It was weird, this feeling, you think I'd be used to it by now, but I wasn't.
The problem was I got to comfortable, to used to not being in a constant state of loneliness and pain.
I got used to the feelings of happiness and of being loved in return.
So when he left the pain it was, it was worse than ever. He was my best friend, my other half and he was gone forever now.
I was alone yet again, no matter how many times this happened to me it was still a shock. The emptiness hit me worse than ever before, after so long of having that security and then having it ripped away. I couldn't move, I couldn't breathe, my sobs were choking me.
He didn't even offer a explanation, he just gave me a cheap line about how we could still be friends and it just wasn't working out. I wasn't dumb though I knew we wouldn't be friends. I knew we wouldn't talk either. Of course there would be a awkward text (probably initiated by me) 'of how are you' but other than that it was over.
Now there would be a gaping hole in my life where he used to be, but it would be different from before, there would be no one to fill the hole he had left. He was the light to my skies, the water to my oceans, my one and only.
Just I wasn't his, I couldn't stop crying Phil had finally left me. I was truly alone now, his promising about never leaving meant nothing.
I was more alone then I had ever been in my entire life. I knew now what I was missing, I had never truly been in love not until now.
He had no idea of the damage he had done, he didn't mean to, he really didn't, but it didn't make it hurt any less.
He had done it so slowly and innocently to. With his cute laugh, his tongue slightly sticking out the corner of his mouth. Confused tilts of his head that made me melt, that made me lower my guard, that made me drop my defenses.
Just as easily he walked out of my life, like all these years together meant nothing, as if I meant nothing.
I understood he was gone, but at the same time I didn't. How we would never be together again, how he would never come back, never hold me close, never press his lips against me, how this was finale it was it, no more nothing.
I understood that this pain would never leave me, but yet it was unimaginable. No matter what I did, where I went, I would always feel like a chunk of me had been ripped out, how I would never again feel whole like before.
Phil was gone, gone for good.
