A/N: Yo! This is purely crack and I will admit to seeing this general prompt around somewhere and thought fuck it imma write it so here we are. Expect more shit in here.
Enjoy.
Of Owls and Cats
HAIKYUU!
He narrowed his eyes in annoyance and took two deep breathes to try and calm himse-
"MOTHERFUCKERS!"
-yeah. That wasn't gonna work any time soon.
Honestly. Did he really expect any shops to be open at three am?
He had an injured animal in his possesion, like hell was he gonna leave it on its own.
Well. I think it's about time we rewind, hm?
...
Twigs snapped and leafs crunched. Critters scattered and slithered into the shadows.
He absentmindedly hummed under his breath, white puffs of smoke escaped his lips and floated in the air before evaporating.
If you hadn't already guessed, it was a cold night, and the slight howling of a chilling breeze didn't do anything but add to the already freezing temperature.
He shivered and quickly shoved his shaking hands into his coats pockets, ducking his head into its collar as he tried to retain some of his body heat. "They should make heaters for outside.." He lightly noted, golden eyes staring up at the glowing moon.
He grunted, sniffing and hunching his shoulders closer inwards. "I'm freezi- WOAH!" He suddenly squawked, ripping his hands out of his pockets, bag dropping off of his shoulder and soundlessly hitting the floor as he waved his hands around in what he thought to be a threatening manner, but only served to make him look like an idiot. "What the hell was that?!" He bellowed, eyes frantically blinking and mouth set in a wide 'o' as he turned his head left and right to search for the thing that just flew into his face.
A faint 'hoot!' sounded at his feet and he whipped his head down to stare at the creature.
"Is that an Owl...?" He slowly drawled out, crouching down to get a closer look, and he ran a tired hand through his two-toned hair. "Geez," he sighed, scratching his cheek with one finger as he sympathetically smiled down at the bird. "You're pretty busted up, huh?" He hummed, taking in the way the bird seemed to cradle one of its obviously broken wings to its side as the other uselessly flapped at him.
"Hey, hey, HEY!" He shouted, stumbling back onto his ass. "I'm not gonna hurt ya'!" He whined, scrambling around for his abandoned bag. "I wanna help, ya' know?"
...
After his, unsuccessful, trip to the shop, any shop, he practically just thought: 'fuck it imma keep it and come back tomorrow.' Which, was the only logical solution because, well, it was three in the morning and Bokuto was not, despite what others would beg to differ, stupid enough to call someone for help.
"Hey, bro."
Ok. Maybe he was.
"No."
His jaw hung open in shock before his spit went flying as he spluttered in protest. "H-HEY! Oi!"
"Did you even look at the time before you thought to dial my number?"
He nodded, but then remembered he couldn't be seen. "Yes, but-"
"Goodnight, Bokuto."
His lips jutted out in a pout and he hunched his shoulders in disappointment. "Nooooooo!"
A sigh sounded on the other line. "Dude, what is it?"
You could literally see the joy ripple through him as a mega watt smile broke out onto his face and he lightly hopped on his feet, one hand cradling the owl inside his jacket to his chest while the other flapped around as he excitedly explained the situation. "I found an injured Owl and-"
"Annnd you thought to keep it, because no shops are open, right?"
He pouted and scuffed his shoes on the floor. "... Maybe."
"Why am I friends with you?"
His eyebrows wiggled and he let out a shit-eating grin. "Because you love me~?"
"Gross, bro, so gross."
"But true~"
"Ugh. What was calling me supposed to do, except annoy me?"
Bokuto pouted for a second before he pursed his lips in thought. "You still have that cat, ri-"
"Kenma."
"...Right." He sweat-dropped at Kuroo's interruption. "So, dude, help me out here."
"... How, exactly, am I supposed to do that?"
"Well, you have a pet, so-"
"Cat. A Cat, Bokuto. You have an Owl. They aren't exactly the same species, are they?"
He looked put-out and made a pained noise, wincing at the realization that he didn't know what the hell to do and neither did Kuroo. "No... But, uh... WhatdoidohelpmeKuroo."
"... What's the damage?"
He let out a silent cheer and then frowned as he remembered what was wrong with the Owl. "Uh, it looks like just a broken wing?"
"Just a broken-? Fucking hell, Bokuto. How do you manage to land yourself in these sort of situations?"
He smirked and chuckled under his breath. "It's a talent of mine."
"Idiot." He could almost hear Kuroo roll his eyes. "I would say to splinter it, but you'd probably end up doing more harm than good."
"O-Oi! What's that supposed to mean?!"
"You tell me."
"Asshole," he mumbled under his breath.
"Not quite."
He heavily sighed and stared down at the bird that had strangely been quiet the whole time it had been stuffed into his coat. "Dude, I'm just gonna go home... It should be alright if I leave it just for one night, right?"
"Ya, sure. Bye."
*dial-tone*
He jaw dropped open in shock and he tore the phone away from his ear. "HOW RUDE!" He bellowed, before a look of 'oh, shit!' donned his face as he felt the owl flinch in his grasp and he soothingly cooed at it. "Let's get ya' patched up, huh, little fellow?"
There... was an ass sticking out of his fridge. A very nice ass, mind you. Toned and perky, and holy shit those legs are so milky and smooth- BAD, BOKUTO! He mentally reprimanded himself, white eyelashes tickling his cheeks as he repeatedly blinked to make sure the sight he was seeing was, well, there.
Ok, there's no way he could imagine up such a nice bod- no, no, no! He was going bad again!
He made a choked sort of whine at the back of his throat as the person stood up straight and took a step back, beautiful face scrunched up in obvious disappointment if the furrowing of his dark, lusciously angular eyebrows was anything to go by.
What? He was already fucked, anyways. May as well get a kick out of it while he can.
And god did that ruffled raven hair look good. If only he... could... touch...
He could smell the metallic stench of blood before it even left his nose and he knew it was time to look away.
But it was so glorious! Just look at those buns! Oh! And those calves! He seriously wanted to hit those little annoying voices of temptation at the back of his mind.
He tightly screwed his eyes shut with a whine and slumped down the wall, fingers lifelessly tapping a number on speed-dial. "Kuroo."
There was a pained groaned and heavy sigh on the other line. "What is it now?"
Bokuto sniffed and then screwed his nose up in displeasure at the lingering smell of blood as he mumbled into his phone, "There's a man in my kitchen."
"Ok...?"
"Bro," he weakly whispered, almost on the verge of whiningly panicking into the phone. "I don't remember bringing him home..."
A breezy chuckle crackled through the phone. "So.. Did it ever occur to you to ring the police before you called me?"
"Dude!" He hissed. "He's naked!"
The sound of shuffling and sheets being crinkled made for a good pass time between the silence. "... Define 'naked'."
He gripped his hair and choked out; "I can see everything, bro, everything." He was going madder by the second.
A grunt and exasperated sigh met his ears. "Breathe, Bokuto. Now is not the time for your perverted thoughts to make an appearance."
He rolled his eyes and stifled a laugh, lest the man in his kitchen hear him. "Pft. As if you're one to talk Mr. I'd-so-fuck-my-cat-if-he-were-huma-... Ok, that sounded more disturbing than I thought it would."
"Need I even comment?"
"Whatever." He easily brushed off the comment and quickly peeked around the corner, momentarily blinded by a very moony view. "B-Back to the naked man raiding my fridge," he wheezed, nearly getting whiplash from how quick he snapped his head back around the corner.
There was an eerie silence on the other line and Bokuto swore he could hear a cackle. "Bro, do you even have food?"
He scratched at his chin. "Pretty sure I bought some eggs a few days ago..?" That really shouldn't have sounded like a question.
"Nope. I ate those."
"What! All twelve?!" He yelped.
"No! Idiot, there was only three left."
"Wha-?" He paused to gather his thoughts before he grunted and shook his head. "Never mind. Naked man."
"Yeah, you should really do something about him."
Bokuto sighed and solemnly nodded. "Yeah... But wha-" he froze, hand going limp, and the phone idly dropped out of his hand and tumbled to the floor in a loud clatter.
"Bokuto..? O-Oi, hey! Kōtarō!"
He quickly scrambled back, made a mad grab for his phone before he clambered up to his feet.
Forget his buns! Those jewels were absolutely stunning!
"Bokuto-san, was it?"
Oh dear god. Was he made of gold or something? Velvet, perhaps? Because it bloody sounded like it.
"My name is Akaashi Keiji. Thank you for taking care of me," he seemingly purred out. "I will forever be in your debt."
He was stumped for words. There was a beautifully naked man bowing at the waist in front of him spewing some shit about debt? The fuck? What was one to do when in a situation like this? (He was also confused. Take care of?... What?)
He shakily held his phone up to his ear.
"You there, Bokuto? Still alive?!"
"Y-Yeah," he stuttered, eyes never tearing away from the stranger's chest as he raised from his bow, and he suddenly felt his throat go dry as he locked eyes with him. "Gotta go, my eggs are burning!" He shouted into the phone.
"What the fuc-!"
He didn't listen to his reply, quickly hung up, and shoved the phone into his elastic boxers.. Why did he do that?!
He sent a nervous grin to the stranger and bowed back. "Nice to meet ya', Akaashi!" He bellowed, shooting him a peace sign as he stood up from his bow. "The name's Bokuto Kōtarō!" He cheerfully introduced, because if this stranger had no qualms about walking around his house naked, shoving his dick, very nice dick, in his face, then there shouldn't be a problem with his shoving a phone down his pants, right?!
Right.
"Was that wise?"
No. Probably not. But there was a cute naked man standing in front of him, and who, honestly, had time for wisdom?! Not him, that's who. Besides, who really cared about the vibrating phone in his bo- vibrating?!
"Maybe you should answer that?" The man offered with a raise of his eyebrow, and, strangely, it was only then that Bokuto took notice of the way the man, Akaashi, cradled one of his arms that suspiciously looked bruised and possibly broken.
Needless to say, he quickly fished his phone out of his pants and answered it, not even needing to look at the screen to know who was calling. "Bro, I think the owl I picked up last night magically turned into a man."
"DUDE, ARE YOU HIGH RIGHT NOW?!"
