Cassy: Hello! And welcome to Big Brother 103 and we are your hosts-

Lotty: Cassy Cool and Lotty Awsum! Prepare yourselves for the freakiest bunch of ouchmates ever!

Cassy: Ouchmates?

Lotty: I have a headache. How did we get here anyway?

Cassy: We came in a black taxi cab, you don't remember because you passed out-

Lotty: Why did I pass out?

Cassy: You passed out because you were pissed out of your head and high on hair dye fumes

Lotty: That would explain why my hair was this colour...

Camera Man: You are live on Channel 42

Lotty: Oh shit, anyway this is the first freak, Harry!

Cassy: You're not allowed to swear until after 9 o'clock! Anyway, here's Harry-

Lotty: Harry is a wizard from Hoogwarzt-

Cassy: It's Hogwarts

Lotty: Whatever, he fancies some little ginger and Dermot O'Leary is always trying to kill him

Cassy: By the way, Dermot O'Leary is Voldemort's day job

Lotty: He enjoys long walks on the beach and being in enclosed places with naked women, I give you HARRY POTTER!!

Music – The Mysterious Ticking Noise

Harry: Harry Potter! Harry Potter! Harry Potter! That's me!

Cassy: It looks like he's confident enough! *mutters 'arrogant bastard'*

Lotty: I'm hungry...are we allowed to eat? I want tacos...

Cassy: I'll take you to Taco Bell later, but only if you don't get drunk or high again!

Camera Man: *coughs* you're still on camera

Lotty: Um yes, next freak please, Mr Crepsley...Oh my god, look at this guys picture, what a freak

Cassy: Mr Crepsley doesn't like sunlight, garlic or sharp pieces of wood, he enjoys role play and baths with lots of bubbles. He also like perving on young boys.

Lotty: We give you, Perverted Old Man!

Music – Womanizer by Britney Spears

Mr Crepsley: I'm a womanizer baby!

Audience: Ewww...

Cassy: *shivers* It's Mr Crepsley!

Lotty: I'm really hungry, how much longer is this gonna take and where's the nearest Taco Bell?

Camera Man: There's no Taco Bell in Britain

Lotty: *cries*

Cassy: HEY! You, manager director guy! Go and get her an Old El Paso Taco Kit and make her tacos before she kills someone especially me.

Lotty: With sour cream, grated cheese, baked beans and spicy mince!

Cassy: What is it with you and tacos anyway?

Lotty: They remind me of Edward

Cassy: Why didn't he come with us like Jasper did? Where is he?

Lotty: Prison

Cassy: How?

Lotty: He got caught when we robbed a bank

Cassy: Oooh...WAIT! WHAT? WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN?

Lotty: Yesterday...

Cassy: Where was I?

Lotty: Japan... I think...somewhere like that anyway

Cassy: Ooooh...China Town, but which bank did you rob?

Lotty: The Bank of England...OHHH! That explains how I got here.

Cassy: No, it doesn't. I found you on the floor of a pub, a man was going to rape you, how did you get to the pub? In Northern Ireland?

Lotty: IT WAS THE LEPRECHAUNS!! Oh yeah, next freak...BOB!

Cassy: There is no Bob

Lotty: Yes there is... *takes off shoe* this is Bob

Cassy: No dear, that is your shoe

Camera Man: *coughs* you're still on camera *coughs*

Cassy: Sorry, here's Bec!

Lotty: Bec is a 1500 year old whore from Alaska

Cassy: She's not from Alaska!

Lotty: Olden place then! She doesn't like caves, dead people, or being dead

Cassy: She has a huge grudge against Davina and a huge crush on Lassy the dog!

(A/N, Davina is Lord Loss' day job)

Lotty: She's short and slightly overweight, we give you BEC! Of the Undead!

Music – Living Dead Girl by Rob Zombie

Cassy: It's BEC! *mutters 'slut'*

Lotty: Where the hell are my tacos? I WANT TACOS!!

Camera Man: Here you go *hands Lotty a taco*

Lotty: *takes a bite*

...

*spits it out in his face*

There's no sour cream!

DIE DIE DIE! *punches the poor man in the face*

Camera Man: *clutches nose* I'll go get some!

Lotty: Well, hurry up...

Cassy: Anyway...Next person...IT'S HERMIONE!

Lotty: *still stomping*

Cassy: Hermione loves books, reading books, looking at books, buying books, borrowing books, going to the library, being right and lots of other book related things! As a special fact: She has read Wikipedia!

Lotty: *still stomping and yelling about tacos*

Cassy: I GIVE YOU, HERMIONE!!

Music – Darth Vader's Theme Tune from Star Wars

Lotty: OMG!! THE LETTUCE IS SOGGY!!!! GO GET FRESH!!!

Camera Man: *runs away*

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Okay, so there is more to come

We have a lot more housemates to bring in and torture

Teehee!

I've been having SO MUCH FUN making the Cassy and Lotty spoofs

I just wish people would read the other ones...=[

Some of the jokes in this relate to them

Like the Edward and Lotty rob a bank one and Lotty's weird fetish with tacos...

READ AND REVIEW PEOPLES!!

See ya'll soon

Love

Zee

xxx