"Mattie?"

"What."

"I'm cold, Mattie."

"Y'r always cold. Go back to sleep."

"…But Mattie – "

"Al. Sleep."

"But – "

"Now."

There is a silence.

"Maaaaaaattie…"

"What."

"You're too bony! Your knees are, like, poking me."

"Mnf."

"It huuuuurts."

"Suck it up."

"But, they're like… right in my thighs, bro."

There is another silence, broken only by the quiet rustle of shifting sheets.

"…better?"

"Mhm! Thanks, Mattie!"

"Shut up, Al."

"Love ya too, bro!"

The quiet falls again.

"Mattie, I'm still cold!"

"Then get a damn blanket."

"But the floor is like… really really cold!"

"It happens."

"Maaaaaattiiiiiiie…"

"NO, Al. …Don't you even try to look at me like that."

"But -"

"I am not leaving this damned bed until exactly seven o'clock in the morning. It is currently… Oh, man, it's already 2.30?"

"Wow, really? Time goes by so fast up north…"

"Alfred, if you don't go to sleep now I am kicking you out of the bed."

"But there might be ghosts downstairs! I can hear them!"

"Alfred, there is nothing downstairs. Now sleep."

"…Mattie?"

"What is it this time, Alfred?"

"Whoa, whoa, calm down, dude! Caaaalm doooown."

"Why. Why should I calm down."

"…Whoa, dude, you sounded just like Russia for a second."

"Oh, why ever could that be."

"Yeah, it's really weird, huh? Maybe you're getting a sore throat! Oh, man, Mattie, are you getting sick?"

"No, Afred. Would you just… go back to sleep?"

"But Mattie! You might be sick! I have to check your temperature!"

"No, ugh, Al, just…"

"I'll be right back, Mattie! Never fear! I'll take care of you!"

"Al, don't… I just… I just cleaned in there –"

There is a large crash.

"…Whoops! Sorry, bro!"

"Alfred, I am going to murder you."

"It's okay, I'll put everything back the way it was!"

"I am going to make McNuggets out of your eyes."

"Wait. Dude."

"What the hell is it, Alfred?"

"Dude, is this…"

"Al, what are you…"

"Matthew, is this weed?"

"…Oh my god can we not do this right now."

"Matthew, are… are you doing drugs?"

"Al, just. Not right now. Come back to bed."

"MATTHEW WHO GAVE THESE TO YOU."

"Al, nobody gave it to me – "

"Oh man I bet it was that Holland guy. I just knew he was trouble, that slimy - "

"First of all, he is not That Holland Guy, his name is Lars, and second of all, lay off, he's one of my best friends!"

"Then whose – "

"Al, this is not the time."

"Well, then, when is it the time? You're gonna kill yourself, doing shit like this!"

"Alfred, it's not that bad."

"Yes it is! Marijuana is a gateway drug, Matthew! It leads to other, worse drugs, like coke and LSD and heroin, and next thing you're selling yourself on the street –"

"Alfred?"

"—and skeezy old guys are gonna try to take you home, and you're gonna hafta say yes because they're offering you twenty bucks –"

"Alfred."

"- and then you're on the next episode of Criminal Minds being tortured to death by a crazy person in a secret bunker in the desert–"

"ALFRED."

"… yeah?"

"That is not going to happen."

"Yes it is! That's how it always happens! I d-don't want you to be a crack whore, Mattie!"

"I – Alfred, I'm not gonna end up a crack whore."

"You're not?"

"Are you crying…?"

"N-no!"

"Al, you're crying –"

"Shut up!"

"… Okay, Al, you win. I promise I will not become a crack whore."

"…really?"

"Really."

"Cross your heart?"

"Hope to die."

"…Thanks, Mattie."

"You're welcome. Now get back to bed, I'll clean up the bathroom tomorrow."

There is a quiet rustling as the sheets are readjusted.

"What did you want to ask me about, anyways? Before you got up?"

"…I forget."

The silence falls back over the room like a blanket.

"Mattie?"

"…what is it, Al?"

"I'm still cold."