The weather called for rain. Mercedes looked out of her window and noticed the clouds rolling in overhead. Typical for November. The sky was graying out and the rain would definitely be starting soon. Nights like this always made her a little nostalgic. She hated to admit why.
Mercedes slipped past the kitchen counter and opened the cabinet where she stored all of her intoxicants. Tonight was going to be one of those nights. She decided that vodka would be fitting for this occasion. After pouring herself a drink, she curled up in her bay window and laid her head against the window gently. Sipping her drink, she let her mind drift. Drifting back to Lima. Back to the summer before junior year. Thoughts of the lake and carnival rides made her smile a little.
She shook her head, this is crazy. That was at least 10 years ago. But time is irrelevant in the game of love. And holding on to that feeling, whether you want to or not, will keep your heart hostage. She sighed. She needed a distraction.
"Hi this is Kurt Hummel-Anderson! I am away from my phone so…" *click*. Mercedes tossed her phone. Kurt was probably busy playing house. Cooking, sewing, singing, with Blaine. She scoffed. Married people.
Nothing on TV, of course. No one is answering the phone. She admitted to herself that she wasn't trying very hard. Flipping through three channels and calling Kurt when she knew he'd be busy, hardly qualified as "trying".
She gave in. She headed to her bedroom, slipped on a pair of flip flops, grabbed her keys, headed back to the living room, picked up her cell, and headed toward the roof.
The view from the roof was amazing. It was one of the things that sold her on the condo she purchased after signing her record deal. After moving to California, back to Ohio, and then back to L.A. again, she realized she was a city girl at heart. Just looking out and over the skyline made her feel alive. She could feel the energy of the whole city up here and it did something to her. She often came up to the roof and wrote some of her best music. The inspiration from the city flowed through her.
She settled on a pillowed lounge chair underneath the canopy. Once the rain really started to pour, she'd head in side. They were right in saying it never rains in southern California. But when it did, it never lasted for very long. The mist was high and strong now. Memories of Lima peeked into her consciousness again.
Tall. Blonde hair. Green eyes. The image came in clear now. Mercedes saw herself at 17. Sitting on the edge of the dock of the river located just east of Lima Heights. The sun would be setting soon. She could feel the wind kicking up the mist from the river on her skin. She sat with her legs draped over his lap. Laughing about memories of that day's event. Feeling giddy and high on summer. He massaged her calves as they talked enthusiastically about their favorite…everything. The promise was full in the air. Mercedes had finally found her match. She remembered in that moment anchoring the feeling of finally liking someone just as much as they liked her back. A shared bond. Something she'd never felt before. In that moment, she felt she could do anything. She was open.
This was their place. Often, she'd met up with him at the river and spent countless hours doing nothing all day. And it was great. They'd only been seeing each other casually since the end of the school year, but it felt longer than that. Not a day went by when she didn't wake up to Sam outside her window or going to sleep with the buzz of their kiss on her lips.
He scooted in closer now. He kissed her. It felt…warm. His full lips enveloped hers. His hand caressing her back, traveling down…
*Ding!*
Mercedes was shaken out of her thoughts. She looked down at her phone and saw a text from Kurt.
Kurt: Hey hon! You rang? ;-)
Mercedes no longer needed the distraction she used as an excuse earlier. Her thoughts had already pulled her back into her past and she wanted to be there. Needed to stay there. She was fully invested and couldn't let go now that her thoughts were deeply rooted in those memories.
Cedes: Yeah. I didn't want anything important.
Kurt: Of course! Call me later if you need to!
Mercedes looked back over the skyline and noticed that it'd began to drizzle. She was once again reminded of another time over that same summer when the carnival came to town. Sam had been way too excited to go. He bounced up and down like a three year old and begged her to come with him that Saturday night. She agreed of course. Saturday night came and the threat of rain was eminent. However the rain drops never did quite fall and all Mercedes remembers is how they walked through the entire carnival lot hand in hand. Bumper Cars, Farris Wheel, and of course the Tilt-O-Whirl. That was their favorite. Every time they swirled around on the Tilt-O-Whirl, Mercedes would slide into Sam. She didn't miss the way his breath hitched every time she got close. He made her go on the ride five times in a row. After that they left and walked home, stopping off at the park a few blocks from Mercedes house. It was just about 9pm and the park was silent. They spun on the Merry-Go-Round and laughed until they couldn't breathe. Then they climbed on the swings and took turns going higher and higher. Finally, they hid underneath the slide and made out for nearly two hours. Sam hovering over Mercedes. His lips. His hands, the way her heart skipped a beat or two every time she looked into his eyes. The cursing out Mercedes got from her mother when she finally made it home made the entire evening worth it.
The finale memory shot through her brain like a bullet to the head. It jarred her and made her want to instantly forget. That would always prove to be impossible. It was simultaneously the best and worst memory of that entire summer.
Mercedes was lying on her bed writing in her journal about the way her summer was turning out amazingly, when she heard a rock hit her window. It was Sam's signature knock. She glanced over at her clock, 11:58pm. She walked over and opened the window. It was a bit late for him and she was sure her parents would be up and on her ass in two seconds flat and that made her nervous, but… Sam looked broken. Almost like he'd been crying? He motioned for her to come down as he walk away from her window. Mercedes heart instantly dropped. This couldn't be good news.
Once she'd successfully headed down stairs and out her back door, she walked over to Sam who was sitting on the curb outside of her house. He immediately grabbed her hand as they headed toward the park down the block.
"What's going on Sam?" Mercedes managed to exhale. Sam didn't speak until they made it to the grassy knoll near the park. He launched into the story about how he had found out about his dad's new job in another state. He'd be leaving right away to help get his family settled. He'd known it was a possibility, but he was in denial. He didn't think it would actually happen, but it did.
Mercedes couldn't form words. Just when things were starting to look up for her, this happened. The universe could be extremely mean when it wanted to be.
They sat in silence for a while laid out underneath the stars.
Sam proposed a long distance type thing. Maybe they could make this work. He really wasn't ready for it to end. He kissed Mercedes. But not just any kiss. A kiss full of want and neediness. Her head spun. She was confused as hell. It felt good, but Sam was leaving soon and…what did this all mean? That kiss turned into more kisses. More passionate kisses. More groping at clothes. More breathless confessions of what was needed, what-ifs, and what could have been. Mercedes decided to throw caution to the wind. She put her entire heart on the line, grabbed Sam's hands, and made the most dangerous decision of her entire life.
"Come back to my house. Come home with me."
She knew Sam wouldn't say no. And he proved her right. They snuck back into Mercedes bedroom. That was the night she gave herself, all of herself, to Sam Evans.
Sam left just before sun rise. She was certain she would never, ever see him again. So, as he kissed her goodbye on her back door step, with the sky turning a bleak blue-grey overhead, Sam pleaded. Gave his heart to Mercedes. Begged her to not forget him. Should the opportunity arise, he'd be back for her. She felt jaded. She asked him to leave before her parents awoke. She walked back to her bedroom feeling damaged. She knew deep down that she didn't have the ability to really deal with what was happening with this. So, she convinced herself it was just a fling, which meant nothing really. She agreed to go out on a date with the next guy who asked. Shane. New to McKinley and on the football team. Perfect. She buried her heart the day Sam left. She was beginning to fall in love for the first time when it was ripped away from her and couldn't, wouldn't, admit it to herself or anyone else. For that reason, any lover she'd had since then never compared to that night. She'd never let herself go completely like she did with Sam.
The rain was pouring harder now. She hastily made her way back inside of her apartment. With a deep sigh, she settled in at her piano. She had a melody in her mind that kept playing over, and over, and over again. She had to get it out before it tormented her. As she played the opening notes that were trapped in her thoughts, on the piano, a melody formed and these lyrics came to mind…
It wasn't raining yet… but it was definitely… a little misty on that warm November night…
