Embers

Prologue

Sometimes I want to ask myself: Real or not real?

Peeta asked that all the time. He had to. It was the only way he could separate the real things from the awful things the Capitol had planted in his mind. As time went on his questions became less and less frequent. Especially after we had children.

At first I didn't want them. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to be there for them, like my mother wasn't there for me. I was afraid I would fail them.

Peeta was persistent, though. He kept begging me for them. I would always dismiss the subject whenever he brought it up, which was very often. Eventually, I couldn't take it any more and I gave in to his request.

When I first felt her move inside me I was purely terrified. The movement was a reminder of my fear of failure. It was a reminder of how I wouldn't be able to protect her from the world forever.

For nine months I lived in misery. Not only from the symptoms of pregnancy, but from the fear of her coming into my life. Most mothers can't wait for the birth of their child, but, honestly, I was dreading it. It got to a point where the fear had almost taken over my life. It was a fear that I hadn't experienced before, and it was almost unbearable.

Then, one day in the later months of spring, my fear melted away when I held her in my arms for the first time. She was perfect in every way imaginable. Her hair was brown like mine, and when she opened her eyes they were a dark, steely blue like all babies' eyes are. I couldn't believe that she was mine. I was in love.

"She's perfect," Peeta said. I looked at him and smiled. He kissed me. Our baby began to squeal. I held her against my shoulder and rocked her. I shushed her gently as I swayed back and forth in the bed.

"Shhh. Shhh. It's okay...I'm here. Mommy's here," I told her. She began to calm down, but I kept rocking her.

"It's working," Peeta whispered with a smile. I leaned my head against hers.

"Primrose," I whispered. She made a small noise and I kept whispering her name. Peeta put his arm around me and I kissed Prim's forehead. She fell asleep with her head on my shoulder.

I looked at Peeta who was smiling. I was so happy. I was so glad he had convinced me to do this. I looked at Prim who was nestled against my shoulder.

"Primrose..." I whispered. "Primrose Rue..." I said to Peeta.

"Primrose Rue Mellark. It's beautiful," Peeta said. I looked at my daughter and felt tears come to my eyes. This was the most perfect moment of my life.

Three years later Finnick Cinna Mellark came along. He had blonde hair like Peeta's and grey eyes like mine. Peeta was excited to finally have a son, and I was excited to have another addition to the family.

Over the years, there have been many problems regarding the Capitol. Even though the war has long been over, there are still those who believe the Capitol should still be in control. It has caused some trouble for my family, but I've done my best to protect them.

I constantly wonder what I've done to deserve my family, and ask myself "Real or not real?". Each one of them has brought me a special kind of joy. Especially, Prim. She will always be my little girl, no matter how old she gets.

She reminds me so much of my sister Prim and Rue. Sometimes she even reminds me of myself. Wether or not that's good or bad, I don't know. All I know is that I love her beyond reason.

Ever since I had Prim the fear of having children has been replaced by the fear of losing them. I don't know what I'd do if I lost Prim or Finnick. I don't think I'd be able to continue living. They are my world, and if they're gone my life would have almost no meaning.

When I first saw Prim I knew what I had to do. I vowed to protect her and my family at all costs. If anyone even tries to hurt them, they'll have to deal with me...nothing could ever happen to my children. Not as long as I'm their mother.

I will always be there for them. No matter where they go...