April, 30th, 2009 Seeley Booth's apartment.
She slowly opened the door, the apartment was dark, and she wondered if he had gone out. She flicked the switch and waited as her eyes adjusted from the darkness.
"Booth?" She called out, waiting for a reply.
"Watching TV." He said out of habit, wondering if she could even hear it at such a low volume.
"I brought Thai." She said sadly at his words.
He'd only left his apartment three times in the month and a half since, and she was starting to get concerned. As she unpacked the food, it's smell wafted into his living room. She could hear his footsteps, not light as they once had been, as he slowly came to join her. His hair was longer than she'd ever seen it and sticking up at weird angles as if he'd been sleeping. She set the food out on the small table, gathering plates and silverware as he stood a few feet away, listening to her movements. He reached out, feeling for the chair closest to him before he pulled it out and sat down, not saying a word. When she finally let her eyes settle on his, she shuddered. Something about the way they didn't fix on any particular spot anymore always made her heart ache for him.
"We had a set of remains from the early twentieth century come in today, perfect condition. Angela said this will be the easiest reconstruction she's had in ages." Bones said, trying to start a conversation.
"That's great Bones. Did you hear anything from that friend of yours, you know the specialist?" He asked, almost knocking over the bottle of beer she'd put in front of him as he reached for it.
"I expect a response any day now. She's a very busy woman Booth." She said, her voice full of hope.
"Here?" He asked, picking up a container.
"Yes, and there are two more to the left of it." She said, watching his hands groping carefully around the table.
Most of the time when he expected her, he'd leave the dark RayBan's on, not willing to let her see his blank stares.
(March 11th, 2009, below deck, decommissioned navy vessel.)
"Teddy, I can't see..." Booth said, "I looked at the flash, you're okay?"
"I think I could use some help..." Teddy replied, blood starting to soak through his uniform.
"Did we find a way out?" Booth asked frantically searching Teddy for injuries.
"We always find a way out, Sarge." Teddy answered weakly.
"I'll be your legs, you be my eyes...which way Corporal?" Booth said, lifting Teddy up.
Slowly the two made their way to the deck of the old ship, and even when Booth wanted to stop, Teddy continued to push him to go nearer the edge. They sat, waiting for something, neither knowing if help was on the way. Then they heard it, the helicopter getting closer and closer until finally it's noise was right next to them.
"Booth...hurry, C'mon. Hurry Booth, come on. Booth come on, HURRY." He heard her yelling for him.
He followed the sound of her voice, trying not to let on that anything was wrong, as terrified as he was, he wished that he could see her face as he climbed into the chopper and she threw her arms around him. He closed his eyes as they moved apart from each other, hoping that she didn't notice.
"Booth, are you alright?" She asked worriedly.
"I'll be fine Bones." He lied, rubbing at his sightless eyes, "There was an explosion...I looked at the flash...I can't see real good."
"Look at me Booth." She said, waiting for him to open his eyes. "Can you see anything at all?"
"Uh...no." He said, fear taking hold of his body.
"It'll be okay Booth..." She said softly pulling him close to her again as they rode away from the massive exploding ship.
"Did you talk to Parker today?" She asked, as she finished the dishes.
"For a few minutes, Rebecca called after his baseball game so he could tell me about his triple." Booth said flatly.
"Is that good?" She asked, not sure what it meant to have a triple.
"Are you serious Bones? That's the next best thing to a home run." he said, chuckling.
"Wow. He's very talented at sports then, isn't he? Is he coming this weekend?" She said, draping the towel over the edge of the sink.
"No. Rebecca thinks it's best for him to keep doing the dinners with me twice a week, until I get a little better at this." He said, his voice angry.
"Oh." She said, wishing she could make all his pain disappear.
He pushed out from the table, picking up his beer and reached out for the wall. Counting silently in his head he shuffled the ten and a half steps till he got to the couch and collapsed into it. She followed, her glass of wine in hand and sat beside him, wondering how he could even hear the baseball game, the volume was so low.
"Which team are you hoping wins?" She asked, knowing that he was rooting for the Phillies.
"Phillies Bones. Same as always." He answered.
"Are they winning?" She questioned, letting her eyes wander around the room.
"They're up seven to five." He said, setting his beer down on the table in front of them.
She stayed for a little while longer, until she couldn't take the silence anymore. She missed his conversation, and his company. It was as though most days he wasn't even in the same room with her, but every once in a while, on a good day, he'd tease her, or joke with her. But those days were few and far between. He was sinking further and further away from her.
General East Hospital, March 20th 2009
"Seeley, please calm down. I'm going to have to sedate you if you do not do as we ask." Dr. Ringold said calmly.
"I just want to go home. I want to see my son. And I want these damn bandages off." Booth screamed louder.
"Booth, what's going on in here?" Brennan asked, having heard him screaming from the elevator.
"Bones? Bones is that you? Tell them I just want to go home, I want to see Parker. If they'd just let me take these stupid things off. Please." He pleaded with her, his voice calming some.
"Dr. Brennan, we've tried to explain to him several times about why prematurely removing the bandages could cause permanent damage. The nurse found him three hallways over this time. He needs to rest in order for his injuries to heal." The doctor explained again.
"Booth, it won't be much longer, just let them do their jobs. You do need your rest, try to cooperate." She scolded, a tear running down her cheek, knowing that he'd never see again.
"C'mon Bones. Can't you use your pull to spring me early?" He asked, trying to keep calm.
"Two more days Booth. That's all. Tomorrow they remove the bandages. Just hang out there." She said, her voice shaky.
"Just hang in there Bones. It's just hang in there." He said, feeling her hand cover his.
"Dr. Brennan can I have a word with you please?" Dr. Ringold asked.
"I'll be right back okay." She assured him before joining his doctor in the hallway.
"Dr. Brennan, you know as well as I do that keeping up this charade is unhealthy. Tomorrow when the bandages do come off, and he still has no sight will only make this harder. I wish there had been better results, but we did everything we could. The retina damage was just too great." He told her.
"Do you realize what that means for him doctor? His job, his life, everything he loved, it all involves sight. Taking that away is going to kill him. I just don't have the heart to tell him." She said, more tears streaming down her face.
"Have you considered a transplant?" He asked her.
"I'm speaking with a specialist about it. Unfortunately she is very in demand. He's been put on a waiting list to even have a consultation." She explained.
"He's lucky to have such a persistent friend then isn't he." The doctor said, handing her a tissue.
"He'd be even more lucky if this never happened to him." She said, turning to go back to him.
Stopping in the doorway, she stood stark still, watching his hand tremble as it came closer to his eye. After being treated for minor injuries in the emergency room, he was brought in as a neurological patient. Originally the doctors believed it to be post traumatic stress causing the loss of sight. But after further evaluation, they determined that the retina's in both of his eyes were so severely burned by his close proximity to the explosion. They tried surgery, and even though some of the tissue was repaired, his prognosis wasn't good. Brennan and Angela waited through the three hour surgery, only to listen to the doctor tell them that he would never see again. Now only days later, she'd managed to keep the information from him, until tomorrow when he would find out the truth. His other senses were already starting to take over, and she was sure by the expression on his face that he knew she was there.
"Bones?" He asked, feeling as though someone was watching him.
She didn't answer, she wasn't ready to sit with him and as she wiped at her face with the back of her hand, she watched him sink further into the bed.
"C'mon, I know someone is there, I can feel you watching me." He said again, crossing his arms over his chest.
She was debating on telling him the truth, though something inside of her didn't know how. "I think there's a basketball game on Booth." She finally spoke, her voice trembling.
"How long have you been there Bones?" He said.
"Just a few seconds." she lied.
He waited to hear the chair slide across the floor, and feel the bed move as she leaned in close to him. He could smell her shampoo, her perfume, when she was so close. He would know her scent anywhere he thought silently as he searched for her hand with his.
"Why is your hand wet Bones?" He asked, feeling the moisture.
"What?" She asked, not realizing that the tears she'd wiped away just minutes before hadn't evaporated yet.
"Listen, I might not be able to see you, but I know something is going on. I can hear it in your voice, I can feel it in the tension in the room. I know when you are keeping something from me Bones. What's wrong?" He asked, turning to face her, without letting go of her hand.
"They aren't sure how successful the surgery was." She blurted out, pulling her hand away.
"What do you mean, aren't sure?" he asked, his teeth clenched.
"Dr. Ringold said that even with the tissue they repaired, you probably won't regain your sight." She said, choking back a sob.
"He's wrong. I will. I can't...I mean... I..." He said stammering.
"They did everything they could Booth. So much of your retina's were damaged that it couldn't be repaired." She explained quietly.
"No. No, no, no, no. I'll be able to see. I have to be able to see, right? I can't be blind Bones." He said angrily.
Neither of them said anything for a long time, until finally he spoke "Have you known the whole time?"
"No. The doctor told me yesterday after your CT scan that he was positive. I just didn't know how to tell you Booth. I wanted to, but I also wanted him to be wrong." She said.
"Don't lie to me Bones." He said, his voice cracking.
She didn't respond, as she wondered how he knew her so well. She just wanted this to be over, wanted the whole thing to not have happened in the first place. As she sobbed quietly in the chair beside his bed, she tried to imagine what it would be like to be in his place, and she couldn't.
"I need to be alone Bones." He said almost an hour later, her sobs making his heart break.
"Oh. Okay." She said quietly. "I'll be back tomorrow, Booth. Try and get some rest."
He waited till he couldn't hear her footsteps any longer until he broke down. Tears gushing from the bandages at his eyes. Eyes that would never see her face again, never see Parker throw a perfect spiral, never see anything again. He wondered what the point of Teddy helping him was, if it only ended like this. Why did he look at the flash, he thought as his chest heaved. He didn't know she was still outside the door listening to him, and he never knew that she stayed there till he was asleep.
General East Hospital, March 21st 2009 10am
"Seeley, just keep your eyes closed until we adjust the lights." Dr. Ringold instructed.
Brennan watched as they slowly cut the bandages from his face, and when signaled a nurse turned off the overhead light. She was holding her breath, hoping that they'd been wrong.
"Alright, slowly open them. It's going to sting from the ointment." The doctor told him.
He opened his eyes, quickly closing them from the sting, then opened them again. This time tears trickled down his cheeks, his bloodshot eyes not fixing on anything but darkness. His expression never changed, but his fists clenched at his sides, his body tensed at the nothingness before him.
"Can you make out anything Seeley?" Dr. Ringold asked.
"No. There's nothing." He seethed.
"Bring the lights up. There's a possibility that you could have some distinctions." the doctor said.
"Still nothing." Booth said defeatedly.
"Booth, maybe in a few days there'll be something." Brennan tried.
"Face it Bones. I'm blind." He said, moving to get off the bed. "Now I'm going home."
"Seeley, you need to adjust to this. There are things that you will need to learn..." The doctor said watching his patient grope around the room.
"Booth, he's right. You can't just leave. They can teach you how to make this easier." She pleaded, as he grabbed her arms.
"You're taking me home Bones." He said angrily, his unfocused brown eyes staring past her.
"No. You're staying here, at least until you can learn a few things. I'm not going to be the one responsible for you stepping out into traffic, or getting concussed because you tripped and hit your head. I'm not taking you anywhere." She said.
"What makes you think that I have to listen to you?" He screamed at her, still standing in front of her.
"You don't. But I thought we're partners, and partners are there for each other right?" She tried.
"Were partners Bones. In case you haven't noticed, I can't see. Therefore, I am no longer an agent, and no longer your liason to the FBI. Partnership ceased." He said his jaw tight.
"Seeley, you should listen to her. There's no way you can do this without learning how to live like this." Jared said from behind them.
"Like you know what's best for me little brother. I've been cleaning up your messes since you were a baby, what would you know." Booth spat, eyes still open.
"Maybe it's time I'm there for you." He said, trying not to look at his brothers lifeless eyes.
Jared stepped between his brother and Brennan, putting his hands on his brothers shoulders. "Listen Seel, I can't fix this, or make it easier, but I can tell you that unless you listen to them, it's going to be a lot harder than it has too. Just let them help you." He said, wishing he didn't have to.
"So that's it? Everyone is going to turn on me? I can't believe this." Booth said pulling out of Jared's firm grasp.
He turned, tripping on a chair, but before he could go down, Jared caught him. "See."
"You should have left me on that ship." Booth hissed, finally closing his eyes.
It was the last time he'd open them for days, as he descended into his own world of darkness. Through hours of training, he learned to use the white cane, how to count out his steps, to distinguish between items and feel for raised marks on a keyboard and phone. What he didn't learn, and refused to try was braille. He fought with the therapist on why he would never need it, and eventually succeeded.
Jared Booth's car, March 28th 2009 12pm
Only one week after the bandages came off, he was finally going home, and he would finally get to visit with his son. Rebecca had kept Parker away most of his time in the hospital, only bringing him in once while the bandages had still been on. In his mind's eye he could imagine Parkers face, his curly blond hair, but he knew he'd never see his son, not visually anyways. He wondered if Parker would be uncomfortable around him now, if he'd still be able to take care of him. All those things ran through his mind on the ride home from the hospital with Jared.
"Seeley, you alright?" Jared asked, bringing the car to a stop at a red light.
"Just perfect." Booth answered angrily.
"You didn't have to rush this you know. They wanted you to stay another ten days, maybe feel a little more comfortable going out into the world. I don't know why you always have to be so pigheaded." Jared said as they started moving again.
"I'm perfectly capable of being at my own home Jar. I don't need more therapy, I need my sight back." Booth answered, adjusting the ray bans Bones had brought him only two days after he found out.
"Can I ask you a question?" Jared said.
"Shoot little brother."
"Why isn't Tempe bringing you home, after all those days in there and she was there for it all, you asked me? I don't understand you Seeley." Jared said quizically.
"It's not like we're dating Jared. I thought you knew that. She's my...was my partner and while I appreciate all that she did for me, keeping me company, sitting with me, I don't think I could take another second of the silence." Booth said honestly.
"You don't think that you had anything to do with the silence? No not the incredible Seeley Booth. No way." Jared mocked.
"Do you know what it's like to be in this position? NO! You didn't hear her crying Jar, you didn't wish every second that you could just look into her eyes and tell her everything was going to be okay. But I can't do that. I can't even see her face. I'm not the person I was before Jared. I'll never be that person again. And I can't do that to her..." Booth said, fighting back the anger.
"You really don't know how stubborn you are do you... that woman sat in there with you, through the silence, through the tantrums, through the surgery, through the agonizing hours when she thought she'd lost you, and you still push her away. She's more than your partner, and she has been for a long time Seel. You've just been to afraid to see it..." Jared said realizing what the last words meant.
"Now it's too late, I'll never get the chance to see it..." Booth said and turned his face towards the window.
"I'm sorry Seeley, I didn't mean it like that..." Jared tried, but the older Booth had ended the conversation.
On top of thinking about Parker, now he was thinking about Bones. How long he'd waited for things to be heading in the right direction, and now, it was done. His chance with her was gone. He imagined her green eyes filled with sadness every time she'd cried by his bed, not thinking he was awake, and how it broke his heart, when just the night before she'd leaned in and kissed his forehead and one of her tears dripped onto his cheek.
"Twelve steps up, three steps forward and twelve more steps up, then ten steps to your door." Jared said softly at Booth's side as they stood at the bottom step.
He grabbed the railing, probably the first time he'd ever done it coming into his building and awkwardly ascended the steps until he was at his door. Pulling out his key, marked with one raised bump so he would know it was for the door he inserted it and pushed the door open. The smells of his things overwhelmed him as he knocked into the wall, not waiting for Jared's commentary.
"We have to do a walkthrough. Wait." Jared said, nervously watching his older brother fumbling around.
"Jared, I've lived here for six years, I think I know it by now." Booth said rubbing his elbow.
"That doesn't mean you can do it blind Seel." Jared said firmly.
"Fine, let's get this over with, then you can go." Booth said viciously.
Jared walked him through the apartment, counting out steps, and watching as his brother felt around, arms out, through every room.
"Angela said she'd be over tomorrow to go through your clothes and personal items with you. There's beer in the fridge, top shelf, right hand side. And there are frozen dinners in the freezer until you can go shopping. Just nuke them for four minutes. I've marked the buttons so you know which to press." Jared said before leaving.
"Thanks. I'll be fine. If I need anything I'll call." Booth said sinking into his couch.
"You don't want me to stay, we could catch a baseball game on TV?" Jared asked, nervously.
"Go. I'm okay, really. I'll talk to you tomorrow Jared." Booth said, pulling the sunglasses off, and waiting to hear his brother's breath catch.
Jared didn't flinch, he'd realized that Seeley was purposely trying to get under his skin so he would leave, and when he caught sight of his brothers lifeless eyes he looked away. "See you later then." he said and closed the door behind him. Booth found the silence welcoming and relaxing. No beeping machines, no overhead speakers, just silence. He stretched out onto his couch and lie there, wondering what he was going to do next. Days and nights were lost on him now, no sunshine in his eyes, no full moon to brighten the night, just darkness, endless black.
Seeley Booth's apartment, April 13th, 2009 5pm
"Daddy!" Parker yelled when he opened the door.
"Hey little man. How was school today?" Booth asked his son, picking him up and hugging him.
"Boring, but we played basketball at recess, so that was fun." Parker said when his feet hit the floor.
"Did you make any baskets?" Booth asked him, knowing Rebecca was still in the doorway.
"Three, but all from really close to the hoop." Parker answered, Booth hearing his footsteps go towards the living room.
"That's awesome Park." Booth called out, "Thanks Beccs. When are you coming to pick him up?" he said, turning towards her.
"I'll be back in two hours, uh, seven. Are you sure you'll be okay with him?" She questioned.
"Rebecca, we'll be fine. We've been fine every time you've brought him over so far. Really. If we need anything Jared is still here and we could always call you." He said, trying to hide his irritation.
"I'll see you in a little bit Kiddo." She yelled past Booth.
"Bye mom." He yelled.
Booth waited to hear her footsteps move away from the door and then closed it. He hated that she didn't feel comfortable leaving his son with him, but he understood. It wasn't like he could chase after him anymore, or see where he got hurt if he would. He'd called Jared the last time Parker was over, to help him cook dinner, and it had eased Rebecca's mind some, knowing that. He could hear them talking in the living room, over the noise from the baseball game on the TV, and just listened.
"Remember bud, you can't move anything okay?" he heard Jared whisper.
"I know. But when are daddy's eyes gonna get better?" Parker whispered back, breaking Booth's heart.
"They might not. Didn't mom explain that to you Parker?" Jared asked him.
"Yeah, but mom is always so dramatic." Parker answered, making Booth chuckle to himself.
"Well, just cause he can't see doesn't mean that he can't still do things with you, you know that right?" Jared added.
"I know Uncle Jared. But mom says I can't come for the weekends for awhile. How come?" Parker asked quietly.
"Your dad is still getting used to things. You know like when you get a new pair of shoes, how sometimes they make your feet hurt for the first few times you wear them, until you break them in? It's kind of like that." Jared said, trying to explain it so he would understand.
"Alright, who's winning that game?" Booth said appearing in the doorway.
"It's just pre-season dad." Parker said loudly.
"Yeah, well I'd still like to know who's winning, ya know." He joked.
"Cubs, five to three." Jared answered.
"Well, you ready for some pizza?" Booth asked them.
"Can we get mushrooms?" Parker asked, getting up and walking to his father.
"Sure little man, Jared any requests?" Booth asked.
"I eat anything after K-rations, you know how it is." Jared smirked.
"Ok, so three medium pizza's two with pepperoni and one with mushrooms." Booth said reaching for the phone, but going a little to far and knocking it off the wall.
"Here daddy." Parker said, placing the phone in his dad's hand.
"Thanks bud." Booth said, a little embarrassed at his lack of coordination.
Booth ordered the pizza and they waited together on the couch for the food to arrive while Jared and Parker raced on the playstation. As much as he wanted Parker around, sometimes he preferred the silence, the emptiness that consumed him whenever no one could see him smashing into things, or dropping things. He didn't want this for his son, having to watch his father fumble, unable to work, unable to take him out without the chance of getting lost. No, days alone were much easier.
