Most kid's first memories are of playing with their parents; spending time with family.
Kiken's, however, was a lot different from that.
She didn't even know how old she was when looking back on her first memory; it didn't seem like she was a baby. Even retrospectively she had felt older; more mature than anyone else around her regardless of their age. There had been no words on her part; just like the majority of her life, she had sat in silence, waiting only until someone spoke to her before she allowed herself to open her mouth and reply. But sometimes she didn't speak then; most of what was said to her were orders; statements. They weren't open for discussion, and therefore Kiken never tried to make it otherwise.
It had been dark outside; but the room she had been sitting in was perfectly light, and well decorated; a mansion of some kind. Owned by the ruling force in the village, Kiken had been living there. How long, she hadn't known back then, and didn't know now...but she'd been living there. Guards had been situated around the room, but hadn't been focusing on her. Her obedience was something that had always creeped them out slightly; she had never made a word of protest against anything; merely like she was walking through a dream. Sometimes when they had looked in her eyes...there was nothing there. Just staring straight through. That night, however, their attention had been on the man standing on the balcony outside the room. The area below had been cleared and filled with light in order for the crowd to form and stand beneath, looking up in awe at their leader about to give a speech.
From the beginning it had been something Kiken had disliked; it had been about war.
Seifu had been certain they were going to win the war. The battles would be short and sweet, anyone coming up against them finding themselves dead or forced into submission within seconds. It had been a war between two villages; the biggest and most powerful villages in the Hoshi valley, which contained five villages over all. There had always been a frosty atmosphere around the relationship the two villages shared, and especially as whoever had the most power could rule the whole valley. It had been an eternal struggle, no one truly being able to get the upper hand.
Until Kiken came along.
She was the reason why Seifu had felt so certain the war would turn in his favour, and then he had told it to the entire village; practically broadcasting her as a threat to the other village. The sullen mood Kiken had woken up with didn't brighten with this knowledge. But she hadn't done anything about it. Right from the moment her eyes had opened that morning she had sensed something was up. She knew she would be revealed to the world, and the only words floating through her head were ones that had echoed through her mind all night, over and over...
The war has begun.
Friendships had been a slight taboo with Kiken's childhood; she had found the time to go out and talk to the other children, but there had always been something that had stopped any connections truly being made. The ninjas had always managed to spot her, no matter where she was; dragging her back to the compound in order to make her train some more. If it wasn't that, there was someone she needed to kill; find out information from or torture in whatever way Seifu wanted. Kiken never chose to do so; it was entirely forced upon her, and the part of her mind that was still a child; that had been and still was always confused and unsure...it meant she had felt too tumultuous and too trapped inside her own life to have thought about trying to break free.
Naturally, rumours then came about—or just the true stories of what Kiken had done—and the children quickly became wary of her; scared of the power she held inside of her. If not, then their parents had been the ones to take them away from her; not to mention Seifu hadn't wanted her hurt or 'corrupted'—as he liked to put it—in any way, sending out the ninjas to make sure she had been doing what she was supposed to. In the end, her training was about the only thing she actually did have left in the world.
After a while and Kiken's opinion had changed; soon she had started to believe that the wars were because of her; that if she hadn't of been around; none of the killing would have started in the first place. After all, it had been her power that they had thought would give them the advantage. As she grew up, Kiken too grew to hate violence and fighting. But she never had a choice in the matter. It became more than her job; it was her life—her purpose. All that she had lived for and all that she had felt she could do.
It hadn't taken long for her to realise what had happened; what she was. She had been created to fight; from her memories she had never been certain whether she had been born at all. Kiken was a weapon to Seifu and everybody else around her. Soon the fights had become over her; she'd been sitting in burnt and bloody battlefields, men all around her, each wanting her to be their kept weapon. Because if one single man in either army had gotten control of her—they'd automatically have become the leader, having all the power and everyone at their command. Teammates had turned on each other at the idea of having that power; people who had once been the best of friends turning into mortal enemies overcome by greed and lust for power. No one was to be trusted in this war anymore; not when any person you met could betray you.
But even that Kiken could have handled...if it wasn't for what had happened next.
It had been another battle; for Kiken, one that could have been like any other. But immediately she had known something was worse; more severe than all of the other battles she had fought. It became a tug of war over her, one person grabbing her at first, only for her to be sitting on the opposite side of the battlefield a moment later. Looking left and right, she remembered having contemplated what to do; considering running; only to realise that she hadn't got anywhere else to go. That it was her life, and that she had no way out of it.
Turning away for a second, things had happened so quickly that when Kiken had looked back, it was all over. One man was left standing, and swallowing hard as he had come over to her, Kiken had gathered he was her new...the word 'owner' automatically flickered through her mind as she had seen the look in his eyes. Treatment towards her had differed from person to person; some had tried to treat her relatively well so she wouldn't try and run away, and others had tried to scare her into feeling she wasn't able to leave. Regardless of what method they tried towards, her, she never ran; for her own reasons, not theirs. She had never attempted to hurt any of them.
She still hadn't meant to when he finally reached her. But nothing she had been expecting happened; her mood had been bad all day, the war reaching a peak in blood and violence, and teammates had begun fighting over her—that was always something Kiken had hated. Then he had kept on walking towards her; and he hadn't stopped. He hadn't said anything either; merely waiting until he had been right up close to Kiken before reaching forward and beginning to touch her. True, people hugging her, putting an arm round her shoulder and telling her things would be alright had never happened, but even she had known that that kind of touching...it hadn't been right. It had been hurting her; she had only been twelve or thirteen, and she hadn't understood.
Pure, unadulterated fear had begun to rise up within her, and something that had never happened before; she had been overwhelmed with emotion. She had been afraid of him touching her; afraid of what would happen next as her life had always been so unpredictable. But there was sadness too; at the realisation that all she was good for was fighting—no one cared about her personality; her opinion. It was all about her abilities; and now, it seemed, her looks as well. It remained the clearest memory Kiken had of when she had been a child; a thought that rang out like a bell through her mind.
Is that all she'd ever be? Would she ever have a life for herself?
An abrupt bout of screaming had woken her up from her trance, and the battlefield had come back to her. She had heard the screams of other ninja; seen the blood staining the floor from so much fighting and war. Suddenly it had been all that filled her mind; all her life she had sat in silence, letting things go on without trying to change them. But with all that had gone on tonight, she couldn't take it anymore; her mind had been tipped over the edge, and she had just...snapped.
When it was all over, Kiken had done what she had always been taught to do; pick herself up, make sure she was alright, and carry on. What else could she have done? She had had nothing left; just memories. It had been those memories that had caused her to pause on the edge of the battlefield; to turn back and do one last thing. Willing her chakra into life, she had placed a jutsu on the land; returning it to forests and flowers. The atmosphere of death and blood would never fade; but at least most people wouldn't notice it. She would; no matter where she went or what she did...she'd notice it; feel it. It would always remain a scar on her mind.
Then she had turned and left, disappearing into the forest.
She wasn't ever coming back.
