Hey guys! My friend, B.B and I wrote this when we where really bored, Sorry if we offend anyone, for that was not our intentions.
Disclaimer: No, Twilight is not ours (Thank God!); Stephenie Meyer is responsible for that error, her and her alone. Harry Potter belongs to the brilliant J.K Rowling
My heart has been ripped away with a Tonka truck backhoe and shoved down my oesophagus. Edward was called back to the magical land of pixies, leaving me with Renesme. I'm not sure can deal with this pain again. I moaned and curled up into the fetal position once again becoming near comatose for months on end. My fatherly figure continuously attempted to revive me from my pathetic state, t`was to no avail. Without Edward my life has no meaning… literally.
*** Two Years Later***
I awoke with a start. I quickly realized I'm a cheating, artless, bawdy, beslubbering, churlish, cockered, droning, anti-feministic, spread legged, wanking twat and still had Jacob! I quickly contradicted myself knowing that he is currently having sexual relations with my two year old daughter… I am single. I thought about sitting back down and continuing my comatose state but then I remembered I have a daughter who is probably dead by now.
I stood on shaky legs and looked around the room. I was in the little cottage on the Cullen estate that Edward and I stained with our existence. I staggered out the door and promptly fell flat on my face. After I stood and casually wiped the blood off face. I staggered towards the main house as I felt my nose heal itself. I tripped over a young child breaking a couple of his ribs in the process. I stumbled a little fell down an escalator knocked down about 50 trees, bumped into Snape who with a domino affect, pushed Dumbledore of a balcony. I then tripped over Dumbledore's fallen corpse which sent me flying and latching onto Voldemort`s nose with my mouth. I promptly bit down thereby tearing off his nose, since it was the first taste human blood I'd had in two years I didn't realize I was sucking all the pigment out of his face. I stood up and promptly brushed myself off, ``Orc`s blood! Am I a klutz`` I exclaimed.
