Distance Means So Little When You Mean So Much
Kurt and I had never been apart for any longer than a week before he moved to New York. We knew it was going to be hard. We knew that sometimes it would feel like we wanted to just give up. We knew that in order to stay together there would have to have lots of trust and respect for each other, and that was something that we were willing to work for. In order to get through the one year of pain and suffering before we would be together, we would do whatever it took because hey, it's always darkest before the dawn.
That's why 3 months after Kurt left, we found ourselves talking over Skype on one of our regular cyber dates. It wasn't ideal but it was the best we could do and I wouldn't trade them for the world. Really, it's the only time when things seemed like they used to be. We would talk about everything and nothing at all, but everything was equally important.
This Thursday evening we were having on a date; Kurt was writing an essay and I was solving AP calculus questions. We were true romantics. About halfway through my homework I started getting tireless. Then I got an idea; I smiled to myself at the cuteness of my little impromptu plan.
I made sure that Kurt was fully engrossed in his work and wouldn't noticed my brief absence before I got up from my desk and got my guitar from its stand in the far corner of my room. I'd had a song that I'd been meaning to sing to him lately, but the right moment had never come up, and we both needed a distraction so what better way then with a song?
"Hey babe?" I questioned. He looked up from his writing and shot me a quick smile that could only be described as Kurt. The way his grin would stretch from ear to ear, but only for certain people like me or his father. Barely any of his teeth could be seen behind his plump, lushes lips that were begging me to ravish them even though I couldn't. They way there was always a twinkle in his eyes when he smiled big; it warmed my heart every time I saw one of those smiles.
"Yeah honey?" he asked using the familiar pet name, the popular term of endearment made me smile almost a bright as he was.
"Can you take a break from your essay for a few minutes? There's a song I've wanted to sing to you for a while and I think we could both use the distraction." I asked in the sweetest voice I could muster.
"Sure, you know I love it when you sing to me. It reminds me of home" he assured me.
"Awesome! Okay so I know it's not the usual type of music you listen to but the lyrics fit…us. It's a love song, and no matter how sad it may seem I mean it in the happiest of ways." I informed him. He nodded and smiled at me again, silently urging me to go on.
I plucked the first chords of the guitar and they rang through the microphone of my laptop and into Kurt's dorm in New York. It was soft and sweet and just us; Kurt always told me how much he loved it when I played my guitar for him. Soon the melody picked up and I started singing along to the song.
Can you feel me
When I think about you?
With every breath I take
Every minute
No matter what I do
My world is an empty place
There were many reasons I had chosen to sing this song to Kurt. The main one being I missed him like crazy, he's my missing puzzle piece and without him I'm not whole, but also because the song was a representation of the future. Things in that moment weren't ideal but it was a promise that one day, they would be.
Like I've been wandering the desert
For a thousand days (oh)
Don't know if it's a mirage
But I always see your face, Baby
I'm missing you so much
Can't help it, I'm in love
A day without you is like a year without rain
I need you by my side
Don't know how I'll survive
A day without you is like a year without rain
I tried, while singing the song, to let every single shred of emotion I had in my heart and soul flow out of my body, through my body and into Kurt's. I knew that as long as we loved each other then everything would be okay.
As long as he loved me I could handle the feeling that something was missing inside of me. I could handle the restless nights and the boring weekends as long as I knew that Kurt loved me. And that he knew how much I loved him; because anytime away from each other, big or small, seemed like too much. But in the grand scheme of things it didn't matter; because distance means so little when someone means so much.
The stars are burning It's like the ground is crumbling underneath my feet
I hear your voice in my mind (in my mind)
Can't you hear me calling?
My heart is yearning
Like the ocean that's running dry
Catch me, I'm falling
Won't you save me?
There's gonna be a monsoon
When you get back to me (oh, baby)
I'm not sure when I started crying but tears were racing down my cheeks and falling from my jaw onto my guitar which was situated in my lap. Although I was crying, all my tears weren't sad. Most of them were joyful, full of promise and hope for the future when I would be with Kurt on the other side of the webcam, in New York where we belonged.
So let this drought come to an end It's a world of wonder with you in my life
And make this desert flower again
I'm so glad you found me
Stick around me, baby baby baby oooh
So hurry, baby, don't waste no more time
I need you here
I can't explain
But a day without you
Is like a year without rain (oh)
I'm missing you so much
Can't help it, I'm in love
A day without you is like a year without rain
I need you by my side
Don't know how I'll survive
A day without you is like a year without rain
As the last few lyrics of the song rang out of the guitar, I looked up at Kurt and noticed tears ran from his eyes too. I felt a pang of guilt rush through my body and settle in my stomach; I had never meant to make Kurt cry. Just as I was about to explain the meaning behind the song, he cut me off with a question that sent me into paralysis.
"Marry me?" he dead panned. It wasn't an out right question but also not a statement. Like he was implying that I could say no but he didn't want me to. Me, being unsure if it was just my wishful thinking messing with my ears, just stared blankly at my beloved boyfriend.
"Shit, Blaine I'm sorry I shouldn't have said that!" Kurt reprimanded himself. Kurt's sudden change in demeanour from love struck to self hatred snapped me out of my state of paralysis and I was suddenly part of the living world again.
"So you don't want to marry me?" I asked. The hurt in my voice was very clear, especially in the crack at the end. I wasn't sure if I was more shocked that he had said it in the first place or hurt that he had token it back so quickly.
"Blaine I want to marry you more than anything. But I was planning to ask you after graduation but then you just sang me that song, and I just kept falling in love with you more and more with every word you sang and I just couldn't help myself. I'm so sorry baby, please don't leave with me." He whispered. There was a slight silence between us before he spoke again.
"We don't have to get married; it was just a thought because I know that you are the one I want to spend forever with. But if you're not there yet I honestly don't mind just don't walk away from this…" Kurt stammered out. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I wasn't sure why Kurt thought I wouldn't want to marry him; all I knew is that I had to put a stop to his babbling immediately.
"Yes" I said, he stopped talking and looked at me with the cutest, adorably confused expression I'd ever seen. There was a moment of recognition that was evident on his face. It was like someone had flipped a switch and there was suddenly light back in his beautiful face.
"Yes?" he asked in disbelief.
"Yes Kurt, I will marry you!" I shouted excitedly, silently thanking that my parents had gone out and I was home alone.
"Oh god Blaine, you have no idea how much I want to kiss you right now" he cried.
"Probably just as much as I want to kiss you honey" I told him. I would've given anything to be wrapped in his arms in that moment.
"I'm going to have a ring for you next time I see you." he told me.
"I don't need a ring Kurt. All I need is you. And it's not like we're going to get married anytime soon. I'm still in high school, but it's a promise. A promise that one day in the future this is going to happen. I can't wait to call you my fiancé, then my husband" I gushed.
"I love you so much Blaine. I can't believe we're getting married!" he squeaked.
"Well believe it baby because it's happening and I can't wait"
Post A/N: So yeah, just some fluffy angst… Thanks to my fabulous beta loquaciouslauryn! Please let me know what you thought in a review!
