Hello! This is my first time writing a fanfic since like..2013. I think the first 2-3 chapters will be centered around MC, maybe. Then there will be SaeranxMC. I hope you enjoy..!


It has been 2 years since I've moved to South Korea and joined the RFA after receiving a strange text message with a link to an app. Normally, I would've ignored things like that, until I saw it was a messenger. I was a lonely student studying abroad with no one but my noisy dorm mate, who occasionally invited me over to her place to eat ramen and rice cakes when she was drunk, while she cried about some mild misfortune in her love life. Not much of a social life if you ask me. Being alone didn't bother me that much, it has been that way for a long while now, but sometimes it can consume you and tear you up on the inside. So, I took a leap of fate and installed the 'Mystic Messenger'. It all happened so fast, then suddenly I was in a dead girl's apartment putting together a charity party, while conversing with five, sometimes six, strangers. After postponing the party because of a series of very dramatic events, we finally had one, with two new members.

Fast forward two years and here I am, lying on my burgundy hammock Yoosung helped me set up on my balcony, scribbling and doodling in my journal I kept with me ever since I moved here. The night breeze gently blowing against me, furthering enhancing the trance I was already in. Cocking my head to the side, I looked up at midnight velvet sky that was lit by the stars.

"I wonder how she is..."

There were many constellations that I could see, my finger absentmindedly lifting to trace them as if I was drawing the picture myself through connect-the-dots.

"Maybe she's trying to tell me something..."

A sigh left my mouth, my hand dropping back down to my stomach once my shoulder began to ache from supporting my arm for so long. Moments later, I felt the breeze brush against me again and the screen of my phone briefly lighting up, but I was already drifting off into a slumber.

Running.

Running.

Running.

That's what I've been doing my whole life.

To escape the pain.

The guilt.

The anger, the fear.

I was walking along a dimly lit path, surrounding by an abyss of darkness. I was dripping weight but there was no rain. I felt so heavy but there were no weights strapped to my ankles. My heart felt heavy, yet I failed to feel emotion.

It was chasing me, I could feel it. My path began to shake, yet I couldn't turn back because with each step I took, it disappeared. I couldn't run to the sides there was nothing there.

But I felt it.

It was coming closer.

Each stride it took, was an earthquake that sent me trampling over my feet, eventually collapsing to my knees.

I cried, I pleaded.

The tears that hit my hands were red.

That's when the path disappeared from below me, sending me falling.

I fell.

And fell.

I screamed and shouted, my hands flailing around desperately for something to hold onto.

But there was nothing.

Three emotionless faces watched me from above, as I neared a pit of fire.

"This is where you'll go." They said.

"This is where you belong."

It got hotter...

And hotter...

My screaming got louder, I cried more blood.

I accepted my fate, but I was still like this...

Hot...

Hot...

Eventually I felt myself burning...

Then I woke up.

I shot up in my hammock, nearly toppling out of it and wrapped my arms around myself as soon as I found my balance.

Well, not like I ever had any to begin with...

It was dark, but I could see the sun hinting its arrival. So, I got up and went inside, taking my phone and book with me, plopping down on the couch. I curled up beneath one of the blankets and shuddered. It wasn't the first time I had a dream like that, matter of fact, I have one of every other time I sleep.

It doesn't matter, I felt groggy, but I knew there wasn't going to be any way for me to go back to rest. So, I opened the messenger. Not surprised to see that Seven was on.

Hi MC! whattya doin up?

I just happened to wake up early.

Did u see the conversation earlier? We're all going to the beach today, so u must come! It's been a minute since we've seen u lolol

Oh cool, I'm in. is saeran coming?

Yes im dragging his antisocial ass out whether he likes it or not _

Good!

I'll pick u up around five ok? Be ready!

The conversation ended. I felt emptier than usual, yet I was still so sentimental. My feelings weren't there, but my appetite was. I got up and made a mango smoothie, along with a fruit salad. The sweet taste of fruit always soothed me.

Later on, I decided to go out into town and do some shopping because I've been keeping myself cooped up, I was running out of food.

The guilty conscious of 12 years was brought up from where I buried it deep within me, and clutched onto my back.

I did my best to ignore it.

Eventually five o'clock came and a little bit past that I was zipping down the highway with RFA members in one of Saeyoung's bigger, fancier babies. We all conversed, we all laughed. It was pure and innocent, you would've never guessed we taken out an entire religious cult and a secret agency.

I occasionally glanced out the window for periods of time, zoning out as I looked up to the sky. It was very clear today… I wish my mind was the same.

After about an hour drive, we reached a private beach that essentially belong to Jumin's father. We all piled out of the car and took a moment to glance around, there was even a cabin house. Sometimes, I forgot how rich Jumin's family really is.

"This is nice!" Yoosung exclaimed, nearly getting whacked by Saeran when he stretched out his arms. I giggled at the sight.

"Yeah..You know, you're not too bad at times, jerk. Thanks for inviting us out." Zen said as he nudged Jumin's shoulder with his knuckle. I swore I saw him smile a bit.

"It was nothing. I noticed we all were stressed, so I figured we could use this." Jumin explained. "All my father ever does is bring his girlfriends out here. So, shall we?"

We all played in the ocean, splashing each other and even playing a game where some of us sit on someone else's shoulders, then tried to push each other off. Well, not exactly all of us. Vanderwood was lounging on the beach trying to catch a tan, his sunglasses on as he laid on his purple towel that went with his cheetah print swim trousers; his usual aesthetic. Saeran was besides him, but he wasn't lounging, just watching all of us have fun with a bored expression on his face and being antisocial; usual Saeran behavior. They both threatened Saeyoung if he came near them with a bucket of water though, I think that was the most we ever heard from the two.

I felt the guilty conscious retreat for the time being.

One thing we all did participate in though was a game of volleyball. None of us really had much athletic experience. Besides Vanderwood and Saeyoung with their previous field training, Jaehee with judo, and Zen who works out everyday. The teams were like this; Me, Jaehee, Zen, Vanderwood then Jumin, Saeyoung, Yoosung and Saeran.

"Can me and Zen switch places? I would like to hit my brother in the face with the ball." Saeran said.

"Oh, c'mon!"

"I refuse to be on the same team as Jumin, never." Zen huffed and I rolled my eyes.

"Say Zen, how about you go for Jumin and I go for Saeyoung?" Vanderwood asked, and they both gave each other a low highfive.

"Guys, this game isn't about hitting each other in the face. We must hit the ball so they can't catch it, thus giving us a point." Jaehee explained, being the usual voice of reason and everyone nodded.

"Yes, please listen to Assistant Ka- Jaehee."

"…But if you do happen to hit someone in the face, like Jumin, it won't be counted against you."

The game begun, and we played. It was a bit difficult for all of us to get the hang of at first, we even considered quitting and trying something else. But eventually we got it, and it was a ride. The only people to get hit in the face were Saeyoung and Yoosung, Jumin surprisingly had quick reflexes. Their team did end up winning though, leaving Vanderwood and Zen in a VERY petty state. Those two..were actually very much alike now that I think of it.

When night fell, we were at Mr. Chairman's cabin, but in the backyard and surrounded the firepit. The cooler was open and they all drank a beer, maybe more, while I drank water. We chatted some more and reminisced over previous parties, people, dramatic situations and other events they felt the need to bring up. Somehow, we got onto the topic of our individual pasts and families. I didn't say a word. It was clear Yoosung was intoxicated when he began to rant about Jihyun, quickly turning into a sobbing mess about his death before getting pissed off all over again.

"Yoosung, calm down man." Zen sighed and Saeyoung let out a laugh, before he turned to look at me. He had a worried gaze that glistened through the lens of his yellow and black striped glasses.

"MC, are you okay?"

I had been resting my head on Jaehee's shoulder as we sat on one of the benches together. My head lifted at the sound of his name and I glanced back at him.

"I'm fine."

"You know, MC.." Yoosung slurred and gazed at me with squinted, drunken eyes. "I've always wondered about you. You never tell us about your family, or your past. What are you hiding? Y-You're hiding something aren't you?"

"She doesn't have to tell us anything if she doesn't want to." Jaehee defended me and I let out a breath of relief.

"I'm curious too, actually." Zen added on. "But I won't pry."

"You're suspicious, you're... suspicious. Just like V." Yoosung spat the last of his sentence before taking another sip. I felt my stomach twist into knots and I looked down at my lap, avoiding their eyes.

"I think you've had enough, Yoosung." Jumin reached for his bottle but he shot up from his seat.

"Or maybe, you're not. Maybe, you're just little miss perfect. Haven't you noticed that everyone in the RFA has lost something, has lost someone! I'm so jealous of you MC! There's nothing ever wrong with you, you just live this… happy life. But yet, you have been so distant lately, pushing us all away. Why, MC, why?"

I could see Saeyoung put his head down and Jaehee glance at me in my peripheral vision. Yoosung's gaze burned into my being and I felt my stomach twist into knots.

The guilty conscious creeped back up on me again, I tried my best to keep my hands from shaking.

"Dude, stop it." Saeran spoke up suddenly.

"All we have ever been.. was good to you. We've been so fucking nice to you, all these years MC! And you've… you've just treated us like shit! You pushed us to the side! Why is that? All we've ever done is protect you… You're so fortunate. You've never experienced any hurt, any pain. You never suffered any loss like the rest of us." Yoosung ranted and I balled up my fingers into fists, my body shaking once.

"You don't deserve to be in the RFA."

His last sentence earned and awkward moment of silence, as everyone took in what he said. No one moved, no one said anything. The crackle of the fire and the sound of the ocean crashing against the shore was the only thing filling the silence. Until suddenly, the tears of guilt came pouring out from within me. Uncontrollably. I sobbed. I couldn't stop… just like in my dream, but it wasn't blood.

"I-I'm sorry." I choked on my tears.

Why was I like this..

No matter how much I tried..

It wouldn't go away.

THIS FEELING.

I was exhausted from it…

No matter how much I ran, how much I hid, how much I distracted myself, it would always be there.

I must do something.

"I..I've lost too. I just, I can't speak about it…I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Maybe you're right, I don't deserve to be in the RFA. I don't.. I don't fit in here." I stood up on my feet, and Saeyoung did too.

"Don't say that. You know Yoosung's a dumbass when he's drunk. You deserve to be here…just as much as anyone else."

"Yeah, MC, don't think too much about it. You're the innocent one here, you don't have to tell us anything if you don't want to." Zen stated.

I let out an uneasy laugh, just as I felt the same… uneasy. Out of place. The fire began to seem hotter than before, I began to feel myself burn, be engulfed in it.

I had to get out of here.

"I'm sorry, I must go. I need to leave…I can't be here. I can't be with you guys anymore." I took steps back from the scene. Everyone was on their feet now, their gazes digging into me. I took one last glance at Yoosung.

I've lost too.

"MC, just-"

"I'm sorry. I quit."

"What?"

"I quit the RFA."

Then before I knew it, I turned my back and took off in the other direction. Away from the beach, away from the cabin. We were miles away from Seoul, but I didn't want to go back there anyway. I made sure I got my clothes and my shoes when I passed through the cabin, so quickly, I was stumbling over myself. Ignoring their calls of my name before I exited out the door and took off.

My legs pushed my body further and further away. I left my phone behind as well so Saeyoung couldn't track me. I couldn't see them again, as much as it hurt me...

It was better this way.

Once again, in my life, I found myself running.

I ran and ran.

My guilty conscious right besides me.