One Last Hope
"I am the Captain of this ship, and the master of my fate", I said to myself as I watched the sun descend below the horizon. Its radiance felt like that of my feelings at that given moment in time, however also rejected any feeling of happiness. I can't say that I am perfect, that would be a lie. And besides, not everyone was made to be prefect. Or so that is what I have been told. Every day I would question my purpose, why I am even standing on this planet. It remains a mystery to me, and might just stay that way as well. Ever since birth, I was taught the right ways of life. I was taught how to eat, how to read and write, how to ride a bike and yes, even how to watch T.V (which I found relatively easy ^_^) But more importantly, I was taught how to love other people, and through this I could socialise with them. Now, I don't mean the 'crazy fall in love' where you are gasping for air when you might see a shirtless guy with an amazing body or some female top model. No. I mean the love we share or should be sharing as human beings.
I chuckled to myself as I found I was, yet again, stuck in a trance in my own imagination. So indulged in my thoughts in fact, that I almost missed the "Jake, where the hell are you!" My mind snapped back to reality, and I quickly realised I had walked too far from my camp site. In fact, I was standing on the edge of a cliff overlooking a lush ravine, now enveloped in darkness. "I'm coming!" I yelled back in reply, almost tripping over a shrub as I turned to run back up the hill to where I was supposed to be. I jogged for a good two minutes before I reached the edge of the campsite to see a not so happy Sergeant.
I slowed to a brisk walking pace before he unleashed hell. "Where the hell have you been Leading Cadet?" he questioned, a stern look about his face. I opened my mouth to reply but was quickly shut down when he waved his hand as if dismissing me. "Don't bother, you're just wasting my time," he said before turning to walk away to the other staff. I stood there confused for a few seconds as to how briefly he consulted me, before walking over to my tent, noticing Martin sitting in our Hutchie. I looked over to him before crashing to the ground, ignoring weird looks from other cadets, exhausted from the day's navigation practical exam. "You ready to go home buddy? He questioned, smirking at the same time. I noticed, and threw a rock at his leg before taking my boots off. I let out a sigh of relief as the boots slipped off, revealing a fresh collection of bruises after the day's events. "You know, you don't have to keep this to yourself," Martin said, noticing the look of despair in my eyes.
"What are you talking about man?" I questioned, knowing exactly what he meant. He pulled a face which resembled a more 'bullshit' then sympathetic look. "I know what you have been going through dude. I myself have actually suffered from anxie-"I shot him a glance before interrupting, saying "You don't know what I feel like! What 'it' feels like." I didn't realise I was yelling, and quickly looked around before looking back at him apologetically. Martin maintained a calm, casual look about his face, but waved off the outburst as if it was nothing. "Sorry," I said before he turned away from me and laid down, looking out into the bush.
The calmness of the trees surrounding us was comforting. Enveloped in darkness, and the sounds of insects coming to life was a comfort to me. It helped me to clear my mind in a way. Moments like these we don't get enough of. I laid back down on the ground and stared into the sky. Thousands of stars littered the summer night sky, not void of any light aside from that of the moons. I watched the moon slowly rise above the tree line, while slowly falling asleep. I noticed a strange grumbling noise and noticed that Martin was snoring. It didn't sound like snoring at all. It sounded like a metal grinder used against rusted iron. Horrible. Nevertheless, I ignored the sound, chuckling to myself. I could now give him crap for it in the morning.
I was slowly drifting off to sleep, thinking of the many events that had happened that day, and in the end leaving me exhausted. I felt I had accomplished a goal today, and that was working as a team. If there is one key to success in military operations, it is working as a team. Communication is essential to success. "I just wish I could communicate or perhaps socialise this well at school for once," I thought to myself, before I fell asleep and was soon consumed in a realm of darkness.
I woke with a start, realising how early it was. Martin was already up and ready, boots on and eating away at his last reserves of Skittles. I smirked at him, before punching him in the arm. "OUCH! Dude what is your problem?" he question. I ignored him and just chuckled while I put my boots on. I stood up and stretched, aware of the slowly rising sun. Its rays penetrated the gaps between the trees, and fell upon my bare chest. I was too hot during the night and took my undershirt off at the risk of earning myself a tick-infested body to wake up to. Thankfully, that was not the case. I stood there for a good two minutes or so, allowing the warmth of the suns radiance to smooth my mood. The light crept up my torso and soon my chest before finally landing on my face. I looked straight ahead and, with shoulders back and posture straight, I looked majestic. Before I got any funny ideas, Martin jumped up and hit me in the shoulder, tearing me from my thoughts. I turned to him in retaliation before noticing the officers looked directly at me. I grinned but quickly out my shirt back on and strapped my laces up properly on my boots.
I walked over to the officer's tent. Most of the officers were up, aside from one of the Corporal's who stirred but remained asleep. They looked at me with weird looks about their face. The sergeant was the first to speak. "Pretending we're some majestic super-hero are we?" He question sarcastically. I stiffly replied "No Sergeant," before he chuckled and walked off. He is a man of many words, but in the morning, he is not the type to piss off. I sat down with the other few cadets awake, and made myself some breakfast. "Mmmhmmm, gotta love sultana bran in the mornings," one of the other cadets said, a silly look about his face. We all laughed and ate our breakfast before lining up afterwards for inspection. Once the area was clean, and we were all ready, we left the campsite and marched to the pickup area. A good 7 kilometres away. Ever been on a cross country run? It is about the length of that, only that it is up mountainous terrain and thick forestry reserves. Fun stuff.
I found myself walking beside Martin, no surprise. Well, I was happy he came along to Exercise Warm Fire. He and I make a good team. "So how did you find this exercise Martin?" I questioned, smirking soon afterwards when he shot me a look of annoyance. "Well what do you think? Hmm? Seriously. If you think being attacked by possums in the middle of night is 'enjoyable', then you need help man," he replied, before quickening up his pace. "Well maybe you shouldn't have started eating in the middle of the night," I said back before he jabbed at my arm. I just took it because I know Annoyed the absolute crap out of him this weekend. But this is partially how we have fun: to annoy the absolute crap out of one another.
I passed a steep drop which lead into a rocky ravine, noticing the deadly daggers protruding from the earth's surface. "Quick way to die if I fall down there," I thought to myself. Why I was thinking about death I don't know. But it never really occurred to me until now how depressed I had become, and how anxious I could be at times. Especially since my last relationship. You obviously don't know the story, so I will just tell you. I dated a girl called Katrina, say about half a year ago, when I was fifteen. I thought at first she was the right girl, considering we would always talk to one another and apparently 'loved' each other. It occurs to me now that it was a mistake, and I found out for myself. The thing is that the word 'love' is used too often nowadays, so much in fact that it seems as if it's lost all meaning. Meaningless. That is how I feel right now. A guy of sixteen years of age, with no meaning, no purpose. That is how I have always felt, at least when around people who despise me and bully me all the time. My parents and a select few cadets are the only people I have and trust. I just wish there was that special someone I know I can rely on. A person I know I can trust and love with a passion. And i would very much like that person to be female. Not because I am a straight guy or anything and girls are just amazing, but because they are easy to talk to, and understand these things. I yearn for the day I finally find that right girl. I know I will one day, soon I hope.
"JAKE!" I tripped over myself and fell on my ass, nearly falling into the ravine and ultimately my death. The sergeant came over and picked me up off my feet and dusted me off. "Are you alright?" he question, for concerned that angered. "Yes sergeant, just a little caught up in thought that's all," I replied, a little embarrassed. He looked at me and smiled before laughing to himself. "Now what could you be daydreaming about Leading Cadet Wines?" he questioned. I was about to open my mouth and reply before another cadet called out to the sergeant. "Sergeant, we are two hundred metres out," he yelled, catching his attention before he walked off. I stood there still confused, but continued on beside Martin, who was once again, nibbling away on his food. I turned to him before smirking and saying "I'm surprised you aren't fat with all the food you eat man." He looked at me, slightly annoyed. "Hey, how about you go fu-"was all Martin could say before the sergeants voice boomed over ours. "Alright cadets, this is the pickup area. If your parents are here you can go. If not, then wait under the tree." I was surprised we were here already, in not even one hour.
Well, I suppose with all my day-dreaming I made it through quicker than expected. I sat under a tree before thinking ahead to the next cadet night. "I wonder when the new recruits come in, I am keen to introduce myself and get to know them," I thought to myself, smiling. Perhaps there is still hope for me yet. I can help these new recruits and show my worth, and perhaps even make their life at Air Force Cadets more interesting and fun. I smiled at the prospect, but it quickly faded when my parent's car turned up. I hopped to my feet and sighed, before slapping Martin on the shoulder and saying "See you tomorrow night buddy," now smirking. He turned to look at me before smiling himself. "Yeah, will do man," before he shook my hand. We were mates, good mates. He and I look out for each other on camps like this. And we plan to keep it that way. I turned and walked towards my car, still pondering on what I had thought to myself earlier. I hopped in to the car, before we drove off back to civilisation. "Perhaps there is still hope yet."
