Disclaimer: The rights to Gilmore Girls, I do not own.
This tale is pure fantasy that I have sewn.
I will handle ASP's "kids" with care.
And promise no scene with Kirk's derriere.

A/N: Yes, I chose to leave Luke and Lorelai unmarried after she found out she was pregnant (see my fic A Fairyless Tale). I just wanted to mix things up a little. Everybody always writes L/L getting married, then having kids. I wanted to try something different and modern. They will get married eventually, so don't worry. Also, on a side note, there is some Rory/Jess interaction in this. I leave their future up in the air.

Title: Our Little Lumberjack

Background info: In my little fic world, Luke has already proposed to Lorelai (Good Answer), and then she found out she was pregnant before they got married (A Fairyless Tale). They chose to postpone the wedding until after the baby is born. This story takes place in Early 2006. Lorelai is a few weeks away from having the baby.

GILMORE HOUSE--LORELAI'S BEDROOM--MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT

Luke is sound asleep as Lorelai lies next to him, wide awake, completely restless, staring at the ceiling.

Lorelai: (sighing and then nudging Luke) Luke....Luke....wake up....wake up...

Luke: (groggy) What?

Lorelai: I'm hungry.

Luke: (turning over to look at her) What?

Lorelai: I'm hungry.

Luke: (turning back away from her) Yeah...well...I'm tired.

Lorelai: (whining) Come on Luke...Go make me something...

Luke: (turning over again) Are you crazy? It's 2 AM... I'm not cooking anything.

Lorelai: (rubbing his arm) Not even for your extremely beautiful, intelligent, and very pregnant fiancé?

Luke: (sighing) I love how you manage to compliment yourself and make me feel guilty at the same time.

Lorelai: (pouting) I need food....I'm hungry...The baby's hungry.

Luke: The baby isn't hungry.

Lorelai: How do you know?

Luke: Did he tell you he was hungry?

Lorelai: (patting her stomach) No...but if he kicks any harder, I'm gonna start to wonder if he has a future with the New York City Rockettes.

Luke: (giving her a look) Don't even joke about that.

Lorelai: (with that pondering look) Hey, what if our son is gay?

Luke: (sighing) He's not gay.

Lorelai: Well, how do you know?

Luke: I know.

Lorelai: But what if he is.

Luke: (giving up) Then he is.

Lorelai: (sitting up) How would you feel about that?

Luke: (shaking his head) What the hell is this-- Oprah?

Lorelai: Tell me.

Luke: (sitting up) We are not talking about this at two o'clock in the morning.

Lorelai: (nudging him) Come on, Luke.

Luke: (throwing his hands up) Fine...If he's gay, he's gay....That's the way it is....I wouldn't love him any less.

Luke starts to lie back down.

Lorelai: Would you march in a gay pride parade with him?

Luke: What?!?

Lorelai: (repeating) A gay pride parade.

Luke: (irritated) Lorelai...I have to go to sleep...I gotta get up at 4:45.

Lorelai: (musing) What if he wanted to cross-dress?

Luke: (in disbelief) Oh my God!...You're crazy...Just go to bed.

Lorelai: Luke...Parenting is full of tough stuff...I'm just preparing you, buddy.

Luke: (lying down on his side and closing his eyes) Everything will be fine...How the hell did we get on this subject anyway?

Lorelai: This is what happens when you refuse to feed me.

Luke: (over his shoulder) You're that hungry?

Lorelai: (patting her stomach) If my stomach growls any louder, we're gonna have male tigers in here looking to mate.

Luke: (sighing) Fine...I'll go make you something...(sitting up) What do ya want?

Lorelai: Fried chicken?

Luke: Do I look like the Colonel to you?

Lorelai: Hmmm...Put on a white suit, and I'll get back to ya.

Luke: (impatiently) Come on...

Lorelai: Philly cheese steak?

Luke: (rolling his eyes) I'm not driving to Philadelphia.

Lorelai: Why not?...We do need cream cheese...and you could swing by the Liberty Bell.... fix that crack in it...cuz it's really been buggin' me...

Luke: (giving her a look) I break bells, not fix them...remember?

Lorelai: Right...okay...Scrambled eggs?

Luke: (getting up) That I can do.

Lorelai: (waving him off) Well...hop to it, Hun...

Luke: (standing up and stretching) Thank God there's only two more weeks of this.

Lorelai: (smiling) Longer...if the baby is late.

Luke: (walking out the bedroom door) He better not be late...The faster another man gets here, the better...There's too much estrogen in my life.

GILMORE HOUSE--LIVING ROOM--NEXT DAY--NOON

Lorelai is sitting on the couch, rocking back and forth, trying to get up. Rory sees this and seems amused.

Rory: (smiling) Mom, what are you doing?

Lorelai: (sarcastically) Demonstrating what transpired before Humpty Dumpty's Great Fall.

Rory: (laughing) You can't get up?

Lorelai: Yes I can.

Rory: (laughing harder) No you can't.

Lorelai: (irritated) Rory...This is not funny.

Rory: (nodding and smiling) It kinda is.

Lorelai: (reaching for Rory) Come closer so Mommy can strangle you.

Rory: (smiling) Sorry......(helping Lorelai up)...There...So, um, Grandma called.

Lorelai: (walking into the kitchen) And you didn't make me talk to her?...Okay...I love you again...Scratch the strangling part.

Rory: (hesitantly, leaning against the kitchen counter) Actually...she's stopping by...

Lorelai: (gasping and sitting down) No!

Rory: Yes.

Lorelai: (motioning towards Rory) Alright, missy...Bring that neck back over here...Why is she coming here?....And when?...I mean...Do we have time to hide?

Rory: You can't hide anywhere...You're huge.

Lorelai: (rolling her eyes) Gee...thanks Rory...What every pregnant woman wants to hear...

Rory: (sitting down at the table) Sorry...Mom...But it's true...The doctor even told you not to gain anymore weight.

Lorelai: Hey, I'm eating for two here...

Rory: (shaking her head) Two what? Sumo wrestlers?

Lorelai: (hitting Rory's arm) Hey!!

Rory: Sorry...I'm just getting you back for making me go to Friday night dinner alone.

Lorelai: I was tired...and my legs hurt...

Rory: (giving her a disapproving look) When I came home...you were in front of the TV, dancing to that new Janet Jackson video!

Lorelai: (lying) I was not.

Rory: Mom!

Lorelai: (fessing up) Okay...I was dancing, alright...The song had a good beat...Plus, since she showed her boob on national television, I have a new appreciation for her.

Rory: That was two years ago. Get over it!

Lorelai: (fascinated) I can't....I mean...Did she really plan that beforehand?...and if she did...What did she say to Justin?... "Rip my shirt off so I can show all of America my nipple ring ." (pondering) Rory---You think I should get a nipple ring ?

Luke: (walking into the kitchen) No!....Hello...

Luke leans down and kisses her cheek.

Lorelai: (pouting) Oh, please...We could get matching ones, Luke...I bet they have some kinda deal...Buy one get one free..

Luke: (shaking his head, setting a bag of food on the table) No piercings!

Lorelai: But you already have a tattoo...Oh, get a piercing....You'd be the coolest diner owner in town...

Luke: I'm the only diner owner in town.

Lorelai: (shaking her head) Not true...there's Al.

Luke: (giving her a look) Al is cooler than me?

Lorelai: Honey...the Pope is cooler than you....

Luke: Okay...no food for you.

Lorelai: (standing up and hugging his arm) Oh...you know I'm kidding...You're definitely the coolest guy I know....especially when you do that thing with....

Rory and Luke: No!!!!

Lorelai: (rolling her eyes) Oh....please...I wasn't gonna say anything that dirty...Okay....Rory...How 'bout you and I get the matching nipple rings?

Rory: Sure, Mom...Then we can dye our hair purple...wear safety pins on our clothes...and take turns banging our heads at Ozzfest...

Lorelai: Sounds like a plan...Luke, will you go with us to Ozzfest?....

Luke: Sure....I'll just throw on my Black Sabbath t-shirt.....paint my fingernails black...shave my head...and pick up some bats to eat while we're there....

Emily: (appearing in the kitchen doorway) You're eating bats where?

Lorelai: (surprised) Mom!...You're here.

Emily: Well, it appears so.....The front door was wide open.

Rory: (smiling) Hi Grandma.

Emily: Hello, Rory...Luke...

Luke: (smiling) Hi, Mrs.Gilmore...I mean...Emily...

Emily: (to Lorelai) I assumed Rory told you I was coming.

Lorelai: (looking at Rory) Yeah, she mentioned something about it.

Emily: Yes...well...I wanted to talk to you about a few things regarding the "postponed" wedding.

Luke: (gesturing towards the back door) Well...I should probably get back to the diner...Lunch rush...Nice to see you again, Emily....Lorelai...I'll see you later....Rory....Okay...Bye...

Emily: (calling after him) Goodbye, Luke

Lorelai: (sitting back down) Yeah...Thanks for the food and the abandonment, Hun...

Luke shuts the door behind him.

Rory: Mom...I gotta get over to Lane's....She needs help studying for one of her tests...I'll see you later....Nice to see you Grandma...Bye....

Lorelai: (calling after Rory) Bye, Benedict Arnold.

Emily: Goodbye, Rory.

Rory walks out of the back door, leaving a less-than-thrilled Lorelai alone with Emily.

Lorelai: (after a few seconds of silence) Mom...you know...I have some errands to run and...

Emily: (shaking her head and sitting at the table) Oh...no you don't....Rory said you were free today...That's why I decided to stop here on my way to Collette Pennypot's daughter's bridal shower...You remember her daughter...Annette...Such a classy young lady...

Lorelai: Yes...Annette and Collette...How could I forget them?...They wore matching Chanel suits everywhere they went...I heard that Annette got knocked up by her pool man, Maurice....and she roped her fiancé into marrying her by faking the paternity test and telling him that the baby is his....

Emily: (giving her a look) Oh...you heard no such thing...

Lorelai: Oh, right...That's what happened on The Young and the Restless the other day.

Emily: Anyway...I came here to see if there will still be a wedding for me to help plan.

Lorelai: (sighing) Of course there's going to be a wedding...Mother...We had this discussion months ago when Luke and I told you that I was pregnant...Although, I can understand how you might be a little fuzzy on what happened then...seeing as though your face looked like a beet, steam was coming out of your ears, and your head was spinning around like a carnival ride...

Emily: (raising her voice) Can you blame me?...I just could not understand how you managed to get yourself into the same predicament... yet again....unmarried and pregnant...

Lorelai: (rolling her eyes) Mom...it's not the same "predicament."....I was sixteen when I had Rory...I'm in my thirties now...and I'm with Luke...We're a family...

Emily: Couldn't you have at least waited until after the wedding?...For God's sakes Lorelai...You know how difficult this has been...explaining the eccentricities of your life to my friends...

Lorelai: (angry) You don't have to explain anything to them...It's none of their business...If they're gonna look down on us because of this, then they're not the kind of people I wanna to be around anyway...and you shouldn't want to either...

Emily: That's so easy for you to say...You don't have to face them at every social event....

Lorelai: Then don't go to all those events.

Emily: Are you insane?...I have to....How else will I manage to uphold my reputation in our community?

Lorelai: You know what...I guess I am insane...I just thought that after everything that you and Dad went through... with the separation and reconciliation... that you were gonna turn over a new leaf and start living life for yourself...not to make everyone in your social circle happy...

Emily: Don't bring my marriage into this....Marriage...You have no idea what that means...You are pregnant and still too stubborn to get married...

Lorelai: (gesturing wildly) That is not why Luke and I aren't married yet...Mom...I don't wanna fight about this....So...Listen to me....Luke and I are happy....I know that he isn't the guy that you would have chosen for me to end up with...but he's who I want...I love him...I need him in my life....Do you know how hard that was for me to finally admit?...Needing someone...needing a partner...a man...But, I do...I need him...and I want to spend the rest of my life with him....We're gonna have this baby...Be the best parents ever...and then...When I have returned to my normal, pre-gluttony weight, I will wear that damn Vera Wang dress that you picked out...and I will walk down the aisle with Luke...and I will be married once and for all...and you'll be happy....because that's the only thing that you've ever wanted for me...to be married....

Emily: (curiously) The Vera Wang?

Lorelai: (confused) What?

Emily: You're going to wear the Vera Wang gown on your wedding day?..The gown I picked out?

Lorelai: (nodding) Yes...I..uh...I like that one...but that's not what this is about...This is---

Emily: I know...This is about you finally being serious concerning a man...and your happiness with him...

Lorelai: (surprised) Well, yeah I--

Emily: Contrary to what you might think, I like Luke... He's kind...mature...a provider...a hard-worker....He's a good man....and he will make a good husband....and a good father...

Lorelai: (even more surprised) Wow, I didn't know you felt that way...

Emily: (rolling her eyes) Well, you never pay attention to what I say...

Lorelai: Yes I do...What about the dress?...

Emily: (half-smiling) Ahh...yes...the dress...Well...It is fabulous...You would have to be an idiot not to think so....

Lorelai: (smiling) Yeah, I guess...

Emily: So, does this mean I can start planning the wedding again?

Lorelai: (rolling her eyes) Yes...but please remember that this is our wedding day...not yours.

Emily: Alright, Fine....So, how are you feeling?....You look like you've gained even more weight.

Lorelai: (sighing) Yeah...I packed on another ton after the marshmallow and chocolate binge the other night...

Emily: (smiling) Have you settled on a name yet?

Lorelai: No...Still up in the air about that.

Emily: Can I suggest Percy?...It was your great uncle's name.

Lorelai: Percy?...Mom...Do you want your grandchild to have his lunch money stolen everyday from his pocket protector?

Emily: Percy is a very respectable name.

Lorelai: (nodding) Yeah...for a pig...

Emily: I suppose it is a little uncommon...

Lorelai: (smiling) Yeah...just a little...

Emily: Well, you need a name soon....My grandson cannot be nameless...Oh...and Lorelai....Marriage isn't the only thing that I ever wanted for you...I just...I want you to be happy....

Lorelai: (nodding) I know, Mom....and I am.

Emily smiles at Lorelai as Lorelai places her hand on top of her mother's.

MIDDLE OF STARS HOLLOW--AFTERNOON

Rory and Lorelai are walking through the town, carrying shopping bags. Well, Rory is walking and Lorelai is doing something that would be construed by some as waddling.

Lorelai: (stopping abruptly) Wait...We need to stop.

Rory: (sighing) You have to pee again?!?

Lorelai: You would too if a watermelon was squishing your bladder.

Rory: (grossed out) I'm never eating watermelon again. Just wait until we get to Luke's.

Lorelai: (whining) I don't think I can make it there. I'm too tired.

Rory: We've walked twenty feet. You were sitting for fifteen minutes before that!

Lorelai and Rory start walking again.

Lorelai: (rubbing her stomach) Hey, I'm ready to pop here....A little more sympathy...Anyway...You should feel guilty....This is all your fault.

Rory: Mom, I was no where near the bedroom when little Luke Jr. was conceived.--Thank God.

Lorelai: (mischieviously) Who said it happened in the bedroom?

Rory: (covering her ears) Oh my God...La la la la...not listening...

Lorelai: (pulling Rory's hands off her ears) I just meant that this is your fault because you turned out to be a great kid--thus making me want to have another....Why couldn't you have been a slacker, a druggie, a stripper?...Then my ankles wouldn't look like Redwoods.

Rory: (shaking her head) Your ankles aren't fat.

Lorelai: Please...I'm retaining more water than the Hoover Dam...Gah...now I have to pee even more...

Rory: (gesturing towards the door) Here...we're at Luke's.

Lorelai: Thank God....I thought I was gonna have to lift my leg on a fire hydrant.

Rory: (opening the door) Oh, Taylor would love that.

Lorelai and Rory walk inside. Lorelai starts rushing towards the stairs.

Lorelai: Everybody outta my way.

Luke: Lorel--

Lorelai: No time to talk, Luke.

Lorelai runs upstairs, leaving Luke confused.

Luke: (to Rory) What was that about?

Rory: (sitting at the counter) Bathroom visit.

Luke: (shaking his head) I don't know why she even leaves the bathroom...She should just take up residence there until the baby comes.

Rory: Tell me about it....I tried to take a shower five times this morning.

Luke: (brow furrowed) What do you mean "tried"?

Rory: Every time I went in there and turned on the water, she knocked at the door...She said the sound made her have to go...So, not only will our water bill be excessively high, but I'm gonna start to smell....and she will be solely responsible for the Toilet Paper Shortage of 2006.

Luke: (leaning in) She woke me up last night to make her scrambled eggs.

Rory: Again?!?

Luke: She also gave me the "What if our son is gay?" talk..

Rory: (shocked) You too?!? Why is she so obsessed with that?

Luke: Combination of things, I think...She still can't believe she's having a boy, mixed with her coffee deprivation, and the fact that she watches reruns of Will & Grace practically every day.

Rory: I still can't believe that you got her to quit drinking coffee.

Luke: She lost the bet fair and square.

Rory: She was so sure she was bringing another "Lorelai" into this world....She had a "feeling."

Luke: I know...She was so confident....But...(smiling).....The look on her face when she had the sonogram...

Rory: ...and the doctor said she saw some "extra equipment."

Luke: ...and your Mom kept saying... "No...That's my spleen....That's my pancreas..."

Rory: ...and the doctor said, "I'm afraid not."

Luke: ...and I said, "Pay up!"

Rory: Thus--No coffee for months now...I can't believe she hasn't caved and had a cup.

Luke: Unbelievable, I know...I caught her once crying during a Folgers commercial...Then there was that time she called me Juan Valdez when she was half asleep.

Rory: How 'bout the day she stood in the coffee section of Doose's Market for a half an hour, talking to the coffee cans...

Luke: Not as bad as when she made me stop outside Starbucks so that she could press her face against the window.

Rory: (after a few moments of silence) I can't believe I'm gonna have a brother...I'll be like two decades older than him.

Luke: (smiling) You'll be a great sister.

Rory: Thanks...You worried about being a dad?

Luke: A little...But, your Mom is a seasoned veteran at parenting...She'll help me out.

Rory: (smiling) That's true...But, when she tells you that reading Cosmo to the baby is an acceptable alternative to Green Eggs and Ham...Don't listen...

Luke: She read Cosmo to you?

Rory: I knew about combination skin and not to wear pantyhose darker than your shoes, by the time I was three.

Lorelai suddenly appears and joins into the conversation.

Lorelai: (patting Rory on the arm) Yes, you were the most fashion savvy child in your preschool...(to Luke).... I'm hungry.

Luke: (rolling his eyes) You're always hungry.

Lorelai: (sitting down at the counter) Make me food.

Luke: You just ate two hours ago.

Lorelai: (waving him off) Let's not start this again...You know what happens when you don't feed me...

Luke: There's no longer a world food shortage?

Lorelai: Ha!...I ask crazy questions...Like, what if....

Luke: (interrupting) I'll get you a burger and fries.

Lorelai: (smiling) Yum!

Luke walks away from the counter for a minute.

Lorelai: (to Rory as she sifts through the bags) I think we should buy Luke Jr. some more plaid.

Rory: You already bought him two little flannels.

Lorelai: (holding the shirts up) They're so cute...I can't wait til Luke sees them...

Luke appears again with a cup of tea.

Luke: Sees what?...(notices the shirts)...You didn't.

Lorelai: (smiling) Oh, But I did.

Luke: (nervously) Those clothes are so small...He's gonna be that small?

Lorelai: What do ya think, I'm squeezing out a full grown seven-year-old here?

Luke: (worried) What if I break him?

Lorelai: (touching Luke's arm) You won't break him....Look at this hat...

Lorelai shows Luke a little blue baseball cap she got for the baby.

Rory: Aww...baby backwards baseball cap...

Lorelai: (excited) He'll be our little lumberjack...Oh my gosh...We need to get him a little tool belt....Oooo hey...Do you think they sell itsy bitsy green army jackets for babies?

Rory: And little gloves with the fingers cut off?

Luke: This is getting sick.

Lorelai: Luke, you'll have your own little Mini-me....just like I do.

Luke pushes the cup of tea in front of Lorelai.

Luke: Here...drink some tea.

Lorelai: (drinking) Ow....

Luke: It's hot...Be careful.

Lorelai: (sarcastically, before blowing on the tea and taking another drink) Thanks for the heads-up, champ....Oww...

Luke: Well...wait till it cools down.

Lorelai: (shaking her head, putting down the cup) No...not that "Ow"--Another "Ow"

Rory: What "Ow?"

Lorelai: (gesturing towards her stomach) This "Ow."

Luke: (eyes widening) That "Ow."

Lorelai: (nodding) That "Ow."

Luke: Uh..Wow.

Rory: Yeah..Wow.

Lorelai: (concerned) We need to get to the hospital.

Rory: (standing up) Wait a second...We have to time the contractions...You could be in labor for hours.

Lorelai: (sheepishly) I think I have been in labor for hours.

Luke: (confused) What do you mean?

Lorelai: Well, I thought I had a backache...But it's been getting worse and worse...

Rory: Mom, why didn't you say anything?

Lorelai: (sighing) It wasn't that bad at first...Plus, I didn't have back labor with you.

Rory: How do you even remember? That was over twenty years ago.

Lorelai: (holding her belly and standing up) If there's one thing you remember, it's feeling like the creature from Alien is about to burst through your gut.

Luke: (walking around the counter) Stop talking. Let's just get to the hospital.

Lorelai: (holding onto his arm) Good plan.

Luke: (stopping) Wait...We can't take my truck.

Lorelai: Why not?

Luke: It's at Gypsy's, getting inspected.

Rory: Well, our cars are at home.

Luke: (realizing something) Jess's car!

Lorelai and Rory: Jess?

Luke: He came last night...Did I not mention that?

Lorelai and Rory: No!

Luke: He's just visiting...He was trying to avoid everyone...It's not a big deal....He's unloading boxes in the storeroom......(yelling towards the storeroom)......Jess...Get out here...

Lorelai: (to Rory) You okay with this, Hun?

Rory: Mom, I'm fine...You're the one in labor.

Lorelai: I mean...about Jess.

Rory: Don't worry about it.

Jess comes walking into the room.

Jess: What's up?

Luke: Lorelai's in labor.

Jess: Whoa.

Rory: They need to use your car.

Jess: Whoa.

Luke: (to Lorelai) I don't understand this...The baby's too early...

Lorelai: (irritated) Well, you argue with him about that as he's hurdling out of my--

Jess: (gesturing wildly) Whoa!...Stop!...Just take the car.

Rory: But Mom needs her stuff.

Luke: (pointing to Rory) Rory, go get her things and drive your car to the hospital.

Lorelai: No...Your toolbox is on top of my suitcase, remember?...You put it there when I was packing, to weigh it down...to make the lid shut.

Rory: (in disbelief) You packed a suitcase? You're only gonna be in the hospital for two days.

Lorelai: Hey...a lady has to be prepared for anything...You can't lift that toolbox, Rory.

Rory: Oh, that's right.

Luke: (pointing to Jess.) Jess, you go help her.

Jess: What?

Luke: Just do it.

Jess: (sighing) Alright.

Lorelai: (concerned) Rory?

Rory: (waving it off) It's okay...I'll see you at the hospital....Let's go, Jess.

INTERIOR OF JESS'S CAR

Luke is driving while Lorelai shifts around in pain.

Luke: (worried) You okay?

Lorelai: (half-smiling) Yeah...No head yet, but I'm keeping my legs really close together so he doesn't fall out.

Luke: Lorelai.

Lorelai: I'm fine...Just in...you know..lotsa pain...Doesn't this car go any faster?

Luke: (ranting) It's old...it's junk...I mean, without actually carbon-dating it, I'm guessing it was around when dinosaurs roamed the Earth....How far apart are the contractions?

Lorelai: (looking at him) I thought you were timing them.

Luke: I'm driving...Aren't you keeping track?

Lorelai: (irritated) I'm in labor, and you're giving me another job!...Would you like me to clean the rain gutters?...How 'bout I work on that world peace thing too?

Luke: Sorry...

Lorelai: (digging her fingernails into the seat) Ow..Ow..Ow

Luke: (patting her arm) It's okay...We'll be there soon.

INTERIOR OF RORY'S CAR

Jess is driving while Rory sits in the passenger seat with her arms crossed on her chest.

Rory: (angry) Why are you driving? This is my car!..And why are you going to the hospital, anyway?...You don't care...

Jess: First of all...You're too stressed to drive...You're not thinking straight.

Rory: Yes I am.

Jess: While we were at your house, you almost brushed your teeth with Neosporin!

Rory: The toothpaste was right next to it...I grabbed the wrong tube.

Jess: (rolling his eyes) Yeah...whatever.

Rory: (turning towards him) Why are you in town?

Jess: I came here to see Luke.

Rory: (scoffs) Since when do you care about Luke?

Jess: (angry) Look, you don't know me anymore, so don't think that you do.

Rory: (confused) I don't know you anymore...What does that mean?

Jess: Just forget about it...Pretend I'm your chauffeur...Don't talk to me.

Rory: Fine by me.

HOSPITAL ROOM

Lorelai is sitting up in bed, while Luke sits next to the bed in a chair.

Lorelai: (shifting around in her bed) Dammit...Ouch...

Luke: Another one, huh?

Lorelai: Yep, Sherlock.

Luke: ( holding her hand) Look, you're doing great...Just try to focus on your breathing...

Lorelai: (whining) I gotta breathe, too?

Luke: Come on...It'll help.

Lorelai: (agitated) Oh, that Lamaze stuff is crap...Some man probably invented it...Yeah, like I can concentrate on breathing while the Battle of Gettysburg is being re-enacted in my uterus.

Luke: (shaking his head, with a worried expression on his face) I can't believe we're having a baby...This is kinda scary...

Lorelai: (breathing heavily) Wait till the part where my head spins, and I spit pea soup..

Luke: No...I mean...I'm gonna be a father...

Lorelai: (looking in his eyes) Oh please don't freak out and run off with your secretary.

Luke: (smiling) I don't have a secretary.

Lorelai: Well...then Caesar..

Luke: (tucking Lorelai's hair behind her ear) Not gonna happen.

Lorelai: (trying to smile) Good...cuz me and the little guy need you...

Luke: (nodding) I know...I'm here...

Lorelai: (grabbing his hand) Good...I like you here...(squeezing Luke's hand really hard) ......OwOwOw...

Luke: (in pain) Owww

HOSPITAL HALLWAY

Rory and Jess are wandering down the hospital hall. They seem lost.

Rory: (stopping) Well, she's in Room 412....How can there be no sign for 412?....It goes from 400-411 and then 413-435.... Is 412 an invisible room?...This is so weird.

Jess: (shrugging) Twilight Zone.

Rory: (agitated) Go home.

Jess: (pointing towards himself) I have every right to be here.

Rory: (angry) You don't even care...You're just here to get on my nerves.

Jess: He's my uncle....That kid is my family too...

Rory: (scoffs) Family?...Since when do you care about your family...Since when do you care about anybody but yourself.

Jess: (with meaning) I care about Luke.

Rory: (rolling her eyes) Yeah right.

Jess: I do...He helped me...I was a real jerk to him, but he still helped me...I appreciate it now...I know how much he did for me...So, I'm trying to do something for him...by being here.

Rory: (taken aback) Uh, wow, Jess, I—

Lorelai's voice is heard off-screen. It appears as though Rory and Jess were near the room and didn't even know it. What a co-inky-dink!

Lorelai: (OS) Rory?

Rory: (walking into the room) Mom, hi...We couldn't find you.

Lorelai: (confused) We?

Rory: Yeah...Jess is here...I guess he's in the hall.

Lorelai: Oh...bring him in here...I can break his hand too.

Rory: (to Luke) She broke your hand?!?

Luke raises his bandaged hand to show Rory.

Luke: Nah...just bruised it...I'm gonna go see Jess.

Luke leaves the room.

Rory: (grabbing Lorelai's hand) How you doin'?

Lorelai: (smiling) I'm okay...They just gave me an epidural...So, I'm feeling...well...nothing.

Rory: (smiling) How long before the baby comes?

Lorelai: Still a little while yet...Hey, can you call Grandma and Sookie...and tell them we're here...Then, why don't you and Rocky Balboa Jr. go get something to eat.

Rory: (nodding) Sure...I'll make the calls...but...hanging out with Jess...It's just kinda weird...

Lorelai: (nodding) Yeah...Why is he here, anyway?

Rory: Get this...He says he cares..

Lorelai: About what?

Rory: About Luke...the baby...family...

Lorelai: (in disbelief) Get out!

Rory: I'm serious.

Lorelai: (raising her eyebrow) Think it's a line to get into your pants?

Rory: Eww, Mom!

Lorelai: (rubbing Rory's arm) You know, Hun, Luke says that Jess has changed a lot.

Rory: (looking away) I dunno.

Lorelai: Well, who knows?...But, you two could talk about things...It's been awhile since everything happened.

Rory: (smiling) Those drugs must really have you high as a kite.

Lorelai: (smiling) Maybe...But, you two need to have some sort of closure...Maybe even be friends...I mean...it's strange...but you will be family...sort of...

Rory: I'll think about it.

Lorelai: (nodding) Okay...Go get Luke...Tell him it's almost "pea soup spitting time"...

HOSPITAL WAITING ROOM

Jess is sitting in a chair, looking at a magazine. Rory walks in and sits down next to him.

Rory: Hey.

Jess: Hey.

Rory: (apologetically) Look, I'm sorry about saying that you don't care...Maybe you do...I guess I really don't know you anymore.

Jess: (shrugging) I dunno...I haven't completely changed...It's not like I'm gonna be quoting Dr. Phil and watching Steel Magnolias anytime soon .

Rory: (nodding) I do believe that you care about Luke though.

Jess: Yeah...well...He did a lot for me...I don't know why...

Rory: (half-smiling) Because you're his family...and because Luke is a good guy.

Jess: Yeah...I guess.

Rory: You wanna go get some coffee?

Jess: (nodding) Alright.

DELIVERY ROOM—SOME TIME LATER

Lorelai is prepped for delivery. Luke sits next to her bed.

Doctor: Okay, Lorelai...It's almost time to push.

Lorelai: (turning to Luke, worried) Luke, I'm scared.

Luke: You've done this before.

Lorelai: (concerned) What if I forgot how?

Luke: To push?....You just—

Lorelai: No...I mean...to raise a little kid.

Luke: (smiling) You haven't.

Lorelai: (a little freaked out) But...You and me and a baby...It's kinda scary.

Luke: You're not gonna run off with your secretary, are you?

Lorelai: (smiling) No...maybe Michel.

Luke: (rubbing her forehead with his thumb) Come on...Everything will be fine.

Lorelai: (sighing) Alright, Doc...Let's make a baby come outta me!

Luke: (rolling his eyes) Ah Geez.

HOSPITAL WAITING ROOM

Jess is pacing while Rory sits and eats a bag of Skittles.

Jess: What's taking so long?...They've been in there forever.

Rory: She's delivering a baby...not a pizza...It's a long process...Believe me...She made me watch a birth video.

Jess: (grossed out) No way!...And you actually kept your eyes open through the whole thing?

Rory: (rolling her eyes) Unfortunately, yes...I've decided that I'm going to adopt.

Jess: (sitting down, picking up a cup of coffee) Yeah...Geez, this coffee sucks.

Rory: Yep...Not as good as Luke's....Hey...um...I wanna say I'm sorry about how everything ended last time we...uh...you know?

Jess: (surprised) It's alright...I don't wanna talk about it.

Rory: (nodding) Okay...But, I'm sorry if I hurt you.

Jess: (looking at her) Well...I guess it was stupid of me to think that you would just leave everything and run away with me...I shouldn't have asked.

Rory: (looking back at him) You were doing what you felt was right.

Jess: (looking away) It was a mistake though.

Rory: (putting her hand on his arm) Listen, Jess...We all make mistakes, do stupid things, when we love someone...or think we love someone. Believe me...I know.

Jess: (looking at her) I did love you.

Rory: (looking down) I know.

Jess: (looking away) I..uh...I still do love you...I guess I always will.

Rory: (smiling) Yeah...me too...Look maybe this is too "out there" but I'd like to try to be friends...Maybe it's not possible...I dunno.

Jess: (half-smiling) It's possible.

Rory: (nodding) Okay...good.

Jess: (sitting back) Of course...you know...We could never be "just friends." What I mean is... A guy and a girl can never be just friends...The sex part always gets in the way.

Rory: (shaking her head) Oh, Harry...You're hilarious.

Jess: (nodding) Thanks, Sally...You're not so bad yourself.

LORELAI'S HOSPITAL ROOM

Lorelai is lying in bed, holding the baby. Luke sits next to the bed, smiling, looking at both of them.

Lorelai: (cooing at the baby) Oh my gosh...You're so beautiful...

Luke: (looking at the baby) Yeah...I guess when a guy is this small, you can get away with calling him beautiful...(to Lorelai) You okay?

Lorelai: (smiling) Yeah.

Luke: (smiling) You did great.

Lorelai: Thanks...It's not like I had a choice...I mean he was gonna come out no matter what.

Luke: (sighing) You know what I mean.

Lorelai: (smiling) Yeah...Did you talk to my Mom?...

Luke: (sighing) Yes...She and your father will be visiting tomorrow morning...She's bringing a photographer with her, but at least I talked her out of hiring a videographer...She was gonna call that guy she used for your graduation...And Sookie can't stop by because Davey's sick...but she said she'll swing by the house when we take you two home...(touching the baby's hand).. Geez...He's so small...I can't believe I have a son...I can't believe I'm dad...I can't believe this is really happening.

Lorelai: Well...it will be pretty believable the first time he throws up formula all over your favorite flannel...Or when he wakes you up at 2 AM, needing to be fed.

Luke: (rolling his eyes) Just like his mother...the feeding part...I mean...not the throwing up.

Lorelai: (smiling) Look at him..He's perfect...God, I remember how good this feels...To hold a baby...To hold my baby...Our baby...(looking into Luke's eyes and whispering).....We have a baby.

Luke: (smiling) I know.

Lorelai: You wanna hold him?

Luke: (pulls back) I...uh...

Lorelai: (shaking her head) Oh, Luke...You'll be fine...Here.

Lorelai hands Luke the baby. Luke sits there with the baby in his arms while Lorelai watches them.

Luke: (looking at Lorelai) He's so light.

Lorelai: (sarcastically) Yeah...We'll have to put lead weights in his diaper to keep him from blowing away.

Luke: Not funny.

Lorelai: (sighing) They can't all be gems....(smiling) You look like a pro...Holding him...I love you.

Luke: (looking at her) I love you, too....and it's so weird, but I love him...and I just met him.

Lorelai: (quietly) Tell me about it.

Luke: So, what about his name?

Lorelai: Luke Jr.?

Luke: (shaking his head) No Luke Jr.

Lorelai: Aww..why not?

Luke: (giving her a look) Unlike some people, I really don't wanna name a kid after myself.

Lorelai: (whining) But...I like Luke.

Luke: (smiling) And Luke likes you...But that's not gonna be his name.

Lorelai: (smiling) Lorelai?

Luke: (looking at the baby) We're gonna pretend like you didn't say that.

Lorelai: (throwing her hands up) Well...I'm fresh out of ideas.

Luke: There are thousands of names.

Lorelai: Yeah, really?...Okay...you pick.

Luke: Hmm...I dunno.

Lorelai: (nudging his shoulder) See, it's not that easy...Oooo hey....how about "Flannel?"

Luke: You're crazy.

Lorelai: Hey...Michael Jackson named his son "Blanket."

Luke: (in disbelief) Michael Jackson?....We are never doing anything that Michael Jackson does.

Lorelai: I dunno...I always wanted to try the one-sparkly glove look.

Luke: He needs a name.

Lorelai: (pondering) Hmm...Okay...I know...How about William?...after your Dad...We can call him "Will"?

Luke: (half-smiling) Really? You like William?

Lorelai: (smiling) Yeah...I love it.

Luke: Okay...me too...(to Will) Hey, Will...I'm your Dad...That crazy lady is your Mom...

Just then Rory walks into the room.

Rory: (smiling) Aww...Can I see him?

Luke: And that is your sister, Rory...Here... You can hold him...(gives Rory the baby) .....Where's Jess?

Rory: (holding Will) He went to put quarters in the parking meter... Oh my God...He's so tiny...So cute...What's his name?

Lorelai: William.

Rory: Aww...That's perfect...and...(eyes widening) Oh...Mom...That's the same name as a character from one of your all-time favorite movies.

Lorelai: (curiously) What?

Rory: Willy Wonka.

Lorelai: (eyes widening) Oh my God.

Luke: (sighing, rolling his eyes) Thanks, Rory...You know she's gonna call him that now.

Lorelai: (excited) Yes!!!!...Let me see my little Willy Wonka.

Luke: (talking to Will as Rory passes him to Lorelai) I'm sorry, kid...I thought you'd have a few years before the torturing began.

Lorelai: (holding Will, cooing) Mommy's Little Willy Wonka.

Luke: (shaking his head) You're nuts.

Lorelai: (looking at Luke) Yes...But that's why you fell in love with me...Well, that plus I am super hot and smart...

Luke: And don't forget modest...That too.

Lorelai: (making a strange face) I think Willy needs to be changed...Unless that smell is coming from you, Rory...I know you didn't shower today.

Rory: Mom!

Luke: See, Will...No one is safe from the torture...

Lorelai: (smiling) Nope...Okay, Luke...Change him.

Luke: What?

Lorelai: Change Will.

Luke: Me?

Lorelai: No...the Luke Skywalker behind you with the big light saber...Hey...Dirty.

Luke: (unsure) But...I...

Lorelai: Come on, Luke...You need practice.

Luke: (giving in, of course) Fine...okay...But this is the only one.

Luke takes Will from her and lays him down.

Lorelai: (to Rory) Yeah...One of one million.

Rory: (watching Luke start to open the diaper) Poor Luke.

Lorelai: (amused) Oh, this is priceless.

Luke: (opening the diaper) Ah Geez.

Lorelai: (looking around) Alright...Where's the camera?...Luke changing a diaper...That's right up there with pictures of Big Foot and the Loch Ness Monster...This must be documented...

Luke: (giving her a look) We don't neeed a picture of this.

Lorelai: (smiling) You're right...I'm thinking a water color painting...Maybe oil on canvas...Rory...Whip out that sketch pad...

Fade to black...The End...