Chapter 1

"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will." – Mahatma Ghandi

She'd always thought her brother would die in an obscure way. Being in a motorcycle gang seemed to solidify that for her. She knew he was always careful with whatever he did, but he would never let her in on the details and she couldn't be sure. Ben was her best friend and her protector all of her life.

She never thought he would die like this.

He was holding onto his side and leaning against the wall of their house. She was constantly emptying out the bucket as he rambled and groaned in pain. She kept fighting back the tears as he fought his fate. But the darkness was approaching. She knew there was nothing to stop this now and that she would be alone to figure everything out and try not to die like he was at that moment. July would never be just fireworks and apple pie anymore, it would be the constant reminder of the time she let her big brother down.

She would be alone and it made her anxiety spike up to a whole new level. She didn't want to be alone and she couldn't handle being alone. Especially if being alone meant never seeing her brother again.

"Johanna" Ben rasped as he tried to stand up. She turned from the sink and hurried over to him. She slid to the ground and helped him up. "Couch…the couch."

"Alright, Ben." She shushed. His tattooed arm went over her shoulders as she stood up and they wobbled over to the couch. She rested his head against the ratty pillow and she scooched the bucket to his side. "Just sit tight. We'll figure everything out."

"Jo-"

"We'll be fine." Her voice cracked. The bite in his side had gotten worse: darker, oozing with puss, and the infectious veins reaching through every corner of his body. She ran a hand through the same dark hair he had with her black polished nails.

"Don't cry, lil' girl, don't cry." He cooed. "You're gonna be fine. You're gonna live." She shook her head and he cupped her cheek with his clean hand. She held it as hot tears ran into the cracks of his palm. "D'you know how strong you are?" When she didn't answer, he sighed but then came into a coughing fit. She quickly brought up the bucket where he coughed up more blood. "Johanna Snow, you listen and you listen good. You're so strong…so much stronger than you think you are. You will make it. I don't care how you do it, you will. You're gonna be able to protect people-" he coughed more and tears flowed freely down her face as she tried not to sob out loud. Blood stained the back cushion of the tan suede couch. "You're gonna do good, lil' girl."

*knock knock knock*

The Snow's looked at their door in confusion. Who on Earth would still be in town?

"Ben? Johanna?" A familiar voice asked. Johanna's eyes widened in surprise.

"Dixon?" Ben rasped.

"Try two!" Merle yelled. Johanna looked at her brother and he nodded. She got up and quickly wiped away the tears. She unlocked all three locks before opening the door to see the notorious Dixon brothers that she had known since she was seventeen. "Ah, hell Snow." Merle sighed in disbelief when he saw Ben.

"No…come on Ben." Daryl pleaded as they walked over. Johanna crossed her arms and leaned against the wall.

"Are y'all alright?" She asked and Daryl looked back at her.

"Yeah, we're fine."

"Thought you were in the cell, brother?" Ben asked Merle but Merle just smiled.

"Got outta there." Ben nodded at Merle, then looked back at Johanna.

"Leave us alone for a minute, Jo. I need to talk to them for a minute." She stood there for a minute, but then obeyed her brother's request and walked to her room. She paced back and forth and looked at the duffle bag that wasn't even halfway full. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply. She forced herself to start packing, knowing she would have to leave soon. She grabbed all of her bathroom supplies that she needed, socks, underwear, shirts, jeans, shorts, shoes, jackets, anything she thought was necessary but not too excessive.

This was not how it was supposed to be. She should've been at work like any other day, not seeing her brother throw up his own guts. She wanted her job back, she wanted her friends back. She wanted a lot of things back, many things she had taken for granted.

"Johanna!" Merle called. She walked out of her room quietly and saw the brother standing near the door. "Ben wants to speak wit' ya. We'll be outside when ya need us." She knew what was about to happen and there was no going back. She got down on her knees next to Ben and held his hand.

"Now, you're gonna listen to me this last time. You're gonna go with them, Jo. They'll take care of you and you'll take care of them. You can trust them, you know them." She shook her head. It wasn't because she didn't trust the Dixons, in fact they were their closest family friends. "You gotta."

"I can't leave you." She whispered. "Not like this." They were quite for a long while until Ben spoke those three fateful words.

"Then end it."

"Ben-"

"Please, Johanna." He begged. "Just do it. I'm too weak to do it myself."

"I can't." She finally sobbed. He looked up at her with his hazel eyes that were red with irritation from the virus creeping through his body. "No, you can't die! Not like this! Please don't leave me!" For the first time in her life, she saw her big brother, the tough biker, cry. He was silent, but blinded by the water in his eyes.

"Lil' girl, just do it and end my sufferin'. You'd be askin' me to do the same." He pleaded. "You're strong and you can do this. We've made it all these years just you and me and I'm so proud of you." He looked over at his gun next to the television and she looked with him. "Don't bury me. You need to leave as soon as you can. I've stalled you enough." With a shaky hand, she reached over with her entire self to grab the revolver. It felt too heavy in her hands even though she had shot it before. The weight of the entire world seemed to be in her hands and there was nothing else she could do for her brother except this.

It had to end this way.

She sat on the couch with him and pressed the shaking barrel to his head. Her body racked with sobs as she looked him in the eyes. Her finger was loose on the cold trigger as she tried to muster up some final words.

"Thank you." Was all she could say.

"I love you, lil' girl."

"I love you, Benny." He closed his eyes and waited for his fate. She gritted her teeth together and focused all the energy she had to her finger, constantly reminding herself it was for the best.

BAM

His brains splattered against that ratty pillow and his head fell limp to the side. Her eyes were wide and her body was stiff with horror. Daryl and Merle ran in and froze at the sight. He had told them that he was going to ask her to do it. All Daryl and Merle had to do was look after her. They promised him that they would.

They heard her gasp a second before she cried and hugged Ben's body.

"I'm sorry…I'm sorry…I'm so sorry, Benny…I'll make you proud."

Merle walked past and into her room to grab her bag. Daryl looked around the living room and pulled a small picture out of the frame and knelt down next to her. She looked up with a red face and took the picture of her and Ben at her college graduation. She folded it up and put it in her pocket.

"We need to go." He told her and she nodded. She stood up and walked over to the truck. Daryl grabbed some food and water from the kitchen, then looked back at his dead friend. Merle looked as well and it was probably the only time he had ever seen that certain look on Merle's face. Daryl couldn't quite tell what it was, but it was sincere. Merle patted Daryl's back and walked to his motorcycle. Daryl sighed and shook his head.
"Sorry brother."