Severus had warned her about what it would do, when your family turned against you. Not that Lily had it as bad as Sev, nothing close, she knew that. But Petunia had turned on her, and at first, she felt like she could bear it. Not easily, never easily, but she was strong enough. She was determined of that. Lily would be the strong witch that the sorting hat found that first day at Hogwarts, one of the worst- and best, in some ways- days of her life. But Severus never stopped insisting that one day, Petunia's betrayal would get to her. And when it did, it would be unbearable. And indeed, some days were simply unbearable. The little things that would remind her of her childhood and the things she and Tuney would do together, innocently happy. Conversations that she'd hear and mentally note to tell Petunia about over Christmas because she knew just how funny she'd find it. Spells that Petunia would love, once Lily was of age and able to perform them. But none of that existed, not anymore.
Some days, that would all get to her, and she just felt like curling up in a ball and crying, wondering if it was worth it. Was coming to Hogwarts worth the price of losing her sister?
And then at the end of fifth year she lost Severus for good- the very person who had counseled her through all of her hurt and loss the first time. Perhaps he'd done it on purpose, knowing that he would hurt her too, just as badly, one day, and that she'd need to know how to cope. Severus had indeed introduced her to the concept, but Lily coped in a method all her own. While Severus detached and withdrew from the outside world, Lily lost herself in it. She taught herself to look for the beauty in life, the little funny things, the tiny occurrences that brightened her day just a little bit. And she learned to value loyalty above all else.
It was one day during sixth year transfiguration that it finally happened. Overwhelmed with the start of term, her sister's and Severus's betrayal fresh in her mind because she had seen both of them nearly every day of the holiday, and frustrated beyond belief that she couldn't master the current transfiguration project she was working on with Remus, she truly felt like giving up. After six years of perfect attendance records, surely no one would care too much if she just stood up and stormed out now. Not even to the hospital wing, she thought with relish. Maybe nick a broom from the broom shed, and leave altogether. What she'd do, she didn't know, didn't care. All that mattered was that she wouldn't have to face that bloody Transfiguration exam tomorrow, and no one would ever find out how little she really knew. No one would find out what a fraud she'd been all these years, earning top marks when in reality she had no clue what she was doing.
"Um, Lily?" Remus looked down at her, his face undecided between anxious and amused. "If it makes you feel any better, I can't figure it out either."
"Hardly, since we're sharing a grade on this project. I'd be much happier if you said that you've known how to do it this whole time, but were hiding it from me, so as not to injure my ego."
"Sadly, no. Can you blame me for hoping the same about you?" Remus chuckled, apparently finding the situation amusing, at least to some degree. "Well, then, at least tomorrow we get a break from this torture to take our exam."
Lily just shot him a scathing look. Instead of continuing to console her, Remus leaned over to James. James was sitting at the other end of their table making an incredible amount of progress on the elaborate project he and Sirius had been assigned. Sirius sat across from him, playing with his eraser, transfiguring it back and forth between a golden snitch that lay limply on the table and a modified version of his eraser that changed colors every couple of seconds.
"Mate, please will you help me study tonight night so I pass tomorrow?" Remus implored, attempting to win him over with a top notch puppy dog look. Evidently this was a continuation of a previous, apparently heated, argument.
"I told you this morning, Moony, I can't be bothered. Why're you so fussed anyway? You could afford to fail once, you know." Arrogance oozed from every word and gesture, although he actually looked at Remus through the entire speech, his eyes never once straying to Lily, she noted happily.
Remus groaned. "Well, for starters, though you rarely allow me to act as such, I am a prefect." James huffed indignantly. "And it's our mid-year exam. I'd rather not fail. Please? Just one night?"
James refused to budge.
"Sexual favors?"
"No!"
Lily clucked her tongue in irritation to hide her embarrassment.
Sirius grinned impishly. By now, he had perfected the snitch to fly a few feet off the table, and he flicked his wand casually, bringing it zooming back into his hand. "Aw, we wouldn't let you fail, mate. As tempting as the sexual favors sound, of course. As soon as I see the test, I'll just shout the answers over to you. And even if McGonnagal catches us, she'll have no choice but to stop the exam- everyone would have heard by then and it'll be too late."
"No, better," James continued, "would be a secret code. Like that Morse code that my Dad told me about once. One tap, a, two taps, b, three taps, c. It's easy enough."
"Yeah! We could get the whole class in on it," Sirius added excitedly, "we could have whole conversations!"
"I bet it wouldn't be too hard to learn- it might take a while to teach some of the thicker people in here, though." James glanced over at the Hufflepuffs meaningfully and began to tap exaggeratedly slowly at his desk with a stupid expression on his face, evidently what he thought was an accurate interpretation of how the Hufflepuffs would respond in the given situation.
"And if you can't understand something, just keep tapping," Sirius added through his laughter, adding to James' imitation with his own furious beat. Lily burst out laughing.
Four pairs of eyes landed on her in disbelief. Remus' look said something along the lines of, Merlin Lily, get a grip. It was hardly funny. James' look was so outrageously hopeful that Lily actually let out another raucous peal of laughter, as Sirius looked on as though she was mental. McGonagall's expression was the easiest to read, though. It said, Detention! All of you! Honestly, I expected better from you, Lily.
This, of course, sobered Lily right up, although it seemed to have the opposite effect on Sirius and James. Sirius made no attempt to hide his snickering, while James spoke up with a winning smile. "Please professor, I was just giving Remus a few helpful pointers, that's why we were talking. And I'm sure Lily's still feeling the effects of the cheering charms we were just practicing in charms class, I hardly think she'd normally disrespect your class like that."
McGonagall narrowed her eyes dangerously. "Potter, what Remus and Evans do in my class is none of your business, and I don't appreciate you making up lies to cover for your friends." James made a disbelieving noise. "Cheering charms are third year material, Potter." Sirius whistled appreciatively and McGonagall rounded on him furiously. "Detention! All three of you!"
The only thing that Lily could hear in the silence that followed was the fluttering of the wings of Sirius' snitch, which he'd accidentally let go in his disbelief.
"Which- which three?" Sirius faltered. Lily steeled herself, feeling like she already knew the answer to the dreaded question only Sirius had been brave enough to voice.
"You, Potter, and Evans!" Her tone implied who else? Lily's jaw dropped. And then she burst out laughing again. "For the rest of the week." Lily endured a crazy sensation in which it felt like she was choking on her laughter. She was still outrageously amused but the laughter never left her lips, instead remaining trapped inside her, and she caught a glimpse of Sirius gripping his wand under the table, out of sight of McGonagall. Satisfied that Lily had finally gotten serious, McGonagall left them with a warning of more detentions, and dismissed class.
Once outside, Sirius grabbed Lily's arm before she could walk away, and spun her around to face him.
"Right, the counter jinx is tricky, ok, so to help out, try not to think of anything funny, and whatever you do, don't laugh. It'll only make it seem like you're resisting the jinx, and that just makes the jinx stronger."
Lily nodded. "Got it. Thanks, by the way."
Sirius finished the counter jinx with a final flourish. "No problem," he said easily. "It's a handy spell, really, I'll have to show it to you some time. You have no idea how many tight scrapes it's gotten us out of, especially with Moon- I mean, Remus, here. He laughs at the stupidest times and, as we have great cause to know, each bout of uncontrolled laughter is a week's worth of detentions, especially if you're already in trouble. So we made a point to learn that spell as soon as we found out about it."
Lily looked at Sirius with a whole new sense of appreciation. Never before had it occurred to her that it might have occurred to Sirius to learn how to cover his tracks. It made him and his ridiculous gang of friends seem, not more mature, per se, but certainly more respectable in her book.
She grinned. "Well, I can't deny that I'm impressed. Where'd you hear about it anyway? The closest thing I can think of is the langlock curse, but it's remarkable how it's filtered to allow the subject to speak but not laugh."
James and Sirius glanced at Remus, who shrugged, resigned. "We invented the finer points of it," James told her proudly. "We used to use a variation on the langlock curse, which would basically prevent you from doing anything but breathing. Then the professors started to catch on, we think. So we combined the wand movement from the langlock curse with the theory behind the cheering charms, but reversed. It doesn't actually change the way you're thinking, it's just on the surface."
Lily raised her eyebrows. "Well, I hesitate to think of the havoc you could wreak in transfiguration, since charms is hardly your best subject. But again, very impressive."
James grinned, like this small compliment meant the world to him. "Why thank you, Evans. But it was a group effort."
"Isn't everything with you guys?" The three boys shrugged in unison. "Case in point," Lily muttered.
They had reached the door to the common room by now, and James and Sirius turned to Remus expectantly. "Bubotuber." The Fat Lady ogled the four of them because, Lily realized with alarm, this was probably the first time that she was talking in a civilized manner to either James or Sirius, and no hexing had taken place during their entire walk back.
Perhaps James had noted this as well, and decided not to push it. He didn't even hesitate as the Fat Lady's portrait swung open, but strode right in first, rather than trying to make a big show of waiting for Lily to go first. Then again, maybe James knew how reluctant she would be to turn her back on him, and decided to save himself the embarrassment.
When he got to the other side of the common room, James turned around with a cheeky grin. "See you in detention, Evans!" He winked and disappeared up the stairs to the boys' dormitory.
The common room went completely silent as every pair of eyes landed on Lily. She turned beat red and fled up the stairs to her dorm, which was, thankfully, empty. She needed some peace and quiet before facing detention, Marauder style.
About an hour and a half later, Alice, Sima, and Brita came up the stairs to the dormitory they shared with Lily. Brita and Sima immediately got out their school books, bemoaning the volume of muggle studies homework they had just accumulated, but Alice came over to sit on Lily's bed at once. She drew the curtains and cast a muffliato spell around them, with the air of one who has a particular piece of juicy gossip to share.
Alice took a deep breath. "Someone, I have no idea who, started this ridiculous rumor that you have detention all week with- get this- Potter and Black."
Lily shifted uncomfortably. "Well, technically…"
Alice gasped. "No freaking way! Tell me everything!"
"Yeah, I have detention." Lily sighed. It was a long, strange story. She still wasn't quite sure what had happened. "But it totally wasn't my fault! You should have seen it; I have no idea what got into McGonagall, anyway. One second, Potter, Black, and Remus are causing their usual disturbance, making stupid jokes. And I-" Lily paused, quite unwilling to share what had happened next.
"Go on…"
"I laughed. Just one tiny, innocent little giggle. Honestly, the stupid joke wasn't even funny, but I just couldn't help myself, and that's when she came over fit to kill. So by that time, I completely can't control myself and then Sirius puts this jinx on me that the four of them apparently invented which prevents the subject from laughing, and it probably saved me from another week's worth of detention and about a hundred house points."
Alice laughed. "Gosh, I guess I forget because they're always causing so much trouble, but they are smart. No one can deny that."
Lily rolled her eyes. "Yeah, but that doesn't change the fact that they're first rate idiots. Although," she added thoughtfully, "they do have a decent side. I'm not sure if it was just because, you know, James has his eye on me, but Sirius was being really nice. And not like charity, either. He just did it straight away, without even thinking about it."
Alice pursed her lips indecisively. "They're a very tight little clique. I bet it's been one of their core rules since first year not to do anything nasty to you. James gets very territorial about his friends, and… you."
Lily grimaced. "You know, you're right. Everyone else here has been the target of some pretty serious pranking over the years, but I've gotten off remarkably easily." She sighed. Which had made it perfectly easy to hate James Potter on principle, in the past. Relentlessly singling her out and putting her on a pedestal wasn't really the romantic gesture that James clearly hoped it was. But it appeared that, for today at least, his ridiculous group had changed tactics, and were now treating her like a normal person. No, more than that. Like a friend.
"Well, I like this turn of events. Maybe, you know, he's starting to get over me. It was mostly Sirius doing the talking, anyway, and no one was treating me like a goddess. I was just a normal human being to them. And it was their own necks they were saving as much as mine."
"Ha!" Alice laughed in delight. "That would just be a classic Sirius! Do something that benefits him, and make it look like he's lending you a hand. Then you feel guilty and grateful, and all that bull, and then before you know it, you've worked it up in your head so that you owe him one."
Lily considered. It certainly seemed like something the infamous marauders would do. And this was the perfect way to end this conversation, so she nodded. "Yeah, you're probably right. Besides, he owes me big from all those points I never took off last year during his and James' ill-fated midnight kitchen raid."
Just then, Brita poked her head through the curtains, causing Lily to jump violently and hit her head.
"Sorry, guys, I've been yelling for you for like ten minutes. What's with the silencing charm?"
Rubbing her head and wincing, Lily removed the charm quickly, glancing sheepishly at Alice. "Alice thought she had some gossip about me to share, but as it turns out, it was true. So if you hear someone spreading rumors that I have detention with Potter and Black, don't bother hexing them, 'cause I do," Lily explained, somewhat defensively.
Brita just shrugged. "Well, any idiot would know it wasn't your fault. Besides, they probably have a million tricks to make the work go faster. How bad could it be, really?"
