Cassy: Hello! And welcome to Big Brother 103 and we are your hosts-
Lotty: Cassy Cool and Lotty Awsum! Prepare yourselves for the freakiest bunch of ouchmates ever!
Cassy: Ouchmates?
Lotty: I have a headache. How did we get here anyway?
Cassy: We came in a black taxi cab, you don't remember because you passed out-
Lotty: Why did I pass out?
Cassy: You passed out because you were pissed out of your head and high on hair dye fumes
Lotty: That would explain why my hair was this colour...
Camera Man: You are live on Channel 42
Lotty: Oh shit, anyway this is the first freak, Harry!
Cassy: You're not allowed to swear until after 9 o'clock! Anyway, here's Harry-
Lotty: Harry is a wizard from Hoogwarzt-
Cassy: It's Hogwarts
Lotty: Whatever, he fancies some little ginger and Dermot O'Leary is always trying to kill him
Cassy: By the way, Dermot O'Leary is Voldemort's day job
Lotty: He enjoys long walks on the beach and being in enclosed places with naked women, I give you HARRY POTTER!!
Music – The Mysterious Ticking Noise
Harry: Harry Potter! Harry Potter! Harry Potter! That's me!
Cassy: It looks like he's confident enough! *mutters 'arrogant bastard'*
Lotty: I'm hungry...are we allowed to eat? I want tacos...
Cassy: I'll take you to Taco Bell later, but only if you don't get drunk or high again!
Camera Man: *coughs* you're still on camera
Lotty: Um yes, next freak please, Mr Crepsley...Oh my god, look at this guys picture, what a freak
Cassy: Mr Crepsley doesn't like sunlight, garlic or sharp pieces of wood, he enjoys role play and baths with lots of bubbles. He also like perving on young boys.
Lotty: We give you, Perverted Old Man!
Music – Womanizer by Britney Spears
Mr Crepsley: I'm a womanizer baby!
Audience: Ewww...
Cassy: *shivers* It's Mr Crepsley!
Lotty: I'm really hungry, how much longer is this gonna take and where's the nearest Taco Bell?
Camera Man: There's no Taco Bell in Britain
Lotty: *cries*
Cassy: HEY! You, manager director guy! Go and get her an Old El Paso Taco Kit and make her tacos before she kills someone especially me.
Lotty: With sour cream, grated cheese, baked beans and spicy mince!
Cassy: What is it with you and tacos anyway?
Lotty: They remind me of Edward
Cassy: Why didn't he come with us like Jasper did? Where is he?
Lotty: Prison
Cassy: How?
Lotty: He got caught when we robbed a bank
Cassy: Oooh...WAIT! WHAT? WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN?
Lotty: Yesterday...
Cassy: Where was I?
Lotty: Japan... I think...somewhere like that anyway
Cassy: Ooooh...China Town, but which bank did you rob?
Lotty: The Bank of England...OHHH! That explains how I got here.
Cassy: No, it doesn't. I found you on the floor of a pub, a man was going to rape you, how did you get to the pub? In Northern Ireland?
Lotty: IT WAS THE LEPRECHAUNS!! Oh yeah, next freak...BOB!
Cassy: There is no Bob
Lotty: Yes there is... *takes off shoe* this is Bob
Cassy: No dear, that is your shoe
Camera Man: *coughs* you're still on camera *coughs*
Cassy: Sorry, here's Bec!
Lotty: Bec is a 1500 year old whore from Alaska
Cassy: She's not from Alaska!
Lotty: Olden place then! She doesn't like caves, dead people, or being dead
Cassy: She has a huge grudge against Davina and a huge crush on Lassy the dog!
(A/N, Davina is Lord Loss' day job)
Lotty: She's short and slightly overweight, we give you BEC! Of the Undead!
Music – Living Dead Girl by Rob Zombie
Cassy: It's BEC! *mutters 'slut'*
Lotty: Where the hell are my tacos? I WANT TACOS!!
Camera Man: Here you go *hands Lotty a taco*
Lotty: *takes a bite*
...
*spits it out in his face*
There's no sour cream!
DIE DIE DIE! *punches the poor man in the face*
Camera Man: *clutches nose* I'll go get some!
Lotty: Well, hurry up...
Cassy: Anyway...Next person...IT'S HERMIONE!
Lotty: *still stomping*
Cassy: Hermione loves books, reading books, looking at books, buying books, borrowing books, going to the library, being right and lots of other book related things! As a special fact: She has read Wikipedia!
Lotty: *still stomping and yelling about tacos*
Cassy: I GIVE YOU, HERMIONE!!
Music – Darth Vader's Theme Tune from Star Wars
Lotty: OMG!! THE LETTUCE IS SOGGY!!!! GO GET FRESH!!!
Camera Man: *runs away*
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Okay, so there is more to come
We have a lot more housemates to bring in and torture
Teehee!
I've been having SO MUCH FUN making the Cassy and Lotty spoofs
I just wish people would read the other ones...=[
Some of the jokes in this relate to them
Like the Edward and Lotty rob a bank one and Lotty's weird fetish with tacos...
READ AND REVIEW PEOPLES!!
See ya'll soon
Love
Zee
xxx
