Scumbag Wands

"Dude, look at this dickhead."

"Oh my god dude, what a fucknugget."

"Good god, did he put glue in his hair?"

The three wands spoke all at the same time. One, an Eleven inch Holly Phoenix feather. Another, Hawthorn and Unicorn hair. Next to that, Maple and Dragon Heartstring.

"Oh god, here they come."

"God damnit, he picked me." Unicorn hair slid out of his box. When the boy picked him up, he knocked over an entire shelf of wands.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA"

"Dude, did you see the look on his face!?"

"Oh man, he got blasted so hard"

"Nice one Unicorn"

From another shelf, a sudden rush of green sparks flew up in the air. "Oh great, looks like another douchebag picked a human."

"Hey, HEY OAKWOOD!? How do you explain fingerprints all over your knob bro? Hahahaha." The other wand shouted back. "Hey asshole, how does it feel being stuck in a box for the rest of your life? Still living at mommy's house huh? See ya later losers!"

"Ick, disgusting."

"Yo phoenix, get a load of this douchebag."

"Yo dude, he looks like he has crabs on his balls."

"Yeah man, look at the fuckin scab on his forehead, I wonder if he's been here before."

"Oh man, I'll kiss the wand who gave him it."

"I don't know man… That scar actually looks kinda cool…" Phoenix spoke up at last

"Oh heeeeeeellll naw."

"No way bro, not gonna work."

"Uh uh man, run bros run he's got the E-B jeebez!"

"Wait, guys, think about it, he could be a ghetto punk star if he tried!" But it was no use, the other boxes had shuffled away. He was picked up, and he emitted a shower of sparks for the boy. "Oh great…" He muttered."This douchebag has oily fingers…" And the other wands laughed as he was stuck in a butt pocket and marched out of the shop.