I hate myself. While every single person in Wammy's is outside enjoying the snow, I'm here doing a puzzle. Not because I want to, but because if I don't, I will be completely lifeless. I now consider my games and puzzles to be my last piece of humanity I have left. They're the only thing I have. After all, who would want to be friends and help this little albino here, alone in his room. No one, I realized with a cruel, dry laugh. I guess that Mello really is the only thing I have of a friend. Even though he beats me up, I'm grateful for him. A small spark of hope, really small, lit up inside me. Maybe he didn't hate me! Just, maybe, he could help me.
Then, all that hope, that little, hanging string that holds on to my desire to live, banished within less than five minutes. Mello came in, with papers in his hands. I gulped when I got what they were. Report cards.
"How can you not study and be so emotionless while I work my ass off, and still get second place,?" He said with a sneer in his tone.
" It is simply a matter of reality, Mello. Frankly, you're just held down by emotions, instead of dedicating yourself to the case completely" No, I hadn't meant that. Part of me just wanted to go and apologize, to reach out to him, but I stayed firm.
" Damn you, Near!" He grabbed my puzzle board and threw it at my head. I wanted to grasp at my head and cry out in pain, but I couldn't. So I just stayed silent while he threw insults at me.
Then, he begins his daily routine. A kick to the gut, one to the stomach, another to my head, fists through my head and the ol' famous smacking in the face. I can almost feel myself turning purple. He smirks at me through bloodied fists.
" Tch, this is what happens when you're SO FUCKING EMOTIONLESS!" He says the last part with a vicious look in his eyes. I got what his eyes felt. Hatred.
He walks out and leaves me alone. I notice that he left a small razor blade here. Just my luck, I thought. I almost immediately reach out for it. I roll my sleeves up, and hold the knife up to my arm. If I cut myself now, I think, I should go all the way. And that meant suicide. I mean, no one would miss me, right? I'm just an insignificant soul in this world.
I slash at my arm. It hurts, but I don't stop. Another cut soon appears on my arm, and I almost hiss in pain, Almost. I raise my arm slowly and begin cutting myself excessively, with no means of stopping. Then I reach my wrist, after all my arm is covered in blood and cuts. I gulp and drive the razor blade deep in my wrist. I do it three times before turning to the other arm to cut open my veins.
I drop the blade and began to feel dizzy. Just then, Mello walked not to hurt me again. He was holding a first aid kit and some laundry he had taken from me. Tears sprung on my eyes when I realize that he was going to help me, to cover my bleeding body. That he was my friend. But now, it was too late. My epiphany could have arrived earlier, and it would have saved my life. And I would be at least somewhat happy.
I close my eyes, and drift off. Too late now. It was too late.
AN- I could tell you now that I looovee making Near OOC and torturing him. Ah well, poor him. Mello was going to help. Reviews please!
Galaxy, signing off.
