Teacher Training: Hogwarts Edition
To start this one off, I have to remind you all that the original Teacher Training story was done by the wonderfully talented Toddfan, and revolved around X-Men: Evolution. I asked her and gained permission to use the idea, and even her setting myself. If you enjoy this idea, and remember X-Men Evolution, please see the original Teacher Training, and other stories from Toddfan. So, without further ado…
Nothing Good Will Come of This
Bill and Charlie Weasley looked around the room they'd been called to. It was surprisingly quiet. It was the Staff Room at Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry. "Hello?" the elder Weasley called.
"Ah, William, please, come in," Greeted the wizened Headmaster.
The two stepped in tentatively. "What's going on here?" Charlie asked.
"Well," Albus Dumbldore explained, as the door locked behind the last two people he'd called. "My friend from the States, Charles, has informed me of a wonderful teacher training program hosted out there. And I thought it would be a good bonding experience for the lot of us."
Bill looked around. Sure enough, there were Snape, McGonagall, Sprout, Pomphrey, Flitwick, and Hagrid. But also present were his parents and Moody. "Why us?" Bill asked fearfully.
"Because," Explained Dumbledore, as the others in the room grumbled in curiousity. "Both of you will more than likely be called to be Defense Against The Dark Arts teachers next year and the following."
"Would it help if we told you we would refuse?" asked Charlie meekly.
Just then, the door behind them opened and the Twins chucked in oddly familiar luggage. In fact upon closer examination, it was Bill and Charlie's luggage. "I'd say no," Bill surmised grimly.
"You still haven't explained who would be teaching the students," Minerva demanded.
"Ah, yes…" Dumbledore faltered for a moment. "Well… I had hoped that particular question would wait a few more seconds."
"A few more…" a bang went off and the room was filled with gas. Moody was the last one, aside from Dumbledore, to succumb and pass out.
As moody lost consciousness, he muttered, "Damn Weasley twiiiinnnnsss…" and was out cold.
"Where… Who?" asked Arthur Weasley unhappily as he woke up from where he'd been leaning on his wife's shoulder.
"In America," came the tight response of Minerva McGonagall. "And It was Albus who drugged you."
Arthur looked around. They were in a large van. Especially large given that Hagrid fit in it. In the front bench seat was Albus, driving, with Minerva next to him, and Moody snoring heavily on the glass.
Arthur was on the next bench seat back with molly on his left just starting to stir, she was leaning on the window, and Poppy on his right. He looked behind him. On the next row were his two eldest sons, and the unpopular potions master. In the very back were the deeply snoring pair of Hagrid and Pomona. For a moment Arthur wondered where Professor Flitwick was, until he saw little arms and legs motoring like mad from the very back seat, sandwiched between Hagrid and Pomona's girth. Arthur immediately stood, and reached over his sleeping boys and gave the diminutive professor a hearty tug, freeing him from his prison.
Arthur hoisted Filius over the still sleeping Weasley's and set him down between himself and Poppy. "I saw…" Filius gasped as he gulped down air. "My grandmother. She was beckoning me toward her. She said she'd discovered the fountain of youth in the middle of a muggle theme park… the singing… THE SINGING!"
Filius' ranting woke up the rest of the passengers, except Hagrid and Pomona, who continued to snore.
Arthur instinctively pushed his wife's head down as he himself ducked. A stunning curse flew over his head and struck Hagrid, finally waking the part-giant. "'ere now, no call fer 'at kinna language," he blurted out groggily.
"Moody, relax," Arthur told the wizard who had fired the curse, upon waking up in a strange place filled with others.
Alistor looked at everyone in turn with his natural eye while the magical one was spinning around quicker and quicker. He finally focused both eyes on Dumbledore who gave him that twinkling look, and Moody finally relaxed back into his seat. "Knew I should have brought my galbrinthian air-squid today. Why did I use him a an excuse?"
"Now that everyone is awake," McGonagall interrupted in a frustrated tone, "Will you please tell us who is watching the children?"
"Ah," Albus sighed. "yes, well do not worry. I left Professors Sinistra and Vector in charge. "Madame Hooche will be minding the Hospital wing."
"What of our classes?" asked Filius, finally starting to calm down.
"They are being watched over by several very talented students."
"Potter," Chorused half the vehicle in an annoyed tone.
"Well… yes, he is handling the Charms class," Albus conceded. "Ms. Granger is handling Transfigurations. I was able to arrange for Prof. Grubbley-Plank to return and handle Care of Magical Creatures."
"And Potions?" demanded Severus in a hiss.
"Do not worry Severus, I made sure that it was well taken care of. You have two students taking care of your class. Excellent potion brewers, and seventh years the both of them." Albus hesitated as he heard Severus sigh in relief. "The Weasley Twins volunteered for the position."
Five minutes later, after having to forcibly keep Severus from leaping form the moving vehicle, they pulled into a small fast food restaurant for everyone to eat and stretch their legs some.
The boy behind the counter leaned back a good distance when Hagrid approached. "'ello 'ere," He greeted with a broad smile. "Alright?"
"Y-yes sir," the fearful young man replied.
The group was in the oddest assortment of clothing he'd ever seen. One woman was wearing everything in plaid. It wouldn't have been so odd if it weren't for the fact that she were in a three-piece pantsuit. Even her blouse was plaid.
One man, who wore an eye patch, was so badly scared it looked like someone had run him through the meat grinder. Their clothing was erratic.
"Weasley!" snapped Snape in a whisper. "Are you certain this thing is proper muggle attire?"
"Absolutely," Arthur nodded. "I've seen them in them myself. It appears to be preferred by those who support athletic teams teams. I thought with your support of Slytherin's house…"
"Fine," Severus cut him off and marched up to the man at the counter in his silver and green cheer leading uniform. "You will give me the… Silly-Shack Super-Silly Special. WITH NO PICKLES!" he glared his best at the cashier. "For every pickle I find… I shall kill you."
Luckily the cashier had already had most of his soul sucked out by working minimum wage and deal with others. Snape did not impress him.
Next up was Minerva in her exclusively plaid suit. "I'll have the fish sandwich and fried potatoes."
"Ma'am?" he asked. This was his one revenge on the world.
"You know, the fish-sandwich. For the side I'd like the fried potato strips." She repeated.
"I'm sorry," he replied, looking up at the menu. "I don't see that on the menu."
"you're going to make me say this aren't you?" she asked humiliated. The cashier just smiled vacantly. "I'd like the Silly Sea-saw sandwich with an order of Fabulous Funny Fries."
"one number twelve, coming up," the cashier responded.
Bill and Charlie ordered easily, bothing having gone through rebellious phases where they wanted to be muggles. They were, however, dressed in what appeared to be adult size versions of children's clothing.
"Outta the way," Moody growled as he stumped around behind the counter and took over the kitchen for a few minutes preparing his own meal. Normally he would have been stopped cold, but when he threatened to show them his BAD eye, the employees quickly scurried out of his way.
Molly ordered her own meal… and then one for the cashier, whom she said looked a bit underfed.
Arthur was the last to order (Pomona and Poppy both abstained after discovering there was no vegetarian menu). He stepped up to order, making sure to affect what he believed to be a convincing and authentic muggle American accent. "How-D yo! I'dz wreck-on to get my grub-on with your Smiley Meal supreme. Dawg."
As they sat, Snape noticed the younger Weasley's clothing. "Explain," he demanded, pointing at their shirts.
"Oh," Bill said, looking at their shirts. "Well, it's this muggle show about a poor brain-addled wizard who has to be helped through every day activities by his faithful dog. Rather touching really."
"Wizard?" Albus asked curiously. "How do you know He's a wizard?"
"Oh, well, everything in his home talks. He also travels by portraits. And I'm fairly sure his dog is actually a Krup."
"Wha's it look like?" asked Hagrid in an interested tone.
"Blue," Charlie lead off.
"Bright blue," added Bill.
"Kinda bulbous," said Charlie, stretching his shirt for Hagrid to inspect.
"hmmm… not a krup," the half-giant muttered. "It could be… but nah… they don't…"
"What is it Hagrid?" asked Minerva, setting down the tray with all of their food stuffs on it.
"Well… It looks like a Crumpled-Horn Snorkak ter be hones'," shrugged the giant.
"BAH!" roared Severus suddenly. "Pickles!"
"What's with Severus and pickles?" asked Charlie in an undertone to his old transfigurations teacher.
"Issues from his fifth year," she said simply, and explained no more.
"I'll kill… urk!"
Severus had been grabbed mid lunge and plopped back into his seat by Hagrid.
"Thank you Hagrid," Albus said quietly.
"This is humiliating," grumbled Filius from the high chair he was forced to eat in.
