Why I'm deserving… and not in a good way
I know I deserved it when you left. Everyone that has ever loved me has left – pushed me aside and constantly put me in last place. There was always something or someone more important than me. I was never enough, and somehow too much at the same time.
I don't know why I thought you were different. You had always been there as my dear friend. Even when we couldn't be together in public you wanted to be with me and made a place for us. You fell in love with me, for me, not the person you wanted me to be, or the person you remembered me being. You loved despite my flaws and even loved my flaws. But then the time came, as it always does, where I became too much for you and I was no longer worth the fight or the risk of loving me.
You walked away and I knew I deserved it. My own parents left me, and if they couldn't even love me – how did I EVER expect you too? We have the most beautiful son and for that I will forever be grateful. I truly hope that I have not passed this curse of invisibility onto my children.
Signed: E. I. Morgan
Elizabeth looked up from the computer celebrating if she should post or not. Like always she hit the post button and immediately closed her blog. It felt so good to get it all out, and after Emily died she couldn't talk to anyone anymore. She never told anyone about the blog and denied any friend requests she got on the site. E.I. Morgan might be obvious to some but she couldn't think of anything else she wanted to be called. She tried artist, and mother, but Mrs. Elizabeth I. Morgan was too perfect, and from 'nowhere' New York. Emily would have laughed at the whole thing but she didn't care.
"MOMMY," yelled Cameron from the next room. Elizabeth turned off her monitor and headed back to her responsibilities feeling a little more free after venting.
--Penthouse--
Spinelli couldn't help but feel bad about reading the most precious ramblings of the maternal one but Stone Cold had told him to 'watch out' for her. That meant watching her computer as well to Spinelli, while putting the copycat program on was prolly not what his master had intended. He loved helping Cam when he was playing his video games and that was his intention when he got on the computer a half hour ago not to see the blogsite where she would poor out her broken heart for solace as all the dear ones had left her.
He had not seen Stone Cold smile or laugh in so long, it really could bring a person down. If it were up to The Jackal he would have already spilled the most precarious secret about the wee one's true parentage but alas it was not his 'secret to tell' as it were. Maybe though if Stone Cold were to somehow by mistake find this blog… Print
"Oops" Spinelli said to himself.
--Jason's Office--
"I have the documentation that you requested as promised Stone Cold."
Jason reached his hand out to take the file from Spinelli when the boy dropped the file sending papers all over the floor and on his desk. He knew he shouldn't be mad at him but with everything else going on, he really didn't need Spin asking for love advice and tripping all over himself all the time. He gathered all the papers from his desk together when one caught his eyes. He saw only the signature line under the crooked stack of papers and grabbed it from the pile. 'Why I am deserving… and not in a good way.'
"Spinelli, I need to be alone."
"I the jackal apologize for dropping the"
"Now Spinelli!"
Nearly tripping over himself Spin stood and not so gracefully made his hurried exit from the office alerting the defenders of the night on his way out that Stone Cold was not to be disturbed.
Jason read and re-read the page many times and finally allowed himself to cry. If only he could be with her… face-to-face.
