Dave loves Kurt. Kurt loves Blaine. Blaine loves gel, bowties, and himself. Oh yeah and his voice. What? Kurt? Oh yeah he loves him too. Set after 3x13
So super psyched for the new season! I have a feeling it will be epic. Anyways, in spirit of the delightful surprise our little Kurtie got on Valentine's Day, here's a fic! Enjoy! I own nothing.
"Hello."
"Hey, Santana, um…can I come over?"
"Let me guess, your little plan to woo elfin-boy didn't work out?"
"Um," Dave sniffed, "no."
"Wait, something else happened, didn't it?"
"Maybe."
"Boy, get your ass over here."
Just then Santana's doorbell rang, and she swung the door open. Figures he was already standing on her porch when he called. Dave Karofsky, the usually intimidating looking football player, look liked someone had just stolen his car… and crashed it… into his dog. "Well don't you look terrible?"
"Always the picture of tack now aren't you San?"
"At least I'm smart enough to know it's 'tact' genius," she quipped.
"Great, another reason for him to like that Blake kid better than me."
"Blake? Oh, you mean Bowties. Please you need not worry about him."
"Hunh? But I thought…"
"Shhhh," she cut him off, "let Auntie Tana give you a lesson on how to tame that flame of yours."
"Now I'm lost and scared."
Santana just let her oh-so-familiar wicked grin settle onto her face. "First things first, transfer back to McKinley."
"Awww. Someone misses me."
"Don't flatter yourself. You don't stand a chance against Bowties from a distance."
"Sheesh. Thanks for the honesty San."
"That's what I'm here for," she mumbled half-heartedly as she gathered her purse and keys.
"Whatever, I guess it won't be too much of a problem considering I can never go back to Carmel again anyways."
"Why? What happened at your new school?"
"Well, this jackass Nick overheard me 'bearing my soul' to Kurt and has probably already notified the whole school via Facebook of my sexual orientation by now," he said, putting air quotes around 'bearing my soul'. That was the last time he ever watched Oprah.
"Nick? That guy you said stuck to you like glue ever since you made the football team there? The guy you said seemed like a good friend?"
"That's the one."
"Oh when I get my hands on that little…" Santana started but Dave cut her off.
"Chill San. It's over and done with," he calmed her. Santana could be a world-class bitch but if someone messed with Dave she was all over them like nutella. No one else really knew how close they were, but you learn a lot about a person when they're your beard. They had more in common than they thought.
"Whatever. Let's just go."
"Where are we going?"
"The mall. We need to get you some clothes that look more… slimming," she stated gesturing up and down Dave's body, "and less like you're a seventh grade schoolboy who still gets his hair trimmed at Supercuts."
"What's wrong with Supercuts?"
"Uhhh please give me strength El Diablo."
Thought it'd be funny if Santana asked El Diablo for help instead of God. Don't like it? Sue me! Just kidding. No copyright infringement.
