1
When I left Adrian five years ago, it was the hardest decision in my life, but in the moment my wall that I've built to protect my heart from Dimitri's unwillingness to love me was broken it felt right. Yeah, it was right, but it was so wrong in the same time. I loved him. Who I'm trying to deceive? I've never stopped loving Adrian. No matter what love I felt for Dimitri, how obsessed I was with my feelings there's always been a tiny voice in my head telling me that leaving him was a huge mistake. And his last words complicated everything even more.
"There's been a lot of collateral damage along the way, while you battled against the world. I was a victim, obviously. But what's about Jill? What happens to her now that you've abandoned her to the royal wolves? And Eddie? Have you thought about him? And where's your Alchemist?"
Remembering this words still hurt. I've never thought of myself as a selfish person, sure when I was accused of murdering Tatiana I was ready to do everything possible to clear my name. And obviously I really didn't paid much attention to other people's lives, but nevertheless those mostly were people I loved and cared for, so when was that starting point of my self-obsession? I've never been able to finally figure it out.
So when five years ago leaving my room Adrian said those hurting words I wondered if I'd ever see him again. "The contract's null and void." That was mean, but understandable, since I was the bad guy, broking his heart. And it also meant that probably he'd rather stake himself than look at me one more time.
And I've never seen him since then. Not until now. If I knew Lissa was going to invite him to her wedding I would've tried to talk her out of it. But that must have been the reason why she hided it.
It was five years since Lissa, Princess Vasilissa Dragomir, became the Queen Vasilissa Dragomir, since the dragon returned. I can't say it was too hard for Lissa to be literally the Queen in college, but it wasn't easy too. Every weekend or so we had to visit Court for all types of crown business. But nevertheless we managed to succeed in both being a Queen and her Guardian and having an almost usual life of college students. For Lissa weekends in Court were not only the time for work, but also for love, she and Christian managed to keep safe having long-distance relationship. For me, it was my days off, as well as Dimitri's. You know, it was never easy for us.
And now all the thoughts, all the sad feelings, all my love for Adrian that I kept hidden in the farest place of my soul were back. We were standing in the bar near Palace and just stared at each other. I saw the pain in his eyes as a reflection of my own. I heard he had some issues with Sydney, but she told me nothing during those rare meetings we had. I felt bad about that, as I felt bad for Lissa's decision to send Jill back to St. Vladimir's to finish studying. Jill was now the owner of the Princess Dragomir title, representative of the royal bloodline that was almost lost in time five years ago. But all that royalty was meaningless for Jill since the two of them have failed to get along.
But it wasn't Jill or Lissa who I was worried about right now. It was me and my most of the time messed up love life.
By the way, I've never stopped thinking about Dimitri, even when I was dating Adrian the hope was there. But in the moment our eyes met something strange was happening to me. All I was thinking of was Adrian. He certainly grew up; I could see that in his emerald green eyes. For a moment I hoped it was a dream, even the spirit one, but no such luck.
I felt guilty when we broke up, but now somehow I managed to forget all that and for the first time in my life I felt nothing. Literally. But then it came: anger, frustration, and in the same time overwhelming sadness and need to feel his lips on mine. Stop, Rose, even thinking about it must be considered as cheating. Too bad Christian and Dimitri will be here only next Friday, just before the wedding.
We were staring at each other and it seemed like forever, but more likely just for a few minutes. It was an early morning and except for the bar manager there were no one here and no one broke the silence. Still looking me right in the eyes he made a step forward cutting the distance. He was like a snake, and I was his prey. I wasn't actually sure why I was so occupied with his eyes and why I couldn't resist his stare. All I could think of was Adrian and what I've done five years ago.
And then it was, he was too close to me to make any more steps. I felt dizzy with the scent of his cologne, the same as always. It was wrong to enjoy it after all this years, after what I've done to him and foremost because of Dimitri. But there I was, preoccupied by him, almost feeling the warmth of his body and totally feeling the sparks all around us. I had to raise my head to be able not to break off our eye contact.
"You still smell like currant… and yourself like old times. Intoxicating as always," he said not moving an inch and so did I, though I was shocked with the tone of his voice. He was murmuring those words, so that I was the only one to hear them. And there was something that I didn't heard for so long – passion mixed with adoration that I only associated with Adrian.
And then it was.
He pushed me to the wall and started kissing so passionately that I couldn't resist. Gosh, I had no intention to resist. I kissed him back even harder feeling something like an electric discharge. I've never ever felt that before with Adrian, only Dimitri was the one to have such an impact on me.
There was nothing in that kiss, and there was everything – love, lust, tenderness, revenge, sadness and happiness. I curled my hands into his hair, pushing him harder to me. And then I realized that it was all wrong, it was a bad dream that I had to wake up from. I am with Dimitri. But that was Adrian, my Adrian, my lost Moroi love, the one that I left for Dimitri. It had to stop. I put all my willingness and strengths and pushed Adrian back, it was pretty hard, but he managed to keep his balance, only stepping back a little.
"You've softened, my little dhampir," he said with a smile gasping for breath frustration and lust still in his eyes.
I was surprised at myself that I didn't punch him at the moment or cried out all the bad words I knew. I was just staring at him seriously and then said in calm voice,
"I can't do this again; I can't repeat my own mistakes. I hurt you and I hurt myself back then. And no matter what I feel for you right now and what I've always felt, it's not going to change anything. I can't let another one get hurt. I'm sorry, Adrian," I was almost crying at the end of my little speech. And to prevent the monologue of his own I turned around and left him frustrated and confused. I myself was more than disoriented and puzzled. For these short ten minutes I lost confidence in the stability of my life and wasn't sure how I would handle it.
Dimitri was coming in a week. Only a week to wait. But according to my own life experience even a week can change everything.
