Author's Note: Okay. There is a reason. Really, I swear. Okay, so I've been playing inFAMOUS. I got hooked on killing Cole (jump off a bridge and he sizzles and dies in the water. AWESOME.) when I played the demo at my friend's work. Then her friend bought her the game. After doing nothing but jumping off the bridge, I decided to try and get further in the game, which I did, and it was fun, up until Cole kept dying without my permission. Yes, you little fucker, I control when you die, not you. I got frustrated and threatened everyone's balls with a corkscrew until my friend looked up inFAMOUS on FanFic and saw that there was only really one fanfic for it and mentioned that I could write some crack. As I was sitting down to the computer, she mentioned Lion King (specifically, she started singing the song Timon sings around the time he says 'dress in drag and do the hula.') and here we are.

Okay, this was a first. Cole stared at his reflection, one eyebrow raised in utter confusion. Apparently, he didn't handle his liquor as well as he thought. Somehow, after the all night drinking binge with Zeke, he ended up in a teddy. A red, lacey, sheer mother-fucking teddy. Fuck.

"Zeke…" Silence, "Zeke…" Sparks sizzled between his fingers. Fuck.

The Fat Man rolled over in his sleep, mumbling, "…Hey, baby…Come back to bed…Daddy wants some sugar…" Lightening shot from his hands, hitting the TV, glass spraying across the room.

"Zeke. Wake the FUCK up," Zeke twitched awake, blinking blearily at his
"friend."

"What?" Zeke rubbed his face, forcing himself a little more awake.

Cole flexed his hands, words completely escaping him, murderous rage radiating from him. He half flailed, shooting more lightening from his hands, a lamp exploding next to the bed. Fuck.

"Why? HOW? WHY?!" FUCK.

Zeke squinted at the get-up, things trying to click in to place. Realization dawned on his face.

"Right, right," The bulbous man nodded his head, apparently having remembered the previous night.

"WHAT?!"

"What do you mean 'what'?"

"FUCK. Zeke! I just want to know what the hell happened!"

"You're the one that wanted to do the "hula." I thought you meant the dance. I'm not gonna walk straight for a week!" Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. "And then you put that on," Zeke gestured at the ensemble. Oh. GOD. "And said, and I quote, 'You be the man.'"

Cole twitched, all the lights in the room flashing and exploding, and ripped off the teddy with a roar. He ran buck-ass-naked into the closet, slamming the door, and rummaged around, yanking clothes on at random. Cole burst from the closet, fully clothed, jacket zipped up to his chin, and pointed a shaking finger at Zeke.

"You…You sick FUCK. Stay the HELL away from me," Cole turned and climbed out the window, scrambling across the metal landing. He got barely half-way down the ladder before Zeke popped his head out of the window.

"Hey, baby! Where ya goin'? I thought we'd finish what we started last night." He blasted a shockwave at the window, slipping down the ladder and running like hell.

No alcohol. Ever, ever again. Ever.

Author's Note: Yes. I did. Take that, you mother-fucking bastard.