Disclaimer: I do not own anything owned by Eoin Colfer or anything to do with the Artemis Fowl books or anything like that. I only own what I own/made up/created/ thought of. Got it?

A/N: it's depressing writing disclaimers. Oh well. This s a random story that popped into my head, I have no idea what it will end up like because I never stick to my plans. Please review and tell me what you think, I don't care if you think it is the worst thing since sliced bread. And don't think I'm abandoning my other story for this. This is just what I am writing while I work out what should happen in my other story because I didn't stick to that plan.

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This is set after Eternity Code but before Opal Deception… How could he kill Julius, not that I believe he is dead, there has to be some loophole.

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A Half Brother, an Ulcer and Illegal Surface Weddings

Chapter 1

Holly Short rolled out of bed. She still missed that mud boy, not that she liked him or anything, but when he was around Commander Root always had someone other than her to yell at. Now that mud boy was mind wiped Root was back to yelling at her for every little thing she did. She hadn't had nearly as many surface assignments as Captain Vein, and only had enough backed up paper work left for one more week. She never bothered to do her paperwork, so she usually had about six months to do at one time. That was how few active jobs she had been given since Fowl's latest 'adventure'.

She had even given up being late because of the Commanders new-found nastiness, he had made her work an extra shift for no pay after she had been late for the tenth time in a fortnight.

Switching off her environmentally friendly alarm clock she tumbled into the shower and washed her spiky auburn crew cut hair. The water was warm today, as usual; one of the two perks of living underground. The other being no mud men, hence no Artemis Fowl.

As she pulled on her jumpsuit she thought about how much she loved her job. She lived for the chance to serve the People, just as her now deceased father had done.

On her way to the door she grabbed a nettle smoothie from her fridge. Just as he was about to open the door a knock sounded on it.

Major Trouble Kelp had moved into the apartment across from hers about two months ago and knew what a hard time she got from Root. They were great mates so every morning he would make sure she was awake, he didn't want to see her get in any more trouble.

'Hey,' said Holly as she pulled the apartment door open, grinning at the sight of Trouble.

'You're actually up this morning Holly!' exclaimed Trouble, surprised.

'Yea,' grinned Holly sheepishly.

'Root's gonna think you're ill.'

'I know, I think I am.'

'Haha. Don't ruin it Holly. You gonna walk with me?'

'Sure,' said Holly as she grabbed her ingoflow (like cashflow or eftpos) card and shoved it in her pocket.

The two walked in silence to Police Plaza, and both were amazed to find that they were ten minutes early.

Unfortunately for Holly the very corner of her ingoflow card was sticking out of her pocket. The all too familiar cry of 'SHORT, GET IN HERE!' erupted from Commander Root's office.

Trouble looked scandalised as Holly drew a breath, made her height of one metre as tall as possible, and walked into Commander Root's office.

'SHORT WHAT IS THAT STICKING OUT OF YOUR POCKET BECAUSE IT IS CERTAINLY NOT YOUR UNIFORM!' erupted Commander Root.

'Sorry, sir, it's my ingoflow card. I won't let it be seen again sir.'

'I'm sure you won't Short. Consider this your warning against not wearing the correct uniform.

Private Verbil chose that moment to walk past the Commander's office wearing a bright pink bandana (no one will ever be able to explain why, it's just Chix Verbil). Commander Root conveniently ignored him.

Trouble was standing outside Commander Root's office as Commander Root had wanted to discuss something with him that morning, and was listening to Root yell at Holly. He had never understood how Root could be so sexist. He heard Root give Holly a warning for not wearing correct uniform and saw Verbil walk past. He saw the Commander look at Verbil, then turn back to persecuting Holly. He could not stand it anymore.

'Commander Root, sir. I suggest you stop persecuting Captain Short and start enforcing rules on the male officers,' said Trouble loudly, stepping into the office.

'And I suggest, Major, that you don't tell me how to treat my officers if you value your rank. Or would you prefer to be Private?'

That statement stung Trouble. He had fought hard to get his rank.

'Just leave it Trouble, it doesn't matter.'

The defeated tone of her voice cut Trouble deep, and even Commander Root looked up, worried at Holly. Both were surprised to see her on the verge on an emotional breakdown.

'Short, what's wrong?' asked Commander Root. For the first time he actually sounded worried.

'Nothing sir,' squeaked Holly in a much higher voice than usual. 'Permission to return to my paper-work sir?'

'You must nearly be done on that Short. But permission granted. Maybe we should fine an active assignment for you…' the Commander mused. But as quickly as that kind moment had come it left him. 'But not today Short, get to work, oh and send Verbil in here.'

Trouble caught hold of her arm as she left the room. She looked up into his face.

'You O.K.?' he muttered.

'I'll live.' With that she walked out of the room.

As soon as she was out of the room Commander Root turned to Trouble.

'I'm worried about her Kelp, you know her better than me. What's wrong with her?'

(A/N: The end of the first chapter. Please review and tell me what you think. I don't care if it is the worst thing you have ever read. And please suggest a better title for the story. I'm bad with titles. Anyway thanks for reading. Please review. The next chapter will be longer and will be posted shortly. Thanks.)