Orochimaru terrorized the small tree village with fireballs and powerful jutsus. "I AM OROCHIMARU, KING OF FIREBALLS AND POWERFUL JUTSUS!" he bellowed.

Just as he began a particularly powerful Jutsu, he was hit by another extremely strong force. His concentration broken, Orochimaru flew into the village's orphanage, leaving no survivors.

Orochimaru looked and saw his attacker.

Voldemort.

Smiling and shaking his head, Orochimaru climbed out of a pile of debris and dead children. With a wave, he offered his fist to be bumped, which Voldemort bumped with gusto.

"Yo sup Voledmort, supreme wizard of evil!"

"How you doin', Supreme Ninja Orochimaru?"

The pair retreated to a nearby half-destroyed tavern to catch up, and hopefully score some free booze.

"So, how's that Harry Potter problem?"

Orochimaru had a kebab in one hand and a beer in the other. Voldemort sighed.

"Oh man, it's so crazy. I mean, I killed the kid's parents in front of him, I killed the kid's friend in front of him, I killed the kid's friend's older brother - and the little bastard still hasn't broken."

Voldemort took a sloppy bite out of the greasy burger laid before him, becore asking about Orochimaru's situation.

"Oh christ, these last few months have been a complete clusterfuck. First this little dipshit named Naruto gets all up in my grill, then I keep dying until I come back as a chick - and now here I am, wrecking places with jutsus and fireballs."

Voldemort put a greasy hand on Orochimaru's shoulder, saying "I feel your pain, brother."

After a few moments of uncomfortable silence, Voldemort spoke up.

"Dude, we should go on a road trip!"

Orochimaru picked right up. "Dude, yes! That sounds awesome! Did you bring a car?"

Voldemort clicked his fingers and chanted "Accio Honda!", and a flying lime-green Honda Civic crashed through the tavern wall. Voldemort and Orochimaru clambered in, before Orochimaru got a stern warning not to touch the upholdtery with his dirty hands.

And off they sailed, to adventures far away.