Okay, this author's note is going to be really long because I'm not gonna censor my babbling. It's not terribly important, so you can skip it if you like.

First of all, the basic idea, as I hope you've gathered, is that Rose and the Doctor essentially switched places. However, that doesn't mean I'm going to just go through and alter the dialogue a bit in places but keep everything else the same. Some of the overarching plot of canon will remain, as will a few episodes, like this one and the next one, but there's a whole lot of stuff I really want to mess up with the verse and thus much will be different. Besides, most of us have already seen the original episodes; no reason to repeat them. When I do have to repeat episodes, I try to make them fairly different, although that fell through a bit near the end of this one.

I have no idea if the chapters will be this long once I get out of rewriting canon episodes and updates will be extremely scarce. Sorry about that. However, I've got a lot of ideas for this verse, so probably I won't completely abandon it.

Succedaneous essentially means 'a substitute'.

Rose is the Huntress for fairly obvious reasons; I wanted something to connect with the Bad Wolf, even if it's maybe not the best statement about her personality or what she does. The Doctor is Joss because it's a bit like Ross, which is basically a masculine adaption of Rose, and a bit like John, and very whimsical and vaguely French. I thought it fit pretty well. Oh, and by the way, it's the Tenth Doctor. There will be no further character changes; these are the only two that switched.

Finally, I'm a sucker for happy endings and I still haven't managed to get past the Tenth Doctor in canon. So... if I ever actually get to the End of Time, or even Canary Wharf, expect even more AU-ness. I'm a Doctor/Rose shipper, but I'll try to keep their relationship realistic; I find unrealistic relationships to be worse than realistic relationships that I hate.

I don't own it and I find it highly unlikely that not saying so would cause problems. As such, I'm not going to do so again.


All great deeds and all great thoughts have a ridiculous beginning. Great works are often born on a street corner or in a restaurant's revolving door.

-Albert Camus


Get up. Get dressed. Say bye to his mum. Catch the bus. Go to work. Have lunch with Shareen. Back to work. Take the lottery money to Wilson (and why did he always have to do that, again?). Go home. Maybe go out for a pint with his mates. He could practically do it in his sleep.

Sometimes he almost wanted Uni to start back up, just as a break from the monotony.

Hmm, where was Wilson? That was new, usually he'd be waiting. Not a bad chap, Wilson.

"Wilson? Got the lottery money!" Josselin said.

No response.

Joss tried again; Wilson was getting old, after all. "Wilson?" He knocked on his office door.

Now this was getting a bit annoying. Where was he? He couldn't just skive off and not tell anyone, he had places to be!

"Wilson, stop mucking about! The shop's closed!"

Faint rattling from the storage area. Feeling a tiny bit nervous; it was dark down here, that was all, Joss tried a "Hello? Wilson, what're you doing? It's Joss!"

No response. Again. What was going on? "This isn't funny, Wilson! Whatever joke you're trying to play, you can stop it!" He said, cautiously making his way towards the noise.

He opened the storage area door. God, it was pitch black in here. Well, he mused, I wanted a break in the routine...

Oh, right, there were the lights. Joss turned them on, the action a bit more rushed than he'd like to admit. No one there. This was beginning to get creepy. "Wilson!" He tried, one last time. Nothing.

Something made a crashing noise.

Joss started and turned, but apparently the crash had been the door slamming shut. He was trapped. Joss ran towards it, suddenly feeling claustrophobic. All those creepy dummies weren't helping. He tried the handle, not feeling very hopeful. This was just like a bad horror movie, where one of the hot chicks went to investigate and then –

I did not just call myself a hot chick, he thought, insulted. Although if he was a girl he supposed he would be pretty hot –

More banging. Joss swallowed nervously, the momentary lightheartedness disappearing practically instantaneously. "Alright, alright, I get it! This is Derrick, isn't it? Getting back at me for last Friday? I'm sorry, Derrick! You can stop now!"

He ventured back into the storage area, trying to ignore the dummies and their staring. Stop that, they can't stare, they're just dummies.

Something had moved behind him. Joss's head whipped around so fast he nearly gave himself whiplash. Stop it, Joss! It was probably just a mouse or something. And the crashes were just... really big mice. That can lock – oh my god.

It's moving. It's moving towards me and oh god I'm gonna die I'm too pretty to die! I can't die yet!

"Derrick! That's, that's very funny! Hahaha, see, hilarious! Now, if you could just, just, ah, stop? I mean, really very funny but the joke's gotten a bit old, hasn't it, and, did you get Mickey to help you, then? Fix up a mechanical skeleton or something – I'm sorry, you two, you can stop! I really mean it!"

They were staring at him and advancing and raising their plastic arms and he was really going to die and – that wasn't plastic. Someone was holding his hand?

"Run."

"Why?" He squawked on instinct, and immediately felt stupid. He turned to look at the person who had grabbed his hand.

Strange woman – not that he was complaining, mind, cropped brown hair, prominent cheekbones, big ears, hawkish nose but it actually worked rather well for her, and this really isn't the time Joss you're running from plastic mannequins!

"Because!" She answered, sounding a bit incredulous but not at all out of breath.

They ran into the elevator, the mannequins advancing, one even sticking an arm through and she just pulled it off and threw at him. Joss caught it out of reflex more than anything else. "What was that? They were plastic! Plastic is not supposed to be able to move, unless it's mechanical I guess but why would – " He panted.

"Aliens." She interrupted.

"Wait, what?" He shook his head, trying to clear it of the insane nonsense. Finally he gave up.

"Who're you, then?" He said, trying to smile. That had to be a sort of normal topic, right? Couldn't muck that up, right?

Her face twisted into a wolfish grin, and his world changed forever. "I'm the Huntress. Nice to meet you, but I really meant it when I told you to run!" The door opened, and she paused a moment to point a strange glowing, whirring... thing... at the lift button, which sent out a cascade of sparks. She then sprinted away, looking faintly golden in the low light. When no other choice made itself clear, Joss swallowed nervously and followed.

"Okay, so if they're aliens, what kind of aliens are they, then? Are you saying mannequins are of alien origin?" He said, because at least she seemed to know what was going on even if what she said was going on was impossible to believe.

"Autons! By the way, what's your name?" She asked, opening the door to the street as she talked.

"Joss. I mean, umm, Tyler. Josselin. Josselin Tyler." He babbled, not even considering disobeying.

She wrinkled her nose. "Really? I suppose the Tyler bit isn't too bad. Don't tell anyone about all this, Joss Tyler, I'm better off on my own and you could get people killed. Goodbye!" He stood there, not really comprehending, as she slammed the door. She opened it again. "Still there? Forgot to tell you, run! Get out of here as fast as you can! Go on then!"

He followed her advice this time, his brain shorted out for the time being. Aliens? Living plastic? Hot woman in leather jackets? Alright, focus Joss, just narrowly escaped life threatening situation, not really the time!

He was still holding the arm. Joss glared at three shop dummies in a window in passing, speeding up slightly. Why was he still holding the arm? Joss located the nearest bin, dumped it, and kept running. The entire world seemed hostile. Eyes darting nervously from person to shop window to car, Joss crossed the street and narrowly avoided being ran over. Be careful, Joss! Rest of the world could be out to get you! Well, just the dummy parts of it but same difference!

And then his job blew up.

It may have been just a summer job, but that didn't make it much better. The Huntress – and that name, there was something about that name – had just blew his job up. Had she still been in there? No, couldn't have been. Joss really hoped not, at least, even if she had basically destroyed his job.

For once it was a relief to come home to Jackie and tea and his job on the telly. Blown up. Of course he hadn't been able to move out properly; he barely had enough money for Uni as it was, so Joss spent a lot of time away, but Jackie's chatter was a relief, just this once. Joss was still in shock. The Huntress and his job and living plastic and aliens and where had common sense slunk off to, anyway?

Shareen. Of course Shareen had to come over. Just barge right in while he was trying to think, thanks. "Joss! Joss, are you alright? I've been phoning but you didn't pick up! I was so worried! It was on the telly and everything! Why didn't you call me back? I've been phoning you for practically hours, Joss." Her glare belied her earlier worrying but that was just Shareen. Contradictions all over.

Joss flinched away from her. "Shareen, I'm fine, I was just a little overwhelmed, y'know? I'm really sorry I didn't call you. Just – I need some time to think about things. That okay?"

"What happened, Joss? Are you sure? It wasn't one of your mates, was it? It was Derrick, wasn't it!" Shareen practically fell onto the seat next to him.

"Shareen! It wasn't Derrick! I don't know what exactly happened, but I'm fine, the explosion happened after I got out. I mean, obviously, seeing as I'm still alive and all. That wasn't just a little firecrakcer, Shareen, the concussive force probably – "

Then his mum had to burst in, too. Couldn't a guy get any peace around here?

"Betty's on the line! She knows a man on The Mirror, five hundred quid for an interview!"

"Oh, brilliant! Here." Joss said, tempted despite himself. He grabbed the phone from Jackie's proffered hand and slammed it down.

"Well, you've got to find some way of making money! Your job just blew up and I'm not paying for Uni. I'm already paying for your food, clothes, and lodging!"

"Your mum's right, y'know. Can't just mope around here all day, not my boyfriend." Shareen added. Why did they always gang up on him?

"I know, I know, just give me some time to get myself together, alright?"

Jackie didn't respond as the phone was already ringing again. She retreated into a conversation and Joss kneaded the bridge of his nose. He wanted to be alone for a bit –

"Is this tea? Joss, d'you want to go out, have a drink, get your mind off this? This is no good, moping around here with your mum." Shareen looked critically at him as she moved the mug to the coffee table. "This isn't you, Joss. You're never this miserable. I don't like it!"

Joss sighed. She was trying to be nice; Shareen didn't even like going out to the pub, preferring to stay at home and have more old-fashioned fun, but he really just needed some time to collect himself. He couldn't get her out of his mind, the explosion and that brilliant smile... What if she hadn't gotten out?

That was ridiculous. He hadn't even known her, didn't even know her name, 'the Huntress' wasn't a proper sort of name, just a title. Silly one, too, what did she hunt in London? Pedestrians? Joss snorted.

Oh, right. Conversation. Joss grinned, rather convincingly he thought, at Shareen. She was still inspecting him with the scrutiny of a future reporter. "Shareen, I'm fine. Go on, go hang out with your friends. I'm fine, really, just need a bit of space."

Shareen continued to stare at him for a moment before the facade crumbled. "Alright. But if you're still like this for the next couple days, I am going to make you cheer up." She threatened with a smile, and leaned in for a kiss. Joss obliged, glad he was finally getting somewhere. He tried to trip her, grinning weakly as she dodged, and pushed her playfully, not willing to sacrifice long tradition for a bit of introspection. Shareen waved and walked towards the door. "Bye, Joss!" She yelled as she walked out.

"Bye!" He replied.

The telly was still playing the story. Joss reached for the remote and shut it off.