So this story has been bugging me for ages...i dont know if its any good but i'll give it a go!! Enjoy...

It's basically about Derek trying to prove to Meredith that she can learn to trust him. it's set after 4.11 and please note that ive refused to watch that episode!!


I'm talking bout a whole lotta history
I can't find a way to show what you mean to me
I've fallen all around when you miss me
I don't know what to do so tell me baby

-Girls Aloud

Meredith Grey has spent the past few hours propping up Joe's bar, by now she was well on her way to spending the night lying on the bathroom floor. She hadn't spoken to Derek since they had their last fight. She has been avoiding him and also her friends. She doesn't want to have to talk about it because then it'll become real. She has finally lost her McDreamy. These thoughts invaded her mind every moment of everyday and she didn't know how much longer she could go on. She loves him so much it hurts but now he's dating that nurse and she's left all alone-again. She was trying so hard to try and erase him from her mind but it wasn't working. He would always be on her mind regardless of whether if they were a couple or not.

She decided that she'd enough of the bar; she paid Joe and left. It was a nice dry night and considering that she was not in a fit state to drive, she walked. She took in all the scenery around her. She never noticed before just how beautiful Seattle is. She felt all sentimental and blamed Derek for it because before him she didn't process her feelings. She could suppress them and carry on with her life but with Derek it was different. He was the only guy she ever gave her heart to and he broke it in to tiny little pieces, he hurt her more than anyone else ever could because Meredith Grey has never fallen in love with anyone else except for Derek Shepard.

The thoughts of him dating the scrub nurse named Rose made her sick to the core. Her stomach would do summersaults at the mere thought of him kissing her. When she found out that he kissed her in the scrub room, it felt like someone had rip her insides out. She couldn't believe that yet again Derek Shepard was choosing another woman over her, with Addison it was different, they were married, but now it hurt more because she was trying. She wants so desperately to be with him, to share her life with him but she isn't ready. Will she ever be ready? She didn't know but she sure as hell was going to try, not for Derek but for herself.

When she reached her house she saw a familiar car in the driveway. Crap, he's here. She didn't want to see him. He really was the last person that she needed to see right now. He's the reason that she's feeling like this and most of all she didn't want him to see her like this. As she walked up to the porch she saw the familiar figure sitting on the swing. She hesitated at first but decided to sit beside him. He looked up at her and sadly smiled. She smiled back and they both sat in a comfortable silence for a few minutes.

"So what brings you to this neck of the woods?" she asked quietly.

"I was out driving and I ended up here. I don't know why I'm sitting here though. I always found it peaceful sitting on your porch."

He couldn't believe that she was sitting beside him on her porch. The old Meredith would have ran away but no here she was sitting with him as if they were two old friends.

"I was trying you now." She blurted out.

He shot around to look at her. He was in total shock. She was trying, shit! He didn't know how to reply.

"I was reading psych books with Cristina, I was really trying Derek. I just don't know how to tell you how I feel because for all my life I've only had me to count on and then I meet you and you hover and whatever and I'm use to that. But I was trying, I started to open up about that day in the water, I know I didn't tell you everything or maybe to you it was nothing but to me it was a lot. I'm getting to know Lexie and treat her like a sister. I even got rid of my mother's ashes. I was trying, I'm still trying and you walked away again." She said in a calm voice that was laced with fear and sadness.

"But you only wanted S&M. It killed me to only have sex with you and then leave. I wanted to stay and hold you, fall asleep with you in my arms. Mer I would've given anything just to spend one night like that with you. I still would. I guess that's why I'm sitting here, I feel close to you here obviously because it's your house but I feel at home here. I want to be with you so badly but I can't spend my life in limbo. I'm sorry I walked away again but I didn't know how much more I could take of this."

"Why did you kiss her?"

She hadn't planned on asking him about the kiss but she felt she had to, it was the only way she could move on.

"I don't know really. I guess she was just there. We had a date tonight it wasn't that great. She's a great person but I guess she's just not for me. I've a feeling nobody will ever be right for me not unless that person is you Mer."

She turned to look at him. She wanted him so badly but he had hurt her again. She couldn't risk him leaving her for another woman. Furthermore she couldn't risk having her already fragile heart being crushed again.

"I don't think I could go through with you hurting me again Derek. I want to be with you but I don't trust you. You've hurt me too many times." She replied with tears streaming down her face.

She couldn't sit there any longer. She started to move to the door when he grabbed her and pulled her onto his lap. He stared longingly in to her eyes. He raised his hand to her cheek and wiped her tears away with his thumb. All that he needed to say was conveyed in his eyes. He slowly moved in closer to her and kissed her. Soft, kinda like a habit, like they'd do it everyday for the rest of their lives. As he pulled away he could see that she was still reminiscing the kiss. He smiled as she opened her eyes.

"That spark will never fade Mer, we're meant to be together. I know I walked away too many times. I made a mistake but I'm only human. You can trust me, I promise."

"Then prove it."

She got up from his lap and walked in to the house. Derek had a challenge on his hands. He needs to prove to Meredith that she is his everything and he would stop at nothing to show her.