eurgh, you're all slimy and...what is this in his hair?" she asked me as she glanced around the bathroom, "and everywhere else?" she huffed, loudly.
"I make him pwetty." I mumbled, solemnly.
Mum rolled her eyes, the way she did when she was getting cross with me. "I happen to like your brother perfectly fine the way he is. Why would you do..." she shook her head and holding Hugo in her outstretched arms, she plonked him into the bathtub. "I'm sorry sweetheart, but it's the only way to get all this gloop off you. How much did you use?" she turned and asked me.
I stood silently and shrugged my shoulders, eyeing the bottle still dripping onto the floor. It was something I had found in mummy's bathroom and remembered seeing her put in her hair sometimes. It made it all nice and flat and shiny.
Mummy grabbed it, holding it up and shook her head again. "Merlin's pants!" she gasped and threw the almost empty bottle into the bin. "Right, you, to your room! And get out of those clothes!" she told me as she turned back to undress my stupid, wriggly, whiny brother.
"Everything all right?" I heard Uncle Harry's voice coming upstairs.
"Oh yeah, just great!" I heard Mummy mutter from the bathroom as I stomped down the hall to my room.
"Hey Rosie," Uncle Harry smiled at me.
I just looked up at him and glared, before slamming my bedroom door. He was supposed to keep Mummy in the kitchen so I could make my brother look better. And now it was his fault he'd ruined it.
I heard them talking in her room across the hall as Hugo complained loudly about his shower and Uncle Harry actually laughed. But, I didn't care – I was so cross and….upset and...I had a stupid baby brother who had ruined everything!
Before he'd come along, when it was just me and mummy and daddy, things had been fine. We'd been happy and daddy played with me lots and mummy laughed. Then, Hugo came and mummy was tired more and daddy had to work longer and...then he just never comed home. And I knew it was all my stupid brother's fault!
I don't think my daddy liked him very much or he thought he was a bad boy, that was why he leaved us. So, I had tried to make Hugo look nicer, maybe if he looked pretty and smelled better, things would be okay again. Daddy could come back and mummy would smile again and we could all have fun again.
Because things were not the same anymore and it was not fun now. Mummy was trying to be our old mummy again. I saw her smile sometimes, but they were not real smiles. A kind of pretend smile that grown ups sometimes did. And I sometimes still heard her cry, and she gets sad a lot – especially if I ask her about daddy. So, I tried not to too much, but I wanted him back and I missed him.
Maybe I should just give up, because I didn't think he was ever ever going to come home. Never ever again. Daddy had gone and it was all Hugo's fault!
"Rose Genevra Weasley! What did you do now?" Mum stood over me with her hands on her hips, her face going red with anger and I knew I was in trouble. Again.
I looked up at her guiltily, the scissors still in my hand and the book still in my lap. Crookedly cut out pictures littered the floor at my feet.
"Have you cut all these pictures out of this book!" She snatched it from my lap and flicked through it. "Rose! How could you!"
I lowered my head. "I'm sorry Mummy."
"It would be bad enough if you had destroyed one of your own books. But, why take one of mine?" she was shaking her head and looked so disappointed in me I began to cry. Mummy sighed, she looked tired as put her hand on her forehead and closed her eyes. "Just...go to your room Rose. I do not want to see you until dinnertime. Then we will discuss what you have done." She pointed her finger towards the door.
I stood up, dropping the scissors on the floor and kicking all the pictures I had cut out. Mummy didn't care that I had been going to make her a birthday card with them. I thought she would like it because she liked these books a lot. "I don't like you!" I shouted at her, before slamming the door behind me and running up to my room in tears. Mummy didn't care about me, I sobbed as threw myself face down on my bed and cried.
It seems I was always in trouble these days when I was just trying to help and make things nice for people. But, maybe mummy didn't like me very much anymore. Maybe she was going to leave us too. And that horrible thought made me cry even more. Until mummy came into my bedroom, sat down beside me on my bed and scooped me up onto her lap, cuddling me.
"I'm sorry I shouted at you Rosie." she whispered against my head. "I didn't want to make you cry," she kissed the top of my head as I remained silent, sniffling against her. "But, Mummy has told you lots of times not to touch things that are not yours. And you know better than that to treat books nicely."
"I...I…was just...ma...mak...making you...a...a...a ca...ard," I hiccuped into her body.
"Oh sweetheart," Mummy sighed and hugged me closer. "Whatever am I going to do with you Rosie Posie?" she asked then. I wasn't sure if was supposed to answer, so I didn't. "Come on," she pushed me up a bit and wiped my tears with a hanky she conjured. "Your brother needs waking from his nap, we'll all go and have a drink and then perhaps you can help me bake a cake for Nana's lunch tomorrow?" she suggested, giving me that fake smile again.
I nodded slowly and climbed off her lap as Mummy got up and took my hand, leading me back downstairs.
"Honestly Mum, I just...I don't know what to do with her anymore. She's been so naughty recently, nothing like her usual self."
I was sat outside the kitchen doorstep, listening to mummy talking to nana. They didn't know I was there – they both thought I was playing in the garden with Hugo and pappy Granger. I was thirsty though and wanted a drink, so had come to the door and stopped when I heard Mummy talking.
"She's fighting with her cousins more than ever. Ginny said she upset Albus the other day and Molly said she's been a bit of a terror with Lucy. She cut up one of my books yesterday! Actually cut pictures out of it. She said she was making me a card, but she knows better than that."
I was making her a card! I knew she didn't believe me. Mummy was a big fibber and now I could hear nana laughing at me too.
"It wasn't funny Mum. I fixed the book of course, but I got so angry with her about it. Oh, and then there was that episode last week when she almost drowned her brother in sleekeazy hair potion. Three times I had to wash his hair, bless him, before it was back to normal."
"I'm sorry love. I don't mean to laugh, but she is rather creative."
"No. She's crafty. Too much Weasley blood in her." Mummy sighed and then sounded funny and I thought she was crying again.
"Hermione, love..."
"I just, I don't know what to do anymore Mum. She's been so mean to her brother, pushing him down, stealing his toys and things. I just...why is she like this?"
Because my brother was stupid! I thought to myself. A stupid cry baby who ruined everything.
"You know why, love." I heard Nana answer her. "She misses her daddy. She's grieving and she's angry at the world."
"But, it's been a year," Mummy whispered in that strangled sound she made when she tried to talk through crying.
"Yes, it has. And do you miss him any less?"
"No! Of course not. I..." Mummy began to cry louder then and I wanted to run away. I hated hearing her cry.
"I'm sorry love, I didn't mean to upset you. It's just...Rose is only a little girl, she's barely five years old and she doesn't understand how to express her emotions appropriately yet. Her acting out is her way of trying to cope with something traumatic."
Mummy was sniffling lots so I couldn't hear what she said next.
"I'm not trying to upset you or anything, darling. But, have you considered therapy?"
"Therapy?" Mummy asked.
'Thepary'? I whispered the word to myself. What was that? It sounded horrible. Like the worstest potion ever - something that tasted like mud or worse...worms! Eurgh!
"I mean for all of you, I think it could do you all some good. You've suffered a huge loss, Hermione darling. And, I know you're trying to cope. But, you're not really…"
"As you just pointed out, it's only been a year Mum! What do you want from me? Should I just forget him and the life we had together? Just shrug it off and move on with my life?" Mum was shouting. I hadn't heard her shout like that before. "I love him Mum, I love him SO much and he's gone. Those bastards killed him and he's never...never…" she broke down sobbing again.
And I stood up from my perch beside the door, crying and running across the garden, not wanting to hear anymore. Mummy never shouted like that before and she sounded so mad and sad and…
"Wosie! Come play!" Hugo shouted, running towards me, kicking the football Pappy Granger had brought for him.
"Come on Rose. You can give me a break!" Pappy laughed, sounding tired out.
I was mad, and upset for mummy. And before I knew what I was doing, I ran straight towards my brother, thumped his shoulder, which knocked him over and kicked his silly ball far away. And then I flung myself down onto the grass, ready to smack him again.
"Rose!" Pappy shouted at me, grabbing me and pulling me away before I could do anything else. Hugo lay in the grass screaming and Mummy and Nana were running from the kitchen.
"What's happened? What's wrong?" Mum asked, going straight to Hugo and scooping him up as he continued to cry.
"Rose...she just, she thumped him and knocked him over." Pappy told her, still holding onto me. "I just grabbed her before she hit him again," he went on as I screwed up my face and glared at him.
"Are you all right sweetheart?" Mummy was knelt on the grass with Hugo on her lap, running her hands all over him. "Where does it hurt?" she asked, giving him kisses and wiping his face.
"Here, my arm," he whimpered, pointing to the top of his arm. "Wosie hit me Mummy!" he pouted as Mummy was checking his arm and kissing it better.
"I think it's fine, sweetheart," she gave him a cuddle as he sniffled against her.
"He's just a stupid cry baby!" I yelled at them, making myself red in the face. "And I hate him!"
"Rose!" Three adults all turned to glare at me. Hugo just stuck his tongue out at me.
"How can you..." Nana faded off, looking so disappointed in me I almost regretted it. But, he deserved it. It was all his fault!
"Rose Weasley," Mummy spoke in her most serious voice. She looked upset, but she was angry too and I was a bit worried now. "You do not say things like that to your brother. Now, I want you to apologise and..."
"No! I hate him!" I yelled again. "It's all his fault!"
"It's his fault that you hurt him and that you are being a very mean big sister?" she asked, raising one eyebrow.
"It's his fault that daddy leaved us and he's never coming back, cause Hugo ruined everything!" I screamed at her in one long sentence and then burst out crying.
I didn't notice the look that passed between the grown ups in the garden or that Mummy's eyes filled with tears again.
"Mum, Dad...can you take Hugo inside. Get him a drink or something?" she asked. "Rose and I need a little chat." I heard her sniff.
"You'll be all right?" I heard Nana ask her.
"Fine. We need to talk."
The next thing I knew, Pappy had let me go and mummy had picked me up, carrying me to the bench in the garden and sitting me on her lap. She sighed as she brushed my hair from my damp face and then found a hanky to wipe my face with. I think Mummy just always had loads of them or something. "Rosie," she started, saying my name very softly and was then quite for a little while. She took a deep breath and cuddled me. "I know that you miss your daddy...and I know that you're angry about it. But, it's not Hugo's fault sweetheart. It's no one's fault. It's just something that happened and sometimes bad things happen." She stopped talking as she pulled out that hanky again and wiped her own nose. I lifted my head from her chest to look at her.
"I am so so sorry that you lost your daddy. So sorry that you don't have the perfect happy life you once knew. And, it breaks my heart that you have to go through this. But, somehow we have to keep on living, we have to remember daddy and make him proud. Because, he loved you and your brother so very, very much. You made him so happy and he was so proud of you. I know he'd still be proud of you. But, you have to know that he would never have chosen to leave you or Hugo or mummy. He had no choice, the bad men...they..." Mummy sniffed again and made a funny noise.
"They killed him." I finished for her, remembering what I'd heard her say.
She inhaled deeply and looked surprised that I knew that. "Yes, they did." she nodded. "Unfortunately there are some bad people in this world and it's their fault daddy didn't come home to you. If he could, I know that he would be here right now if he'd had a choice. I know this because I know how very much he loved us, you, me and Hugo. We meant so much to him and I know that he'd do anything for us. He used to love to make you laugh, do you remember?" she asked me.
I nodded. "He readed funny stories," I told her, clinging to her tightly.
She smiled, that sad smile again. "He did. And baby, I am so so sorry you lost him. And I'm sorry this is so hard for you to understand and..."
"I don't got to drink the thepary?" I asked her, alarmed.
"Drink the what?" she asked, confused.
"I heard Nana say it to you. Thepary potion to make it better."
"Oh," she sighed. "You heard us talking and that's what made you upset. No, there's no potion that can make it better baby. Sometimes I wish there was. But, if you're feeling sad and cross about it all, you can talk to Mummy or Nana or anyone. It's better if you try to tell me how you feel, rather than hitting someone. Okay?" she asked me.
I nodded, even though I thought it was much easier to hit someone or break something than to talk about stuff. Talking about daddy made my eyes sore and made me hurt and I know it made Mummy cry. "I try," I told her.
"That's all I ask my darling girl. One day, I promise, one day it won't hurt as much," she whispered and kissed the top of my head as she held me close. And I clung to my mummy, feeling safe and loved again.
I just really, really hated those nasty bad men!
Something was going on, I just knew it was. The grown ups were having lots of secret talks and they shut up when we walked in. Mummy had a smile back, a real smile, though she looked a bit worried too. And even Uncle Harry and Granny Weasley looked happy again – I hadn't seen them really happy in ages!
But worst of all, Mummy kept disappearing somewhere for days and days! Leaving us with Aunty Ginny and Uncle Harry or at the Burrow with Granny and Grampy. She told me that it was for a good reason and that I would understand soon and she promised me and Hugo that she'd come back. But...it was all very, very strange.
What were they all up to? Maybe it was a secret birthday party for me? Or even better, a big, special birthday present! Though, I think my birthday wasn't here yet. Maybe it was a big secret and they had to talk about it lots first? Oh! I hoped so!
So, the big secret wasn't a birthday party…or an exciting present. Mummy told us that our daddy was back. The same daddy she had told us could never come back and was in heaven. And now she said he was. I was very confused, it was all just...very weird and I didn't know how to feel about this man that everyone said was my daddy. I mean, he looked the same as photos I had and he talked the same from what I could remember, but...how could he be here? Hugo loved him, he thought he was brilliant. But then Hugo also loved slugs and worms he found in the garden – so no surprises there.
I just didn't understand. Mummy had told us that daddy had been hurt too badly and had to leave us to go to heaven. But now they told me he wasn't really hurt as bad. So why did he never come home to us? Why had he leaved us to cry and be sad for so long? Mummy had cried for months and months and now she was smiling at this man as though she never did cry once at all.
He said that he forgot us, that the bad men hurt his head and made him lose something in it or something, how do you forget your kids and my mummy? Sometimes I forgot to brush my teeth, even though mummy told me to do them every day. And sometimes I forgot where I left a toy or something, but I had never forgot my brother or my mummy. That was just silly! Though, sometimes I would have maybe liked to forget my silly brother! Don't tell mummy I said that though!
We were all back home now, daddy too, but...it wasn't the same as I remembered it. I suppose I didn't remember it very well, but, it didn't feel right. I think I was really cross with him because it had all been so horrible when he leaved us. And, I was worried that he might decide to forget us and leave us again and then we'd just cry more. I didn't want to see my mummy sad again, so I didn't like him much.
He tried to talk to me, tried to play with me and things, but...I didn't want to. I wanted to love him, like Hugo did, I wanted to join in their games and cuddle with him and think he was brilliant again. But, I was still angry and upset. I wanted things back the way they used to be, but how did I trust this man who leaved us for so long and now says he doesn't really remember who we are?
Mummy was sat beside me, writing a letter at the kitchen table, as I knelt up on my knees, leaning over the back of the chair and gazing out of the window. Hugo was out there, playing with daddy. They were running around the garden, chasing after the football, laughing together. Hugo almost tripped over the ball, but before he fell, daddy grabbed him and raised him above his head, making him fly through the air. Hugo squealed with giggles, making mummy look up from her writing.
"That looks fun," she commented, watching them like me. "Why don't you go and join them sweetheart?" she suggested, tucking loose strands of my hair back behind my ear.
I shook my head and wrinkled my nose as daddy put Hugo down and they began chase across the grass, forgetting about the ball.
"Well, I'm going to take this to Beau." She sealed her enveloped and stood up from the table. "You be careful on that chair," she warned me as she went off to find our owl.
Biting my bottom lip, watching them have fun, I climbed down from the chair and opened the kitchen door. The laughter hit me much louder as Hugo squealed daddy's name and seemed to be having the time of his life.
"Hey wosie!" he spotted me and waved, darting away from daddy. Daddy was pretending to growl and I knew that Hugo was making him play dragons again – he got any grown up to play his game with him, chasing after him as though they were a fierce dragon. "Come play!" he told me waving his hands towards them.
I shook my head and just stood watching them from the doorway.
"You can join in Rose," daddy shouted. "The dragon can catch a little witch as well," he chuckled.
"No," I shook my head again, but ventured from the doorway and sat down on the bottom step, just watching. Even though I was itching to run with them and have fun, something was stopping me from doing it.
"Rose will come around soon," I heard Mummy say to daddy the next night. They were in the kitchen, clearing up from dinner whilst Hugo and I played in the room. I had gone to ask them for a drink.
"I hope so." he sighed. "I can understand her being wary, but..."
"I know," mummy spoke softly. "She's your daughter Ron, and she loves you. She just, she needs to get used to you again, she needs to learn to trust you again. She had it pretty rough you know. She understood much more than Hugo."
"Yeah, I know. I'll be patient with her. And, somehow, even if I don't remember everything yet, I'll win her love and trust back."
"I know you will," I heard mummy almost whisper.
"Can I give Hugo his bath and put him to bed?" he asked then.
"Of course," she sounded pleased. "I'm sure he'd love that."
"Okay," he sounded happy and I felt a little sad. Why didn't he want to put me to bed? Didn't he love me the same? Was Hugo his favourite? I don't even know if I would have let him if he'd asked me, but...I was still a little sad that he hadn't asked.
There was lots of splashing and chatter coming from the bathroom where daddy was giving Hugo his bath. I was in mummy's room, where she was drying my hair after letting me take a bath in her bathroom, even letting me use her special smelly bubble bath. At least I knew Mummy still loved me.
"There we go sweetheart, all done," Mummy announced as she pulled a nightgown on over my head. It was my favourite pink one, covered in pygmy puff's. "Why don't you go hop into your bed and I'll come read to you in a moment? I just want to check your Dad and Hugo are all right," she told me as she led me from her room.
In my room, I forgot about getting into bed and instead seated my dolls and stuffed animals around the little table, giving them all a drink and a snack before bed, losing myself in my game. I didn't even notice that Mummy hadn't come back and then I heard a voice reading a story down the hall. Curious, I crept from my room and peeped into Hugo's bedroom through the open door.
My brother was already in bed and Daddy was sat on the side of it, reading to him from his favourite story – 'The Stinky Dragon'! I had heard it loads of times before, but I liked listening to daddy read because he made all these funny voices and I remembered them a bit from a long, long time ago.
Without them seeing me, I sat down just outside his door and listened. Until mummy found me sat there.
"Why don't you go in and listen?" she asked, smiling.
I shook my head sharply, not wanting him to know I was here.
"Then, open the door so you can hear it better," Mum pushed the door open wider and then left, going into her own room.
Daddy turned his head at the sound of the door creaking and Hugo looked up too. "Hey Wosie!" he grinned. Sometimes I wondered why my brother was always so happy to see me when I had been so mean to him. "Daddy read me story," he told me happily, laying back down on his pillows.
"Would you like to join us?" Daddy asked, speaking very softly.
I shrugged and pouted.
"Well, I'm sure you can hear just as well from there." He offered me a smile and continued reading the book. It was at Hugo's favourite part – when the dragon got covered in chicken poop and daddy made the dragons squeals and cries for help sound very funny.
I didn't even realise I had crept closer until I was sat right next to daddy's leg and yawned, sticking my thumb in my mouth and laying my head against him. Daddy paused in his reading for a moment, lightly touched the top of my head, then continued right on, using those funny voices I could almost remember from when I was as old as Hugo.
I didn't hear the rest of the story, but I woke up a little bit when someone picked me up and carried me out of my brother's room. I realised it was daddy when I heard him whisper something to mummy. But, I didn't struggle at all, because...it felt nice. Daddy was warm and soft and he smelt good - like something I used to know. And as he lay me down in my bed, carefully covering me with my blankets, he kissed the top of my head and smoothed my hair down.
"I do love you Rosie Posie," he whispered, before he crept out of my room.
I smiled as I rolled over and clutched my little pink unicorn to my chest. That was the funny name that daddy always used to call me and I liked it. It felt good hearing it again. I had missed it. Just as I had missed my daddy.
Okay, perhaps he is my same daddy. Maybe. He talked to me today, and told me everything mummy used to tell me about how he never wanted to go away, he never wanted to leave us and how much he hated missing us and forgetting us. He told me again that he loved me, that he hated missing out on being with me and then, he promised he was never, ever going to leave me again and we cuddled. And, it was nice. It was really nice – I felt all safe and warm and loved and I smiled as I snuggled with him.
I have a daddy again. My daddy is back home. Mummy is happy and smiling and daddy is sleeping in mummy's bed again. Just like mummy's and daddy's should do. And everything is okay. I don't got to be so sad and angry now and that's good. I think my little family is all mended.
P.S. Don't worry – this might be the last of these 'one off's' for now – but I have a brand new multi-chapter Romione fic to begin posting soon – if I can bloody decide on a damn title for it :P
PLEASE review - they make me smile and the only decent kind of emails I get these days. Thank you!
