10 Years later
By Karinka-Ten
Sakura
Sakura searched through her closet for something decent to wear. She was frustrated. Agitated. Sad. Annoyed and anxious. If tomoyo did not beg her to come she would have stayed home feeling sorry for herself. She wondered how ten years happened. Ten years since she graduated from high school. Ten years since she stepped into Tomedea High school. He fears began to sink in and she thought of all of the people she might see. The popular girl who made her feel small. The smart guy who helped her complete an assignment 30 minutes before class. The jock who she crushed on for a few year convinced it was true love...and her high school sweet heart, Syaoran Li.
Syaoran Li. She muttered his name under warm breath as she remembered the days she spent together. The days she was young and naive. Skipping classes and smoking under the bleachers during PE. He was a cliche. The typical bad influence who turned her world upside down. She had her first taste of alcohol with him, she skipped school a few times to go to the beach instead. Sometimes she would not come home and sleep in his tree house instead. He was everything. She never imagined that 10 years later she would be a grounded adult teaching at a pre-school crying in the tub over a broken engagement. Her life had been normal since things ended with Syaoran Li. She went to a good college. She got excelled and was living her dream of working with children.
She often wondered what kind of person she would have been if they ended up together, if they had not folded or fallen apart.
She slowly stood up and looked in the mirror. She could start to tell she looked older. She stretched the skin on her cheeks and released it then frowned. He would hardly recognize her. She grew her aurburn hair all the way down her back and wore summer dresses on a daily basis. Her former self loved leather jackets, jeans with holes with them and vintage t-shirts. Her former self wore a short messy pixie hair cut. She always wondered if she was truely herself with him or truely herself now.
A knock on the door startled her. She grabbed a towel and wrapped it around her lean body. Water dripped on the tiles as she carefully rushed to open it. She knew it was Tomoyo ready to lecture her for being late and for being out of reach.
She peeked through the hole in the door and opened it. Tomoyo wore a beautiful bright blue dress. It was obvious that she had gone to a professional to look like that.
"Why are you looking like that." Sakura asked mockingly.
"Why arent you dressed?" Tomoyo shot back.
"Isnt that thing only in an hour?"
"No...its in 30 minutes." Tomoyo sighed and pulled pushed Sakura into the bedroom "I can help you get ready."
Tomoyo searched Sakura's closet. Sakura sat on the bee looking aloof and indifferent.
"You need to look sexy." She said "Don't you have anything sexy."
"No." Sakura said "I am a school teacher."
Tomoyo raised a shoulder "This will make you feel so much better."
Sakura stood up "It will not make me feel better. My fiance broke up with me...left me for a woman from work. I already bought a freaking wedding dress...and now I have to meet all those girls who teased me in high school."
"That was 2 months ago."
Sakura shrugged "Its embarrassing."
"It was for the best. He would have cheated on you if you married him."
Sakura slept on the bed and cried in her pillow "Its embarrassing. Im alone...Ive never been so alone."
Tomoyo sighed. She pulled Sakuras leg "Get up. You are going. You are going to get drunk and Syaoran might be there."
Sakura choked back more tears. She convinced myself she hated Syaoran and did not want to see him but deep down there was a curiosity.
Tomoyo sat next to her "I hear he is still single."
Sakura remained still.
"I know you want to see him."
Sakura sat up "Things ended really bad." she said "I can never face him."
"You were kids."
Sakura sighed.
….…..
Syaoran
Syaoran cursed and kicked the wheel of his car. He was only 20 km from his home town for the reunion when his care decided to break down. His cellphone was dead and barely any cars had driven past him. Perhaps it was a mistake that he was returning to Tomedea; perhaps it was the universe was trying to tell him to drive back to the city. What business did he have there anyway. He never really liked many people from his high school. He hated the teachers and he hated that time of his life when his father passed and his mother started to drink. There was only one silver lining in his life, and his heart skipped a beat at the thought of her. He thought about it her everyday since they broke up. Her image haunted him, she was like a mistress he could not make a wife. Every night he though of the days the spent in his tree house. Her head on his chest. Her slim fingers wrapped around his wrist.
He remembered the way her bum looked in denim shorts and the way her ran his hand through her short hair. She would recoil but he knew she loved it. He remembered the curve of her face, her warm embrace, her scent. No other woman had captured him like she did and he believed that she still held a part of hi. A part of him he no longer possessed. A spirit he lost when he lost her.
He rested his head on the wheel and looked at the time. Sure, he would impress his classmates. They all probably imagined he would be an alcoholic or a divorcee, but he has spent the past ten years working hard. To prove everyone wrong...and perhaps to prove Sakura wrong too.
He decided to hitch hike. He walked out to the side of the road and waited for a car to pass. Tomedea was a small town. When he moved to the city, no one had ever heard of it. To the point where he sometimes wondered if it every really existed, if he had imagined that time and that life. Everyone knew each other and everyone knew each others business. When he got Sakura pregnant, they all knew and treated him like a menace to society and when she lost the baby they all knew and stared at him with sorry eyes.
He nearly lost his breath thinking about it. The pregnancy, the break up...the madness.
Suddenly a red truck stopped in front of him. Syaoran ran towards it. He immediately recognized the drive. He had not changed much. "Eriol" He smiled from ear to ear. Eriol was his neighbor...and perhaps a friend. Though Syaoran was cautious to give him such a title since they rarely spoke.
"Syaoran!" Eriol go out of the car and hugged him. "Dude...dude!" he repeated in disbelief "Is it really you."
Syaoran nodded "Yeah...woah."
"I thought you had died or something. You arent even on facebook. You disappeared...its been 10 years."
"I know." Syaoran said.
Within moments he was sitting across from Eriol into Tomedea.
"So I live with my girlfriend a little bit out of town. I took over my fathers restaurant. He died a couple of years ago. Um...the town is pretty much the same. I think you are one of the only people I know who never returned. So I suppose its not really a reunion for most of us. You were so emo back then. Look at you...you look normal."
Syaoran laughed "Yeah." he blushed.
"And that girl of yours...Ive seen her around. She still lives in Tomedea I believe. A school teacher. Last thing I heard, she was engaged. You ever spoke to her."
Syaoran looked out the window thoughtfully "no."
Eriol's eyes shot up "But you were inseparable."
Syaoran raised his shoulders "Shit happens."
Eriol nodded "She looks really different too."
Syaoran smiled a little. He was some what excited now. He would see her. He would confront her and get closure. He would tell her how much she hurt him and how it took many years for him to feel like himself again. He imagined the moment in different scenarios. Perhaps he would pull her to a corner and tell her secretly. Perhaps he would make a scene.
"Its good to see you all together. I saw you in a magazine about young entrepreneurs a year ago. Very impressive." Eriol said.
Eriol dropped him off at his hotel. Soon he would on his way to the reunion. Soon he would see her.
….…
Sakura
Sakura walked into the old school hall. It looked exactly as it did on prom night 10 Years ago. She lifted her head to look up at the ceiling that was covered in white and blue ballons. She swallowed hard as her emerald eyes took in the scene. There were at least 20 people. She recognized one or two. There was a table with food and drinks. Someone dressed like their old school mascot. She looked down, there was confetti on the floor. Sakura always hated confetti. She went to the table alone and took a glass of wine. Tomoyo had disappeared when they walked in. Tomoyo was more popular than her in high school. She participated in all school activities and knew everyone.
"Sakura?" A pregnant woman asked her. Sakura smiled, it was Chiharu. An old friend. Sakura hugged Chiharu's upper body, nervous about hugging her belly.
"Oh my gosh. You are so beautiful. What the hell Sakura...long hair suits you."
Sakura looked down for a moment embarrassed.
"You are pregnant." Sakura said pointing at the belly.
"Yeah. My stupid husband Yamazaki knocked me up on purpose. I told him I was not ready to get pregnant. Now i have morning sickness and swollen feet...and I need to pee...all the time."
Sakura smiled and the moment broke her heart a little. She thought of the time she almost became a mother.
"Im sure you will love your baby so much."
Chiharu smiled "I already do. I miss wine too." She said.
The room started to fill up. More people approached her for small talk. Her one friend was a doctor, another a blogger was journalist. Sakura looked at the time. No sign of Syaoran Li. She could feel her heart beat become unstable. She could not stand the conversations anymore because she could only think of seeing him.
Suddenly..he was there. In the room..holding a glass of wine. She had looked at the entrance so many times, she could not believe she did not notice him walk in. She swallowed hard. Her throat was try and she felt faint. He wore a well fitted shirt and khaki chinos. His hair was still messy. He grew out facial hair that gave him a rugged experience. He was making an effort to talk to people and people were drawn to him. He was unrecognisable.
Sakura wanted to hide suddenly, she started took a few steps from the crowd and sat on a chair afar. She looked up the crowd then slowly down at her black pumps.
….…..
Syaoran
She looked beautiful alone, aloof and unbothered. Her legs were crossed. He stared at her, standing a few feet from her. She did not notice him. She was preoccupied in her own world. He wondered if she was thinking of him...by some chance.
"Kinomoto!" He said.
She gasped, and her eyes met hers. For a moment the world stood still and everything he had ever felt for her was reconfirmed. He still loved her. He did not know what to say suddenly.
"Li." She said her vision still entangled in his.
He looked down shyly. "I didn't think I would ever see you again."
She stood up and they hugged. He tried not to linger too long in her arms but it felt like home. It felt right. She released him slowly and just stared at him.
"You look different." he said.
"You look different." she responded playfully running a hand in his hair "But you still don't know what a comb is."
He laughed smoothly. "What ever happened to you Sakura."
"I should be asking you that. You are the one who left town and never came back."
He nodded, and he knew there were many things they needed to talk about. But he was not ready for that. He wanted to be happy with her first.
She smiled an he pocked a finger through the dimple on her cheek.
"Do you want to dance?" She asked him already pulling him to the dance floor. Perhaps it was her way of avoiding conversation. She was dancing like she was putting too much effort and thinking about it too much. Suddenly a slow song came on. He pulled her in like old times and she rested her head on his chest. It was like he had never left. He had more muscle tone and she could swear he was taller.
"I hear you are engaged." he let it come out. He had to ask, it had been on his mind.
"Not anymore. Cheated on me."
He held her closer "What kind of asshole cheats on you Kinomoto."
She said nothing. He regretted the comment. He was being too forward. Too fast. He could not deny the feelings that were rushing through him and he didn't know how to be discreet about them. A song by Sam smith was playing. And no more words were exchanged until it stopped.
The lights came on and it was clear that everyone was drunk...with the exception of Chiharu. Syaoran looked at her not sure what to do next.
"Lets talk." he suggested.
She smiled agreeing "Lets get out of here."
She walked past the crowd and he followed her. For a moment she disappeared in the crowd and he worried he lost her. He felt anxious until suddenly her hand grabbed his.
The walked side by side to the sports field. Silence between them like a thick blanket. He kicked a can into the air.
"Why did you decide to grow your hair."
She touched it cautious "Do you not like it?"
"No." he responded "I think anything suits you to be honest."
She smiled "Do you realise you are wearing chinos and a well ironed shirt."
He laughed. "Do you realise you are wearing a yellow dress."
She laughed. "I guess we have both become versions of ourselves we tried so hard to avoid."
He nodded. "Yeah. Lets go to the bleachers."
She agreed. She noticed he was holding a bottle of wine. They sat on a bench and looked out at the soccer field. He took out a cigarette and lit it.
"You still smoke?"
He nodded handing her the smoke "I just got back into it."
Sakura took the fag and took a smoke. She had not smoked since they broke up. She coughed and he laughed "You are a bit rusty."
"And you are still a bad influence."
He drank the wine from the bottle "I think I have my shit together."
Sakura took the wine from him "No one has their shit together."
He shrugged "Compared to when you met me."
She nodded.
"So, tell me what you have been up to since i last saw you."
Sakura shifted closer to him "I went to university, studied education. Finished...moved out of my Dads place. Went to Europe for a summer. Met Kai two years ago, we got engaged after a year. He cheated on me with his colleague before breaking up with me."
"Shit...Im sorry." he said smiling on the inside that she was now single. "I went to Tokyo University. Studied computer engineering. Created an app...created a few more."
"Become famous." She interjected "Thats why everyone wants a piece of you now. You are the creator of Piction. Its impressive."
He took a sip of his beer "I didn't want to be nothing. I felt like everyone thought I would be nothing. Except you. You were the first person to tell me I was smart and just lazy."
"Syaoran, I always believed in you." she smiled "You always had smart ideas about all sorts of things. I couldn't keep up with you."
"And you are a teacher. You were always good with children." he said.
"I guess it all worked out." Sakura's eyes shifted as she said this.
He shook his head "No...something was always missing."
He cleared his throat "Remember that lousy coach? The one who would make us run across the field as punishment."
"Yes. You hated him."
Syaoran took a deep breath and the smoke from his cigarette left his nostrils "He made my life a living hell. What ever happened to him?"
"He died." Sakura said casually.
Syaoran turned to look at her "Are you serious?"
"Yes." Sakura said taking another sip from the bottle of wine "He was jogging and a truck hit him."
Syaoran thought for a moment. He felt sorry, he would have enjoyed to meet the guy, for his own personal satisfaction "how ironic." he took a deep breath " I hope you don't teach here."
"No. I teach at an elementary school called . Its catholic."
He smiled "Good."
He reached out and took Sakura's fingers in his hand. They remained still. They looked up at the stars. Their heart beats were one.
They looked at each other meaningfully. Syaoran touched her hand and lightly squeezed it. Sakura leaned in nervously and kissed his mouth. He closed his eyes and took her into him. He felt at peace. He missed her kissed. Her patient kissed. As the kiss ended, they looked at each other and smiled.
"Are you in town just for the night?"
Syaoran looked into her eyes "Yes. Just tonight."
"Lets go to my place. Order pizza and get slouched. Like old days." she said.
….…
Sakura
Sakura opened her front door. They called an uber taxi and waited at the parking lot for it to arrived. They shared old stories and pointed at spots that brought back memories.
"Remember when we had that big fight there." he said.
"Ahh you were horrible. You threatened to leave me because I kept you a secret for too long. I was scared Syaoran. My father didn't like you. I guess I wanted to please everyone."
"Im glad you found the courage to."
When the taxi pulled over they got into the backseat. He touched her hand and played with her fingers. The sexual tensions was unbearable. He would look at her and smile. And she at him and then she would turn away to look out.
As she opened the front door to her house, she could feel his eyes on her body. She could feel he was fantasizing about making love to her. She had yearned for his touch for so long. He had been her best lover. She could not wait for his hands to be all over her body. She pushed the door open and gave him a clumsy smile.
"Wasn't this that woman's house...old miss Yamada."
She nodded "She died and left it to me. She had no children. I spent the good portion of a year taking care of her and visiting her. She was nice. I was bored. I didn't live here till last year though. Felt weird."
Syaoran looked around "Its so you." The walls were a pastel blue. There was alight yellow couch, wooden furniture and quirky art on the walls.
Sakura smiled "I have wine and...we can order the pizza."
"Great." He took off his shoes.
Sakura went into the bedroom quickly, pretending she needed to find a pizza delivery number. She quickly changed into more sexy underwear. When she walked back into the kitchen he had opened the bottle of wine. He smiled at her and pulled her into him and they kissed.
"I have missed you so much Sakura. You have no idea. How can it feel like nothing has changed." he whispered into the kiss.
They paused and she said "I missed you too...I can't explain this. Its like there is just this magnet when Im around you. Its been like that since we met."
He kissed her neck. Sakura gasped and wrapped her hands around his neck. He pushed her gently up against the wall and lifted her from the floor. He kissed her mouth. His hard body pressed against a her delicate frame. They found themselves on her bed. Hungry for each others body, for each others warmth, for each other breath.
His hand open the zip on her dress and he unclasped her bra. Sakura breathed heavily "I want you so bad."
He lifted her dress over her head and she quickly took off his belt. His eyes never leaving hers. He kissed her passionately again.
"This happened really fast." She said in between moans.
"I can never keep my hands to myself when Im with you. Im sorry."
Sakura cackled.
….…..
That morning, Sakura smiled thinking about the previous night. They made love 3 times. They drank, the ate pizza and danced. They listened to old records and talked about old times.
As the light came through her window, he kissed her shoulder and touched her skin. She averted her body to face him.
"Im so happy...I haven't been this happy in so long."
He kissed her. "should i make coffee?"
She laughed "I have a strange way of organising things. Ill come with you."
They cooked together and playfully teased each other. They sat at the table. Scrambled eggs on a plate with baked beans and bacon.
"Do you ever think about how life would have been if..."
Sakura looked at him and he stopped talking "If I didn't get pregnant. If I didn't have miscarriage. If you didn't leave."
He was quiet.
"I think about it everyday. We folded...we gave up."
Syaoran poked the baked beans with a fork "Im sorry...I should have never left."
Sakura raised her shoulders her eyes refusing to meet his "You needed to get out of town."
"I ran away."
She nodded agreeably. Suddenly the mood had changed. Sadness crawled in like a plague. A tear hanged at the jar of her eye and she wished he reminded him. Suddenly it all felt fake.
"It was hard when you left. As crazy as our relationship was...I never wanted you to go. I had no one."
"I was only bringing you more pain. I was a kid. I didn't know what to do and soon I was too embarrassed to face you."
Sakura stood up "This was a bad idea."
"Sakura, don't be like that."
She raised her shoulders " there is no point. We slept together. You have a life and this thing will always linger between us. I think of what could have been. We would have had a 9 year old. I know we were not ready but I wanted it. I wanted you. And the moment things got tough you walked out and left me to deal with it by myself."
"I had to deal with it too Sakura! It hurt me too."
Sakura shook her head "Maybe you should leave."
Syaoran stood up abruptly "I left...but you broke up with me. You didn't want to be with me anymore. You didn't even want to touch me anymore Sakura. I tried. I fucking tried." he said angrily "I loved you. It took all of me to walk away."
"Just leave." She said bitterly.
"Fine! You will never see me again."
"Fine..." Sakura said getting up to sitting in the livingroom. She heard him fumble for his things.
"Just so you know...even though I broke it off, it is was no excuse to leave. We had 2 other breakups previously and always got back together." She said loud enough for him to hear.
Syaoran grabbed his wrist watch "That was a different kind of breakup"
Syaoran
Syaoran was upset as he put his clothes back on. He wanted to say more to her but could not find the words. It was delusional for him to think they would go back to the way things were before they fell apart. He heard sounds from the television. He could her her muffle up cries. When he opened the door, he found a man standing there.
"Who are you!" the man exclaimed.
"Im leaving." Syaoran pushed against the guy.
"Thats my fiance in there. The man shouted. Were screwing my finace you son of a bitch."
Syaoran ignored the man and quickly got into a taxi. He wanted to punch something. He wanted to run away again. As he entered the taxi he looked back at Sakura's apartment. Through the open blinds he could see that an argument was ensuing between her and the man he met at the door. He told the taxi driver to wait and walked to the house. He knocked on the door.
Sakura quickly opened it and rolled her eyes when she saw him "I thought you were gone?"
"Are you okay?" Syaorans eyes shifted to the man behind her. He was tall, dark features and wore casual clothes.
"Yes!" she said with tears in her eyes.
"Who is this?" Sakura's ex finance asked.
"Nobody!" Sakura responded angrily.
"So you've been sleeping with him...wow..."
Sakura raised her hands up angrily "Kai, you cheated on me. Lets not forget that. We are no longer engaged."
"Please forgive me Saki."
Sakura gritted her teeth "All of you out!" She pushed Kai out the door. Her tiny frame using up all the energy in her body "OOut!"
Syaoran stood outside with Kai. They were both quiet for a moment, taking in the situation. Kai turned to look at Syaoran "Who the hell are you."
"Im her high school boyfriend." Syaorans voice was heavy and hoarse. He could feel his heart beating in his throat.
"Oh, she told me about you. The miscarriage guy." There was an arrogance about Kai that Syaoran immediately hated. He was not a perfect suite for Sakura and Syaoran was relieved he had cheated on Sakura.
Syaoran wanted to be angry at the statement. He held back and walked away. As he walked away he heard Kai say "Lets grab a drink. Its clear we have both lost her."
Syaoran kept walking.
He got to his hotel room, opened up a suitcase and started to throw his clothes into into. He stopped for a moment and sat at the edge of the bed feeling depressed to the pit of his stomach. He loved her and it hurt. It hurt has much as it did 10 years ago.
He looked up at the ceiling. He grabbed food from a restaurant he used to love. None of it could ease the pain in his heart.
He would leave first thing in the morning. His car should be fixed by then, he told himself.
Morning came and he still could not find the strength to leave. He could not leave her this time. His body would not allow him. He would hate himself if he let her go again.
He decided he would not leave until she was his. He realised how unhappy and how unfulfilled his life was upon their reunion. He thought of his job, it wore him out at times. He thought of that big lonely apartment waiting for him in the city. He though of the women he dated who always felt like placeholders. He could never love them, no matter how hard he tried.
Sakura
Sakura sat in the teacher lounge on Monday morning. She thought of the dramatic weekend and could feel another migraine coming on. Perhaps things were better this way, she needed to be alone. She had spend the most part of Sunday night crying and eating junk food in her bed. Tomoyo visited her a few times, amazed by her even worse state.
She took a sip of her coffee. She wished she took leave. She was in no mood to pretend to feel alright.
As she other teacher walked in, she quickly got up. She did not want conversations about the weekend.
She went into her class and opened the blinds. She looked outside and watched the students arrive. She thought of Syaoran again. Perhaps she had been too stern. Things were still unresolved. She was still angry and him and he was still angry with her. After 10 years it seemed like they were just back where they left off. She loved him nonetheless, maybe even more than she did before. She admired the man he had become. He was still himself but he inhibited maturity. He could read her through one glance.
The students came in and she started the lesson. Today it was fractions. She told a few boys in the back to keep quiet. She gave them a problem to solve and waited behind her desk for them to solve it. While they worked she looked through the math book for the next problem to give them to solve. Suddenly the students were giggling.
When she looked up she noticed someone sitting in the back of the class. It was Syaoran. He smiled at her and her eyes shot up.
"Looks like we have new student in our class."
The children laughed "He is too big for this class." one pointed out.
"Im 7 years old." Syaoran said to them and they laughed.
"You look 40 to me." One little girl said "Or 100"
Sakura smiled coyly. She loved the way her class reacted to him.
Syaoran raised his hand "Mam. Im done solving the problem."
Sakuran shook her head. She could not stop smiling "Whats the answer?"
"Its 1/4" he said.
Sakura nodded "That correct."
She wrote the answer on the white board. When she turned around he was standing next to her. In a near whisper he said "Im sorry I left. I never want to leave you again."
Sakura blushed.
"I want to be with you. I can't explain it. My life was never the same without you."
She looked into his eyes and tipped on her toes and gave him a quick kiss on the mouth.
"Ewwwwww" The children said at the same time.
Syaoran smiled and hugged her and the kids laughed "Hey hey...she is my princess."
She hugged him tightly and said "I love you too. Always. Lets start over."
….…..
The end
