(AN: Time to start Season 3! Total Drama: Heroes vs. Villains is a-go! Reason the story title is different is because I found there was some fic already called Total Drama: Heroes vs. Villains, with a logo and everything! Uh, oops! Had to find a way to differentiate the two, you know? Anyways, the cast was chosen by you, but I have the final say in who stays and who goes! Let's get started!)
Chef walked down the prison cells with the warden, carrying a manila envelope.
"I'm innocent, I tell you! Innocent!" one inmate called out from one of the cells, while another made kissy faces at the pair as they passed.
Chef growled at the latter, who immediately stopped what he was doing and disappeared quickly into the shadows.
"Sir, Mr. McLean, just as you wanted," the warden said, leading him to a cell that looked no different from any other.
What was inside, however, was very different indeed.
"Looks like Duncan's all set to win it!" Chris said, bouncing a peanut shell along the floor. He had taken the liberty of drawing a face on it, for companionship.
"Uh, Chris?" Chef said.
"Uh-oh! Duncan might lose this thing! I…wait a minute…HE BLEW UP MY MANSION! …I MEAN COTTAGE! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOHOHOOOOOOOO!"
Chef and the warden exchanged worried glances.
"Duncan, bad! Bad boy! Bad! You're totally going to jail for that one!" Chris said, tossing the peanut shell so hard at the wall, it shattered. "There! I hope you get what Justin did to Katie!"
"Chris!" Chef's yell rang throughout the prison.
"Oh, hey, Chef! How've ya been?"
"Chris, I gotta come to ya straight. We've been greenlit for another season!"
Chris stood upright in a flash, jangling the bars. "Does that mean…?"
"You get to host the show again? Sure! Sure thing! I've spoken to the warden here, and…"
"Mr. McLean, we've decided to send you out on parole! Mr. Hatchet has the stipulations that you must follow during your time out of prison.
"Furthermore, you're only out because of your connections to Mr. Hatchet, as well as your…charisma."
"Oh, don't you know it!" Chris grinned, as Chef handed over the manila envelope to him.
"It's been a pleasure seeing you again, Mr. Hatchet," the warden said, shaking Chef's hand. "Please do your best to keep an eye on this…individual."
"Of course, sir!" Chef said, saluting the warden as he left.
Chris stretched, looking much more cheerful. "Hey, when's that season starting, Chef?"
"Oh, I'd give it 'bout a week, give or take…"
Chris grinned savagely. "Alright, I'm going to need a phone, gotta makes some calls before the season starts…hey, Chef, let's get this party started!"
Outside Chris's cell, a bugging device had picked up all of the prior conversation and had transmitted it into a certain superfan's earbuds.
Sierra's eyes narrowed, and she grinned at her smartphone camera. "Yes, Chris, let's do this."
(AN: I'm only doing this once, to avoid redundancy at the beginning of the chapters!)
*The Total Drama theme starts playing. Spotlights pop out of a mole hill (with a mole in tow), a knot in a tree (kicking out a squirrel) and out from the grass.
A clapperboard slaps down, signaling the cameras to pan across the newly remodeled Camp Wawanakwa, passing Chris, the robot, and the cabins. The camera pans up the hill and 'falls' into the water.
In the water, Sierra's struggling to open a wooden treasure chest. Eva kicks open the chest, releasing Cameron and Cody. Eva crosses her arms and rolls her eyes, releasing a small amount of bubbles from her mouth.
Gwen is chased by Fang in the background, with Ezekiel swimming furiously behind them. *
"Na-na-na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na-na-naaaa!"
*The camera pulls out of the water, to reveal the remaining contestants on rafts, holding sticks. Half of them are red, half are gold. *
"I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous!"
*Zoey reluctantly clashes her gold stick with Duncan's red, followed by Jo smacking Brick hard with her red stick, causing him to fall in the water. Next, Dawn dodges out of the way of Justin's red stick, causing him to silently yell and fall in the water too. Heather and the robot high-five as they both succeed in shoving Anne Maria into the water, her red stick flying and twirling in the air. *
"I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famoouuusssssssssssss!"
*The scene shifts to a view of the moon, before the camera pans down on the crackling fire. Duncan and Zoey share a look, before looking away quickly and uncomfortably. Sierra is behind them, snapping a photo with the smartphone.
The rest of the contestants whistle the ending part of the Total Drama theme, while the camera pans out to reveal the title for the season: 'Total Drama: Heroes vs. Villains'. *
(AN: Sorry! It's based off of All-Stars, gotta use the shortened theme…eh, least it's a little more interesting to write…)
Episode 1: Heroes vs. Villains
Chris breathed in the fresh Wawanakwa air.
"Aaaah! Hello, all of you! Isn't it great to be back on Camp Wawanakwa? I know I'm excited!"
A robot beeped up alongside him, waving its hand.
"Chef and this guy here… (Chris nodded at the robot) …spent the whole year cleaning and detoxifying this place!
"Wanna know why? Well, Chef told me about a great idea during my tenure in prison!
"We're going to bring back your favorite Season 1 contestants and square them off against the newbies! Yeah!"
Silence rang around the beachfront. The robot looked at Chris and beeped.
"No, I don't know who's returning! That's Chef's job!" Chris groaned, throwing his hands up in the air.
In the distance, Chris heard a loud whirring sound.
"Oop! Here they come now!" he said, shielding himself from the strong winds.
He pulled out a megaphone and waved to the twin-propeller helicopter, which was flying low.
"Here's Chef with the—oh, what? A contestant list? Thanks!" Chris said, as a portly, bespectacled intern handed him a sheet of paper.
"Okay, okay, all checks out…although I do wonder why part of this is whited out…maybe Chef did this last minute!
"Okay, so, returning from Season 1, first up is our runner-up geek, Cody!"
Cody yelled loudly as Chef tossed him from the helicopter. "I never want to go back in theeeeere!"
"Aww, don't care!" Chris chuckled. "Next, the lonely goth girl who eventually became less lonely, Gwen!"
"No, thanks, Chef, I got this!" Gwen said, before taking a deep breath and jumping out.
"Look out below!" she cried, before splashing into the water beside Cody.
"Gwen! I'm comin' for ya, eh!"
"Gwen's boyfriend, the recently reformed sexist homeschool kid, Ezekiel!"
Ezekiel jumped out of the copter, holding on tightly to his toque to ensure that it wouldn't fall off.
"Next, we have Gwen's carrier-I mean, best buddy, Eva!"
Eva wordlessly dove out of the helicopter, creating a mighty splash below.
"Next up is the delinquent with a hidden soft side, screenhogger-I mean, Duncan!"
"I heard that, Chriiiiiiiiiiiiii-iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis!" Duncan yelled, glaring and pointing at the host on the way down.
"Aww, he hasn't changed a bit!" Chris said, wiping a tear from his eye.
"The queen bee who swore revenge on all of us, Heather!"
"Oh, believe me, there will be hell to PAAAAAAAAAAAY!" Heather screeched as Chef threw her hard from the helicopter.
"Lastly representing the Season 1 competitors…the one, the only, the dangerous…Justin!"
Chris looked up at Chef, who shrugged.
"Guy's not on the plane, Chris!"
However, a loud honk in the distance answered Chris's concerns.
The Big Kahuna, Justin's modeling agency, dropped their star model onto the beach, before puttering off on their fancy yacht.
Justin beamed at the camera, his flashy smile restored and his eyes twinkling.
Eva rolled her eyes, folding her arms. "Great, could've gone a season without him holding me back…"
"Next up, our Season 2 competitors!" Chris said, ignoring Justin posing for the camera. "First, we have our master of sass, but she's a pain in our ass!
"Give it up for our runner-up, Anne Maria!"
Anne Maria screeched and clung on to Chef. "No f-bleep!-in' way am I goin' down there! I'll get soaked!"
"Oh, I say you're gonna get into that water!" Chef said, detaching her from him and tossing her fiercely down into the water. "How d'ya like that, cracka Anna?"
Gwen rolled her eyes as Anne Maria splashed down beside her, still screeching. "Oh, great, someone with an attitude problem. Haven't seen the likes of that before…"
"Oh, but I have!"
Cameron peered down from the helicopter, looking for Anne Maria.
"The bubble boy who couldn't! Get down here, Cameron!" Chris called out. "And make sure not to get injured before the first challenge! Boy, wouldn't that suck?"
"Don't remind meeeeeeeeee!" Cameron called out as Chef threw him out of the plane.
"Next, the super-hot gay…cadet…uhhhh…ahem, Brick!" Chris said, doing a double-take at his sheet of paper.
"Greetings, everyone!" Brick called from above. "Here's to a good tiiiii-iiiiiiiiiiiime!"
"Ha! Time to make room for me!" Jo called, before diving out of the plane herself.
"Well, that saves us some time!" Chris chuckled. "Next, the beetle whisperer with clout…Dawn!"
"But, Chris, I don't think I've spoken to those be-fooooooooooooooooooore!" Dawn said, before Chef kicked her out of the helicopter.
"Next up is…uh…wait, uh…" Chris read over the description for the next competitor several times before putting on his reading glasses.
"Next up is, uh…ah, jeez…"
"Aren't you going to introduce me, cis scum?"
Chris sighed. "Next, we have 'the super nicest, greatest friend a girl could ever have.' Give it up for…'Super-Zoey.'"
Zoey nodded as Chef got ready to push her out of the helicopter.
"Thank you for asking permission before touching meeeeeeeee!" she called out, before hitting the water with a loud splash.
Duncan whistled. "Huh! Never thought I'd see one of you around."
Zoey resurfaced. "One of what, exactly?"
"Ah, nothing, nothing! … (he murmured the next word under his breath) weirdo."
"Last up is 'the best…the brightest? The greatest fan of the show the world has ever seen?! Introducing…Sier- 'WHAT IS THIS?!"
Sierra squealed happily as she swan dove off of the helicopter.
"I'm coming, Co-dyyyyyyyyyyyyy!"
"Please never say that again! AAAAAAH!"
Cody swam swiftly into deeper water as Sierra splashed down heavily into it. The rest of the campers got drenched.
"Aah, Fashion alert! Fashion alert! Code red! Code red!" Brick called, sprinting out of the water next.
Justin looked over at him. "Jeez, Brick, you're looking almost as fabulous as me…nice pin!"
Brick yelped slightly. "You can talk?!"
Justin: The Big Kahuna was wonderful to me! My modeling's given them so many profits over the years…my lead stylist says that I'm the soul of the business! *he pulls out a mirror and looks at his reflection* Who's beautiful? It's you, yes you are!
Sierra popped out of the water and ran swiftly up the slope.
Chris, however, cut her trip short. "Whoa, whoa, whoa!" he said, pressing the palm of his hand against Sierra's forehead. "Why did you think pranking me was a good idea, huh?"
Sierra was blissfully ignorant of what Chris just said. She had pulled out her smartphone and was snapping photos wildly. While doing this, she hit the 'record' button on her vlog app. "Ooh, 'Hello, everyone out there in blog world! This is Sierra, and I'm finally taking my first steps onto the legendary Camp Wawanakwa! Aaah!'"
Chef, however, had fallen over laughing. "You should see the look on your face, Chris!"
Chris glared at his partner. "You…you were in on this the whole time? How?! WHY!?"
"'Cause, Chris, I needed to get my revenge on you from you f-bleep!-ing those mutated animals a year ago! C'mon!"
"Larry is more than a 'mutated animal', thank you very much! She's a strong, independent woman-flytrap and she don't need no Chef!"
"Ha! Yes!" Zoey called out.
Zoey: Leave it to Chris to finally see what I've been trying to crusade for all these years! *she sighs happily* Girl power!
Anne Maria screamed as she splashed out of the water. "Get it offa me, get it offa me! Ju-stiiiiiiiiin! Baaaaaaaaaaaaaabe! Dry me off, please?"
Justin peeked a look at her above the mirror, then went back to admiring his reformed body.
"Oh, come on!"
Anne Maria: Awright, so I was robbed! ROBBED! Of tha million bucks last season! Worse yet, one of my n-bleep!- enemies is on tha show! F-bleep!- this season already!
Chris still held Sierra in place, unaware of the trench she was starting to dig with her feet.
"Alright, Sierra! Stay right. Here. The rest of you, follow me to this TV."
Cody gurgled as he stayed half-submerged in the water. Can I not?
Ezekiel, however, yelped as Gwen carried him out of the water, bridal-style. "No'o way, Gwen! Didn't kno'ow you got so'o tough, eh?"
Gwen chuckled. "Don't worry, Zeke. I'm gonna win it all this season!"
Gwen: I made Zeke watch Season 1 over again with me, along with Season 2. He needs to know his competition, especially when any one of them can stab him in the back!
Ezekiel: Feels good to be back here, eh? Ho'opefully Justin wo'on't screw me o'over again like he did last time, haha. But hey, with Gwen by my side, I can do'o anything.
Gwen: Watching through Season 1 again, I noticed that Eva really carried me throughout the merge, until, well…you know. So, I decided to do some weight lifting! *she makes a muscle and smiles as she sees the slight contours* Look out world, Gwen's ready to kick some more butt!
Ezekiel: So'o, what happened to me in the last year? Well…I went back home, had a good long talk with my mom and dad, and they're totally cool with me dating Gwen, eh? Like, hey, I was surprised, too! Besides that, I've been do'oing archery, hunting, farming…
Gwen: …well, I'll win, if, uh, no fuzzy animals conspire with Ezekiel and vote me off or something. *she sighs* I wish I were making that up.
Ezekiel: …fishing, ice fishing, fishing and hunting, archery-fishing-and-hunting, icy-arrow-archery-fish-hook-hunting…
Gwen: My main reason for coming back…besides Zeke…*she swoons slightly*…is to get my revenge on those damn animals! Boney Island, you're numero uno on my priority list!
Ezekiel: …hunting-hook-hands-psycho-killer-chainsaw…wait, what was I saying?
Chris looked around at the contestants. The robot beeped and turned the TV on.
"Okay, uh…" Chris said. "Where's Cody?"
"Here he is! Wheeeeee!"
"CHRIS! GET HER AWAY FROM MEEEEEE!"
Cody landed with a loud thud, having been thrown discus-style by Sierra.
"Okay!" Chris said, clapping his hands. "I'm sure you're wondering about the teams and stuff, right? Well—"
"Oh-em-gee, Chris, I'm sooo excited to be a part of the show! Whee!"
Chris yelped as Sierra seemed to warp in front of him. "Didn't I tell you to stay put?"
"Aww, but Chris, I wanted to be near my Cody-Wody!"
Cody was highly resisting the urge to projectile vomit everywhere. Cameron just looked concerned.
Cameron: I remember everything about Sierra from last year…well, everything except the sleep-holding. Mom got really upset about that when she went over the Season 2 footage. Made me re-watch that season 5 times until I got all the 'dangers' of the show memorized. Also, she moved 5 miles closer to here, so now she can (he air-quotes) 'Keep a closer eye on me'. Joke's on her! I signed up for this show all without her knowing! And without a single paper cut, too! Woo!
"Anywho," Chris went on, ignoring Sierra panting like a dog next to him, "On the TV, you guys can see that Camp Wawanakwa went through quite the makeover!"
Everyone whooped in joy, especially the Season 2 contestants.
"Unfortunately, we had to go through some changes…had to get rid of the mail service, for starters…"
Brick shrugged. "Meh."
Brick: So, you're wondering what the deal is with my outfit and pin, right? Well, Sam, bless his heart, gave me half of his 20 grand. More than enough for a quick seminar at my dream fashion school. Breezed through the class, an outfit change later, and presto! *he shows off his half-buttoned light green, collared shirt, his skintight white tee underneath, his beige cargo shorts, and his fancy new boots* Ahh, feels good to be gay! Gangster! Gangster! *he slaps his forehead* Ugh, stupid Topher! Your flamboyance rubbed off on me! …wait, why did I say gangster? AAAGH!
Jo: *she breathes in heavily* Aah, Camp Wawanakwa! Feels good to be back, huh? Hey, if Brick and I are on different teams, even better! Can't wait to squash his head in when I steamroll our team to victory!
Brick: Crap, how'd I forget my pin! *he pulls out and shows off his rainbow-colored flag to the camera* Gay pride, baby! And that wasn't poor word choice!
"But anyways, enough about that!" Chris said, clapping his hands together. "Time for the thing you've been looking forward to the most: Team assignment!"
Eva: Those weeks of therapy really paid off in the end. Honestly, I'm cool being on a team with or without Gwen. As long as I get to beat Justin to a pulp for what he did to Katie, I'm good!
"Chris, can Zoey be on the heroes team?" Sierra piped up, licking the drool that had cascaded down her chin.
"No! How did you know that Heroes vs. Villains was going to be the theme of the…oh, right…"
"Aw, Chris, you've forgotten that you're talking to the biggest Total Drama fan ever! Eee!"
Chris groaned and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Alright! Gwen, Ezekiel, Cody, Dawn, Brick, Cameron, …"
"And Zoey!"
"…you're on the Heroic Ham—NO!"
Sierra giggled as the robot lined the 7 of them up, with a golden symbol of a fuzzy hamster appearing above them.
Sierra: Ohmygosh, this is the confessional! *she hyperventilates, squealing throughout* Oooh, Chris is going to be so mad at what I'm gonna do next!
Dawn: *she gasps happily* A hamster! Aww, hamsters are so cute and fuzzy! Their auras are so perky! They're some of nature's best little critters!
Zoey: *she gags as she sees the logo fly in* A hamster. A damn…hamster?! Are you mad, Chris! I don't need to be reminded of my pet at home! Damn white male producers and their patriarchal ideas and their…
Cody: *he closes the confessional door and gags* Okay, was Sierra in here? Gross!
"So, that leaves us with Eva, Duncan, Heather, Justin, Anne Maria, and Jo! You make…the Villainous Vul—"
"They're missing a player, Chriiiiiiiis!"
"Can it, Sierra!"
"But, Chris, shouldn't they be at an even 7? Can I join? Ooh, I'll join the Villainous Vulture—"
Sierra's leap towards her team-to-be was interrupted by the robot grabbing her in the back with a suction cup arm.
"You know what, fine!" Chris said, snapping his fingers. "You're right, they are missing a player! Sierra, you're now the new intern! Get going to the mess hall; those floors need a deep cleaning! Villainous Vultures, you guys get a robot buddy!"
The robot launched Sierra far, far, away, towards the mess hall. Sierra yelled happily all throughout her flight.
"Geez, interns!" Chris said, turning off the TV. "Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em!"
The robot wheeled up beside Heather and beeped.
She turned and glared at it. "What do you want?"
Heather: Oh, God, if he's going to keep me up all night with that beeping, I might as well get myself booted out of the show! Anyways, who missed me!? Anyone? Anyone? Rrrgh! I was Total Drama's original villainess! I will not be ignored!
"So, let's get started with today's first challenge!" Chris said, walking the 14 contestants over to the base of the Wawanakwa hill.
"Let's call this challenge a friendly throwback to each season's initial challenges! However, I'm gonna be bringing some twists into it! Hahahaha!"
Anne Maria flailed her arms in Justin's field of view. "NOTICE ME, DAMMIT!"
"Aaaah…such handsome hands…worthy of a god…or goddess…"
Anne Maria grinned. "Ugh, finally!"
Anne Maria: Okay, so I think my chances with Vito are down tha tubes! Justin, though, he's so much hottuh than he was! Whoo-wee! *she fans herself and bites her lip*
Justin: Getting this bod back wasn't easy…or cheap…but thanks to the gals at home and a bunch of plastic surgery…I'm back, baby! *he kisses his forearm* Aah, beautiful hands, how I missed you so! *he looks back at the camera* Oh! Uh, unfortunately, my facial features weren't able to be saved in time…they said that the bones 'didn't set properly'. Ugh, least I can still get some sexy foot, hand, and maybe shoulder deals! I should call my agent when I get back…
"Right, so for this challenge, 6 of you are going to run up to the top of that hill over there! First one there gets an advantage for the next steps!
"When you're up there, you'll be diving into the water, looking for keys! There's going to be several keys per team that'll open up those locks for your totem poles!
"Finally, your whole team has to bring the totem to the spa hotel before time runs out! First full team back wins immunity and a night at the spa hotel! Fun, right?"
"Uh, Chris?" Gwen asked, folding her arms. "What about the 7th that won't make it to the top of the hill?"
"Glad you asked, Gwen! The 7th person's staying right here, finding a way to reach the lock up there!"
Gwen and the rest looked up; the totem poles swung on chains that seemed to stretch upward endlessly, making an easy approach from the top all but impossible.
"Alright, I'll give you 5 minutes to deliberate who's going to stay down here," Chris chuckled. "I'm going to check on our newest intern!"
Sierra's tears tracked all around the mess hall; her mop was soaking wet and glistening with salt.
"Co-dyyyyyyyyyhyhyhyyyyyyyy!" she wailed, as she went around the perimeter for the third time in that half hour.
"Hey, Sierra, just wanted to see how your torture was going and-wha-WHAAA-OOF!"
"Chris!" Sierra screamed, dropping her mop and sprinting over towards him. "Ohmigosh! Let me help you! A-Are you okay?"
"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," Chris said, wiping off his shirt. "I gotta see about our guest helper…and you gotta see to this floor! If it's not cleaned by the time the challenge is over…you'll be on chef duty tonight!"
"Chef duty?! As in, actually working with Chef?! No way, Chris, no. Way! I promise you, this floor will be the dirtiest floor you'll ever see! AAAAH!"
Chris dug into his ear to ease the splitting pain. "Sure, fine…whatever…"
Chris: So, looks like Sierra's doing her…strange…thing…in there! Anyways, how's everything out there, guest competitor?
B: *he's in his swimsuit, putting on some sunscreen. He nods and gives a thumbs up*
Gwen surveyed the other competitors.
"Okay, you know what? I'll stay here and work on this totem pole."
"Uh, Gwen? Heheh, don't you think someone with a little more mechanical expertise should…"
"Next time, Cody. Next time!"
Gwen: So, my first goal on this new team is to establish a leader. That could be either Brick or me. *she furrows her brow in thought* Honestly, I wonder which would be a better choice?
"Uh, Gwen, permission to speak, ma'am! I think it would be best if—"
"Not now, Brick! I think the other teams decided!"
But not all of the Vultures were happy with the decision.
"Come on!" Eva growled, shoving Anne Maria slowly along the beach. "I said I'd stay here, now do your part!"
"Absolutely not!" Anne Maria snapped back at her. "I'm not gonna get my looks ruined, that's fuh sure!"
"…but Justin's gonna be up there, too!"
"Ooh! Is he really? I'm comin', babe!"
Eva brushed off the front of her tracksuit. "Huh. That wasn't so bad!"
Eva: I'm pretty sure 99% of the Vultures see me as a threat, as they should. I think the other 1%'s Anne Maria's missing brain…
"Alright, team, move out! We've got keys to fetch!"
Brick led the other 5 contestants as they sprinted up the Wawanakwa hill.
Dawn looked a little on edge as they made their way towards the top.
Dawn: Last time I was here, I was trying to free Mike…a thousand foot drop later, and everything after that's a little fuzzy! *she sighs* Least my auras and animal skills are still intact, right? *A small squirrel hops onto her lap* Oh! Hello!
Heather led the Vultures up the hill. "Alright, everyone, I'm pretty sure none of you know me, so…I'm Heather, I was 4th voted out in Season 1, and…"
"Hey! Up in front! Can it!"
Heather growled, looking back at whoever spoke out of turn. "Alright, who said that?"
Heather: If you couldn't tell, I'm just a teensy bit annoyed at being first eliminated from the Gophers team! I spent 99% of my time at Playa des Losers throwing lawn darts at their stupid, scrawny little heads! *she angrily pulls out a photo of Izzy, although the center is a tattered hole* See? She looks much better this way! Ha!
"Don't sell yourself too hard there, sister!" Duncan chuckled, overtaking Heather. "Last I remembered, you were voted out 3rd."
Duncan: Hey, my team consists of the guy I hate the most; Heather, who I barely even know; Jo, whoever she is; the greatest threat I've ever met; Little Miss Loud-and-Annoying; and a robot. I gotta find some way to stick out from the rest!
"Ha! You got burned!" Jo cackled, catching up with the other two.
She exchanged a high-five with Duncan.
"Rrrrgh! Stop fraternizing with the enemy!" Heather yelled to Duncan.
"Alright, Heather, we're all enemies here. We're freaking villains!"
Duncan: I wonder if Chris was originally going to have me on the heroes team and Zoey on the villains…I mean, yeah, I did some pretty nasty stuff during my initial time on Season 1, but my return wasn't so bad…I mean, I made friends with Gwen, right?
"So, Gwen! Talk to me! What's new with you?"
Gwen yelped slightly as she heard Eva's voice. "Oh! Okay, uh…"
"What? Weren't expecting to see me down here?"
"Not…really. I mean, you're easily the most dominating force on the villains team, so I expected you'd be up there…and, uh…not down here…"
Eva gave Gwen a sympathetic look as the latter's voice trailed off. "C'mon! Look on the bright side, I can't carry you through the game until either of us makes the merge!"
Gwen playfully punched Eva's shoulder. "Ha, ha. Very funny."
Gwen: You know, Eva's really mellowed out since she got back here! Most violent she got was with Anne Maria, and, hey, given what she was like in Season 2, anyone would act that way towards her!
Eva: Honestly, Gwen's the closest thing I have to a true ally here! Still kinda peeved at Katie manipulating Trent and Cody all those years ago, but, honestly, that stuff just holds me back. Focus on the present and a good future, my therapist said! Let's go! I'm in this to win this!
Zoey glared back at the Villains team, which at this point consisted of Anne Maria and Justin.
"Cis rapist scum…" she muttered to herself.
Zoey: Yeah, Justin's a piece of shit, even if he's hot! I don't care which spoiled, white person he goes and rapes, no one deserves that! Okay! See, Mom, Bumbler did teach me some good things!
"Zoey, come on! We're falling behind!"
Zoey looked forwards. Cameron was gasping and panting up the hill, his head drenched with sweat.
"Oh, jeez, uh…uhhhhhh…"
Zoey: Cameron's got the advantage of being a PoC, but at the same time, he's easily the weakest out of all of us. I mean, Cody got runner-up, Gwen got 6th place…f-bleep!-ing animals backstabbed her…and Eva and Duncan are no slouches either! Aaagh! They're cis white scum! Cis white scum! Don't admire them!
Cameron looked back. Anne Maria had stopped and was looking at Justin, who was fanning himself with his mirror.
"Ah, sweat, nature's greatest enemy," he murmured, ignoring the person crushing on him a few feet away.
"Alright, that's it! Anne Maria, Justin, come on! You two gotta get back to your team!"
Cameron sprinted downwards and started to push Anne Maria up the hill. Well, he tried to; the heavily tanned semi-finalist was rooted to the ground by the sheer weight of her makeup and hairspray.
Zoey looked back. "Oh, come on, Cam…"
Zoey: Huh! I gave Cameron a nickname…am I actually feeling…bad…for causing that injury?
Zoey sighed as she walked back down to see Cameron straining to move Anne Maria.
"How long will this take?" she sighed, rolling her eyes.
Justin looked at the pair. "Oh, I'd say about 3, 4 hours tops…"
Anne Maria's feet were dragged forward a half inch, creating a short trench in their wake.
"Nnnnngh…I made progress! Yes!" Cameron groaned, before he collapsed to the ground, panting and wheezing.
Meanwhile, in between the frontrunners and the last-placers, the robot slowly wheeled up the hill, beeping all the while.
Robot: *it beeps*
"Welcome, runts!" Chef said, as Duncan, Jo, Heather, Brick, Cody, Ezekiel, and Dawn made it up to the top. "I'm here to give you a few more details on that cliff-divin' challenge!"
Dawn gasped and pushed her sweaty hair locks aside.
Dawn: Yeah…just…as tiring…*gasp* as the…last time…*a deer comes in and nuzzles her chin* Awww, thank you!
"Wait, no I can't! Not all of ya's up here yet!" Chef yelled at the contestants.
Ezekiel noticed that Chef was leaning on a sign. "Huh! 'Welcome co'ontestants…' this is a sign saying that whichever team o'of 6 got up here first, gets a changing room and goggles to see under the water, eh?"
"Good! Thankfully you're not going to need it! Sexist pig!"
Ezekiel screamed as Zoey shoved him hard off the clifftop.
"AAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Zoey glared at the other 4; Cameron draped over her shoulder, groaning. "What?"
Chef picked up a walkie-talkie. "Alright, Gwen, your boyfriend's goin' to get a key! Eva, you're still missin' 3 people up here!"
From down below, Gwen and Eva heard the nearby loudspeakers squawk the message.
"Woo! Go Zeke!" Gwen cheered.
Eva just groaned through her teeth and facepalmed.
Eva: Aaaagh! That stupid f-bleep!-ing Anne Maria's behind this, no doubt! The other two? I dunno, Heather and Duncan? The latter's really the only one I know, and he's next to useless!
Heather, Duncan and Jo tore back down the Wawanakwa hill, searching for their lost teammates.
"Wait! Only one of you really needs to go back dowwwwwoh, whatever," Chef called out halfheartedly, rolling his eyes.
"Anyways, Heroic Hamster Hueys!"
"Guess again!" Zoey said, dropping Cameron roughly from her shoulder. He fell on the ground with a loud thump and an "ow!"
"Didn't need to hear your yap, kid! Anyways, I figured I'd letcha know what's what down there…"
Cody peered out, looking down nervously. "Uh, Chef? Aren't those…s-sharks?"
"Yup! And our Season 2 winner, B!"
Cody gasped. The rest of the Hamsters popped their heads out to see that, indeed, B was jumping up and out of the water like a salmon.
"He's here to either help or hinder your team!" Chef said proudly. "I came up with that idea…
"WithsomehelpfromSierra…" he muttered quickly.
"Anyways, B's doin' whatever crazy crap a B does! He might make your key search easier…or he'll probably fudge it all up to hell! Ha-ha!"
Ezekiel splashed into the water, looking around for anything shiny on the lake bottom.
C'mon, c'mon, Gwen's relying on me, eh!
He didn't notice a large shadowy figure on top of him, until…
"Ooh, looks like Zeke's gettin' mauled down there!" Chef cackled.
Cameron cringed, as did Cody, Dawn, and Brick. Zoey just scoffed.
"Good! He deserves it!"
Everyone else glared over at her.
"What? You'd do the same!"
Brick: No, I wouldn't!
Dawn: Zoey's aura's just as screwy as ever, I see…*she sighs*
Cody: Honestly, I'm more annoyed at B down there! I mean, he's literally me, and he won his season! Where's my respect, huh? Who brought me back over him? Huh? Was that you, Sierra? Was it?
"Hang on, Ezekiel, I'm coming to save you!"
"No, you won't!" Chef said, grabbing Brick by the scruff of his shirt. "He's gotta get a key and see if it works first!"
Cody: In hindsight, I should've negotiated more with Gwen down there. *he sighs* If she doesn't come up with a plan, we're hosed!
Down on the beachfront, Gwen was angrily pacing below the totem pole.
"C'mon, Zeke, you can do it! Win for us, so I can get to Boney Island and search for those damn animals!"
"You saying something, Gwen?"
Gwen yelped as Eva's voice came from above her. "Oh! Uh, yes? No? Maybe? I…I guess?"
"Don't feel too bad, Gwen! If you guys lose, I can convince everyone else to not vote you off!"
"Oh, thanks, Eva, that's really reassuring."
Eva hopped down from her stack of boxes. "One more to go!"
"Okay, Eva, where did you find those?"
"Nearby Chris and Chef's quarters! C'mon!"
Eva: I'm all for helping Gwen out, but my team's coming first, no matter what! Can't let others distract me! Although…
"Hey, Gwen!" Eva huffed as the two raced over towards Chris and Chef's cabin.
"Yeah?" Gwen replied, matching her stride for stride.
"Want to form an alliance? You know, after the teams merge? You, me, and Zeke?"
"Sure thing!" Gwen chuckled. "Gen 1 alliance for the win! Woo!"
Eva quirked an eyebrow at her. "Okay, please don't ever do that again…"
Ezekiel let out a shower of bubbles as he swam vigorously away from the pack of sharks.
Oh God, eh, I'm not go'onna die here!
He looked up at the water's surface, then back down. Something glittered in the sand.
A-ha!
He swam quickly to pick up his item and then resurfaced.
"Hey, guys, I got so'omethin', eh!"
Dawn, Brick, and Cameron cheered, while Zoey rolled her eyes angrily.
Ezekiel swam to the shoreline, swiftly dodging a rogue shark.
"Gwen! I'm comin' fo'or ya, eh! Wait, huh? Gwen? Gwen?!"
Ezekiel screeched to a halt in front of the totem poles. He noticed the boxes next to the pole marked with the Villainous Vultures' logo.
"Oh, come on!"
Ezekiel: Kinda expected Gwen to be a little mo'ore quick, eh? At this rate, we're go'onna fall way behind!
The 3 Villainous Vultures sprinted past the robot, who was still leisurely rolling up the hill and beeping.
"C'mon!" Jo snapped to Heather and Duncan, "the two of them could be anywhere by now!"
The robot stopped rolling and turned its head around 180 degrees. It beeped, rotated its head back to its starting position, and rolled onwards.
Jo squinted and looked ahead.
"You gotta be kidding me! We're nearly at the bottom now?! C'mon, guys, let's push forwards!"
Heather gritted her teeth. "Yeah, uh…what she said!"
Heather: I won't let Jo outshine me! I'm the leader this team needs! The Gophers only booted me because they were too "goody-goody" for their own good! Honestly, the only one I can really rely on is Justin, and as far as I know, he's pretty much just sitting there looking pretty!
"C'mon, Justin!" Heather growled, pushing against the male model, who refused to move. "Aaaagh! Why are you so unnaturally bulky! It's not a weightlifting competition!"
Justin: After my stint as a feral beast, I was amazed at my killer upper body strength! I wanted to keep it under any circumstances in case anything weird happened to my lower half! I mean, my chapstick kisses aren't working on anyone anymore…and for the life of me, I don't know why!
"You've gotta give me a really good reason to make me do this challenge and risk losing this silky-smooth complexion," Justin said, leering at Duncan as well as ignoring Heather grunting to his side.
"Well, it's either that or you're taking the Boat of Losers home," the delinquent replied. "As odd as this sounds, I'd take Zoey on this team over the two of you!"
Duncan: Yeah, I said it! Zoey's nuts, but at least she's trying! Besides, I could teach her a thing about how real-world people act. *he punches his open hand*
Ezekiel strained as he slowly pushed Eva's boxes towards his own totem.
"If…you're…not…gonna…do'o…it…Gwen…then…I…might…as well! Nyaaaagh!"
With one last, mighty push, Ezekiel had moved the three boxes over to the Heroic Hamsters' totem.
Zeke grunted as he slowly climbed up. Eva's really stro'ong still eh?
"Oh, come on, Ezekiel!"
A loud slam came from in front of the homeschooled kid. He yelped, scurrying up to the last box.
He winced as he saw Eva fuming, her boxes creating an impact mark in the sand. Gwen saw him from behind her own boxes and gasped.
"Zeke! Oh, my God! Are you okay? You're really bruised and cut up!"
"No'o need to worry, Gwen! Just give me one mo'ore box and I'm go'olden!"
"Oh, the only thing that's golden will be your losing streak! Take this, cheater!"
Ezekiel screamed as Eva shoved the boxes out from under him, leaving him with nothing to stand on. He ran forward, which didn't do anything for him at all.
Gwen dropped her boxes and sprinted towards her boyfriend as he fell.
"Gotcha!" she shouted, as she slid and caught Ezekiel like one would slide and catch a baseball.
"Woo! Thanks, Gwen!" Ezekiel said, wiping his forehead in relief.
"Why'd you do that, Eva?" Gwen snapped at the jockette.
"Sorry! Winning comes first!" she said. "Alliance after the merge!"
Eva: I still meant what I said with Gwen and Zeke, but while we're on two opposing teams? Nu-uh. I gotta focus on taking the weak links out on mine…Anne Maria…
Anne Maria was refusing to budge.
"Oh, come on! You weren't nearly this uncooperative last season!" Jo cried out, giving up on pushing her teammate.
"Speak for yourself!" Duncan called back to her. "This guy's barely going anywhere!"
Justin still grinned at himself in the mirror. "Looking good, gorge…oh, what do we have here?"
He turned his mirror to notice Duncan and Heather struggling to push him.
"Ladies, ladies, please! Relax! I'll be up there in no time!"
Duncan stood there for a moment.
"Hey!"
Duncan: I'm not a lady, Justin, alright? I'm more than your sorry ass will ever be!
Justin: Manager says that I'm not allowed to look around too much with my neck anymore…that's one of the major modeling areas. Or, so he says.
Justin stood up and ran towards the top.
"Ugh, finally!" Jo groaned, as Anne Maria squealed along after him.
Jo: I dunno who's worse: Anne Maria, or the lover boy she's wasting her time with!
Gwen stacked her two boxes in front of the totem pole. "Alright, uh…damn, I need to go get more, Zeke!"
Ezekiel leaned against the bottom box, nodding at her. "Go'o ahead, eh? I'm not doin' much of anything right no'ow."
Eva sat on the top of her four boxes, tapping the top one impatiently. "Ughhhhh…"
"Looks like the rest of the Vultures have arrived!" Chef called out through the microphone. "Although, the Hamsters are enjoying their advantage right now!"
Brick, Dawn, Cody, Cameron, and Zoey had changed into their swimwear and were wearing goggles. All 5 of them were looking glum.
"Alright," Duncan panted as the 5 other Villains reached the top. "Who's going f—"
"AWRIGHT, BABE! I BELIEVE IN YOOOOOOOOOOOOU!"
Anne Maria shoved Justin forcefully off of the Wawanakwa hill. He yelled loudly as he fell down, down, down…
BANG.
'Ooh, looks like pretty-boy Justin's hit one of B's drones!" Chef chuckled through his walkie-talkie
On the beach, Eva slapped her forehead hard.
In the woods, Gwen and Ezekiel winced.
However, in one contestant's mind, one word was swimming through the mostly empty space.
B…B…B…B-B…B-B-B…BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB…
"I'M GONNA KILL THAT STUPID N-bleep!-!" Anne Maria shrieked, making for the cliff.
"Oh, no ya don't!" Chef called, grabbing her by the back of her tube top.
"GET OFFA ME, N-bleep!- 2.0! I WON'T STAND FUH THIS CRAP!"
Jo: Oh, Anne Maria…love it when your accent gets more pronounced the angrier you get! …okay, no I really don't, but you know what I mean!
Justin sank down perfectly under the water. He could barely make out some sharks swimming fiercely towards him, along with one being slightly human-shaped…
The model struck a sexy pose under the water, contemplating removing his shirt. However, he didn't need to; all 3 sharks stopped in front of him, hearts in their eyes.
Justin pointed down on the seafloor, grinning at them. The sharks swarmed around, searching for as many keys as they could find.
What Justin didn't notice, however, was the one other human-shaped object swimming rapidly towards him.
Justin was flung out of the water by B's speedy tackle. The latter splashed up onto the beach, tapping his rocket shoes together.
The former feral beast gasped as he saw the Season 2 winner hovering in the air. "YOU!"
B pointed to himself and grinned smugly.
"Give me those keys back!"
Justin didn't have to do anything. The 3 sharks surfaced, the first two spitting keys towards their new beau. The third one, however, launched himself off of the first two's backs and somersaulted right into B's back.
B slammed hard into the ground, with his assailant punching every square inch of him as he could. Justin noticed two tattoos on the shark's biceps…
"And pretty boy's off!" Chef shouted, as Justin made his way towards Eva with the keys. "I think the Villainous Vultures could possibly win this!"
"What's this?" Chris asked, strutting to the totem poles. "Villains? Winning? Aw, heroes, don't feel bad! Being evil just feels pretty darn good!"
Justin threw a multitude of keys up at Eva. "Here you go!"
"Hey!" Chris called. "Only one key at a time!"
"Aww, but Chris!" Justin chuckled, "you never said that in the rules!"
"Yes I…okay, wait, uh…no, no, you're right! I never did! Aww, where's my trusty megaphone?"
Chris turned around and started to search for his trusty device. Justin turned towards the Wawanakwa hill and grinned.
"See that? Justin hasn't lost his ed-OWWWWWWWWW!"
Eva had jumped up with a fistful of keys in hand. However, due to the lopsided arrangement of the boxes (not helped by Ezekiel disturbing their balance), one fell off and pegged Justin square in the back of the head.
Justin rubbed the back of his throbbing head and scuttled backwards to where he could see the boxes.
"Oh, I'm on to you, boxes! You think you can just magically tarnish my beauty like that and—"
Click.
"GOT IT!"
CRUNCH.
Justin's scream spread all throughout the island. It reverberated in the forest, causing several animals to scamper; it reverberated to the Wawanakwa hill, causing everyone (save the robot) to cover their ears; it caused Fang and company to splash into the water, swimming away for cover.
Gwen was hurrying back with two more boxes when she heard the scream. "Ugh! Justin probably got a gash or something…"
However, what Justin had received was far worse than any gash. Eva was standing triumphantly on top of the totem pole, fistpumping her victory.
The totem pole, on the other hand, sat right on top of Justin's lower half of his body.
"Ooh!" Chris said, wincing. "Looks like Justin's gotta go to the infirmary! Yeah, we brought that back, too!
"Sierra! SIERRA! Get your crazy butt out here!"
Sierra exited the mess hall, panting and wheezing. "Co…ming…"
She didn't get that far; she collapsed as soon as she got on the top step.
Sierra: Who knew being an intern would be so much work? Is it worth it? Uhh…yeah! *she pulls out her smartphone and starts repeatedly snapping photos* Time for me to upload these to my blog! Eee! *she starts rapidly tapping buttons, grinning manically. The grin soon disappears* Only one bar of service? Oh, come on!
"Well, guess we gotta wait for Sierra to get her lazy butt over here! Ooh, looks like she's gotta be quick; the timer starts right when Eva opened the lock! You have 3 minutes, 20 seconds, Sierra!"
Eva facepalmed.
Eva: Stupid Justin! AAAAGH! On the bright side, more injury for him means more satisfaction for me. On the flip side…I cost us the challenge indirectly! Oh, God…
Eva slammed down to the ground from the third box. "Alright, it's movin' time!"
She put her arms around the huge totem and started straining to lift it.
"Uh, Eva, that thing weighs nearly 500 pounds!" Chris said, as the timer beeped in the background. "Wait, what are you doing!? Stop it!"
Eva, straining with all her might, slowly lifted the large, heavy totem pole off the ground. She grunted, sweating, as she took two heavy steps forward, then two more.
Chris just stared at her, mouth wide open. "Uhhhhhh…"
From the top of Wawanakwa's hill, Chef looked up from his binoculars. "Alright, jock chick's gonna give herself a hernia at this rate! Look how heavy that thing is!"
"But I'm right here!" Jo groaned.
Everyone glared at her.
"What?"
Jo: Oh, come on, humor makes everything better…right?
Heather: Sorry, Jo, but I think you need to move over. This diva's coming for you first!
"Uhh, villains, might wanna hurry down there!" Chef said, to which Duncan, Jo, and Heather sprinted down, while the robot leisurely rolled behind.
Anne Maria, however, had reached the bottom of the hill.
"JU-STIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN! BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAABE!"
"Oh, God, make today worse, why don't you…" Justin muttered to himself.
Justin: Try to help the team, get your legs…and groin…completely wrecked! *he looks down at his bandages* Well, that's what you get when you're on a team with all villains! I…
Eva: …don't trust…
Duncan: …anyone…
Anne Maria: …on…
Jo: …this…
Robot: …beep beep!...
Heather: …team!
*All the confessional panels come next to each other in a V formation, much like a flock of geese. The contestants start laughing manically, with a fiery background surrounding all of them*
Chris: Okay, who edited that? Haven't you heard of anything called subtlety?
1 minute, 15 seconds was all that was left on Eva's totem pole. The jockette shook with each unsteady step as she walked closer and closer to the beach.
"C'mon, Gwen!" Ezekiel called, key still in hand. "We've got no'othing to lo'ose now, eh!"
Gwen slammed the other two boxes down on top of the pre-existing two. "Go for it, Zeke!"
Ezekiel clambered up the boxes quickly, turning the key. "No'othing yet, eh! Dang!"
Ezekiel: Awww, come on! We're so'o close to a win, but the dang key wo'ouldn't fit! All up to the rest of yo'ou guys now!
Ezekiel hurried up the Wawanakwa hill, while Gwen ran for cover.
Gwen: Okay, no way am I going to be around when that totem pole explodes. I'm pretty sure Eva can handle it…right?
30 seconds remained.
Eva collapsed right on the waterfront, slamming the totem pole down hard in the process.
Sierra had finally arrived with a wheelbarrow. "Alright, where…where is he, Chris?"
"Over there!" Chris called from behind the confessional.
Eva looked over at B, who was cut and bruised badly. "Hey, kid, can you still move?" she asked, running over to him.
B twitched slightly, but that was all.
"Alright, I'm taking these!" Eva yanked off B's boots and hurried back to the totem pole.
20 seconds remained.
With a mighty roar, Eva slammed the totem pole down on its side, creating a loud BANG and a small amount of ground shaking.
Justin groaned as Sierra half-put, half-threw him into the wheelbarrow. "Aagh! Watch the face!"
"Ooh, that's not the only thing I'd watch, there…" Sierra murmured, before weakly wheeling Justin to the infirmary.
Eva strapped B's boots around the bomb strap, so that the former wouldn't be able to move easily. She growled loudly as she slapped the heels together several times.
"Whoa!"
A burst of rocket fuel shot out of the boots, propelling the totem pole slightly forwards.
5 seconds remained. The totem moved further out to sea.
4 seconds.
3.
2.
The rocket burst ended and the totem sank quickly to the bottom.
BLOOSH.
The water around the totem pole's area erupted upwards in the shape of a mushroom cloud.
Eva weakly pumped her fist, then collapsed.
Eva: Score one victory for me! I think that makes up for costing my team the challenge…
Anne Maria hurried along behind Sierra, bawling. The rest of the Villainous Vultures (sans the robot) arrived at the bottom of the hill, noticing that some things didn't seem quite right.
"Oh, man!" Duncan groaned, slamming the ground with his fist. "We lost!"
"Well, you might not if the Heroic Hamsters have something to say about it!" Chris said, pointing at Cody, who was diving down into the water.
Up on the hill, Zoey had resumed her tirade.
"Drones? DRONES? B, those cause oppressed third-world countries a great deal of damage and destruction! Everyone knows that!"
"That's not all they're for…" Brick muttered under his breath.
Dawn sighed. "Can we think about something more positive, please? Oh, I have one! Brick, how did your parents react when they found out you came out of the closet?"
Brick chuckled and looked at his pin again. "Honestly, a lot better than I expected! Mom got all apologetic at points, said 'she never knew'…honestly, you'd think she'd pick up after I talked about Raymond all that time…"
Cameron looked at Brick as his voice trailed off. "You alright?"
Brick wiped a tear from his eye. "Yeah, I'm pretty good. My sister laughed and playfully punched me in the shoulder, and said no more about it. Dad, heh, he didn't say anything, but I'm pretty sure he approved."
Dawn smiled and placed a hand on Brick's shorts. "You were very brave, doing what you did…"
"I wouldn't go that far, Dawn. I just had to…let it out, you know?"
Brick: *he repeatedly slaps his forehead* Ggggh! DAMMIT, Topher! I don't need to know about what guy you screwed last week while doing your Chris shtick! On the bright side, dude really knew his designs…
Cody splashed into the empty water, seeing what he could find through his goggles.
Alright, it's go time!
Cody burst out a cloud of bubbles as he saw some underwater mines sparsely laid out around him.
I'm honestly surprised Zeke didn't run into any of these…huh!
He saw a key, glittering in the sand, the exact shape of his head.
Come to Papa!
Cody splashed up from the water happily, sloshing over towards the beachfront.
"And that's for copying my thing, schmuck!" he yelled at the twitching B, making sure to stomp on his hand and spit in one of his wounds.
Gwen, looking at him, cringed.
Gwen: Alright, Cody, do you seriously have that big a grudge for getting second while B got first? C'mon, you're way more mature than that…well, I mean, you were the one who was trying to get with every lady on the island at one point, so, uh…*she sighs*
Cody: I'll never forgive B! Ever!
"Oh, yeah, Zeke, you have a 20-second penalty for trying out that key! Only Gwen's allowed to do that!"
Ezekiel groaned. "Aw, c'mon, Chris!"
Ezekiel: Ya know, with all the times I've screwed up to'oday, might as well say goodbye to everyone next episode…o'or the one after that…o'or…ya know! I'm an easy target!
Cody threw his special key at Gwen, who shimmied up the boxes.
"Huh!" she said, as she heard the click of the totem pole being freed.
"AND GWEN'S TAKEN THE LEAD FOR THE HEROIC HAMSTERS! GET DOWN HERE, ALL OF YOU! YOU'VE GOT 3 MINUTES 30 SECONDS TO GET THIS BABY TO THE SPA HOTEL!"
Gwen, Ezekiel and Cody exchanged a high five. At the base of the mountain, Duncan, Jo, and Heather groaned.
Eva just panted, lying face down on the ground.
Dawn, Zoey, Brick, and Cameron sprinted down the hill as fast as they could; the latter being perched on Zoey's shoulder once more.
"You know," she snapped to the bubble boy, "you could probably help out more next challenge…"
"Not my fault!" Cameron snapped at her. "Besides, at least I didn't get injured and sent home already!"
"Want to change that?"
Cameron facepalmed. "Oh, come on! Me and my big mouth!"
Cameron: Note to self: Don't get on the wrong side of Zoey. Ev-er.
The 4 Hamsters quickly made it down the hill, meeting the rest of their team. With a mighty heave, the 7 competitors lifted the totem pole over their heads.
"And they're off!" Chris shouted, as the Heroic Hamsters sprinted over towards the spa hotel.
Cameron wasn't tall enough to fully reach the ground, but he held on, dangling in between Zoey and Brick.
With one last effort, the 7 contestants slammed the totem pole hard on the platform in front of the spa hotel. With one last beep, the timer started to blink, not changing from 1 minute, 37 seconds.
"THE HEROIC HAMSTERS WIN THE FIRST CHALLENGE!" Chris called out through the megaphone. "VILLAINOUS VULTURES, BE SURE TO MEET ME FOR THE FIRST ELIMINATION OF THE SEASON! IT'LL BE GREAT!"
Heather screamed loudly. "This team is full of failures! AAAAGH!"
"Speak for yourself, you barely did anything to help today!" Jo snapped at her.
Jo: This team has weak links, even though we're all villains. Eva, Duncan and Heather? Those guys can be my ticket to victory…heheh!
Heather: Alright, something is very clear here! This team has extremely poor leadership! I guess it's up to me to save things again, as per usual! Ugh! *she pulls out the perforated picture of Izzy and starts eating it* Feed on it! FEED ON IT!
"Psst, hey!" A hand reached around the loser cabins to grab Zoey.
"AAH! What do you want you disgusting, slimy, cis whi…oh, it's you…what is it, Duncan?"
Duncan looked around. "Alright, uh, listen, in case I get the boot tonight…I wanted to apologize for, uh, earlier…you know, calling you a weirdo and all that…"
Zoey quirked an eyebrow. "Alright, is that really all you have to say? Because, if it is, then I suggest you take your patriarchal, gender-binary supportive ideas and shove them straight up your— "
"And, uh, if things went differently than they would have…I would be happy to have you with us on the villains' team…"
Zoey now had a complete expression of shock on her face. "Okay, who drank the red Cool-Kids?"
"No, I'm being serious! You add an, uh…edge…to whatever team you're on, you know? Honestly, the only thing I'd change is your tendency to spout your opinions all over the pl—"
"Are you silencing me? You're silencing the champion of LGBT, pro-African-Canadian, pro-genderfluidity, pro-feminism? How dare you, you…you…cishet, white, patriarchal, juvie TRASH!"
Zoey angrily turned and flounced away. Duncan just stood there, stammering to form words.
Duncan: Okay, that did not go over well…
The robot rolled up past Duncan. It turned its head 90 degrees to look at him, and gave a single solitary beep.
Duncan turned quickly around, but then his fear changed to confusion.
"Wait, did you just arrive here?"
"Beep."
"Uh, Justin, don't you think you need a wheelchair?"
"Sierra, I appreciate the concern, but I don't need the wheelchair…"
A faint slap sounded through the infirmary flap, followed by Sierra and Anne Maria's gasps.
"Ohmigawd, you're as good as new again!" Anne Maria gasped happily.
A series of faint slaps sounded before Justin got out of the infirmary, legs bandaged up. However, he was now using his strong hands and upper body in place of his legs; he was walking upside-down.
Anne Maria bit her lip beside him. "Aw, yeah, babe, who's a good one?"
Justin ignored her and hand-walked over to the rest of the Villains.
Everyone present gave him the strangest look.
Jo: Okay, all bets are off on this team! All I need now are some nicknames for these guys. Hmm, I can start with Old Eva, that's not a bad way to describe Miss Tan and Violent. Then, we've got Me 0.5, that's good for the current Eva, haha…we got, uh…oh yeah, we got Mr. Roboto! That's pretty solid! Then we have Anti-Me, uh…Stuncan…gah, need to work on that one…and finally…Just-a-handwalker? Oh, come on, brain! You can do way better than that! Hey, if it were Alejandro, I'd have a way better zinger, easy! Oh well, you win some, you lose some!
Eva: *she's outside the confessional cam, loosening the back wall for the toilet and the outhouse itself. She then starts pulling some floorboards on the sides of the walls until the nails are clearly visible. She lastly opens the confessional door* Ssssh! *she loosens the confessional door hinges*
Eva, in the distance: Hey, Justin, I'm pretty sure you want to vent your feelings on your destroyed legs and such, right?
Justin, in the distance: Oh, boy, would I ever!
*Justin opens the confessional door and slams it shut*
Justin: Okay, so I-AAAAH! *he sits down on the weakened toilet, but falls straight back, collapsing through the weakened outhouse wall. His arms flail around, scratching the nails, before he falls out of the outhouse. The outhouse then tips over, splattering its sludgy contents all over Justin's body* AAAH! I'm contaminated! Not the faaa-blblblblblblblblblblblblblblblbl!
*The outhouse door falls off its hinges and smacks Justin square in the eye* OWWWWW!
Chef: *he's surveying the wreckage* OH, COME ON!
Anne Maria, in the distance: He-llo! Need ventin' time!
Chef: It'll be fixed in a few minutes!
Anne Maria, shortly afterwards, sitting in a crudely repaired confessional: Awright, so with Justin bein' the way that he is, I can basically get a good look at his cock 24/7! Aw yeah! Best season evuh!
Chris stood in front of the 7 Villainous Vultures at the usual campfire ceremony. However, some things had changed; he was holding a stack of large photo paper, and B was holding on to the marshmallow plate.
The big winner of Season 2 looked battered and bruised. He was squinting out of one black eye and his left arm was in a sling.
"Hello, Villainous Vultures!" Chris said. "You know why you're here! You lost!
"Big time!"
"Hey, don't be so hard on Me 0.5, it's not our fault she sucked at the challenge!" Jo snickered.
Eva glared at her. "Don't start."
"Hey, heroes," Chris continued, "how you enjoying that peanut gallery? Now you can watch one guy from the opposite team get the boot before you head back to the hotel for a deluxe dinner!"
The Heroic Hamsters were sitting in some wooden bleachers, which was adorned with a peanut logo. They cheered and high-fived each other, save for Cody and Gwen.
"Hey, Chris?" Gwen inquired. "What's up with the big toi—"
"Up, up, up! Everything will be explained in due time, Gwen!
"However, before we start the voting process, I need one volunteer to go to Boney Island!"
Gwen was immediately in front of him. "Ooh, ooh! I'll go!"
"Wow, didn't expect that answer. Alright, so, you'll be spending the night there, fending off against the wild, hungry animals!"
Gwen smiled coldly. "Alright, Chris, I'll bite. I've got…personal reasons for going there, but what's with the 'volunteer' incentive?"
"Ah, Gwen, I'm glad you asked!"
Chris pulled out a wooden head of himself from behind the oil drum.
"For those of you who have seen Season 2, I bet you're wondering, 'where the heck is that immunity ticket?' Well…here it is!"
He shook the wooden Chris head.
"On Boney Island, somewhere, hidden deep, deep in there, is this McLean brand invincibility statue! Find it, and you're safe from elimination!...at least, for one ceremony."
Brick sighed.
Brick: Well, hopefully Gwen'll be a good sport about this if she does find it. I mean, hey, I didn't see Season 1…too busy with cadet camp and fashion school…but I reckon she's a pretty good team player, right?
"Right, Gwen! Go over to the beach, and Chef will be waiting for you on the Boney Island Boat!"
Chef pulled up in a petite speedboat, adorned with jingling bells.
"C'mon, kid! Or, well, not quite kid anymore, heheheh…you've got some animals to meet and greet!"
He honked repeatedly on the boat's steering mechanism, which emitted a high-toned car horn noise.
Gwen sighed and got in, struggling to get comfortable in the tight seats. "Alright, let's do this…"
As the boat sped out towards Boney Island, Chris turned to the remaining contestants.
"Right! This season, we've decided to simplify the voting process. Just draw a red 'X' on the camper's photo that you want voted out!"
He spread the photo paper out, showing portraits of all 7 Villainous Vultures, including the robot.
"See? Simple! Also, much more difficult to eat and/or manipulate…Justin."
"Hey, it was a rough time!" Justin said sheepishly.
"Right. Get to voting!" Chris said, pointing at the confessional outhouse.
Duncan: *he squeaks out the photo of the contestant he wants*
Heather: *she's looking between photos of Jo and Anne Maria* Tough call!
Jo: Heather's a good target, but…*she squeaks out someone else's photo*
Anne Maria: Eva is as good as gone! She was a total bitch to me today, and she cost us tha challenge! *she angrily scribbles out Eva's portrait*
Eva: *she crosses out who she wants gone*
Robot: *it beeps incessantly and is slowly drawing something on a piece of photo paper*
Justin: *he's sporting a swollen eye, several splinters and cuts, and is dirty in addition to his bandages. He's holding on to his photo. He sighs* Ohhh, days long gone…
Chris, in the distance: Dude, just vote!
Justin: Oh! Right! *he attempts to switch photo paper, but his stack falls into the confessional toilet* NOOOOOOOOOOO!
"I have the results of your votes!" Chris said, looking at the 7 Villainous Vultures.
He turned to B. "You might wanna do something about those two glaring at you…"
"HURRY IT UP!" both Cody and Anne Maria shouted.
"Okay, fine! Yeesh!" Chris said, rubbing his nose.
"First four safe with no votes against…Duncan…Jo…the robot…and Heather!"
Duncan and Jo smiled as they caught their marshmallows. The robot looked at its prize.
Heather's pupils, however, had grown to the size of baseballs.
"YES! YES, YES, YES!"
"Ah, jeez, Heatherrrrr…" Chris groaned.
Heather: *she's continuously kissing her marshmallow* I'll never eat this one! Ever! *she searches her pockets for something to store it in, but notices she has none available. Her expression softens* Oh.
The robot turned its head 180 degrees, its eyes squared directly on Dawn. With a lower-pitched beep, it crushed its marshmallow in its clawed hand.
Dawn stared at it, confused.
Dawn: On the bright side, that robot knows that marshmallows are an abomination against anything natural! Pig's feet, chicken beaks, rats' tails…it's all sickening! *a bird flies and perches on her shoulder* On the downside…that robot's starting to creep me out…I mean, it can't be Mal or anything like that, right? Hahahaha…ha…c'mon, he got eliminated due to injury! *the bird peeps* No, Ms. Bird, I'm not in denial!
"Next safe with 1 vote against…Eva!"
Eva calmly caught her prize. However, she couldn't help but look around at her team, unsure of who she could fully trust.
Jo: Heather's a pain in my side, and Justin's liability, and Anne Maria's really annoying, but Eva's a threat! She's goin' down. *she looks over her photos again* On second thought...
Anne Maria was foaming at the mouth while Justin was looking more and more nervous.
"Campers, B has the final marshmallow of the evening sitting right here…" Chris said ominously.
"Rrrrrrgh! YOU STUPID, UGLY, DUMB N-bleep!-! YOU BETTUH GIVE ME TH—"
"Can it, blabby!" Eva snapped, putting Anne Maria in a heavy chokehold, causing her to cough and splutter.
"Tonight's loser with 4 votes against…iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiissssssssssss…Anne Maria!"
"NO!"
Justin opened his mouth and swallowed his thrown marshmallow in one bite.
Justin: *his photo paper is soaking wet and has a foul stench* Oh, right, Anne Maria's gone! Duh!
Duncan: Voting for Justin? Yeah, I know, say what you want, but he's still on my hit list!
Eva: *she sighs* Yeah, I voted for Justin. I thought that all that pain and suffering and an elimination would be karma enough for him…guess not!
Robot: *it turns his portrait around to see he's drawn a hand flipping off Anne Maria's face portrait. It beeps*
Heather and Jo: *both reveal that they've voted for Anne Maria* F-bleep!- her!
B glared at his mortal enemy, his free hand flipping the bird at her for an extremely lengthy period.
"Ooh, I bet that's gotta hurt more than any Toxic Marshmallow of Loserdom would!" Chris chuckled.
"Anyways, onwards! Anne Maria, please follow me and—"
"F-bleep!- YOU! ALL OF YOU! I'M GONNA KILL YOU, YOU STUPID N-bleep!- AND NO ONE WILL—"
Anne Maria was immediately thrown over B's shoulder by Eva.
"Ooh, doubly nice! B, you can do the honors tonight."
The camera transitioned to show Anne Maria bobbing up and down in a massive toilet.
"Behold! The Flush of Shame! Patent pending." Chris said, handing the remote over to B.
"Rrrgh, all of you! I'm not done here! I'll be sure to—"
"Oh, I think you are! You see, none of you are coming back after elimination, ev-er! I think we've had enough unwanted returnees…Justin."
Justin ignored Chris and hand-vaulted up onto the toilet rim. He sat down next to Anne Maria and eyed her.
"Babe! You came to see me off!"
Justin cupped her chin in his hand. Anne Maria's face flushed.
She puckered her lips up, moved forward for the big kiss, and…
SLAP.
Justin's slap rang throughout the Wawanakwa docks. Anne Maria cried out in pain, a visible red hand mark forming on her cheek.
"Why…why did ya do that?" she gasped, tears forming in her eyes.
"Well, you see, little turd," Justin said, coldly and ominously, "even though I've done several horrible things in my time: I have never, ever, made anyone feel like a lesser person based on things they can't control."
"Yeah," Eva said, folding her arms, "you just make girls feel lesser by raping them!"
The tension and silence in the air was so thick that it could be cut by a knife.
"Uhh…okay!" Chris said, turning to the episode's helper. "B! Flush her with a vengeance!"
"Oh, just you wait!" Anne Maria snapped, as B hit the button. "I'll be back…just you wait…just you all waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiittttttttttttttttt…"
"And that's a wrap for the first episode!" Chris said, turning to the cameras. "How will Gwen fare on Boney Island? How will the villains do without a toxic influence like Anne Maria on their team? Most likely way better, but I'll see you on the next episode of Total…Drama…Heroes vs. Villains!"
(AN: Here we are, Chapter 1 is done! Hopefully you enjoyed the fact that every member of the cast kinda got a chance to shine. Sorry to the Anne Maria fans! Well…all, uh…2-3 of you? I dunno. She got runner-up, so I didn't think she needed to go super far for another season, especially with her racist tendencies. What did you think of the chapter? Did you enjoy everything? Let me know! Thanks again!)
Heroic Hamsters: Brick, Cameron, Cody, Dawn, Ezekiel, Gwen, Zoey
Villainous Vultures: Duncan, Eva, Heather, Jo, Justin, Robot
14th: Anne Maria
Next Up: Evil Dread
(P.S. expect to see 99% of the honorable mentions as guest helpers this season! Call it a compromise for not giving X characters the chance to compete, but giving them some screen time. So yeah, you'll see guys like Owen, Noah, etc. very soon. Especially with Suckers Punched...)
