Title: State of Reality
Author: Shannon - shannyfish
Disclaimer: I do not own "CSI: Miami" or its characters, CBS does. This is merely for entertainment purposes only.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Calleigh must come to grips with the loss of another member of the team, but in the process is faced with losing her own life...
Warning: character death; possible spoilers for season (you never know for sure if the spoilers you read are actually true)

Chapter 1 – "Haunting"

Author's Note: First off, this is what happens when I read spoilers...they get into my head and weave their own storyline. So, I blame them for this.Plus, if I don't get the story out of my head, it just starts to drive me nuts and then I can't be anywhere near productive.This is a newwriting style with the POV that I'm using for Miami at least. As always, constructive criticism is always welcome.

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"It's always darkest before the dawn" – Proverb

Dade Memorial Hospital

She was losing everyone...or at least that was what it felt like. The doctor's words had pushed her to the point of not being able to truly absorbing what had been said. She remembered so clearly her dear friend, Timothy Speedle, and the funeral she stood at years before... There was going to be another funeral. Another one of Miami-Dade's finest had gone down again.

Eric had gone into surgery to have the bullet removed from his brain. He hadn't made it. Eric Delko was not coming back.

Those had been the sentiments that the doctor had conveyed and suddenly her brain absorbed it and she couldn't stop the sobs or the tears rolling down her face. It felt like a part of her had been ripped from her. She felt arms around her, but she felt no comfort. She couldn't see who it was, her eyes were blurring with her tears.

"I'm so sorry, Baby."

She recognized the voice. Lifting her hand, she wiped her tears from her face. She looked up at Alexx. It had been a few months since she'd seen her friend. It was still odd with having Doctor Alexx Woods with their CSI team. Calleigh let her head drop back down and she stared at her hands, her hair dropped down around her face. "I gave them permission to do the operation," Calleigh said softly.

"It was the right decision, Baby," Alexx said in a soothing voice. "Even if it doesn't feel like it right now, it was the right one. What else could you have done?"

"I told him that I'd be here when he woke up," she whispered as tears fell once again. She felt Alexx's arms pull her close and hold her tightly. She let her head fall against Alexx's shoulder.

"Shhh..." Alexx whispered.

It felt like they were quiet there for a long time. Hours maybe. Calleigh finally looked up and found that the others from the lab. Ryan and Natalia were at a set of chairs in one spot, Horatio was standing by the doorway with his head down, and Frank standing facing Horatio.

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Three Days Later...

Ballistics

Miami-Dade Crime Lab

Calleigh hadn't taken much time off. Horatio had told her to take as much time as she needed. Though she had Eric had tried to keep their relationship a secret, it seemed like nothing could ever remain a secret there. Horatio knew. Ryan knew. Natalia knew. Frank knew. Alexx knew and she hadn't even been with them for a while...

She'd taken a day.

She'd been back for two.

It wasn't the same, but had it ever been the same? She found herself not even wanting to step into ballistics, but when she finally did she felt a bit better. Calleigh had always thought that people felt better in the departments in which they excelled at. Hers was ballistics. Calleigh didn't feel as comforted as she thought she might.

There were too many ghosts in the building.

Calleigh stared at the collection of guns as she tried desperately to feel like she was back in the saddle as they said. She didn't. She wanted to. She didn't. Calleigh let out a sigh and then brought her hands up to her face. She rubbed it and tried to think positive thoughts.

"You should sleep."

"I'm fine."

Calleigh turned to Horatio who was standing at her doorway. He'd yet to actually enter the area in which she currently stood. His head was slightly tilted to one side and he seemed worried. He'd let her have two days and now he was checking up on her. She appreciated it, all of it, but she still didn't feel like it was necessary. She was fine.

Fine...

"If you're not ready—"

"It's not that," Calleigh told him. She looked back at the guns and started to recite the name and caliber of each one in her head as she heard Horatio's footsteps. He wasn't going to drop it. She hadn't expected him to. It wasn't what Horatio did. He was caring and he tried to take care of his people.

It seemed like it had been quite a long time since Horatio had stepped foot in her lab. She was sure it hadn't been, but it felt like that. As the team had changed and grown, she and Horatio hadn't worked so closely together. They were the two most senior members of the team, it was natural that Horatio would need to focus his attention on others: Ryan and Natalia. Eric had even needed his extra support as he'd tried to come back after being shot before.

Eric.

Calleigh felt a flood of sadness overwhelm her. She continued with the silent recitation of the types of guns in the locker in front of her. It helped. She doubted that when Horatio got closer and looked at her that he wouldn't see the sadness. How could he miss it? She didn't think though that it stopped her from doing her job. Everyone grieved differently and she just generally wasn't someone to sit on the sidelines. She couldn't sit home and just cry. That wasn't her.

"Talk to me," Horatio said quietly.

She'd noticed his proximity to her. Horatio had moved from outside of the locker and was now just inches from her. She turned her head to look at him. "Do you ever feel like there are just too many ghosts?" she asked.

It took Calleigh a moment to realize it, but she sounded like someone from the south...from Louisiana even. It was where she was from anyways, so she didn't really mind it. Ghosts and voodoo were all fair course for that area, but Calleigh wasn't sure if she really meant actually ghosts that haunted her. It was a sad thing that she wasn't even sure what she meant. How could she not even know? Calleigh wasn't sure. It felt odd to feel so unsure.

"We've lost a lot of people..."

"Too many," Calleigh told him. She stared into his blue eyes as she tried to convey what she meant even though she didn't feel like she was expressing it correctly orally. "We've lost people...but we've also lost them because of the job."

"Like Alexx?"

"Alexx and Megan."

"Eric and Marisol," Horatio said.

He looked down for a moment before looking back up at her. She knew that out of everyone else that it had been hardest on them. They'd worked with Eric the longest, she loved Eric, and Eric was technically Horatio's brother...even with Marisol gone, Horatio would honor that bond. It was how he was.

"I like to think that they're together now."

Calleigh nodded in agreement.

"Speed," Calleigh said.

"Hagen."

The name was barely audible. Calleigh nodded again and dropped her head, her eyes filling with tears. She wondered if that was why she felt the ghosts. John Hagen had killed himself in her ballistics lab. It hadn't been something that had been easy to deal with, but she'd dealt with that long ago. She'd come to terms with what he'd done.

His arms wrapped around her and pulled her to his chest. Calleigh wanted to tell him that she was fine, but instead she wrapped her arms around him and allowed herself to cry into his chest. She felt his head against her hair, and she found herself not wanting to move from his comforting arms. They'd shared a hug like this before, when Speedle had died. No matter what happened, Horatio was there.

"I don't know if I can do this Horatio," Calleigh whispered honestly as she looked up at him.

"Sometimes I'm not sure I can either."

"Too many good people," Calleigh told him. "It just seems too hard to deal with. I feel silly that I don't seem to be able to function correctly in my lab."

"You need time, Calleigh," Horatio told her. "Take time and then come back. If you still don't feel like you can do it then, then you'll know that it's not your place here anymore."

"What about you?"

"I'm just taking it one day at a time."

"You need the time, too," Calleigh told him.

"After tomorrow, I'll decide," Horatio said.

Tomorrow.

It felt like some sort of sentence. It wasn't. Tomorrow was the funeral. Calleigh felt like she'd been to enough of them. She wished that there was some way to pay her respects without going. She couldn't do it. Eric's mother had talked to her about speaking at the funeral, but Calleigh found herself unsure if she'd be able to keep herself together in order to do so. It was one thing to stand there, but it was another to talk about Eric.

She couldn't do it.

Horatio was speaking, she knew that. Horatio was a good choice, he'd do Eric's memory justice and he'd speak from his heart. She just couldn't. She knew that if she tried that she'd completely break down. Calleigh didn't want to be a hysterical mess at his funeral. She wanted to be there to honor his memory. She'd stand with Horatio, Alexx, Frank, and the others as they honored his memory. She'd take strength from them. She'd take comfort in the fact that Eric hadn't suffered.

The ring of Horatio's cell phone broke the silence and Calleigh found herself turning from him in a pathetic effort to give him some privacy.

"I see. No, stay right where you are. Don't move!" Horatio said forcefully into the phone. "Back-up's on the way."

"What's wrong?" Calleigh asked turning back around to see Horatio stashing his phone back into his jacket.

"Ryan and Natalia are at a crime scene. They're being fired on. Ryan said that he tried to call for back-up, but that the line keeps ringing busy," Horatio explained.

"I'm coming," Calleigh decided quickly.

"Calleigh—"

"I'm not going to another funeral, Horatio."

..................................

En Route to the Crime Scene

She'd been able to get a hold of Frank while Horatio had driven. The dispatch center was down; even the 911 calls weren't going through. They had just patched it, so that they would be immediately be directed to one of the mobile command centers in which they'd moved their dispatchers to.

Frank was on his way with a couple of units, but they were behind them. Calleigh didn't feel like they could get there fast enough. Every minute felt like five. It felt like time was slipping away and that Ryan and Natalia weren't going to have any chance.

Hope was fading.

"Frank doesn't know what happened to the units that were called to the scene," Calleigh told him.

"I wouldn't be surprised if they'd been called away," Horatio said.

Calleigh nodded and thought about it. She could see Ryan and Natalia seeing the crime scene as secure and saying that they'd be fine. After all, it wasn't like they weren't protected. Ryan and Natalia both passed firearms training and carried in the field.

"We're almost there," Calleigh said, mostly to herself. She was trying to calm her nerves.

In a mere matter of minutes, they were at the scene that Ryan and Natalia had been dispatched to. They both got out of the Hummer carefully and cautiously, weapons already drawn. They approached the house and looked about to figure out which way in was the best for them to take.

"Back gate," Calleigh whispered. It had seemed like the entrance that had been used before. There was some dirt that had been tracked back and forth from what she could assume was the backyard and then up through the fence. They'd had a good deal of rain for the week and wouldn't be surprised if the back was still muddy.

Horatio nodded and motioned for her to standby and cover him if need be as he reached for the closed gate. Gun shots rang through the air and they spared no time getting into the backyard. They kept tight to the side of the house as they tried to establish where the shots where coming from and where their people were.

"There."

Calleigh nodded when she saw what Horatio had. Ryan and Natalia were pinned down behind what looked like a palate of cement bags. At least it was pretty good cover, Calleigh thought as they waited for their opening. They couldn't see the attacker, but could tell that the shots were coming from one of the windows in the house.

"You ready?" Horatio asked her.

She nodded again. She knew that Frank would be there soon enough with their back-up. Right now, they needed to get Ryan and Natalia out of there, which meant trying not to get anyone shot, while they tried to get them out.

"I'll cover you," Calleigh told him.

They moved from their hiding place, Calleigh firing towards where the shots were coming from, trying to make sure that whoever was firing stayed down long enough for Horatio to get to the safety of the palette. She was almost there when Horatio started to fire to give her the chance to get over to where the others were. Shots from the house rang out, but she made it to the cramped safety.

"Are you both okay?" Calleigh asked. She had assumed that Horatio hadn't had the time as of yet.

"Natalia's shot," Ryan volunteered.

"It's not bad," Natalia said.

Natalia had been keeping pressure on a wound on her arm. There was blood, but Natalia would heal. She'd live. It didn't mean that she didn't need help, though.

"Take her, we'll cover you," Calleigh told Horatio.

"Calleigh—"

She had a feeling that he'd argue. Horatio was going to play with 'kid gloves' with her as far as on the job with her for a while if she stayed at work. "Go!" she argued. Calleigh and Ryan both popped up over the palate and fired. They made sure that Horatio and Natalia were given the time they needed to get away.

Calleigh was counting her expended rounds. She didn't have many more. She'd brought another magazine already full, but she still had a few shots left. "I'm going to need to reload," she told Ryan.

"I'm almost out, too."

"Down!" Calleigh told him, so that she could reload. She found Ryan taking her gun and placing his in her hands quicker than she thought possible. She was sure that her perception was just blurred because of the adrenaline running through her system. Before she could think to give Ryan the clip, she was back up firing, the man had taken the opportunity to move and was still trying to fire on Horatio and Natalia.

"Go!" Calleigh yelled at Horatio.

He wasn't going to listen. Horatio wasn't just going to leave them there. He was trying to fire, too, but with his position he was more vulnerable to being hit.

"Where's the magazine?" Ryan asked her.

"Jacket pocket," Calleigh said. She felt Ryan fishing it out, but then didn't pay any attention past that.

"Ready," Ryan announced after a moment.

Calleigh ducked back down behind the palate. "You're out," Calleigh told him as she handed him his gun back and took hers. She removed the safety and got ready to move. "Are you ready?"

"Yeah."

"I want you to just run," Calleigh told him. "Horatio and I will cover you."

"Calleigh—"

"I swear if one more person tries to argue with me, I'm going to smack them," Calleigh said. It was more a general statement, but she meant it to Ryan Wolfe as a warning as well. She'd trained the younger CSI, but he wasn't one of those to be especially proud of. Ryan Wolfe was a very flawed man and though she worked with him, she wasn't sure how much she could trust him anymore.

"Go now!" she said and popped up and started to shoot. She could hear Horatio's shots and the occasional shot from the house. Calleigh kept Ryan in the corner of her eye as she made her way back towards where she'd originally come from.

Horatio's shot.

Suspect's shot.

Calleigh aimed her gun and pulled the trigger, but nothing happened. She knew that there was more ammo than that in the magazine that she'd had loaded in her pocket. She pulled the trigger again.

She felt a piercing searing pain and then heard the shot. Calleigh tried to stay upright, but found her body betraying her. Her fingers slackened and her gun dropped to the ground. She staggered for a moment, but then found herself falling as well. The heat and pain radiated from the gunshot wound outward. She could feel the pain and heat at her fingertips even though she'd been shot in the chest.

Stay awake.

She tried to obey her own wishes. She couldn't pass out. Calleigh knew that if she lost too much blood and she passed out that she could fall into a coma, though a coma could happen anyway just the same. Calleigh was trying to keep her senses alive and functioning.

Move.

Calleigh couldn't move, but she managed to move her arm up to the wound and press down. The pain radiated and it intensified, but she kept the pressure there.

"Get Natalia out of here," she could hear Horatio ordering. "Tell Frank to keep everyone behind that gate until I say otherwise."

"Horatio—" she heard Ryan argue like he had with her.

"Now!" Horatio yelled.

Gunshots continued and she tried to concentrate on them, trying to differentiate the shots and the calibers. She found herself being dragged; Calleigh focused her eyes and saw blue eyes staring down at hers.

"You're going to be okay, Sweetheart," Horatio told her.

He moved her hand back to where she'd put it originally. He placed her other hand on top of it to add to the pressure. She wasn't sure whether he was saying it because it was true or just to comfort her. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. She wasn't supposed to die. There wasn't supposed to be another funeral.

Gunshots.

She could see Horatio ducking down and a moment later, he was using his body to cover hers.

"I'll be right back," he told her.

The man was trying to run was all that she could figure out and Horatio soon left her to run after him. She was left alone, but she tried to hold on. She waited and tried to think of the weapons in the locker back at ballistics. Their names and their calibers. Calleigh could hear footfalls muffled by the grass and rolled her head to the side thinking that it was Horatio, that he'd returned from a different direction. "Horatio..." she whispered, but when her eyes focused she blinked again.

"Hold on."

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TBC...