A/N: sorry this has taken so long. I am chaning career paths and have gone back to school FT. This is not Thinking of You. I thought it was going to be confusing so this is sort of a prequel to that story. I don't know how often I'll be able to update, but hopefully the next one wont be too far off.
Chapter Title by A Side
Disclaimer: I do not own OTH, the characters, etc.
She almost couldn't believe that it was already November. Lucas had been gone for over three months now. At first she didn't know what to do; it had always been him and her against the world- or so it seemed. She literally felt like a vital piece of her had gone missing and had to relearn how to live various parts of her life.
He had left two weeks before his semester actually began. He had to be there the week before for Freshmen Orientation and wanted to be there the week before that to get settled in. He'd asked her, begged her, to go with him. Looking back, now, she's not sure why she didn't just pack up and go. There was nothing and no one keeping her here. Her parents were off on some peregrination through Europe and Brooke was visiting her mother in California for the first time in….ever since Peyton had known her. So there was really nothing keeping her in Tree Hill. But she had convinced herself that it would be harder to leave him knowing that she had nothing to come home to, when the only 'home' she knew would be staying in New York. So she'd stayed.
She'd driven him to the airport. She'd gotten a pass from the security desk that allowed her to walk to the gate with him and stayed until his flight was called. She hugged him one last time and kissed him passionately before he walked through the jet way. And she didn't shed a tear. Not one. She sat, waiting, in the hard plastic chair looking out the large plate window while people buzzed about around her. She waited as a flight attended called for final boarding and while they closed the door. She waited while the plane backed away from the terminal and headed down the runway; while it wheeled down the taxiway.
For almost an hour she sat waiting, numb to everything around her until her cell phone vibrated in her pocket. She pulled it out and didn't bother with a greeting. Telling the caller No, she didn't need a ride and Yes, she was fine. She thought maybe if she could make him believe that then she could make herself believe it, too.
He showed up anyway, about thirty minutes later, like she somehow knew he would, finding her sitting alone in the baggage claim area, and where it wasn't the face that she was so wanting to see, it was the only one she had left. He wore a sympathetic smile and an over sized hoodie emblazoned with that familiar Blue Devil, depicting his own college of choice and reminding her that she would be saying similar farewells again in two weeks to send off another of her closest friends, another part of her family- because they truly were the only family she had. And suddenly it was all too much too soon. Too many life changing things and too little time to prepare for them. If you can ever truly prepare for a 'good-bye'.
Like the flick of a switch, the tears came. They came in torrents; heavy, blinding tears blurring her vision and bone racking sobs shaking her body. She felt the strong arms wrap around her and the firm chest she was pressed up against. Just when she thought she'd finally gotten herself under control, his chin rest against the top of her head and something about the naturalness of the whole thing brought the tears storming back.
"I'm sorry," she whispered hoarsely pulling away from him.
"Ah," he shrugged, throwing his right arm over her shoulders as she tucked into him a little bit and led her through the automatic doors. "I'm used to being the stand in."
She rolled her eyes and the corners of her mouth turned up just slightly. That's not what'd she'd meant and he'd known that. But he'd been aiming for that smile and felt like his job was accomplished when he saw it.
He said that he was taking her home and the four letter word made her stomach churn. She closed her eyes and didn't open them again until the car rolled to a stop. She again felt the pressure of tears when she realized that he hadn't taken her back to her house but his. And she cried all over again when Deb pulled her into a warm motherly hug before she'd even walked through the front door. She spent those last two weeks of August at the other Scott's house, sleeping in Brooke's bed until the brunette got home. And she cried the entire time.
She pulled herself together long enough to see Nathan and Haley off as they pulled out of the driveway headed for Duke. They'd finally gotten their act together just before graduation and finding out that they were already planning on attending the same college seemed to seal the deal. Nathan would be playing ball and Haley was on academic scholarship. They were so happy and Peyton couldn't be happier for them, even if she was mildly frustrated and thoroughly jealous.
She moved back into her house the night before school started and pretty much cried her way through September. It was embarrassing, now, to think back on it, the way she handled herself. She grinned, thinking back to Brooke and her way of 'helping' the situation.
"Seriously, P. Sawyer? What is wrong now?" she asked of the blond lying face down spread out across the bed. Her shoulders shaking in an overly familiar way warning the brunette of the tear streaks that would be on her face. For a girl she had never, not once seen cry since she'd know her, she certainly was making up for it now.
"He hasn't called." She whispered. They spoke every day, sometimes several times a day, but he hadn't called that day and it was killing her.
"Well can you blame him?" Brooke huffed, shoulders back and fists planted on her hips. Peyton sat up swiftly, tears stopping instantly as she eyed the other girl. She was offended, and Brooke recognized that immediately but enough was enough. "I'm serious Peyton. I'm surprised he's called as long as he has." She watched as the large green eyes in front of her got even larger before taking a step forward and softening her voice a little. "All you do when he calls is cry! I wouldn't be calling either. I'm sure he misses you too but don't you think the never ending guilt trip is wearing him down?"
"Guilt trip?" her own temper rising as she stood from the bed, straightening to her full five foot eight inch height.
"Yes, Peyton, guilt trip," she spoke the last two words slowly, "tears are like…blackmail for boys, and they usually do anything at all costs to stay away from them. And you're using them-"
"I'm not 'using' them Brooke!" she cut her off hotly. "I just…. I miss him."
"I know honey, but you've got to move past this stage. It's not healthy and this is not the girl you want Lucas coming home to." She explained gently. And Peyton really would have loved to have been mad at her, but she was right. This wasn't who she was, and this certainly wasn't what she wanted Lucas to think of her. She went to bed that night with those thoughts in mind and woke up the next morning with a renewed mind set. She still missed him, but life had to go on and Brooke was just the person to help her figure out how.
That had been two months ago. They were already toward the end of November. Her birthday was in less than a week and Thanksgiving the day after. She knew from the beginning that Lucas wouldn't be coming home for fall break, but the closer she got to the actual event the harder it was on her emotions. She couldn't even remember a birthday without him. Thanksgiving wouldn't be too bad (she hoped). Nathan was coming home to spend the week at home while Haley flew to Phoenix to visit one of her sisters. She drummed her fingers against the notebook she was drawing in and pushed herself off the bed. No sense in crying over things she couldn't change.
He missed her. With every fiber in him he missed her. He missed the way she laughed, not just the sound, he could hear that through the phone, but he missed the way her entire body laughed with the noise. The way her nose crinkled and her mouth opened wide. How one elbow would bend and her feet would do a little jig. He missed her laugh.
He missed her smile; the ones that she reserved only for him- and there were a lot of them. She had an amazing smile. Wide and flamboyant, soft and inviting, sexy and coy he loved them all. Admittedly the latter maybe a little more than the others but right now he'd be happy to see any of them. He missed the way her eyes would light up when he'd walk into the room and the spark they'd hold when she was angry. He missed the way she would touch him, hold him, kiss him and how she would let him do the same to her. Knowing that no one else had ever been privy to those parts of her.
He just missed her.
He thought coming up an extra week early was one of the best ideas he'd had. They'd drive up together. He was eighteen and she had no one at home to tell her not to, Keith had taken a two-year temporary position in Charleston and it was going to be like a little vacation or a little pre-honeymoon as he had been thinking. He could get unpacked and settled into his new apartment, one that he prided himself on not having to share. But then she'd said no, she wasn't coming with him. He didn't understand why she would want to stay in Tree Hill alone, but he didn't question her. He wishes, now, that he had. That'd he'd pushed her a little, but he'd learned years ago that you can't push Peyton Sawyer- unless, of course, you were trying to push her away and he certainly wasn't going to do that.
That first month after he'd arrived had been hell. He was having a hard time adjusting to his demanding schedule and keeping up with his assignments. He made sure to call Peyton everyday but there were times when it was difficult at best. It nearly ripped his heart out every time to hear her crying on the other end and not being able to comfort her; hold her.
But then overnight, seemingly, the tears stopped and she became Peyton again. His Peyton. Laughing, joking and talking as if there were still just a two lane road and a street light separating them and not 600 miles. He had forced down the jealously toward whatever or whoever it was that made her get over him (although he knew really that she hadn't) and helped her move on, and focused on that positive- that she was happy.
That was two months ago. Now he sat as his computer checking his email for the 12th time that day to see if she'd replied to the one he'd sent that morning. She hadn't. Her birthday was next week and Thanksgiving that same weekend, she was probably with Brooke or Deb or both planning for those events. And here he sat, alone. He had finished his last mid-term that morning and had nothing to do for the coming weekend, the coming two weekends. And he was an idiot. Why had he made the decision to stay in New York for the holiday? A place with no family, no real friends. No Peyton. Right, to save money. But then again, it wasn't his money, so he wasn't really saving anything. Yeah, he obviously hadn't thought that one through.
But maybe it wasn't too late. He could call his dad and tell him he'd changed his mind; if he left early tomorrow morning he could be there by that evening. Of course if he left now he could be there tomorrow afternoon. A smile split his face as he went to get a suit case out from under his bed. He'd call his dad from the road.
