Title: Happiness Headgame
Author: Cassandra Hunter
Category: Stargate SG-1
Disclaimer: I own very little in this story.
Plot: The SGC requires Daniel Jackson to visit a shrink... psychiatrist.
Notes: This could be placed after many different episodes. Choose one.
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"I'm not crazy, you know." The uncomfortable man began, his eyes darting nervously from the ornate wooden desk to the degree-littered wall. His hands tugged mechanically at his collar, which had suddenly become awkwardly tight around his neck.
"No one is trying to say that you are." The mild-mannered woman behind the desk replied simply, her face reflected off of the water glass her fingertips traced in an absentminded pattern. It was a good thing Dr. Amber Clements had the patience to match her chosen profession. It was much called for when dealing with such a patient as the gentleman before her.
"Then why am I here?" He persisted, aggravated by the woman's uncanny ability to turn his questions around in an annoying undesirable fashion.
"Didn't we discuss this last week, Dr. Jackson?" She inquired pleasantly, peering at the squirming young man with an amusement that few patients could bring about.
"I don't need a shrink." Daniel argued, his eyes still unconsciously studying the fleets of certificates and framed degrees that decorated the wall of the office.
"We're called psychologists, these days." The elderly woman informed him with a lighthearted chuckle. "My, aren't we fussy this week? Did something happen that I should know about?"
"Why do you get to ask all the questions?"
"I wouldn't have to ask so many if you would answer them the first time around."
Daniel sighed deeply, pulling at the collar that seemed bent on choking him to death. The sessions had been required of the SGC and Daniel had been more than a little unwilling in the beginning. But the day had been long, and Daniel wasn't feeling quite up to par. Thus, he gave in without much of a fight. "Please repeat the question, Dr. Clements. I seem to have forgotten it."
"That's hard to believe, seeing as I've been asking you the same question since out sessions began." She commented, removing her reading glasses as she glanced up from her notes regarding the man seriously. "Are you happy, Dr. Jackson?"
"I just..." He sighed, pushing unruly bangs away from his eyes. "I guess I just don't understand what kind of question that's supposed to be." He evaded. "I mean, is anyone truly happy?"
"I didn't ask about 'anyone'. I asked about you."
"I'm... I'm happy." He struggled with the words. "Why wouldn't I be?"
Dr. Clements replaced the reading glasses and began taking notes once more. "What did you do today, Daniel? Start from when you woke up this morning."
The leather chair squeaked a bit as he shifted uncomfortably. "Why?"
"Please. Humor me." She requested, smiling pleasantly.
"It was a typical day, I guess. I showered, went to work, and then came here."
"And what will you do after you leave my office?" She inquired, leaning back in her chair, thoughtfully studying the man as he eluded her continuously with his eyes.
"I have work to finish and I guess I'll go home to finish it."
"Ah, yes. You're quite the archeologist and linguist. Do you enjoy your work?"
He nodded absentmindedly, still not bringing his eyes to meet hers. "Dr. Jackson, do you associate much with your peers? Inside work and outside of it?"
His shoulders lifted momentarily with a halfhearted shrug. "Yeah, a few of them, I guess."
"How many is a few?"
He looked up, annoyance flashing in his eyes. "A few."
"But do you socialize with them much aside from the missions or on the job?"
"Sometimes." He commented, crossing his arms over his chest.
"You prefer to do many things by yourself, don't you?" Dr. Clements inquired, her question causing the young man to look up suspiciously.
"Just what are you trying to say?"
She smiled, the lines in her aged face creasing gently. "You're such a bright young man. You so much to give, so much talent, so much love. No, don't look at me like that. You would have love if you would let it show. Yet you persistently hide yourself away from people. Haven't you ever desired to share part of yourself with another person? To let them inside?"
"No."
She shook her head. "You're not being honest. With me or with yourself."
"Loneliness suits me, Dr. Clements." Daniel commented darkly, sinking down into the chair with a sullen expression marring his face. "I've been alone my entire life."
"That's not true. Your parents and your wife must have loved and cared for you dearly when they were alive."
Cold eyes flashed at her. "Well they're not here anymore, are they?"
"Now, they're not." She answered honestly. "But there are over 5 billion people in the world that are here." His eyes closed in displeasure, opening again only to stare off in the distance. "No one can replace what you've lost, and what you've lost is great. But there are a certain few who cam make it easier... who will love you if you'd let them."
He shook his head unhappily. "Loneliness suits m—"
"No, it doesn't, Dr. Jackson." She cut him off. "It doesn't suit anyone. It never has. Your loneliness is the reason you shoe up here week after wee, trying to fill hat void that's inside you." Daniel shifted uncomfortably, placing his head in his palms, but Dr. Clements continued regardless. "You try to fill that void with your job, but it's not enough. Is it, Dr. Jackson?"
He didn't respond, shifting once more.
"Dr. Jackson... Daniel..." She began, leaning forward, eyes serious. "Tell me honestly. Are you happy?"
His eyes fell to his lap, where they studied the white, clenched knuckles that lay there. He bit his lip, forehead creasing. "No." He whispered softly.
"Daniel?"
"No." He repeated with more volume. "I'm not happy."
"Why?"
His lower lip quivered a bit, eyes still affixed to his lap. "It's just like you said. I'm lonely."
The elderly doctor capped her pen and set it down on the desk. "You're right, Daniel. You are."
He blinked, glancing up in confusion. "That's it? That's all you have to say?"
"What more would you like me to say?" She inquired, leaning back in her chair.
He faltered momentarily. "Well, what can I do? How do I get over it?"
She smiled. "I think you know, Daniel. I think you know very well. The rest, however, is up to you."
Eyes falling from her face in silence, Daniel glanced wearily on to his cup of coffee, which sat before him on Dr. Wood's desk, untouched.
