Author's Note:

Pairing: Loki/Tony Stark

Warnings: Mild language, very mild violence, and, uh... crack? It's kinda cracky. That is all.

Disclaimer: The world and characters of the Avengers belong to Marvel. I own nothing but the plot and make no money from this story.


The Odinsons had just moved into town. Okay, well, they weren't all Odinsons. They were English, but their dad was Scandinavian... or something, and apparently he was a traditionalist. So his last name was Borrson, and his eldest kid's last name was Odinson, and the youngest- Loki, adopted- was Laufeyson.

It was all... really confusing. But Tony wasn't sure he should actually ask either Thor or Loki why they'd decided to be so weird. Because, you see, while Thor Odinson was all bright smiles, shiny white teeth, and big ol' blue eyes, Loki Laufeyson was skinny, dark, with poison green eyes, and... he'd set the last kid who annoyed him on fire.

Yes, that's right, actual fire. As in, the kid had been standing over Loki, all cocky smile and biting words, and suddenly Loki had smirked and then poof, he's on fire, captain, someone call the fire brigade!

Security searched Loki. All he had on him was a cellphone, a packet of cigarettes, and absolutely zero fire starters. Not even a box of matches for his smokes!

Loki got a detention for being in the general vicinity of the Human Torch, but that was it. Nobody went near Loki after that. Well, except Thor, but Loki apparently didn't like Thor. He called his adopted brother an idiot every other word, and always hissed, "Fuck you, Thor!" whenever Thor approached him or spoke to him or... you know, looked at him.

Tony was in love!

Stop laughing, Pepper.

No, seriously, Tony was, like, one-hundred percent, absolutely, hearts-in-his-eyes in love.

Loki was gorgeous; he was all long, lean muscles, slicked back black hair, emerald green eyes, and sharp, biting words. His mouth would look glorious wrapped around Tony's cock, or he could totally screw Tony into the mattress as long as he used that sharp tongue to whisper wicked things into Tony's ear.

The fact that Tony and Loki had never spoken, or shared eye contact, or generally, you know, been near each other, didn't deter Tony in the slightest. Neither did the fact that Tony had never looked at a dude before, and Loki had bitch slapped the last guy who tried to hit on him. That would not stop Tony from staring and daydreaming and planning his and Loki's lives together.

Loki was smart. A genius, the rumours said. The teachers complained about him and glared at Tony, like another genius seventeen-year-old turning up at their school was somehow his fault; did they think that all smart people knew each other? Well, maybe. Tony was a member of Mensa and had been since he was four. Maybe Loki was, too.

Loki was hot. Loki was an asshole. Loki was a genius.

Yup, he and Tony would make beautiful babies... you know, if that was biologically possible.

Which was his opening line, actually, when he dropped into the seat opposite Loki in the cafeteria.

Loki just stared at him. Blinked slowly. Pushed his salad around with his fork.

'Yeah,' Tony said, 'so... wanna practise?'

'I'm assuming you mean practise making our biologically-impossible offspring?' Loki questioned.

Oh, God, that voice.

'Yes,' Tony said.

'I see,' Loki hummed. 'And why would I even agree to that when you have yet to woo me?'

Tony blinked. 'Uh... woo you?'

'Yes,' Loki stated. 'You know, compliment me, take me out, buy me things, generally kneel before me.'

'Okay...' Tony said, 'uh... Loki, you're totally, smoking hot!' Loki smirked. 'Wanna go get pizza tonight? We can act all inappropriate and see how long it takes the guy who owns the place to kick us out. My record is nine minutes.'

'I could do better,' Loki mused.

'I'm a millionaire- well, my dad's a millionaire,' Tony corrected himself mid-sentence, 'but I have a credit card and he never checks how much cash I spend. So I can buy you stuff. I can also build you stuff, because I'm a genius with all things tech. Want free service on your cell? I can do that. What a new cell? I can build you one.'

Loki hummed and tilted his head.

'When we get to the sex stage of our relationship, I'll kneel before you so quickly you'll be coming before your jeans are halfway down your legs,' Tony finished.

Loki's eyebrows rose at that and he gave Tony a very slow, and very thorough, once-over. Tony could admit that he preened a bit; puffed his chest out; waggled his eyebrows when Loki met his eyes once more. Loki snorted and leaned over the table, his hands pressed together and tucked just beneath his chin. Wow, Loki totally had the evil genius thing down.

'You make a compelling argument,' Loki said. Tony grinned. 'However,' he continued. Tony pouted. 'You spend a lot of time with that girl... Potts?'

'Pepper Potts,' Tony said. 'She's my best friend.'

'I see. And that boy...'

'James Rhodes. I call him Rhodey. He's my other best friend. Sometimes. When I don't piss him off.'

'You spend a lot of time with Potts and Rhodes,' Loki said, 'and they spend a lot of time with Romanov, Barton and Rogers, all of whom have invited Thor into their little clique.'

'Yeah...' Tony said. Where the hell was this going?

'I despise my adopted brother, Stark,' Loki said.

Okay, so Loki was all serious, with his serious face (and Tony had hit stalker levels if he knew Loki's serious face without ever having actually talked to the dude) but Loki knew his name! SCORE ONE FOR TONY STARK, BITCHES!

'So you despise Thor,' Tony said when he'd finally stopped preening. Thankfully Loki seemed to just find him amusing.

'Yes,' Loki said. 'If you are friends with Thor, even slightly, you will never see me naked.'

'Huh,' Tony said. 'Well, I've spoke to Thor all of five times. First I said "yo" because he and Pepper were talking. Then he asked me where the cafeteria was his second day here. The other three times I asked about you and he got really weird and said I should stay away from you, but I told him you wouldn't set me on fire.'

'Won't I?' Loki drawled. 'Not to say that I've ever set anyone on fire,' he added, a glint in his eyes.

Tony grinned; he couldn't help it. 'Now see, Lo, that's why we'd be awesome together.'

'Don't call me Lo,' Loki said.

Tony ignored him.

'We'd be awesome together because clearly we're both crazy and assholes and like blowing stuff up!' Tony said.

'Do we?' Loki asked, head tilted once more. He totally found Tony interesting!

'Well, you like setting people- things- on fire, and I like blowing stuff up in my workshop.'

That got Loki's attention, and he leaned forward. 'Workshop?'

'You've heard of my dad, right?' Tony asked. 'Howard Stark?'

'Indeed,' Loki replied. 'He and my adopted father, Odin, have had business together.' He grinned sharply. 'Your father has enraged mine a fair few times. I want to send him a fruit basket.'

Tony snickered. 'Yeah, well, your dad's probably enraged mine, too. So we both win, huh?' Loki hummed. 'Anyway, my dad's smart,' Tony continued, 'and I'm smarter. Dad builds stuff- computers, cars, cellphones, etcetera. I build better stuff. I made a robot and I've almost finished my very first programme for artificial intelligence.'

'Truly?' Loki asked.

'Yup,' Tony grinned, making the p pop. 'I've heard that you're pretty smart, too.'

'With chemicals,' Loki said, 'science... I like acid.'

'Acid's cool; I have acid,' Tony said. 'Wait, we're talking about the chemical, not the drug, right?'

'I don't do drugs,' Loki told him. 'Well, unless we count tobacco and alcohol as drugs.'

'I think the cops do,' Tony grinned, 'but I sure as hell don't.'

Loki hummed again and tilted his head the other way, eyes once more roaming over Tony. 'You are intriguing,' he eventually said.

That was... good, right?

'Very well,' Loki said. 'I shall go on one date with you. If you fail to meet the requirements I've set out, and if you bore me, I will be in your vicinity when you spontaneously burst into flames through no direct result of my own actions.'

Tony beamed. 'Deal!'

The other students in their lunch hour, all sitting at their various tables, stared at the two in horror. Thor could be heard moaning, "Loki, no!" while Pepper turned to Rhodey and hissed, "Intervention, intervention!" under her breath.

Neither Tony or Loki paid them any attention. Tony had a date to plan and Loki had a student to stalk. He wanted to know everything about Tony Stark before he went anywhere with the other boy.

{oOo}

Stark bought him flowers and Loki mocked him mercilessly for them. But he'd blushed first- traitorous pale complexion!- and Stark had caught his flush and grinned happily all the way to his car. Loki scowled, but gave the younger boy points when Stark opened the door of his very nice, and very fast-looking, car for Loki.

He then spent the entire drive to the pizza place blaring AC/DC and screaming the lyrics at Loki, so Loki added more points; after all, any partner of his had to be crazy and a dick. It was a requirement.

Stark bought him an entire pizza and got one of his own, because in his words, "You're hot, Green Eyes, but I love pizza and you aren't getting any of my special double-meat, double-cheese pesto-sauce pizza."

More points for Stark. Though he deducted one for his truly appalling taste in pizza toppings.

Stark was traditional; or cliché, depending on how you viewed it. After pizza- it took them four point six minutes, by Loki's reckoning, to get booted out- they went to the movies. It was some romantic comedy and they sat in the very front row after buying massive amounts of popcorn, candy, and the biggest sodas and slushies available. They mocked the movie and got hissed at and were in the theatre for thirty-two minutes before they were escorted out.

When Stark dropped Loki home, the green-eyed teenager turned, kissed him chastely, and slipped Stark's cellphone from his pocket. He quickly entered his number- Stark was just staring at him, all dreamy-eyed from the kiss- and then put Stark's phone back in his jeans.

'Call me, Stark,' he said and went inside.

Thor was eating ice cream in the living room and asked Loki how his date was. He turned his big, sad, puppy-dog eyes on his brother, and Loki sighed.

'It was enjoyable,' he said.

Thor beamed, but wisely didn't ask any more questions.

Odin was still at work- no surprise- but Frigga was in the kitchen. She smiled at him. 'How was your date, sweetie?' she asked.

Loki could never lie to his mother. He leaned against the kitchen sink beside her, watched as she peeled vegetables for the stew she was making.

'I like him,' Loki murmured. And he did. How the hell had that happened?

Frigga's smile widened. 'Good,' she said.

{oOo}

Twenty minutes after getting home, Loki's mobile rang. He was in his room and answered it after a quick glance at the caller ID: "Unknown Number".

'Hello?'

'I'm calling,' Stark said.

Loki smiled stupidly- and was glad that nobody could see. He leaned back. 'Good,' he said.

'So, how was your night?' Stark asked. 'I just had this totally hot date.'

'Really?' Loki asked with a chuckle. 'And who was hotter, you or your date?'

'Me, duh,' Stark said, and Loki could picture him rolling his eyes. 'But he was smoking! Shoulda seen him, damn! I'm totally gonna tap that.'

'You think highly of yourself,' Loki laughed.

'Damn right I do,' Stark huffed. 'But the best part was when he kissed me.'

Loki froze. 'Really?'

'Yeah,' Stark said, 'I really like him, so it was awesome.'

Loki slumped back against his headboard and bit his lip; it didn't stop his lips from curling up. 'I had a good time... Tony.'

'Me too,' Stark replied. Loki knew that he was smiling, too.

{oOo}

Six dates later, and after Stark had shown Loki his workshop, they became "official". Which meant that Stark updated his Facebook status and Loki said, "Yes, we enjoy killing people in our spare time. We're also going to take over the world together," whenever anyone asked if he was dating Tony Stark.

Only three people asked. Frigga had cuffed him over the back of the head, Thor had just grinned, and some girl at school had stared at him in horror. Nobody else asked after that.

Although the fact that he and Stark sat together every lunch and in English Lit, their one shared class- and the fact that they were always together outside of school- made it very obvious that they were together.

Loki didn't care what the school thought. With Stark- with Tony- he was... happy.

{oOo}

'Told you,' Tony grinned as he watched Loki eat his salad and chicken.

Pepper rolled her eyes. 'Yes, yes,' she muttered. 'You got the guy.'

'Hell yeah!' Tony cheered. 'Our kids will be beautiful.'

'I haven't agreed to have children with you yet,' Loki reminded him.

'Pssh; we're totally having kids,' Tony said.

'Are we?' Loki drawled.

'Yup,' Tony replied.

Loki raised an eyebrow and leaned over the table. 'What are you willing to do for my agreement?'

Tony's eyes darkened and beside him Pepper groaned and stood; she did not want to hear anything more about their sex life, thank you very much.

'What do you want?' Tony asked.

Loki leaned further over the table and pressed his lips against Tony's ear, his whispered suggestion- demand, really- sending heat straight through Tony's body.

'Fuck,' Tony groaned. Loki grinned wickedly at him. 'After school?' Tony said.

'I wouldn't want to be anywhere else,' Loki told him. His smirk turned into a smile- soft, gentle, the smile that only Tony was allowed to see.

Tony smiled in response and then launched across the table to attack Loki's mouth with his own.

They were pulled apart ten minutes later by a very pissed off teacher. Tony's shout that their making out was "FOR SCIENCE!" went completely ignored.

Tony was still grinning, even later that afternoon in detention. It was official; he and Loki were dating, Tony was a genius who's plans always worked spectacularly, and Loki's silver tongue really was wicked.

Tony was really freaking glad that the Odinsons had moved to town.

Laufeyson.

Whatever.


{The End}


Author's Note: HAHA! Have RANDOM FrostIron written when I've been AWAKE for 26 HOURS! Yes, that's right; this was written while I was sleep deprived and listening to Green Day. I am truly sorry if it's terrible. But, ya know... it's kinda cracky, so it's supposed to be terrible. Right?

Right.

Cheers!

{IBegToDreamAndDiffer}