Arbiter: We need to get out of here.

Cortana: We're doing just fine.

The voices are driving him mad. He hears them even before he wakes up.

"Well, look who just woke up. How do you feel?" Another voice different. Not in his head. Just floating around.

He grunted. Where was his armor?

"What armor? John, you've been in a coma for the last two years. Whatever you thought, it's not real. Please open your eyes."

Johnson: Don't do it, son!

Cortana: Listen to the doctor. He can help you.

He opens his eyes, and nearly goes blind from the sheer white.

Everything's white. Ceiling, walls, bed, floor... Even the doctor with his white hair, white coat and pale skin seems washed out.

"There we are." The doctor checks something on a little clipboard thing, and nods approvingly.

Arbiter: I don't like him.

Johnson: Don't trust him.

He closes his eyes again and screams mentally at the voices to be quiet. The female voice obeys, but he can still hear the other two, the male voice with a slight accent, and the deep baritone, slightly alien voice.

Johnson: Well ain't this a pretty conundrum.

Arbiter: Puzzling, indeed.

He snarls internally and again opens his eyes. The doctor is looking concernedly at him.

"Are you feeling okay?"

"I'm fine." But he knows he's not.

Arbiter: Define 'okay'.

Johnson: Like he ain't gonna die, idiot.

"I think you should rest."

I am resting! You just said I was in a coma! Why? How? When? He yelled internally. Externally, he obediently closed his eyes and slowed his breathing.

Cortana: Don't sleep. We'll need to find a way out.

Arbiter: Sleep. You need actual rest.

John slept, against his will.

He woke up to the tail end of a conversation between his voices.

It was actually mainly the male with the swagger.

Johnson: So if you're his intellect, I'm his warrior and Squid-head's his different-ness, then- Yes. I know it's not a word, Mr. Helpful.

Arbiter: I only wished to inform you that-

Johnson: Shut it, splitlip. Anyways, where's his ego? Seems to me he needs one.

Arbiter: Dead, if we have any luck at all.

Cortana: Probably, his subconscious chose us for a reason. I see no need for his ego to be a part of this.

He listened carefully, the formulated a thought directed at the voices.

Shut up.

Johnson: Well look who got up on the wrong side of bed today.

Who are you, he thought back.

Cortana: We're your intellect, your brawn and... What did you say earlier?

Arbiter: His alien-ness, I believe was said.

Cortana: Yes. That.

Why are you in my head, he thought, though he wasn't sure he wanted to know.

Johnson: We don't know.

Cortana: Actually, I have a pretty good idea. When you were in your coma, you dreamt. And we are, I think, traits that featured greatly in these 'false' memories.

This isn't right, he sent.

Arbiter: I have another theory.

Cortana: Ahem, I thought I was the intellect.

Arbiter: Listen to what I have to say. My theory is that the memories aren't false. These are the false dreams.

Cortana: You don't have an- Hey, I think that might work. It'd explain some things, at least.

Like what, he wondered.

Johnson: In case you didn't notice, that doctor is not very... Doctory.

Cortana: What your brawn is trying to say is, that's not you're treated in a hospital.

I thought something was off, and he knew he was right. Something was strange about this.

Johnson: I agree with alien-guy over there. This ain't right.

Arbiter: That's a first.

Johnson: Don't mean I like you.

Shut up, he thought again.

"I'm sorry?"

He nearly jumps out of his skin at the sound of the female voice. He would, but he's so weak from his 'coma' that he can't. "Who are you," he repeats for the second time in as many minutes.

"They told me that you might not remember me. I'm Kelly." There was a long pause, in which he could hear the voice squabbling again.

"Your girlfriend," she says after sighing.

Cortana: Liar!

He finally opens his eyes. She looks exactly like the Kelly he remembers, every single detail. Minus the armor.

"Remember me now?" She says, a slight smile ghosting across her face.

He remembers something for a second.

Then it's gone.

Cortana: She's luck I'm not real right now. I'd slap her.

Johnson: Pretty sure you don't have hands.

Shut up, for the last freaking time! He roars into his head. I'm trying to have a normal conversation-

Arbiter: Is that even possible with you?

He ignores that voice.

"You look tired. I'll let you sleep," Kelly/Not-Kelly says. "I'll see you tomorrow!" She stands from the puffy brown chair and practically bounces out through the white door.

More white. Yuck.

Johnson: Not very Kelly-like.

Do you always make up words? Truthfully, it's starting to hurt his head.

Arbiter: Yes. Unfortunately.

Johnson: Stop whinin' and go to sleep!

He closes his eyes and wishes that it were that easy.


A/N: Right. Johnson's an ass. Really. But he's fun to write dialogue for.

This is slightly inspired by a Stargate Atlantis episode that I can't remember the name of. But it was awesome.

Anyways, I hope you enjoyed.

I also don't own Halo or any of the characters. Except the random doctor.

I don't own Stargate Atlantis either.

R&R.