About Dying
I don't know where this came from, or which arch it's set during, but I couldn't get it off my mind once it made itself at home there.
I don't own Death Note. I wish I did; it would have ended a lot like "I Want To Be Near You Always" (My ongoing DN Story.)
Sometimes Matt thinks about dying. Thinks that dying might not be so bad, if Heaven is anything like Mello's arms; warm and welcoming and always there. Mello's arms are a lot like home, certainly the only home an orphan like Matt has ever known. Mello keeps him safe, wipes away his tears when things get to difficult and even his games can't distract him. Maybe Heaven's like that...
Thinks dying might not be so bad, if Hell was like Mello's kiss; slow burning torture, everything he needs, but not nearly enough. Mello kisses like he wants it to last forever, maybe he does, and it's good, wonderful, but by the time they get done kissing, Matt can't breathe and he's almost as lost in pain as he is in pleasure. He could handle it if Hell was like that...
If Mello was Heaven and Hell, Near would be purgatory; quiet, cool waiting. A place to go when everything else is too much. Near is patient, yielding, a gentle in-between when Matt can't handle Mello's moods. He listens, silent, and lets Matt talk out his problems without interrupting. Matt needs that sometimes. Purgatory wouldn't be bad at all, if it were like Near.
So, dying wouldn't be bad at all, but living is better, because he can have Heaven in Mello's arms, Hell in his kiss, and Purgatory in Near's silent patience. He doesn't have to choose this way, because sometimes Mello needs Purgatory and Near needs a touch of Heaven, or a taste of Hell, too.
And Matt, strong, easy-going Matt, is their Earth. The living, loving place in between. And it works for them, all three of them.
